Moving Forward

Well, I didn't write anything yesterday, but there was no point. I had slept until 5:00pm. I just didn't want to wake up. But I finally did get up. My mom had re-heated dinner for Jordan and I and it was just as good as the first time around. I really just sort of chilled out to the TV and I watched the special episode of "Sanctuary." It was very interesting. I also finished reading "The Mephisto Club" and now I'm sad. LOL! I want to read another of Tess Gerritsen's books! Ah well . . . I think I fell asleep around 3:00am and I woke up around 1:30pm. It's not great, but much better than sleeping to 5:00pm!

After I got up I got dressed, grabbed coffee and went to pick up Cassie. From there we went to Vons so I could get milk, bread and cereal. Cassie carried the stuff to the car and into the house. :-) Then after a little more time we went to pick up Jason from the trolley at Amaya. From there, I took Cassie to Katie Kelly's and then Jason and I went back to his place for a bit. I hung out for a little while.

Some great news is that while I was waiting for Cassie to get out of school, I had called Dr. Tanaka's office to talk to D-Ann. She told me she still hadn't gotten the labs so I called my doctor's office and found out they hadn't faxed it when they were supposed to. Anyway, they faxed my lab results and D-Ann called me back. Turns out they are going to try to get my consultations for Monday!! I can't believe it!! Once I get those consultations done the next step is setting a surgery date and getting the final authorization!! I am excited, though I kind of want to wait until after Christmas. But you know, I'll do what I have to do. It's time for food not to run my life.

Anyway, after dinner I've been hanging out on the computer, playing on Cafemom. I got a new member in "Christmas Dreaming" AND "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" so I'm very happy. I made sure I posted stuff in both groups. I got caught up in other groups. I feel like I want to write some poetry, but nothing is coming out. I guess it's that even-keel or numb kind of feeling. Nothing's super good. Nothing is super bad. Though I have to say that was good news about the consultations!!

I've also watched a bit of TV. I have my shows that I just wanted to watch and Jordan stayed and watched with me which was nice. We watched an episode of "Mythbusters" followed by the season finale of "Mythbusters." It was cool! Then I put on "Brad Meltzer's Decoded" which was about a possible aliens cover-up by the government. Jordan and I were hungry so we went out to get something to eat. I ate the last of the cooked sausage my mom had baked. Then I had a bowl of cereal where Jordan just had two bowls of cereal. That stuff isn't going to last long, I don't think. Anyway, "Ghost Hunters" came on, but as soon as I was done, I headed back to my room. I'm actually getting tired, but I want to watch the season finale of "Fact or Faked" which is next. But we'll see. I also need to work on my story with Eyal. I think making the story around Thanksgiving just isn't working for me so I'm going to make it Christmas. Maybe I'll try working on it a bit tomorrow.

As for tomorrow, my mom needs to go to the bank and she wants to go shopping. So I'll have to try to wake up relatively early. We'll see what happens. Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day!

I Crashed HARD!

Last night I was still having trouble sleeping though I was exhausted so I took three ativan. I read for a little while, which for once it didn't keep me awake. I relaxed enough to drop to sleep. Of course, I slept and slept and slept. My mom woke me up around 1:00pm, but I also talked to Jason and Susan and asked them to pick Cassie up from school. In fact, I just let her stay there tonight. But I went back to sleep until around 4:30pm. Even then, I could have gone back to sleep. I might still be able to go back to sleep. I'm still tired. But we'll see. I mean, being tired is no garauntee as I well know.

Anyway, I had dinner when it was ready. It was good. It was fried onion chicken. Delicious. And we had it with mac n cheese and broccoli. I wanted the computer after that, but Jordan convinced me to let him keep it another hour. No big deal. I watched some TV. I watched "First 48." Then when I got the computer, I started playing on Cafemom. I made sure I posted stuff to "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" then "Christmas Dreaming." I also posted in other groups. But I feel a bit foggy and slow today where yesterday I was scattered, but really trying to post like crazy. And I just feel a little off today. I'm not really up or down. Maybe it's more like a numb feeling.

But anyway, one of the things I was looking forward to tonight was the new episodes of "The Closer" and especially "Rizzoli & Isles." "The Closer" was great! Officer Rader found the leak in the department!! In "Rizzoli & Isles" we find out that Jane's mom has a crush on Bill O'Reiley. And that Corsak was willing to go to jail to protect his CI. Turned out Jane was able to find her and that the person that had killed their witness was the District Attorney! It was an interesting episode. I might do some reading tonight. I have about 100 pages left of "The Mephisto Club." Not that I'll read it all tonight. Of course, when I'm done with it, I don't know what I'll read. I have a couple of Christmas stories. Maybe I'll read one or two of them. We'll see! If I do read them, then I can post their reviews on my "Christmas Dreaming" group.

Well, that's it. Time to chill out. As for tomorrow, my mom said something about wanting to go to the doctor. If she makes an appointment I'll take her. Maybe I'll work on one of my Fan Fictions or Christmas short story. We'll see.

I've Been Awake More Than 35 Hours Straight

Well, I ended up not sleeping last night and not for a lack of trying. I took baclefen and two ativan and nothing. I relaxed but no sleep. My mind just kept going and going and going. Not too fast, but fast enough. It just didn't want to settle down. I mean, I was a little excited that I had come up with another group to run on Cafemom - Christmas Dreaming. Then I was thinking about a Christmas story I was thinking about writing and my fan fiction. Not to mention "The Mephisto Club," which is getting better and better by each page.

Anyway, I eventually just gave up sleeping. I got my iced coffee. In fact, I had two of them this morning. Not to mention two Extra Large Diet Dr. Peppers from McDonald's. Guess I'm kind of on a caffiene high too. Though usually caffiene doesn't do much to me. 

All I've really done today is play on Cafemom. Of course, nothing moves on there fast enough for me. No one seems to be replying. It is sort of driving me nuts. But I can't really focus on much else. I kind of had "River Monsters" on today. I watched part of "Transformers" which is a good movie though the second movie is my favorite of the franchise. After that, I put on "Food Network Challenge," but I didn't finish it because Jordan and I went out to get sodas and to pick up my medication. Thank god one of the meds was the ativan! LOL! I have taken two of them and with luck they'll help. While Jordan ran in for my meds, I did read a couple of pages of "The Mephisto Club" then went I got home, I put on "The Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs." I missed the first few minutes. But it was a great episode. Anne Buriel won!! Samuelsen was sent home. I know I spelled their names wrong. Ugh! But it was really a good episode. Now I'm watching "Iron Chef America" where the secret ingredient is caviar! 

Well, I think that's really about it. I hope I sleep at some point tonight, though I kind of want to do more reading. I don't know. I have felt pretty scattered today. I have worried about a hypomanic episode or worse, a mixed state. I guess it will really depend on how I feel tomorrow. Right now I just feel scattered, tired but not quite sleepy. Though I think the ativan is starting to work. It's relaxing me a bit.

Okay, that's it. I am done with this. I'm starting to relax. Thank god for ativan. I might sleep yet! So I'm going!

A Cafemom Kinda Day

I've been really good today!! I woke up around 11:30am when Jordan woke me up for breakfast. My mom had cooked sausage and hashbrowns. Unfortunately the hashbrowns got a little too crispy because my mom thought she'd turned the stove off, but she hadn't. Anyway, she was nice enough to fix me three eggs which is more than I usual have. I guess it was to make up for the hashbrowns! LOL! Either way, it was a nice thing.

I haven't done much today except play on Cafemom. I had to post more to "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" and checked my other groups and replied to posts. I stopped long enough to each some lunch and to make a little dinner - where I pigged out on pie after it again. There's no pumpkin pie left now. Of course, there was only one piece left.

Anyway, I wanted to join a Christmas group, but I couldn't find one that was a fit for me so I ended up creating one. I call it "Christmas Dreaming." I might go back and change an forum or two, but so far I have something for everyone. I don't know if I can keep it up and my other groups, but I'm going to try!

I guess that's it. I have kind of been watching SyFy channel today, but I couldn't really tell you the name of the movies. I've been watching them on and off but that's about it. Now I just look forward to tomorrow.

No Black Friday For Me!

Well, I slept the day away. Last night I took a baclafen and two ativan and that shut me down. Even once I woke up to eat something I was still tired and went back to sleep again. Then I woke up to Jason calling me. Cassie's been having a good time at Knott's Berry Farm, but I guess Katie Kelly has not wanted to do much. She was being a buzz kill! LOL! I think that's what Jason had said. But I know Cassie still had fun. They also went swimming at the hotel. Oh and Jason sent me a pic of Cassie with her chili cheese fries at Knott's and OMG!!! It was HUGE! She told me she barely made a dent in it! And with as much as I can eat Jason didn't think I would have been able to finish it all! That sucker really must have been huge.

