A Pretty Good Day :-)

Today has been a pretty good day. I feel a little bit better than yesterday and any progress that way is a good thing! I was trying to finish my synopsis for "Assassin's Seduction" but I just feel like I can't condense any further. I emailed it to Susan for a fresh pair of eyes and she liked it. She said it made her want to read the book! So I sent her that to read too. :-) I want to give Nicole a chance to go over it as well. If the concensus is the same, then I'll just assume it's as good as it's going to get and declare it's done! LOL! God, it's almost October 1st! It's just half an hour away or maybe a little longer, but the point is another month is here already. It seems like it was the beginning of September a turn of my head ago. Crazy!

Oh, I am so proud of Cassie!! She's getting A's and B's in her classes so far! Well, she might have a C in PE, but either way, she's getting good grades! She's passing so far! And what's awesome is she wants to keep it up. Of course, she also wants to get her lip pierced. If she keeps the grades up we'll let it happen! :-) I figure if she wants them she can have them. She is definitely her own person and likes what she likes! I love her so much.

I played around on Cafemom for awhile. I added two new forums to "The Writer's Workshop" though I'm not done posting stuff. I added a forum for games. I have one started that's all about book titles. Then I'm going to start a story and the next person will add another part and so on and so forth. I just have to start the story! I haven't done that yet. Then I'm going to set up a Monthly Poetry Contest and a Monthly Writing Contest. Then maybe have a section for writing for children. I am not completely sure of that one. But I'm happy about that group. It's moving forward. Got great ideas and we have another new member! I'm at like 11 or 12 members now! Awesome!

Nicole and I played phone tag today. By the time I got home and got settled it was too late to call her. It kind of sucks. I really would like her to read over my synopsis. If she concures with Susan then things are awesome! If not, she'll have good ideas! Either way I win! Plus, I just want to talk to her and hear this great news she has! :-) I'll just have to make sure I call her tomorrow when I wake up. Can't wait!

Then tonight I got a call from Sherry about the clothes. She invited me over to her place while her husband (Or whatever) was out. I guess he was going to a concert or something and she doesn't like big crowds. I can identify with that. Personally I wasn't really sure about driving out there. She likes way out on G street. But I decided that if she was willing to have me over and give me a little extra then I should go. I did get lost along the way, but once I got on Market I was good!

Anyway, I have a TON of clothes now! LOL! Pants, shorts, tops . . . It's awesome! She has more too. I think I'm going to try to put aside $10 every month to get a few more items until I get everything! LOL! After all, I'm going to be wearing them at least for a year. I even have a DRESS!! It'll probably look like a tent on me, but you know, it's still cool! And it was nice to talk to her. She likes to do crystal sometimes though. She had some - not that I saw it - but offered me some! AH!! You have no idea how hard it was to say no. I really wanted to say yes, but then I thought about doctor appointments, maybe drug tests . . . My logical mind kicked in. She might come over tomorrow, not that there's a lot to do here. My room is a disaster. Well, we'll see what happens. But it's great to have new clothes to play with. :-)

Hopefully I'll sleep tonight. I haven't set a writing goal for tomorrow, but tomorrow will be all about the synopsis. Once I know for sure that it's done then I'll start making other goals. Like writing a page or two on my story "Crossfire." But first the last bit of the synopsis. And soon it'll be time for sending out the query letters. Nervous but excited. I also looked into a publisher that I might email. Actually more than one. I'm kind of on the fence about sending to both agents and publishing houses, but then again . . . the wider the net cast . . . the better the chances, I guess. Just want to go forward!

Anyway, I'm going to try to relax and get some sleep. I feel tired, but whether or not I sleep is another matter. I'll try though. So I'm going to take my meds and kick back. I watched the season Finale of "Haven" which was incredible. Dead people were walking around, getting people to get revenge for them. This one guy forces Duke to kill him and take his cure for his baby. His trouble is killing a troubled person and erasing the trouble from their family altogether. It's interesting. Then Audrey and Nathan are in love with each other. But before dinner can come about Aundrey gets kidnapped. Nathan arrives and sees Duke's necklace. He goes to Duke pissed off. He demands to know where she is. He has no clue. Nathan pulls a gun and we see the tattoo of the man that is supposed to kill Duke! Then we hear a gun shot and have to wait until next season to know what happens! 

