Well, I didn't make it to class this morning. In fact, after I got Cassie to school I came back home and went back to sleep. I am just so depressed. I didn't want to wake up and face the day. But eventually I did wake up - after Greg picked up Cassie from school - it was a halfday and I was supposed to be at class. He also brought her over the electric guitar. It's black and she loves it. He just needs to teach her some cords.
I really didn't want to get up today. I really didn't. I wanted to curl up and just stay in bed and hide from the world. I am still so upset and hurt. Jason has tried calling me at least once today. He texted me as if nothing were wrong - "Guess what?" like I would remotely give a crap about whatever it is. He emotionally abused me. He had the nerve to say it was a self-defense mechanism!! If your defense mechanism is to abuse people just because you're having a really bad day then you have some major issues and shouldn't be around people. Especially if you supposedly love them. But what I really think it comes down to is that he is jealous of ANYONE that has a spot in Cassie's life - including me!! Because she may want to come home and stay. I think that's what the real issue was. So he decided that he was going to try to destroy me emotionally. He can call it whatever he fucking wants, but it was emotional abuse and he did it to hurt me as much as he could. So just why should I forgive his ass? In fact, I don't think he's really sorry. I think he does look down at me and I don't need people like him in my life. Cassie does want to go back so I'll have to figure out how to work around this, but I can't see just forgiving him. And as much as I would be aggravated with him texting me sorry all day, I honestly think he should be doing just that. I think he should fucking grovel and BEG for forgiveness from what he did to me. I didn't do ANYTHING to him. I didn't SAY anything to him to warrant ANY of it.
And he just proved my point about not being sorry. He posted on Facebook and basically it showed he has no regret. And I couldn't help myself. I fired off an angry letter. Usually I wouldn't but I am still so angry and for him to just be an asshole after yesterday was just too much for me to take. Anyway, I finally talked to Nicole to help get it off my chest AND I wrote an angry letter to him on Facebook. But I handled it privately. Still I will probably catch hell for it. But I felt a hell of a lot better after having written it.
He's still starting shit but he's doing it to Cassie now because I won't talk to him. Guess he has to have someone to abuse. I don't know what went up his fucking ass, but I am very, very tired of it.
Anyway, when I got up I managed to take my mom to Albertson's. She got stamps. I got a money order for my car insurance. Then we went to the post office and mailed stuff out and then went shopping at Vons. My mom also picked up our prescriptions at CVS.
I really hate Jason right now. I hate what he's doing. I hate how he is when he's like this. I think I'm going to just go to sleep early after I get Cassie settled down - if I can. He needs to apologize to her. Whether or not he meant it would be another matter. But his ass should be grovelling. That's what I think. Period.
Anyway, I have nothing else to say. I'm just going to close this up until the next fiasco. Which something tells me won't be that long.
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