Anyway, I basically have been watching "Storage Wars" which is a pretty cool show. I also did a little writing on "Savior" about Eyal Lavin. But I have a long way to go with it. I'm trying to figure out where I want to go from there. I might do Thanksgiving. Or maybe more Christmas or not . . . Mossad is probably Jewish. Of course, that's a guess. Well, maybe we'll stick with Thanksgiving. LOL!

I did get out of the room for some pie. I had a piece of each again. Yum!! My mom apparently didn't like the apple pie very much. Some of the apples weren't cooked through the way her and I like, but I thought it was still okay. The pumpkin is almost gone but there's plenty of pecan left. I guess that's what happens when no one else really likes it! LOL! Ah well!

Right now, I'm going to go check on Cafemom for some stuff and see if I feel up to writing anything. Then I'm going to see what I can do about my Fan Fiction. I think it had a dynamic opening. I just need to move it along.

Guess that's it. Right now I have the TV on Lifetime and it's a Christmas movie. I think it's probably called "Secret Santa" but I wouldn't swear to it. But it looks nice. I hope they re-air it. I think I'll be watching a lot of Lifetime over the next month. Oh and I have my Christmas lights across my window and on! I love the holiday season!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

I am way tired like always, but I had a pretty darn good day!! I woke up when Cassie got here this morning at 11:00am. I should have gotten up earlier and helped my mom with a few things, but I just couldn't wake up. As soon as Cassie got there I did get up so that's something. It was so good to hug my girl! :-) I've missed her over the past couple of days.

I also finally brushed out my hair and took a shower which was way overdue. I had Cassie pull me out a brown top and brown pants. After all, it's Thanksgiving and that's really the only Thanksgiving color I really had. I don't have anything orange. I do have a yellow and brown shirt, but I was in a mood for solids.

Cassie and I stayed in my room for awhile. Then went out to my mom. She was a little upset that no one came to help her. But she didn't stay upset. I think she was more upset that Tim was late. She carved the turkey and we all ate. And oh was the food delicious!! Tender, tender turkey, mashed potatoes, roasted sweet potatoes, cooked carrots, sausage and sage stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls. I think that was everything - OH!! Her gravy!! Cassie says she waits for Grandma's gravy every year because it's the best. :-)

I thought this was sweet all the way around. My mom had set up the dining room table so the kids could sit with her. Well, they all decided to sit with me iin the other room. Then Cassie saw Grandma sitting all by herself and said, "I'm going to go sit with Grandma." So her and Taylor sat with my mom and Cassie said it was probably the first real conversation they had ever had! I think that was fantastic! I think it made it a nice Thanksgiving for my mom and it was a show of just how big my Cassie's heart is. And she was wearing the scarf Grandma got her for her birthday which my mom was thrilled about.

I went back into the bedroom and was on the computer for a bit. Cassie went to take a bath. Then we went to get Jason. I'd already put aside a HUGE plate for him. Cassie came with me when we went to pick up Jason at Amaya. As soon as we got back I heated up his plate in the microwave - God I love having a microwave again!! Anyway, he enjoyed it and thanked me at least three times for twisting his arm to get him here for Thanksgiving. Then we had pie. Cassie had apple, Jordan had just pumpkin, grandma had one of apple and one of pumpkin and I had one of all three - apple, pumpkin AND pecan. I'm STILL FULL! LOL! Though the thought of a turkey sandwich isn't grossing me out so I don't know. LOL! A snack might be in the future if I'm away.

We stayed for a bit then I took Jason home with Cassie since tomorrow they are leaving in the morning to go up to Knott's Berry Farm. I think she's going to have a great time!

I chilled at Jason and Susan's for a little bit. All the kitties came to see me. Then I watched Cassie and Zippy. Zippy is such a neat little guy! He's not a runner!! That shocked me. She would just put him on the computer desk and get up to take care of something and he'd just stay there! I thought that was so neat.

Anyway, when I got home, I finished Cassie's apple pie because she didn't finish it. I went to see what was on TV and found out "Road to Pumpkin Chunkin" and "Pumpkin Chunkin" was on, so guess what I'm watching?? PUMPKIN CHUNKIN!!! I have loved this for like a decade, I think. I don't know what it is about it, but it's definitely I look forward to it every year!

Well, I played a little bit on Cafemom and "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" but I am so tired! I think as soon as "Pumpkin Chunkin" is over, I'm going to try to go to sleep. Wish me luck. :-P

Always Tired But Getting Things Done

I haven't really done much today. I had trouble sleeping last night regardless how tired I was. This is getting to be a habit. Then when I try to sleep I can't because I slept late and then went I get tired again it starts all over again. It sucks. I suppose I'm just going to have to start waking up at a certain time and maybe I'll start going to sleep at a certain time, though it hasn't happened in a long time.

Anyway, I didn't get up until 3:00pm. After that, Jordan and I had to go up to Grossmont to get my mother's tabs for her diabetes. Then after that, I had to go to the grocery store. I needed to pick up ranch dressing and butter. I actually had to call my mom to remember the butter. It just wouldn't come to me. I love cell phones. LOL!

After we got home Jordan, Taylor and George took off to go to Cowles Mountain. I played on the computer for awhile on Cafemom posting mostly on "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" and then just checking out some of my other groups. Then I headed out to my therapy appointment. I swung by McDonald's and got a soda. I encountered more pain in the ass drivers, but it wasn't as bad as the other day. But it had taken me longer to get there than I would have liked because of the line at McDonald's. But I got there in plenty of time for my appointment.

Therapy went well. The being tired thing has been around for awhile. Oh I also know the gastric bypass Doctor's office got my paperwork. I need to contact them because there was some kind of question about my insurance. I guess I'll try to call Friday, or on Monday. I hope there's no problem because that would be horrible. Anyway, I talked about that and life in general. About the thought intrusions at night about wanting to cut. It was kind of bad last night. I think it's triggered by being so tired and frustrated about not sleeping. Then I talked about Jason and Susan and Cassie, sleeping and not wanting to get up. It might have something to do with me feeling a bit down.

Anyway, after therapy I went to Walmart. My mom gave me money to get us a microwave FINALLY! And I found a good one for $57. I haven't used it yet, but it looks great. My mom is happy with it and that's what really matters. Jordan was too tired to bring it in though and he went to sleep. Taylor brought it in from the car and set it up. My mom was too tired to play with it tonight so she went to bed. It's going to be so nice to have microwave popcorn again!! That's what I'm excited about! LOL! I'll have to help my mom learn how to use this new microwave tomorrow. It's going to be nice to use it to heat stuff for Thanksgiving! Oh and house has smelled so good! My mom made the stuffing today! I can't wait to have Thanksgiving dinner. I am a little bummed that my Thanksgiving with Jason and Susan is going to have to wait until December 10th now, but I'll live. They are kind of financially strapped at the moment and if anyone is going to understand that, it's me!

Well, now I think I'm done playing on Cafemom. I hope I sleep though at this rate I might as well think I won't. I was able to watch a new "Mythbusters" which was awesome. I watched a new "Brad Melzer's Decoded" about Billy the Kid. As much as people think he survived I'm actually thinking he really did die. I wish they would have shown his girlfriend's son because there is enough looks between them that I think it's pretty obvious that her son was Billy's. I saw that in another TV show. Now I have "Ghost Hunters" on, but I think this is a repeat.

I think maybe it's time to chill out and relax. Maybe I'll sleep. Maybe I won't. We'll see.

Tired But Shopped for Thanksgiving

I think I'm going to try to sleep here really soon. I might even bypass "Covert Affairs." I didn't sleep well last night and I did get up at 9:00am, though I rested until about 9:30am. But I did get up, get dressed, made my coffee and took my mom to Costco. I really didn't want to go, but I knew we needed to. I got a pretty good spot which was nice and it wasn't so crowded at first. I helped my mom get the stuff on her list and I really don't like shopping at Costco. It just takes a lot out of me. But I did it. While I waited on her, I got to sit down near the pharmacy and read a little bit of "The Mephisto Club." I got into it until my mom came. Then it turned out that I needed to go to the back of the store to get toilet paper because my mom didn't tell me I was supposed to get it.

Anyway, then we get through the line and I wanted help to get the stuff put away. It would have been so much easier and faster if the guy helping us would have walked with us to the car instead of making me drive over to it because I had to drive ALL the way AROUND the building. Deal with the chaos of cars that were there by the time we left. I was definitely irritated. I was never so happy to leave. Though we got a Pumpkin pie and an Apple pie, I really wanted a Pecan pie. So I ended up stopping at Vons before we went home. My mom waited in the car while I went in. I had to get milk and bread anyway. I didn't see pecan pie, but I decided I was going to ask. They said they had them, but they couldn't get them out for like an hour because of where they were and what had to be moved. She asked if I wanted them to reserve a pie for me and I gave a definitely yes, so she gave me an order slip and took my name. Going back to the car I was excited.