Personally, I think that Duke doesn't need to kill people to take away their trouble. I think he just needs some of their blood on him to do it. I could be wrong, but from what I see it seems to be that way. Guess I'll eventually find out if I'm right.

Well, I am done rambling. Time to go to sleep!

    

The Paxil Upset

Well, it's been a long day. But it was nice to wake up to Cassie. I wanted to go back to sleep for a little bit, but I got moving. I didn't realize Susan was bringing the girls over so early. Though I told her the appointment was at 10:00am. But that was okay. We left early enough to stop at the store for donettes and for me to get a diet Dr. Pepper from McDonald's. I knew approximately where I was going, but I wasn't sure where exactly. Anyway, we headed down there and I drove around another 15-20 minutes just trying to find this place. If Kate wouldn't have called, I might have figured it out eventually, but she told me where they were and boom. We made it there. First Kate talked to Cassie alone while I figured out paperwork. Then she took me back to talk with her. She thinks Cassie would benefit from a low dose of paxil. I think so too, especially when school starts. But OMG! When Jason found out he was an asshole telling me that he wasn't going to make her take them. I told him I was the mom and I had to make the decision and he flipped out. Tried to tell me that because he lived with her it should be his decision. I corrected him on that. He said take her then. I told him I'd pick her up tonight, but he'd have to explain it. I knew he couldn't handle it. He was apologizing and everything. I also talked to Susan who was trying to say medication is bad too, but this is what was recommended by a professional - a competent professional. Not like those quacks they have at El Cajon County Mental Health. Anyway, it eventually all worked out. He apologized. He's not thrilled with the idea but it will be a low dose. I'm sure it won't be over 20mg. I'm hoping it will help her out when it comes to school. Of course, she has a full Physical on the 11th. I need to talk to her doctor about it. Because Cass is on a waiting list for therapy and psychiatry. It's going to take time. So Kate suggested going to the doctor and asking her for the paxil. So that's the plan.

Something cool happened with my groups. There was a woman who had just started a movie group and I told her I'd join hers if she'd join mine and she did!! It's cool! I have someone that will actually POST!! Then I decided I'd invite her to "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy" and she joined!! She also posted a couple of things. FINALLY!! So I'm happy about that.

I also finished reading "State if Fear" and now I'm reading "Ice Cold" by Tess Gerritsen. So far I'm over 100 pages into it. It's just that good! I think I'll finish it pretty quickly. Then I'm going to read the book Cassie left called "Fallen." I'm glad I am reading. I just wish I had more stories by Tess Gerritsen. I really love her work. 

Anyway, Jordan and I had raviolies for dinner. That was good. But we're both hungry again. But I have to finish this and then maybe wait until Diana's upstairs. Though I think we're just going to go eat. Diana was pleasant enough earlier. She invited us to have some of her corn. But still. I don't trust her farther than I could throw her, but I'm going to go with this calm for now. I just don't want shit from her. I don't want her attitude. We'll see, I guess. 

Well, I'm skipping class tomorrow so that I have the fuel to make it to Welfare on Thursday. I have to be re-evaluated for benfits. I don't have a note from my therapist, but I hope they don't give me issues about it. I can get them and they usually give me a stupid form to take to him anyway. Ugh! I hate this crap, but I got to do what I got to do.

Okay, this was probably pretty disjointed. My brain is sort of scattered, but all in all I'm okay. I watched "Deadliest Catch" and "After the Catch" and now it's time to maybe get that cereal and head to bed.

Later!

