More From the Junior High Side of Life!

As you know, I wrote Kenny after him having written to me. I also tried to contact him on his myspace and I also sent Denise an email. I figured my chain was getting yanked around and now I KNOW I am being yanked around, but I'm gonna play it out anyway.

I sent Denise a very simple email. I was trying to flush out the truth. In fact, I figured I wouldn't hear from her again. Actually, I wrote her twice. I was doing it to try to get a response, but I didn't expect one. These are the emails I wrote-

The first one:

Kenny wrote me an email and I thought I would drop you a line. He said that you would be open to patching things up. If you are, I would be open to it. We might have to sort a couple of things out. But you can reach me at this addy if it's true and you want to.

I never did stop loving you like a sister.

Lilly

This was the second one:

I heard that Dean tried to kill himself and that he's on a ventilator. I just wanted to tell you that even if you hate me now, I'll be here for you.

Lilly

I never figured I'd hear back from here. But I was still writing on the MySpace page that I made just for this yanking of my chain. Here's what I posted there:

Well, I had a falling out with a friend. I figured it was done and over. Then, here is it, a couple of months later, I hear from her son. I mean, I'm glad I did. It would be nice if he were serious and not yanking my chain about her wanting to be friends again, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

Still, if it's the truth, I'd be open to it. There are just things that I couldn't do and trust might be an issue.

I guess we'll see!

Life is full of surprises . . . good and bad ones.

Yeah, this is a set up of mine, but when you know you're getting played, don't you ever just want to play back? I set this account up just to mess with her. Anyway, to my surprise today, I had an email from her. The only thing is - SHE didn't write it. I KNOW she didn't because I know her writing. I have it posted in this blog actually and there is no way she wrote this. However, I replied to it like I bought it, hook, line and sinker . . . I mean I want to see how this will eventually play out.

Maybe it seems crazy that I'm posting all of this on here, but for me, it's a way to help me remember. That I can keep track of things and that there is some kind of record other than those on my email. I don't know. To me it just seems to help.

Anyway, this is what I got back from her:

Krystina

Hi there. I just wanted to write you and address all your email to kenny and i. Sorry for the delay but Deans parents were down for a week and it was pure hell. They absolutely hate me and want nothing to do with me. The kids are just fine and i should have full custody by december. I just signed off on our divorce and should br final within a few months. Deans parents made it difficult to try and do anything. Sunday was Deans birthday and sheila deans mom was on a witch hunt with me all day. As you allready know Dean tried to take his life and his chances of recovery are slim. Kenny has Deans journals that he was keeping and will not share them with me. He has threatened me if i try and pry them out of him. So with that all being said i really don't know why dean made this attempt other then it has something to do with nicole. I will leave it at this because i dont know. But what i do know is deans mom wants her head on a block. (His mother was actually telling him to take it slow with her because she was just out of a relationship . . . so that's one BIG strike right there for this)

Kenny is a bit confused about your email and then what you posted on your blog about trust. To be honest with you i think i will stear clear and leave that between you two. He just wondered about the yanking your chain thing. (I thought it was rather clear . . .)

I have been going through a lot of therapy over the past month. I have to attend mandatory groups and check in with the safe house three times a day. If i miss one time i go back so i am under the gun as far as my time during the day.

While i am thinking about it i don't know which hospital dean is at they refuse to tell me. I do know that he is scheduled to be transfered to oregon sometime this month. I also know the good part of Dean that we all knew is dead. Even if he comes out of it chances are he will be severly crippled. I am not sure what happened other then he ingested something very posinous. (Okay, but his mother, his father, her son . . . I bet they would know where he's at! And Kenny never said a word so I have have a hard time believing this)

I am going through some very sad times and i do not expect anything from anyone. right at this moment i really dont know how to feel other then i just need and try to move on. I am sorry that you and your family got cought up in my manic moment. But furthurmore my compulsive disorder behavior. This is what i need to keep in check and somedays it is easier then others. The book is just thrown away for a long time and even though the doctors say its good for therapy this is one time i will strongly disagree. (I don't believe for a moment she put the book down and with as obessive as she got, there is no way in the world a doctor would tell her it's good therapy! She worked on that book to the exclusion of her family! Emotionally abusing them and even physically, if Dean is to be believed at this point, though she did end up in the hospital, obviously.)

If i dont write to you much its because i am dealing with trying to get my kids back then Dean close to dying. I can't turn back and i have to try and make everyday a little better then the previous. If you hear from Nicole please pass on that i will try and write her but i need a little time. I love her to death but kenny wrote her a email and when she didnt respond that really hurt him. Maybe she has her reasons. I am so happy she could make dean happy. I have spoken to neighbors and they told me he was a completely different person. I need to close for now so i can cry for awhile I am just so sorry for all the pain i have caused.

Take care

Denise

If she is really sorry, than I am glad because it shows that she's grown some. But all this about Dean killing himself and all that . . . I don't know. Plus, Kenny's mood on his MySpace page is Excited and he's on it every day. I don't know about you, but for me, I don't think my mood would be excited if my dad were about dead . . . Even Heather's says that she Very Happy. Hmmmm . . . Unless they want wanted their dad dead there is something very wrong with this picture.

Anyway, I did reply back. I don't expect to hear anything more now. If I do I will be totally shocked! But here's what I wrote:

Hey Denise,

I will keep this short because I know your time is precious and that you have so much to contend with. I just wanted to address a couple of things. First off, with my blog, you can take a look at it yourself. I was simply concerned that this might be a joke on me - like the kind we used to do in Junior High. I am sorry if he was hurt. It was never my intention. In fact, I said that I hoped it was honest and true.

The other thing is the trust. That wasn't directed at Kenny and if he read my emails to him he would know that the issues that I speak of dealing with trust are the ones related to John. I have my concerns that you are still on contact with him and I would really rather that he didn't know my business; even just day to day stuff. I am happy with not having contact with him and not hearing about him, so I would rather he not hear about me. It's as simple as that.

Also, Nicole never meant to hurt Kenny. Dean was writing to her using the kids' accounts and so she felt she needed to block them. Having read the emails he sent to her, I don't blame her in the least. I am sorry it came down to this on his part. She never even meant to hurt Dean. To her knowledge she didn't do anything. If you've read the emails then you know I was speaking with her every day. I have a better idea of the truth.

Anyway, I am glad you're getting help. Are you on medication? What medication is it and is it working for you? That's probably the more important of the two. Cassie misses you and the kids. Jordan too. You are always welcome to call. You have my number. It's on one of the emails to Kenny if you no longer have it.

I never stopped caring about you. Take care. Write when you can.

Lilly

I would feel bad if Dean were really hurt, but part of me wishes this wasn't just some stupid joke. However, I know it is and I'm going to keep creating my own part in this because I can . . . It's like writing a book, knowing you have a captive audience. I already started with my second blog entry for MySpace and in a week I'll add a bit more, though tomorrow I'll write something that's true! It's what I did yesterday. If you mix enough truth in with a single little lie, it sounds very, very believable. Not that I make a habit of lying, but I do make a habit of writing stories and so I know how these things can go.

Anyway, as much as I am amused by all of this, I am struggling with some wicked depression. It could be partly because of this, but there are a lot of other factors. At least this gives me something to think about and more stuff to plot out and maybe it might even inspire a new story for me to write! Anything is possible. Gotta try to pull the positive out of this as much as possible - that and the humor.