My mom made us lunch - chicken croissant sandwiches. Yum!! Then I just got online and I picked up my floor a little bit. Now I have clothes all over it again. But once I get the laundry finished then the floor will be mostly cleaned up. I have been so tired all day though. I've managed to stay awake. Playing on Cafemom helped. I eventually went back to get the Pecan Pie. I was so hungry I got two fruit pies for $1 - lemon and berry. I ate them in the parking lot.

Once home I had Jordan start laundry. I also had him bring me the clothes that were already done so I could put them on hangers, then I had him hang them in the closet. I'm running out of room though.

For dinner my mom fixed croissant chicken sandwiches again. I got an extra croissant out of the deal. They are so good! Then I took Jordan and Taylor out to McDonald's to get sodas. Taylor's going to be staying for a week which I think is cool!

Anyway, I watched a marathon of "Stargate: SG-1" which was cool to watch. I hadn't seen them in awhile even though I have them. Then I've been watching "Auction Kings" because that's a marathon too. But "Covert Affairs" is going to come on, but I am seriously considering watching it on Thursday night or maybe next Thursday. Whatever. I'm just tired and want to sleep.

I am kind of worried about Susan. Jason called me a little while ago and said that she's depressed. She says it's not him, but to be honest, I think the yelling and flipping out might be taking it's toll. I won't tell Jason that, but I think it's possible. Though she seemed fine when I saw her last. I don't know. I hope she is able to come out of it soon. I know how horrible depression is. I'm sure Cassie's attitude didn't help. But she's a teenager. She wants to hang with her friends, not her parents, not her godparents . . .  It's just how it goes. But I think Susan might feel it as rejection. 

Well, I guess that's it. "Covert Affairs" is on. Maybe I'll watch it after all. Maybe . . .

McDonald's Kinda Day

Well, my intention was to wake up around noon so I could take a shower. That didn't work. I thought I had re-set my alarm for another hour, but apparently I didn't turn it on! My mom woke me up at 2:08pm and I needed to get to my appointment which was at 2:30pm. So I just got up, grabbed my purse and went. Then I hit a few red lights, dealt with some idiot drivers and then road construction! I was six minutes late! But they took me in no problem. But I can still say that Pap Smears still suck! It hurt! If I don't lose weight it might be another 10 years before I have another one! I need to call in for a mammogram. Turns out that I will be sent up to Grossmont. I don't really want one though, but I guess I need one. I was so thirsty after that I stopped and got a soda from McDonald's. Then when I got home I had to get my paperwork ready to send out for the gastric bypass. I took Jordan with me so he could stand in line at the post office for me. After that, I got a money order for my car insurance. I got that ready to go. Then on the way back to the post office Jordan and I swung by the McDonald's near us and got sodas and $1 sandwiches. I got a McChicken and Jordan got a McDouble.

When we got home I went to my room and started playing on Cafemom. I changed the forums around on "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" That way Polls are on the first page. I decided certain things should be first and others could be last. I also put up recipes and I asked about Thanksgiving plans. It would be nice if I could get someone really posting with me. But oh well. I'll just keep going and see what happens.

I did do a little reading while Jordan was in the Post Office. "The Mephisto Club" just gets better and better! Then tonight I watched "Terra Nova." It gets more interesting. Then I watched "House" but missed the last couple of minutes so I don't know if he solved what killed this little baby boy. It was interesting about the girl though. I missed what happened with her either. But she had multiple personality disorder. It was interesting. Maybe I can catch the end somewhere.

After that, I watched "Hawaii 5-0." It was a great episode. Had Wo-Fat (I think that's the character's name) take Steve hostage with the help of - can't remember her name. She was trying to save her fiance, but Wo-Fat tricked her into setting up Steve. She found out that her fiance was really dead and she got shot for her trouble. But the team and friends get together and save Steve together. It took place in North Korea. It kind of reminded me of Vietnam stuff back in the 80's.

Anyway, Jordan and I were hungry so I took us back out to McDonald's. Jordan wanted a McChicken and fries. I got a McChicken and a McDouble. And I still have enough money to get sodas! Yay!

Well, now I'm kicking back and watching this movie on Lifetime. I can't remember the title, but it's interesting. I think I'm going to finish watching it then try to sleep. I have to wake up at 9:00am so that I can take my mom to Costco by 10:00am before it gets really busy. She has to get pies for Thanksgiving. I might stay and wait in the car, but I haven't decided yet. I don't think there is anything else I need to do tomorrow, except maybe some writing on my Fan Fiction - Savior.

The Food Network, Cafemom and Fan Fiction

I've felt kind of off today. More worst tonight than during the day. I woke up around noon and was online almost all day. I played on Cafemom a lot. I felt like I was just wound up and I needed to keep doing stuff. I joined a couple more groups. Not sure I'm going to participate in one of them, but I joined more or less to read ideas.

Anyway, I half watched something about evolution. I'd seen it before and disagreed with only one thing they said. That homo-sapien destroyed Neadrathal. Last I knew it was proved that some of our DNA comes from them, so the way they disappeared, was becoming part of us. Well, who really knows, right? It's probably a bit of both. After that, I just put it on the Food Network. Watched "Chopped" and an old "The Next Iron Chef - Super Chefs." Now they're showing the live thanksgiving show with a bunch of the chefs. Later I'm going to watch "Food Network Challenge," followed by a new "Next Iron Chef - Super Chefs" and then MAYBE "Iron Chef America." This is definitely my Food Network night.

I've still been playing with Cafemom, though I'm taking a break at the moment. In fact, one of the things I started was a Fan Fiction. The star is Eyal Lavin from "Covert Affairs." I love the character. So far I'm on page three and I'm calling it "Savior." At least for now. I have to decide what else I want to write now that I have the opening done. I'm sure it'll come to me as I go. But I can only work so long on it. I might work a little more, but not sure.

I can say I'm kind of tired, though I feel kind of down. My mother has been a bit of a bitch since last night. It's not like I don't understand her frustration with me or with the kids, but it's not easy being me either. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. But I think that's probably what's contributing to me feeling off. Just added family stress.

Well, I guess that's it really. I have stuff I need to do tomorrow. I need to pay my car insurance. I need to mail off my gastric bypass packet. I have a Gyn appointment which I really don't want to do, but will. Then my mom wants to go get lemons. I have to get that in there or she's really going to have a fit.

Anyway, I'm hoping I don't feel as off or down tomorrow. Part of this has to be PMS. Maybe I'll start my monthly tonight or tomorrow morning. I'd have to cancel my appointment! :-P Guess we'll see what happens!

Birthdays and Fun!

Yesterday I was so tired. I didn't do much of anything. Well, that's not exactly true. I took my mom to Walmart. We went shopping and it was cool because she got Jordan a pair of pants, slippers and socks. She also picked out a sweater for Cassie that had Santa on it, but I knew Cassie would never wear it, so I talked my mom into letting me pick her out a shirt that I knew she wanted. It's so cool because I was able to get her the Happy Bunny Christmas shirt! It has Happy Bunny laying down with a candy cane and it says, "Been Good All Year," then under it says "For all you know!" LOL! She also got Cassie a red scarf. I wasn't sure if Cassie would like it but she does!

Of course, at Walmart I got the chance to sit at the McDonald's and get my soda. I filled up three times. I was so thirsty I drank the first one really quick. I also got a McDouble. While I waited I also read more of "The Mephisto Club." It is SUCH a GOOD book! I haven't picked it up today, but I might depending on how late I want to stay up. 

Anyway, I played on the computer for a little bit but I was so tired I didn't do much. I wanted to go to sleep, but I ended up watching a bunch of "Criminal Minds" episodes. One was the second half of The Prince of Darkness, which I hadn't seen before. I'd seen the first half, but not the second. They don't seem to air them in order. I almost went to sleep before watching "Sanctuary" but instead I watched it. Then I had a hard time sleeping. I was exhausted, but I also ended up in the bathroom every hour or so it seemed.

Today it was really hard for me to wake up. I had thought about waking up around 10:30am, but I just couldn't do it so I slept until almost 2:00pm and Cassie's party started at Noon!! Anyway, I got up and left with coffee and present in tow. Cassie wanted "cookies" but I said no. I did remember to bring Cassie's blanket and Katie Kelly's pillow. I'm going to miss that thing.

When I got there the girls were already having fun. As soon as Cassie saw her present she opened it. Not like it was sealed up. It was in a gift bag and not taped shut. Anyway, she immediately started wearing the scarf so I knew she liked it! I also gave her the camera to take pictures in her bedroom with the girls since that's where they were. We got Cici's pizzas for dinner. I kicked in $10 from the $60 they owed me. It was worth it for the party and the pizza!! Their BBQ pork is still my favorite!! Then the girls ran around outsdie for a bit acting crazy like the teens they are. One of Cassie's friends had to leave because of the animals. She could only stay so long because she has bad allergies. But she was a sweet girl. I was just so happy Cassie was having fun. Apparently she didn't think anyone was going to come to her party and instead she got several people - Paige, Katie Kelly, Lakara, Maddie and I don't remember the other girl's name at the moment. So she ended up with a nice crowd. They are also going to watch a scary movie tonight! They picked "Insidious." Good thing I'm not watching it! LOL!