                           

Dinner and a Movie

Well, I'm writing this kind of late, but at least it will be written. As it is, I'm pretty tired. Not that its been a long day, but I have just been dragging lately. Of course, the stress couldn't have anything to do with it. No! Not at all! :-P

I don't remember how late I slept. I know it was probably on the lines of 1:00pm-2:00pm. I didn't want to have any interaction with Diana at all today and I did a pretty good job of avoiding her. My mom, however, is another story. She's starting to turn into a bitch because Diana is in her fucking ear telling her what shits we are and everything else. I really just want to start cutting on myself. Even now thinking about it I want to cut. I hate Diana. I hate her with a passion and I just wish she'd go back to Florida with Dave and never come back again. I thought maybe things would be okay, but no. Diana has to be her own ugly self. She just can't help herself. It's just how she is and she HATES me and my kids. She'll say she doesn't, but she does. Otherwise she could be a decent person and not condescending all the time.

Anyway, once I was up, I got online and onto Cafemom. It was neat. I had a new member! I guess the 40 invites I sent out generated some interest! Which was really cool! I went to go get something to eat and that's when my mom fucking ambushed me. Ugh! So I just went back to my room. What's funny is I slammed my door a bit to see if Diana would come running and though I'm not positive, I think she did! Whatever. Bitch. 

After that, Jason told us to get sodas and go over. We never drank the soda either. But we had dinner there. Susan made Chili Mac and it was neat to have Jordan there too. It's been awhile since he came over with me. It's more food but it's good to have him. I also got lots of hugs from Cassie. I talked a little bit with Jason about the wanting to cut, but I don't think he gets it. It's not what he deals with so he doesn't understand it well. Duana also came over for dinner. She got the lapband procedure done and she's lost like 40lb. I asked a few questions and we talked about it. I think it's cool that she can eat just a little bit and get full. Made me curious about checking into the surgery again. But I can't under this stressful environment. All I want to do is eat cakey sweets. That's what I crave during these times.

After dinner and Duana left. I stuck around a little more. We watched some stuff together and then we got kicked out. LOL! Nicely kicked out. Jason has work tomorrow. It might be the 4th of July, but he's working and getting double-time. Nice! On the way home Jordan and I both wanted dessert so we got sundaes from McDonald's. I got hot fudge and Jordan got Caramel. We seemed to have switched flavors tonight. We usually get the opposite. But I also had to go to the store to get milk and I still wanted more so we found bags of Donettes. Jordan got chocolate and I got powdered sugar. They were 2 for $5. I also got some water. I love to get good, cold water. 

Once we finally got home Jordan and I went into my room and we put on "Red Riding Hood" and it was such a good movie!!! It kept you wondering until the very end who the wolf was! And it was someone that made sense, but not someone you would have thought of! It was cool!! I am glad I got it!

Then I went back on Cafemom again for a bit and turned out I have another member to my "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" group! It's so awesome! And this woman actually took a poll and left a comment!! Yay!! She has 9 kids though. That's insane! LOL!

And tomorrow is Independence Day! I'm supposed to pick Jason up from work and then we're going to meet Susan, Cassie and Katie Kelly at the pool. My mother is going to kill me, but I'm going to Hometown tomorrow night for dinner and then we're going to watch fireworks! Should be fun, but I feel sick to my stomach. I know it's just nerves because of the stress and I don't like driving where I don't know where I'm going. Not that I won't do it. It's just something else for me to stress about. But if I can relax I think I'll be okay.

So now, I'm going to take my meds and go to sleep. But I almost wish I wouldn't wake up to have to face another day.   

Kind of Feeling Optimistic!

Okay, it might be the cold medicine I've been taking, but I'm feeling more optimistic. It's a good thing, I think. But I can't be sure it won't just go away. However, I suppose I should enjoy it while I can.

I actually woke up around 11:00am when my mom woke me up to call Jordan and give him Cy's number because Cy had called. Turned out Jordan was going to call me to get Cy's numbers so it worked out well! :-) At that point I figured I might as well stay up. And Diana had a breakfast burrito for me, which was great. I also ate the last of the vanilla yogurt and last of the blueberries. Oh yummy, yummy! I love blueberries when they're nice and plump . . .