I eventually left because it's also Jordan's birthday. I promised him Moose Tracks ice cream. So I stopped at the store and got him the Extreme Moose Tracks which is his favorite, got myself chocolate milk which was good. Then I stopped and got a Diet Dr. Pepper from McDonald's and went home. When we got there, I asked my mom for candles and a lighter. She was in a bitchy-ass mood and I don't know why. I guess she just figured I was going over to Cassie's party just to say hello and come back. How stupid is that?? I said I was going over to take pictures. Anyway, I just ignored her. I put three candles in Jordan's ice cream. He lit them though. LOL! Then I took a pic of it, of him with it and stuff. He had his friend George over. He just stopped being interested in parties. Just a friend over and ice cream is all he wants.

Of course, one other thing I think was really nice was his girlfriend called! :-) They don't get to talk much so that was a nice treat for him I'm sure.

Anyway, not much else is going on. I got to watch most of "Four Brothers" and now I have "Swordfish" on though I don't know if I want to finish watching it. It's a good movie though. The thing is, I'm usually tired by now, but I'm not. I'm not totally wired either, just mellow. I think once I take my meds it might help me get sleepy. I don't know. I kind of want to do some reading or playing on Cafemom. I added all kinds of posts to "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" I don't know, I might go back and play a little more on there but there really wasn't much to do at the moment.

Well, I guess, really, that's it. Tomorrow I don't know what I'll be doing. Guess we'll see! Maybe I'll get some writing done on a Fan Fiction. :-) I want to write about Eyal!

Don't Think I'm Making It to Burn Notice

After only about two hours of sleep last night I can say today has been a long day. Of course, I haven't been super tired until about an hour or two ago. In fact, when I woke up I was fine. I got up and went to the doctor to get my lab work done. When I got home my mom was nice enough to make me ham and eggs. On the way home I had stopped at Albertson's for some water and ended up with Eggnog Creamer. So I also made my coffee when I got home. 

I didn't stop there. I actually got on Cafemom and posted stuff on "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" along with a few other groups. I also edited "Holiday Joy" and made some good changes. Nothing major. Tomorrow I'm going to post it on a couple of the groups and then I'm going to maybe work on a new fan fiction for Bond and/or Eyal Lavin. I have had ideas floating around in my head so I think I can start either one.

I also did a fair amount of reading when I was waiting for Cassie to get out of school. "The Mephisto Club" just gets better and better. I would read more tonight, but I'd stay up way too late and make myself feel more tired and possibly worse.

After I finished editing and running off "Holiday Joy" the kids and I left to Jason and Susan's. Tonight was Jordan's Bday dinner - Lasagna. What sucked is Jason seemed to be in a mood and stayed in the bedroom. He didn't even come out to say hi. That sort of upset me, but the lasagna was great and Susan and I had a chance to talk. Plus I also got to see Jordan play his new game "Skyrim." It's pretty cool. But I think that's what ticked off Jason. Whatever, right? He wants to be a big baby, let him.

Anyway, I am just so tired. I'm trying to stay awake to watch "Burn Notice" but my eyes are burning and I am tired. I really need sleep. Of course, there is part of me that's restless and doesn't want to sleep, yet the rest of me is screaming for sleep. I think I might sleep. Yeah, that's what I need.

Is It PMS or a Mixed State?

I woke up feeling a little off, but okay. I went to my Doctor's appointment, but I was aggravated with drivers around me getting there because they were going too slow. I was aggravated with the receptionist desk because they took like seven minutes before checking me in - I had to stand and wait in line. Not easy on my back.

I didn't mind waiting for the doctor once I was called back though that took like 40 minutes. But while I waited for the doctor I did some reading of "The Mephisto Club." It's a REALLY good book so far. Then I talked to the doctor. Turns out I hate to go back tomorrow morning to get my blood work done. I also got prescriptions for Baclofen, Claritin and a saline spray for my nose. I even made an appointment for a Pap Smear and a breast exam which is next Monday.

From there, I went home. My mom wanted to go to the store so I took her to Vons. She got stuff for Thanksgiving and I got some mandarins and milk. Also my mom asked me to get ground black pepper and corn starch. I did more reading while I waited for her to get done. Once home, I got Jordan to bring in the groceries - including another turkey that my mom had Jordan put in her fridge - not freezer. Guess that's the one we're having for Thanksgiving.

I just started feeling worse emotionally. It wasn't terrible at first. It was manageable. I got on the computer and from there I played on Cafemom. I posted several things in "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" and new word prompts for "The Writer's Workshop." I also edited "Love Me" my first James Bond fan fic. I reposted it on "FANtastic Writers" and in "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy." I had to change the forum a bit though. I had to make Creative Outlet private and marked as Adult Content. I also had to put a warning on my story that it was sexually explicit.

My mom cooked Pizza for dinner. I suppose I should have done it, but I just didn't feel up to it. She got aggravated at me because I just didn't want to do it. The pizza was pretty good, but I wished I'd had a pizza all to myself! LOL!

Then Jordan and I went to the pharmacy to get my new meds. It took half an hour. On the way there we got sodas at McDonald's and while I waited I did more reading. I can't believe how good this book is! I love Tess Gerritsen's work!! Then once I got home I got back online. I uploaded pix to Cafemom - Cassie and Katie Kelly carving pumpkins for Halloween. Then Jason started crap. I don't know if he was trying or what, but he starts with Jordan not being able to take his Xbox over tomorrow, even though he said he could. I told him he couldn't just change his mind and it seemed like he got upset with me. I asked him if he was or was I being paranoid and he told me he loved me so much and that I was being paranoid. Then my mother comes in and starts yelling at me, which considering the frame of mind I'm already in, it was horrible. I mean, I have been feeling irritated, aggravated, impatient, emotionally just feeling awful. My mind keeps going. My body inside feels like it's running at lightspeed, but my outside is moving normally. I just feel like something is so wrong and I just feel emotional.

So is it PMS or a Mixed State? I don't know. But I'm going to try to relax and finish watching "Mythbusters," then "Brad Meltzer's Decoded" and "Ghost Hunters." That's if I stay awake that long. I'm thinking of taking a Baclofen now and just chilling and maybe sleep. We'll see. I just hope this feeling goes away.

How Do You Know You've Taken Too Much Ativan?

You sleep all day long!! :-P That's pretty much what I did yesterday. I was just so tired. All I wanted to do the other night was sleep and I just went a little overboard with the Ativan. I almost continued to sleep, but I wanted to see "Covert Affairs" last night because this actor I think is totally gorgeous and who I've based characters on with my writing was on. His name is Oded Fuhr. In the show he plays a Moussad operative named Eyal Lavin.

The episode was pretty good, though I have to say I was a little let down. I wanted to see more of Annie and Eyal become closer. I mean, they did, but I wanted to see more - like he's the spy she'll always love or something. Okay, maybe I'm just being romantic. :-) But you have to admit he's a handsome guy!!

Before I watched "Covert Affairs" I watched a rerun of "Dirty Jobs" then "Auction Kings." It was funny. "Auction Kings," counted down their top ten oddest items they've sold. I remembered them and it was pretty fun to watch. What I would have wanted was the Vampire Killing Kit!! Of course it went for thousands. But it sure would have been neat to have. I certainly never would have gotten rid of it if I had it!

Anyway, it still took me a bit to go back to sleep, but I still went back to sleep a lot faster than usual. Well, that's it for this entry. There will be another later since today has been busy already. But I definitely had to gush about Oded Fuhr. LOL!



What a Long Day

Today has been a really long day. I didn't sleep well last night and still had to get up around 6:30am. Cassie got dressed and everything, but ended up staying home because she was dizzy and ended up with a bad headache. But Jordan and I still had to go. We had the ticket buy to go to. It was a long morning waiting, but we talked to John the ticket guy and he gave us money and instructions. We walked away with $60 total.



After that we were starving so we went to Jack in the Box. I thought everything was going to be fine, but they forgot the curly fries. When I went back for them the woman just about called me a liar and I got pissed, but I got the fries and in a bigger size. What a bitch though. Literally, she wanted the receipt AND then asks the woman who forgot if she forgot the fries. Uh, she FORGOT! I was pissed. I almost called back to talk to the manager, but then I just decided it wasn't really worth the aggravation. Of course, I was tired. I am tired. But I went to McDonald's to get us drinks and then we parked and finished eating. Well, I finished eating. Jordan was already done. After that we put $20 in the car and headed to Walmart because we wanted to get "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides." They didn't have it so we went to Best Buy. It was there we found out that Disney in their infinite wisdom only released the Blu-Ray with DVD combo pack and not just a DVD! On the other hand, it's being released on DVD tomorrow. So all in all it's not that big of an aggravation, but just the fact that those jerks would do that pissed me off! I mean, come on!! Ugh!



From there we went home. Cassie was on the computer. Jordan went to play his games though eventually he went to sleep. He was up for almost 24 hours. I also laid down for awhile until Jason called and had us come over early for Cassie's Bday dinner. We sat around for awhile. Talked a little. Cassie took a bath because her headache got worse. I eventually started reading "The Mephisto Club" by Tess Gerritsen and it sucked me right in. Jason was watching Football. Dinner was delicious! Susan made Chicken Parmesan with spaghetti and texas toast for Cassie's birthday. It's what she wanted. But Jason had to ruin the evening with a rant about Susan being a pack rat and how he shouldn't have to live with it . . . blah, blah, blah. It pissed me off because he basically made Susan leave crying. Even he and I got into a bit. Even though he said he was over it, he had Cassie and I leave right after dinner. I didn't care because I was thinking about leaving anyway. He was just being a big jerk.


Anyway, on the way home Cassie and I went to Walmart. I wanted to pick up stuff for the Thanksgiving with Jason and Susan since Jordan took stuff into the house that he wasn't supposed to. I got a few other things. I also got lighters. Cassie was worried about going to sleep and so I let her have some "cookies." It was funny and fun. She liked the "cookies" though she didn't like the taste so much. She did get hungry again though.



Well, I have managed to stay awake through "Terra Nova" and "House." In fact, "House" was an awesome episode. This teenager is trying to be a clown, but fails and in the middle of his show and can't feel his legs and of course, things get worse. They track down his dad for DNA, but the truth is a lot worse. He had sex with his son when he was little and gave him Syphilis which doctors had treated when he was little, but it re-activated. It took until the end to find out, of course. Now I'm going to try to stay awake for "Hawaii 5-0." I just hope once its over that I can actually go to sleep. I need sleep. Definitely.

As for tomorrow, there is nothing really on the list to do. I do want to watch "Covert Affairs" tomorrow night. It guest stars Oded Fuhr and I love him!! He is gorgeous and I use him as a template with some of the charactes I create. So that is definitely on my to-do list! Maybe I'll get some writing done. I know I'll get some reading done because I love the book I'm reading so far! Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day. I think it will be.

I Always Forget Something . . . LOL!

Trying to get to sleep last night was almost impossible. I think I finally fell asleep around 6:00am or so. Of course, last night I was tired, but I did get to see Rick and that kind of perked me up, I guess. I met him at Vons in La Mesa and followed him to his place. He couldn't come to me because he had his son. His son was sleep though so we were going to hook up behind the couch on this cushion. He's not the greatest kisser, but I love the fact that he wants to spend time with me outside of having sex with me. Of course, that's what we wanted last night, but we both got too paranoid with the sounds in the house and we didn't want his son to find me there. Not until he at least meets me. But as we were making out we talked and he told  me he doesn't feel like he has to keep things from me. That he can be open with me. I thought that was awesome. I don't keep things from him either. But he also talked about watching movies together. I wasn't sure exactly where we stood, but it's obviously he wants more of a relationship with me than I expected which I great! He also likes my laugh and he thinks I'm cute, and not just physically. But my personality. It makes me smile. Anyway, needless to say I think that might have kept me up a bit.

I ended up not waking up until 2:00pm. I wanted to keep sleeping, but I got a call from Cassie. She told me she was going to be home around 3:00pm - 4:00pm. I packed up, what I thought was everything. I then straightened up a little. I ate the last of the Chili Mac. I couldn't remember anything else I needed to take with me. Turns out that I left my phone charger, Cassie's backpack and her book . . . She got home about 4:00pm or so. I can't remember a whole lot of what else we did, but I made dinner. I didn't have a lot of energy to fix anything and my mom wasn't feeling up to it, but Cassie and I eventually settled on Bean and cheese burritos - refried beans, cheese and sour cream (except for Jordan) wrapped in a flour tortilla. Simple and delicious! Jordan had a few, Cassie had three. I'm not sure how many I ate. But between the three of us we finished all the beans!

After dinner Cassie came into my room with me and we watched some TV and played on the computer. But my mom needed Jordan and I to go after some of her medication. On the way to the pharmacy we stopped at McDonald's. I had enough change to get soda for Jordan and I. Once we got the medication we went home. I had Jordan change the laundry that I'd had him start and then Cassie and I settled down together. Then it dawned on me that I had forgotten my phone charger and Cassie's backpack and book. Cassie starts flipping out, but I told her we could fix it. She was complaining because it means breaking into Jason and Susan's. LOL! But she's done it many times before.

Anyway, we got there and together we took care of Zippy. I'll know how to really take care of him next time, which I'm glad about. Cassie then decided she wanted to take a shower there, which I didn't mind. I watched "Food Network Challenge" which was "A Peanuts Thanksgiving." It was cool! Plus we got home in time for me to watch "The Next Iron Chef - Super Chefs." Cassie went to bed after being sweet enough to get me water. I'm hoping there is a new "IRon Chef America" next. Of course, I'm pretty tired and do want to try to go to sleep relatively early since I have a ticket buy in the morning. I kind if don't want to go and do it, but it'll be $20 I could use. At least I know where I'm going - Sports Arena.

Well, I guess that's it. I'm just glad I was able to go back to Jason and Susan's and get the things I'd forgotten earlier. It all worked out well.



House Sitting

Niot sure how long this will actually be because I am on Jason and Susan's computer since I'm at their place and I really don't like their keyboard. LOL! I guess I'm just spoiled with  my laptop or maybe saying that I'm more used to my laptop would be more correct. I just feel like I have to keep staring at the keyboard while I type and I don't like that.

I really didn't do much today. Once I woke up Jason called and told me to go over to his place, which I was going to anyway. It was planned. LOL! I think he just wanted to have someone to talk to him on the phone for a few minutes. Henever talks long. Then I packed up my stuff into the suitcase. I might have used bags if it hadn't been raining. Not that I mind. I really enjoy the rain. But just as I was leaving my mom springs on me that she wants me to go to the store and buy her some eggs. I didn't really want to, but I did and it ended up being a good thing. Not only was I able to grab a chicken ceaser salad for lunch and a couple of drinks, I also had forgotten my phone charger so I was able to go in and pick it up as I delivered the eggs. It was a good move because I ended up needing to charge my phone.

Anyway, once I got here I watched some TV and then took a shower. Got out of the shower and got my PJ's on. I feed and held Zippy for awhile. He is so cute!! I got him to chorttle while I held him and that made me feel good. There is something about their little noises that are soothing. Afterr that, I pretty much watched "NCIS" for the day and into the evening. They were really good episodes too and I'm not crazy about the show but I definitely enjoy it. I thought I'd do some reading today, but that wasn't to be. I just got wrapped up in the show. Oh and Jason and Susan were great! They left me chili mac for dinner, which I ate almost all of. I left some for tomorrow when I wake up. Of course, I also ate two of Jason's chimichangas. I was thinking about buying them another pack if I ate more of them. I have just been so hungry tonight! Of course, I am every night I guess. And one thing for sure. I have eaten WAY too much candy! Even eating it when I really didn't feel like it. I guess I have a real eating problem. Makes me worry about the gastric bypass. You know what scares me more? I'm supposed to chew up my food good . . . I don't have teeth to chew. I don't know. It scares me because I don't want to get sick by not chewing things thoroughly. But we'll see what happens.

I have also spent time with the kitties. In fact, Romeo is laying on the floor nearby on his back looking so cute! And Lulubelle is resting right next to time, or she was. And Katianna finally came up to me before she got something to eat. And I heard from Cassie. Her, Justin, Jamie, and Ian did go up to the mountains. There was snow!!! Her and Ian got to have a snowball fight!! How awesome is that? So she sounds like she's having a stellar birthday weekend. Makes me happy.

Well, I think that's about it. I'm going to go back to watching "Angels & Demons" now. Good movie. Tomorrow I don't have anything on the agenda so we'll see what happens then!



Two Days For One

Well yesterday was a day full of being tired. I just dragged all day. I haven't had a day like that in a long time. I did manage to take Jordan to get his game "Skyrim" last night after "Burn Notice." He had to wait longer because we didn't get there until after 11:00pm, but it was worth the wait for him. While I waited for him to get his game, I spent that time reading. I finally just decided I was going to pick up "Passion" and just read. I was almost sad when Jordan got his game and I had to stop reading.