After that, I got online for awhile. Put stuff up on my groups. Even wrote some poetry. Then my mom wanted me to take her a couple of places so I closed off the computer and then left. I took my mom to CVS Pharmacy and then to Trader Joe's. At Trader Joe's I took my book out and did a little more reading. But not much. She got done pretty quick.

When we got back home, I turned back on the TV to listen how the Casey Anthony trial was going. I think the Defense really is a mess. But anyway, I decided to create an ad, I guess you could say, for "The Poetry Garden" and then I looked up moms that like poetry. I got through about 20 moms before I called it quits. Then I had dinner. My mom made salad with some chicken in it and fried zucchini. But it wasn't enough fried zucchini to me. I want a couple just for me and she did a couple total. :-( ah well. I also drank apple juice and had a banana. I might have another banana in a bit.

After dinner, I went back to the TV and my computer. I went back to Cafemom and worked on "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" Added some recipes and added photos and something for the weigh loss forum. But what was REALLY COOL! I got two moms to Join "The Poetry Garden!" Isn't that awesome?? It might inspire me to write more. I just have to be in the right mood and have the subject matter in my mind.

Anyway, I will probably do a little more playing on Cafemom and finish watching "Deadliest Catch" followed by "After the Catch." But I want to get to sleep relatively early because I want to wake up tomorrow to make it to class. It's about time I recovered my mood a little bit. Here's hoping this trend continues. I could use some good times now. I don't want to have to wait until July 9th.

Okay, guess that's it. Tomorrow is classes and therapy. Problem is I don't remember where they are. But I have the card and can figure it out, I think. It's good because I could use a therapy session.

A Little Excitement

Okay we're doing this a little early today. I don't see anything happening tonight that would change this. In fact, maybe I'll finally put on "Inception" finally. I wanted the kids to watch it with me, but Jordan didn't like it when he watched it with a friend and Cassie had no interest. Ah well . . . Tonight will be good because it's Saturday and Saturday night is a desert.

Whatelse can I say about today? I woke up after noon and I still wanted to sleep. Diana made me another breakfast sandwich, it was against awesome and I made sure I thanked her for it. But I really have just stayed in my room and on my computer today. Oh, I am excited though. I sent out invites to my groups to some women on Cafemom and I got a new member in "I'm not fat! I'm Fluffy!" That got me so excited - especially because she introduced herself!! So I was happy about that. I also came to the conclusion that my members are coming and visiting the site - reading what I post. But they just aren't participarting. It does mean they are enjoying the site too, so I'm cool with that.

I do have to say that I'm not feeling very well. I have been very rundown today. No energy at all. It was the same as yesterday. I got stuff done, but it was so difficult. And today I just felt so off. Okay and on the depressed side. Then Jason wigged out that Cassie broke her futon claiming she did it on purpose. It pissed me off and we got into it a little. Then I was just going to avoid him for the rest of the night, but he called my mom to have me call him when I didn't answer. I figured it had to be something important. Turns out Greg wants his Guitar back. Supposedly he's going to bring Cassie the guitar he was making for her to begin with that he promised her two years ago. I told Jason not to give it to him unless he brings that other guitar. If he doesn't then don't give it to him. I have to say I'm pretty ticked. He promised her a guitar for two years and now that she has one of his, he wants it back. Not until he produces the one he promised her. That's where I stand on it. He claims he needs it to live. Well, what about his girlfriend who he's going to marry? Where is she? Why isn't she helping him. I mean, if they're getting married she should be helping him. But whatever. So long as he leaves me alone.

Anyway, right now I'm watch "World's Dummest . . ." and tonight is dummest partiers 8. It's pretty funny. I might just watch this until I go to sleep. But I don't know. "Inception" needs to be watched. :-)

Okay, I'm giving it up for the night. I just wish I felt better. I think I need to start going back to classes and working my programs. I was doing so well when I did. I need to pull myself back together again.