At home my mind just wandered and wandered and wandered as I tried to go back to sleep. It was weird. It was like I was in this half sleep most of the night where my mind was just going. A lot of what I read seeped into my mind. I did have a dream of jumping from place to place. That my daughter had to. And then something about ending up in Australia. Well, the dream was really sketchy with a lot of crazy elements. Anyway, I was so tired though that when I laid down I just didn't have the energy to take my medication last night. I should have taken it though. I feel off today. Of course, part of that might be all the sleep I've gotten in the last two days. But I think it has to do with missing my meds. I took the ones I needed to this morning.

Anyway, my mom wanted to go to Walmart and to get her hair cut so I took her up to Fantastic Sam's. Then from there she gave me money to pick up some things from the store including hair color for me. I'm not entirely sure I'm happy with the color, but hopefully it'll work. I also got Fabreeze and dish soap, plus a Woman's World. I then went an got a McDouble and a diet Dr. Pepper from the McDonald's there. I also took the opportunity to not just look over the Woman's World magazine, but to also read a little bit of "Passion." I don't know how long I read, but my mom came up with some paper towels she wanted too. She had me get her a McDouble and water while I also went to pay for the paper towels.

After that, we came home and I went back to reading, then Cassie came over with Jason and Susan. It was good to see my girl on her Birthday. But she's getting to that age that spending the time with family really isn't what she wants to do. I think Jason is having the hardest time of all dealing with Cassie getting older. He has a hard time realizing that Cassie is growing up. Her friends are growing more important to her. That she is learning to be her own person more and more. Anyway, they stayed for awhile. I got to watch Jordan and Cassie tease each other and be funny. Jason brought me two DVDs too, which was cool - "Blade" and "Terminator 2 : Judgement Day." The third "Terminator" movie SUCKED!  They stayed for about twenty minutes before leaving to take Cassie over to Justine and his wife's place for the weekend. Cassie and Ian like each other. I think it's cool and Cassie is thrilled to have more family.

Anyway, after they left my mom fixed ham and eggs for dinner. I also cut up a few slices of French bread to eat. Then I went back to my room and finished reading "Passion." Now I have to wait four or five months because I can get the last book in the series - "Rapture." It'll be good to see the end of this series. It was really good! Parts of it fantastic, though Twilight really pulled me in. This took awhile and as much as I love the Daniel and Lucinda story there is something about the over hanging story that kind of gets me feeling weird. Maybe it's the religious tones. But it really is fascinating, so I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling. Oh, whatever. I enjoyed reading it and seeing where the loophole for Lucinda came along.

Now I'm just kicking back watching "Criminal Minds." I really do love this show! Maybe one day I'll get them on DVD, but it's not high on my list. I'm waiting for "Sanctuary" tonight. I'm feeling really unsettled though so I might have to take an ativan. I don't like feeling this way, but there's not much I can do about it except meds. I feel tired and yet I feel sleeping just isn't going to help at the moment. Maybe I'll do more reading. I still have to finish "Cowboys and Aliens," but I also have "The Mephisto Club" by Tess Gerritsen and I really want to read it! I think next month I'm going to try to get another book of hers. I might as well get books. I enjoy reading and I want to read all of the Rizzoli and Isles books.

Tomorrow night I'm going to spend the night at Jason and Susan's and spend time with the kitties and Zippy. I'm a little nervous about taking care of him, but I guess I'm worried about something happening to him. I've never kept a guinea pig before and I just don't want to do anything to hurt him or make him run away or for the cats to do something to hurt him. Yes, I worry a lot. But I do get to cuddle him a bit and I'm looking forward to that.

Well, I guess that's it. If you couldn't tell I still feel scattered and it's hard for me to organize my thoughts. I do hate this part of being bipolar. And I feel like okay and depressed at the same time. It's crazy and it sucks. But oh well. It's just how it goes. Time for ativan!

A Day in PJ's

I actually had to wake up around 11:00am because today was a half day for Cassie. I was there to pick her up around 11:30am after I got my coffee. What's cool is that I haven't gotten dressed. I've been in my PJs all day long. They look like clothes so there's no issue about it. Cassie took about 10-15 minutes to get to the car. From there we went home. She was hungry so I cooked her a couple of hamburger patties and I had her fix me more coffee considering she drank over half of mine! LOL! It wasn't long after that that my mom fixed Jordan and I hamburgers. I love pickles and there was plenty on my burger. After that Cassie, Jordan and I watched totheark on YouTube. Then Cassie and I watched Marble Hornet on YouTube about Slender Man and this crazy story they have going. They are up to 51 episodes so far. Then after that we also tried to look up Fox News footage of Cassie's middle school on Halloween. It took us time, but we did find it!! I THINK I saw Cassie, but she wasn't easy to find. Shortly after that Jason and Susan picked her up.

After that, I had to get going to get to therapy. I didn't have a whole lot going on, but I talked about the gastric bypass and that my real anxiety is getting the surgery denied. And the fact that I have paperwork to still do - two days of what I have been eating and also the diets I've tried. I also talked about being scattered and tired. I do feel so scatter brained and it sucks. It interferes with my ability to write. Concentration on anything is a challenge. It sucks because I really want to finish reading "Passion."

Anyway, Cassie came home just after 8:00pm. She got her laundry out of the dryer. Then she was asking me about what she should wear tomorrow for going to the movies after school. Her and a few of her friends are going to hopefully go see "Paranormal Activity 3." But she just didn't know if she wanted to wear this or that or the other thing. Then she decided to wear her white skinnies but there was a spot so she washed that. Then Jason called and Cassie's therapist at school put Cassie's name down to get a free food basket for Christmas!! I think that's so awesome! But then Jason calls again and is outta whack because Cassie's friend Crystal cut her hair. Obviously the girl didn't do a bad job considering HE didn't notice. But I asked him how he knew anyway and he told me he had a right to check up on his niece and I said yeah, but going through someone's Facebook account. THIS is what aggravates Cassie. She wants to block Susan just for the fact that Jason is always spying on her. I don't blame her, but Susan would get all outta whack if she did it because she did for a couple of days and Susan complained. But I would hate someone checking up on me if I was her age. It's like always having someone over your shoulder staring at everything you do or say. You can't be yourself if you're constantly having to worry about how someone will react when they read what you say. Wish I could help her with this situation, but she really needs to talk to Susan about it. Maybe Susan would understand, but maybe not.

Well, I guess that's it. I haven't watched that much TV. I did watch the new "Mythbusters" tonight about their top 12 locations they've been to. It was pretty cool to watch. Then I have "Fact or Faked" on, but I haven't gotten into it yet. After that I'm going to watch "Ghost Hunters" unless I fall asleep first. We'll see.

Anyway, I guess that's it. Tomorrow I take Jordan to pick up his game "Skyrim" but I told him we're not leaving until "Burn Notice" is over. I have to have my Michael Weston fix. LOL! Maybe I'll be able to do some reading or writing or both. But I guess we'll see. I am so tired. I hope I sleep well tonight. But that's up in the air too.

Good But Aggravating

I slept on the late side today. I actually woke up around noon, but then went back to sleep until my mom made sure I was awake at 1:30pm so I could go get Cassie. I got my coffee, ate three deviled eggs, my mom gave me money to get some foil at the grocery store and a list with coupons to use at Vons. I didn't find three of the things. Anyway, I went to pick up Cassie and while I waited I read more of "Passion." I really need to read it and get it done. It's a good book but for some reason I just keep putting it off.

Anyway, once I got Cassie we went to Vons. More than half the parking lot of blocked off for painting or whatever and we got lucky enough to get a spot. It was a pain though. Then we went inside. I got a sandwich for Cassie and I got one for me - though I ended up giving it to Jordan. I just wanted the liter of Dr. Pepper I got. But I got cake mixes, orange juice - Holday flavored creamers!!! Yum! It took longer than I wanted at the store. But it turned out that what took the longest was just trying to check out!! There were only two registers open! One being the express lane. Of course, I had too much to go there, but the line was huge there too!! It look probably 15 minutes or longer to get checked out.

As soon as we got back to the house Susan arrived to pick up Cassie and then drop Jason off. He wanted to hang out for a little bit. Also he flipped my mattress, thank God!!! I really needed that because I have gotten so scratched up by the broken springs. Then he asked me if I wanted to go over for dinner. I figured sure since I had $26 to put into my tank. So on the way over to his place we stopped at the gas station. Talk about another aggravation, there was this woman in a duley truck. The woman behind her finished pumping gas and left. I waited for her only to see her go into the store. I figured I'd be nice so the person behind us to could in too. But we finally gave up. In fact, this woman took so long that we had finished pumping gas before she'd even gotten into her truck! She like puttered around for 15-20 minutes. I just thought that was so rude. So did Jason.

Anyway, at Jason and Susan's Cassie was in the tub. She had also done her homework. Then after she got dressed she brought me Zippy and I got to cuddle with the little guy and listen to his chorttling. Sooooo sooooo sooooo cute!!! I love him. I'm a little nervous though because I'm taking care of him this weekend and I don't know how to take care of a guinea pig. But basically I just feed and play with him. :-) While we waited for Susan, we listened to some Christmas music. It might be a little early but why not get a head start on the Holiday Spirit. Once Susan got home she fixed dinner and it was delicious. She made a BBQ shake 'n bake chicken with mac 'n cheese and broccoli. But not long after dinner Cassie and I had to leave. She was going to do a load of laundry, but she ended up too tired. Jordan came into my room and spent time with me. We talked and I just hugged him for awhile. We talked about getting flavored vodka. I don't have the money, but maybe I will at some point. If he wants to do shots with me though, it'll have to be before the surgery. So we'll see what happens. But it was good we had that time together.

Now I'm just chilling out watching "Auction Kings Supersized" and I'm enjoying it a lot. They got a neat told TV that looked 50's futuristic and some stuff from President Carter for his humanitarian efforts. Anyway, I guess that's about it. I'm tired, so this is going to be the last thing I'm watching on TV, I think. Maybe tomorrow I'll get more reading done or maybe some writing. One thing is for sure, I have my therapy session. Can't miss that.

Shopping Day

Surprisingly I woke up around 11:30am and just couldn't go back to sleep. That's weird because usually I can easily sleep until 1:00pm to 2:00pm. I kind of just chilled for awhile. I grabbed my iced coffee and watched some "Law and Order: Criminal Intent." I really do love that show. Then I ended up going shopping while Susan picked Cassie up from school.

I am running low on fuel though and I need to get the rest of the cash off my welfare card. It won't be much, but it'll be enough so that I can get to my therapy on Wednesday. Walmart was great though! I went to the one in Santee so that I would be sure to get almost everything I needed - especially the box of hamburger patties. What was really cool was they had Halloween candy for 50% off. Usually it's just the crap candy, but they had M&Ms left, Willy Wonka stuff and even Reese's!! Needless to say I bought some. Plus I got cherry cheese danishes (which are already gone) and lots of other treats. But I also got what we needed - milk, cheese, hamburger, bananas . . . I even got some stuff for our Thanksgiving with Jason and Susan. I got some cans of yams, a jar of gravy, boxes of cornbread stuffing and green beans. I know it's not a lot, but I wanted to get something and I might get more. But I also need to get a couple of Turkeys for here. My mom said there was a sale on them, I think she said at Vons.

When I got close to home, I was going to go try to get a soda from McDonald's but it was like the line was a mile long! It wasn't worth it to me so I went home. My back hurt so bad though that I had to have help to get the groceries into the car and I called my mom to have Jordan come out to bring it in. Jordan ended up putting most of the food away with my help, but I was in so much pain. I did take ibuprofen and it seemed to help. And mom made hamburgers for dinner. It was good. Then I went to my room. Watched more "Criminal Intent" and played online at Cafemom. I put up recipes, a funny pic, a poll and pix on "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" I also posted the pix on "Photos for Fun!" I was going to call Rick tonight but I decided not to. I don't know why. Maybe I just wanted to watch TV. It is what I did - I watched the new "Terra Nova" that was interesting. A meteor crashed down and caused an EM Pulse, knocking out all of the electronics. Medical was down and that caused problems. The meteor caused a lot of people to get hurt when things crashed and whatnot. It was a good show. More mysteries are coming.

After that I watched "House" which was GREAT! Chase is back! Then I watched "Hawaii 5-0" - well kinda half watched. But what I saw was awesome. This woman that worked for Customs and Immagration was killed. Turned out to be about a man with cancer and a poaching ring.

Now I'm just going to chill out. It's almost 11:30pm. I'm tired, but I don't know if I'll sleep. I have a lot of sugar in my system! LOL! And I'm hungry again. Anyway, Jordan's being nice enough to make me a sandwich. Of course, I'm giving him the computer after this and giving him Laffy Taffy. :-D It's worth it. Oh and my mother got all out of whack because Cassie is staying with Jason and Susan tonight. Ugh!!

Some Men Are Pigs

Some men are just pigs. I should learn how to spot them. But you know, I'm just me and I am still naive about some things. I knew Mark was a bit pushy. I didn't mind that. We got together sexual easy enough. But he is an ass. We were supposed to meet at the same place I thought we went to last time. Unfortunately he told me the wrong place. He has to have. Then he gets mad at me for not finding it and just leaves! He rented the room and should have had it all day then he gets upset because I can't find him! He could have helped me find where he was. But NO he had to be an asshole! He is the one that gave me the wrong motel.

Anyway, I felt so bad I kind of cried. I'm kinda crying now. I just feel rejected and that's never a good feeling. But I called Rick. He's the only one I could really talk to about this - him being my other lover. He made me feel a little better and we're going to try to get together tomorrow night. I might even try to drive over to his place. But he told me what a beautiful person I was and that it was Mark's loss basically. I still don't feel so good. I texted Mark and told him things weren't going to work out and basically his response was it was too bad because I was a good fuck. Not that I mind that. I don't have any issues with that. But he was just such an asshole to me. So I have basically deleted him off my phone, off my email and just completely written him off. I don't often do that to people, but I get the sense that it should be done. I don't need someone like him.

Okay, I think I'm feeling a little better now and with luck I'll see Rick tomorrow night. At least I hope so. Sometimes it's not worth meeting guys.

Pissed With Yahoo

What can I say. Yahoo went with their new profile pages and it SUCKS!! I like the old profile where you could see updates and not have to be on messanger to do it. There is NO PLACE I know of to type in updates. I HATE IT! I even wrote them a note telling them how much I hated it and that from now on I'll probably be spending less time on Yahoo because of it. Frankly, I liked to write the updates. It was kinda like Twitter. Now that's gone I'll just go back to Twitter and Yahoo can go screw themselves. Yeah, I'm just a little pissed. It just sort of ruined the high I was on for having a pretty decent day. Oh well. Not like I can do anything other than send off a nasty gram and I did that. I probably shouldn't have been so mean about it, but I am just so ticked off about it! Ugh!

Outside of that my day was okay except for a stupid headache that just didn't want to go away. I mean, I woke up with it and I literally took 1200mg of ibuprofen and three hours later it was still hanging around. In fact, even now my head still hurts a little. Go figure. But I spent time watching "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" and I took a shower. Then I went over to Jason and Susan's. Cassie had called me this morning where she was freaking out over Jason and Susan and she literally went ballistic. I knew it wasn't the end of the world, but she misunderstood something. It wasn't easy to deal with when my head hurt. But I had called them and eventually it got sorted out. I hung out over there by for half of it they kind of wanted to bitch about the event with Cassie. I did agree with them that her mouth was out of control. But I went over to hang out, not go through that whole event again.

After Cassie came back she had to take care of Zippy and I got to hold him for a few, especially after she gave him a bath. I got to dry him off and his little chirps and whatnot were so cute!! I adore him! He peed on Susan though. LOL! I think it's just that they probably don't have well developed urinary organs and like rats just have to go when they have to go. I could do some research and find out.

Anyway, I took Cassie to her friend Crystal's thinking she was going to spend the night. Turns out she couldn't. I didn't really want to pick her up so Jason and Susan picked her up. But the great thing about tonight was that I got a black ink cartridge for the printer because I really needed it and the best part? It was only $15!!! My mom also wanted me to see how much ink cartridges were for her printer. I had to ask what it took though, when I got to Walmart. Turns out they use the same as mine! That'll make things easy to remember. Of course, when I got home it took me like 15 minutes to remember how to pull the old one out and put the new one in. I was glad when I figured it out and finally printed off my new James Bond Fan Fiction - Christmas Joy. That way I can read it again. Maybe I'll even make notes to correct a few things.

Man, I still have that freakin' headache and it's getting worse again. Time for more ibuprofen and hope that it works better this time. And I've got too much of a headache to do more reading than I'm doing right now. Think I'm going to finish watching another episode of "Storage Wars" and then maybe try to sleep. I am tired, but more times than not, I can't sleep. We'll see though. If nothing else I'll have that ativan to help me relax more.

Guess that's it for today. Tomorrow should be better. At least I hope so. Maybe I'll get some reading or writing done. It'll be a really good day if I don't feel like I'm dragging all day.

Naps Can Be Nice!

I'm tired and I slept all afternoon! I slept like crap last night. But I finally got up and got Jordan up. Then I had to get Cassie up for school. But when I got home I definitely went back to sleep - after I left a message for the principal about Mr. Santos the vice principal. He is a jerk. I then slept until 1:00pm. I contacted Susan because I wasn't sure I was going to pick up Cassie. I couldn't remember, but Cassie said to go ahead and pick her up. Jordan wanted to go out and get food so he came with me. Also my mom wanted me to mail some things for her.

So Jordan and I waited for school. I didn't do any reading or anything. Jason and I ended up texting the whole time. But when Cassie got out of school I found out that the principal had Cassie come talk with her AND Mr. Santos. Apparently he behaves around the principal. Maybe he'll get the hint now about the fact that we have no trouble going to the principal when he's an asshole.

Anyway, after that we went to Beef 'n Bun!! YUM! Jordan wanted his Monster burger with fries and a chocolate peanut butter shake. I got onion rings. They have the best there, I also got a yummy choco peanut butter shake and so did Cassie. I also got her a burger. Between Jordan and I we were able to pay for it, no problem. We stopped in the Vons parking lot to sit and eat.

Then I stayed up long enough to spend time with Cassie before she was picked up. After that I was so exhausted that I went to sleep and I didn't get up. I slept to "Criminal Minds" again. Anyway, I finally woke up around 9:30pm. I watched the new "Sanctuary" and then Jordan came in. I had him give Karissa some fresh water. He also brought me the computer so he was going to go to sleep.

What was really cool is that when I went to Cafemom and went to "FANtastic Writers" Angel had read my James Bond Christmas story and she LOVED it! She said it was a great story. That made me feel better. Of course, I re-read my story again. I found some big mistakes, but nothing I couldn't fix. It was great to hear praise for the story though. Totally awesome.

Anyway, I'm still tired so maybe with luck I'll be able to go back to sleep. But who knows. Then tomorrow I can spend the day reading! :-) Okay, guess that's it!

Got a Lot Done!

Damn I'm tired! I don't feel that great at the moment, but at least I had a pretty good day. I woke up groggy at 11:30am. I really wanted to keep sleeping, but that wasn't to be if I was going to get the car into Claudio to see what was wrong with it. I got up, got dressed, got coffee and when Susan arrived I left with her following me.

The first stop was to the bank to see if my money had come in yet and it did so I pulled it out. Of course, for some reason it gave me a different balance the first time!! Ugh! But eventually I got the right amount. From there she followed me to Claudio's. From there she went to go pick up Jason. I waited for Claudio to check the car and fix it. It turned out to be the 3 cylinder misfiring. He talked about the fact that he will eventually need to replace the manifold, but I don't think that's going to happen. If the car gets to that point I'll have to go without a car again, I guess, because that would be over $1000 to fix.

Anyway, while he waited for the part and then fixed it I decided to do some reading and I read about 42 pages of "Cowboys and Aliens." So far the book is better than the movie. Not that I don't want the movie. After that I went to Walmart at Grossmont. My mom wanted eggs and I figured I'd pick up what I needed to pick up while I was there - tampons, nose spray, woman's world . . . LOL! I also got a Diet Dr. Pepper from the McDonald's. After that I went to the vet and got Karissa her flea medication. From there, I went home to pick up Jordan after I had him take stuff inside. 

After that, we went to CVS where Jordan not only picked up my medication but one of my mom's medications too. Then I took him to GameStop to pay off his "Skyrim" so that way all he has to do is pick him up on the 11th. From there we finally went to Cici's pizza and OMG it was good! I'm STILL full! LOL! So that's one buffet restaurant off my list and I did eat my fill. 

Trying to get to the gas station near home it took us FOREVER! Next time I'm taking El Cajon Blvd. rather than College. There was so much freakin' traffic from the parking lots of the University. But eventually we got to the gas station. We had to stop at Taco Bell though to go to the bathroom. Jordan and I just couldn't hold it anymore. LOL! Then after we got the fuel we went up to Barnes & Noble. I didn't really want to go to the one at Grossmont, but it wasn't that bad. And it was closer than the one in Santee. I found a decent spot and went in. Not only did I find the book Cassie wanted, I found out that it was actually the second book of a series so instead I got her "Beautiful Creatures." I told her if she likes it I'll get her "Beautiful Darkness" for Christmas. I'm sure I'll hear all about it. :-D If it's good I might read it! Of course, I still need to finish "Passion." I also bought myself a book - Tess Gerritsen's "The Mephisto Club." Of course, I have to finish the two books I have going at the moment. I don't really like having two books going at the same time, but it just kind of happened.

Anyway, FINALLY we came home and I put on "Burn Notice" because the mid-season premiere was tonight at 10:00pm. So far it's pretty good. But when I got home, I put the flea medication on Karissa. She wasn't too happy with me. But then after a bit I made the mistake and kissed her close where I'd put the stuff. Now my lips tingle and have tingled for a couple of hours now. It might just be me being paranoid. After all, I think I'd be sick by now if just that much could poison me. 

Then Cassie came home while Jordan was showing me a demo of "Skyrim" which actually looks pretty cool. I may have to watch him play a little bit. :-) But I couldn't resist giving Cassie her bday present now. I guess I rationalized it because Jordan is getting his bday present on the 11th and not his bday on the 19th. It all works out. That's all that matters and that means that both the kids will be happy this month and that's what really matters to me.

Anyway, it's been a pretty good day. Definitely a busy day. I'm pretty much broke now which kind of sucks, but at least I got the stuff done that I wanted to get done. Don't know what I'm doing tomorrow, but I think it'll be a good day. Maybe I'll spend the day reading. Finish one of the books I have . . . well, maybe. And maybe do some writing. :-) Sounds like a good day to me. 

Pdoc, and Car Trouble and Fan Fiction OH MY!

Today has been a bit crazy. Well, it's made me feel crazy. I wake up around 9:30am and then slept until 10:00am. Got up, got dressed, got my coffee and headed out to my pdoc appointment. Turned out there is a NEW doctor. I can't remember his name, but he was nice. It was only his second day on the job and was still having trouble with the computer program he was supposed to use. But none of my meds were or needed to be changed. I just needed more ativan. But on the way there and on the way home the car started acting up to the point I don't want to drive it again unless it's to Claudio's. At first my mother was pissed like I had planned it. Ugh! But eventually she told me to take it in tomorrow. I asked Susan to shadow me there just in case the car breaks down. I just hope it's just a cheap spark plug and that it doesn't cost much. If it does, I'm screwed. But as it was, I asked Susan to pick Cassie up from school and since Cassie wanted to stay over there tonight I decided to let her. That way I don't have to worry about her walking to school. It's too nerve-wrecking to let her walk when so many things can happen. Yeah, I'm a bit paranoid.

Anyway, I really haven't done much today. I kind of chilled out to "Criminal Minds," "The First 48," "Storage Wars" and now the new "Ghost Hunters." (I am very tired too. But I ALSO FINISHED MY FAN FICTION!! "Holiday Joy" my newest 007 romance is done. I posted it though there are a lot of errors in it, but I didn't feel like doing corrections. Maybe tomorrow I'll read it, correct it and repost it. But we'll see.

Hopefully I'll sleep early. Though I always say that and it doesn't happen. But I'll cross my fingers. And we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Gastric Bypass is Coming Closer

Today's been tiring but good!! I got up, got Cassie off to school and then went back to sleep. I didn't sleep last night really so it was time to sleep. I woke up around 1:30pm. I got dressed. Got coffee. Went out to get a good park spot to wait for Cassie.

While I waited for her I actually wrote a about a page on "Crossfire" which was a good thing. It seems to be flowing at the moment. I could have written more, but the bell rang and I wanted to wait for Cassie who didn't show up until 2:30pm! LOL! She was talking with friends. It's funny. She was supposed to have detention apparently but she bribed her way out of it with candy! LOL! Talk about awesome!

I also was texting Mark. He is a kinky guy and he's interested in having another partner in our play! Rick being interested in the same thing it looks like it might REALLY happen! Kind of scares me a bit, but it is something I've always wanted to try! Being with two guys. Being center of attention in that kind of fun! We'll see what happens. But Mark and I are definitely getting back together again on Sunday. I look forward to it! He's pretty good!

Anyway, once home Cassie told me about her day. It was a good day! Then we had dinner and Jason and Susan picked us up to go to the Bariatric Seminar. The Seminar was great and informative. I think about of the three surgeries they do the actual gastric bypass is the one for me. It will take away my acid reflux!!! That is a BIG plus for me. But I have a lot of paperwork to fill out. I need to get labs done. It's crazy! But I can do it. It just seems like I have definitely been put on the fast track and that's cool!! Filling out the diets I've tried though is going to be a pain in the ass. They want the last five years, but I have tried just about everything over the years! Nothing as crazy as the Grapefruit Diet. But I'll have to think about what to put down. Either way, this is happening. Oh and I am so thrilled!! They won't cut me open!! It's all done by laporoscopy! Totally awesome!! Makes me feel a lot better.

Well, I guess that's it. I came home just in time to see the last half of "Dirty Jobs" though I wish news ones were coming out. I hope the show hasn't ended! Then I just have it on "Auction Kings." It's just a good show. I love the people on it. Plus I'm getting tired now and I'm hungry again! LOL! That's what happens when I don't eat for like five hours. So I think I'm going to find something to nosh and then maybe go to sleep early - HOPEFULLY! I could use some extra sleep!