Surgery In the Morning

 

Well, I have surgery in the morning. Today I went to my pre-Op appointment. Found out my surgery is for 7:15am. I have to be at the hospital by 5:15am. And before that I have to shower and use this surgical scrub on my front torso. I am not looking forward to that. I mean, I've got to wake up at 3:45am. But at least it's almost here and tomorrow it will be over.

I took ativan so I'm kind of relaxed. But I have some anxiety left. I need to finish packing. I think I might take a little more of the ativan because I might be able to actually get some sleep! The more I can sleep the better.

Well, if I feel up to this, I'm going to write here tomorrow night to talk about after surgery, but we'll see what happens.

Anyway, my short recap of my day. And I took milk of magnesia and NOTHING has happened. Go figure. For now it's time to sleep, I think.

My Surgery Approaches . . .

That pic pretty much represents how I feel inside. I am anxious and a bit shakey. I am not turning back. I'm going to see this through, but I am very nervous. I'm more anxious about how I'll feel after. I am worried about my medications. Will it hurt to roll over in bed? When I get to my feet? Will I be able to keep down my meds? Will I be able to keep down anything? Do I have to use a spoon to mix my protein shake?

There are so many questions and unknowns. It makes me tired just thinking about it all. Of course, I'm tired anyway. Hope I sleep tonight.

I did get some last minute stuff today. My mom bought me peppermint extract and sugar free popcicles. Also as a last meal I got a McDouble with my salad and then my mom bought See's Candy for Diana and brought Cassie and I a piece each back. That was a nice treat. I also did some packing for the hospital. I just can't wait to get it over with. Each day just brings more anxiety and it's not going to go away until this is done and over.

Anyway, all I have is tomprrow and Wednesday . . . Thursday is the big day. Man I'm nervous. Kind of wish it was tomorrow so that I can just get it over with. But for now I need to take my meds and tried to go to sleep.

Flashback to the Past

Well, some anxiety got triggered tonight. Though I have been thinking about Denise my long gone friend (though I kind of stalk her online! LOL!), I found out that my Ex Husband unfriended me on Facebook, probably because of Denise. He must value whatever crap she says. Whatever, but I have to say that it kind of pisses me off. I have been thinking about writing John and telling him to say hello to her from me. It would probably create drama and I don't need it before my surgery. What's sad is that we used to be friends or rather I was more friends with her than she was with me. But I do have this fantasy of losing the weight and having that book of mine accepted by Black Velvet Seductions. Then writing her and bragging about how wonderful my life is. I know it's kind of mean, but with that she put Nicole and I through she kind of deserves it. There is a part of me that wishes we could be friends again, but I can't deal with her drama. EVERYTHING is a drama to her.

Anyway, I just should leave well enough alone and realistically I probably won't do what I said I have been thinking about. It might now be worth the aggravation, but it would be nice to how her how well my life is going. I mean, this has really been a good year and it's just going to get better.

And I have to admit that some of the anxiety is still over the surgery, but I do want it to be over. Then go from there. I did manage to fill out my paperwork that I need to take with me to the pre-op meeting and I turned in the prescriptions to the pharmacy. It's coming and coming fast. My mom even bought me a robe from Catherine's today. It was originally $62, but after all the sales I only paid $23!! Isn't that awesome?? I think I'm going to start packing a bag tomorrow. I can't put everything in it yet, but I can get a good portion ready.

Well, that's it. Anxiety. Once Upon a Time friend. My good life at the moment . . . Things will go well. I believe that and I have so much support. That helps. Anyway, time to try to sleep.

Technically 4 Day Left to Surgery

It's after midnight so technically it's 4 days until surgery. There are things I still haven't done yet. I want to re-write my list for what I'm going to take to the hospital. My mom wants me to call Catherine's tomorrow and see if they carry robes because they said to take on to the hospital. I have to also fill out the hospital paperwork - I've been kind of putting it off, I guess. I don't know why. Maybe because it's one of the last steps and it will make thing very REAL. LOL! But I have to bite the bullet and just do it. I also have to fill the three prescriptions they gave me before I go into the hospital. I am to the point where the anxiety is there, but I'm more just wanting to get it over with so I can start dealing with my new life. It's going to be a big change. When I do start eating soft food I have a feeling I'm going to be eating a lot of eggs and cottage cheese. Always protein first.

Guess I should try to get some sleep. I know that the night before the surgery I'm going to have a very hard time sleeping. It's coming up so fast! At least I'll be getting it done and over.

Time to sleep.

8 Days and Counting Down

I can't believe it's one more day closer to surgery. But today was a difficult day. I was nauseous almost all day. It sucked. It was my anxiety skyrocking. I don't know why it was so bad today, but I don't see this getting any better. Actually, it did get a little better after my therapy session, but I won't be talking to my therapist next until after my surgery which will most likely be over the phone. I won't be able to drive for two weeks.

I did spend some time on Cafemom tonight and posted about my nerves. Also one of the women offered her friendship and support. I think I'm going to need it. I also asked women to share their after surgery stories with me so I have an idea on how it might feel for me. That might settle my nerves a little. I also found out that I can crush my lamictal and paxil. It's just the invega I have to swallow whole. But at least it's not ALL of my pills.

I just hard a hard time with the anxiety. Jason thought I might be getting sick, but I knew it was anxiety. He did try to reassure me, which was nice. Then my mom washed two sets of PJs for me. I think I'm going to take my yellow ones. I need to start writing a list of what I'm going to take. I might end up not using anything I take, but you never know. I'd like to be able to post on Cafemom how I'm doing. We'll see how it goes. I just can't believe in just over a week it will be time for surgery.

Wow!!

9 Days and Counting

What can I say? The thought that penetrated every waking moment is the surgery and how it's soon approaching. However, I did manage to pick up Jason from the trolley and take him home. Pick up Cassie. Take my mom to Walmart. Drink about 4 diet Dr. Peppers. Then Cassie and I went to Jason and Susan's for BBQ chicken. Let's face it, it's going to be a very long time before I can eat any chicken again - Well, soon it will be that way.

Man I am so tired though too. I don't know why I'm so tired. Maybe I'm stressing too hard on the surgery. THough I just wish I could get it done and over with. Once it's over, it's done and I'll be dealing with another set of issues. But hopefully once the weigh is gone I'll be able to keep it off.

Anyway, this is going to be a very short entry. I did get a new book - "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I'm going to take it with me to the hospital. I'm also going to take my laptop, pajamas, cell phone, phone charger . . . I'll have to make sure I have everything to take.

That's it for now. More tomorrow.

10 Days Until Surgery

Well, I know I took a break for a couple of months. Even went passed Easter. But I can say that I met the goal of losing 50 lbs. Actually, I've lost 62 lbs. I also asked for the soonest surgery slot. I didn't expect it to be in two weeks. I have been trying to get my head wrapped around the fact that it's finally happening and the anxiety that it's going to happen and what might go wrong or how I'm going to feel after. I worry about the pain. But I know this is the right thing for me. It's going to give me a whole new life. But I am really, really nervous.

Today I really stuck to my guns today and didn't really deviate from my plan. I even went to Water Aerobics even though I didn't really want to. However, it was good and I enjoyed the work out and it was nice to see Jen. I got to share with her and Gail and another woman, who I can't remember her name, but she's really nice. They are all excited and happy for me. :-) I did actually consult the psychics in this group I'm in on Cafemom and they said everything was going to go well. Then I also got practical advice like following the diet restrictions. Trust me, I plan to. I just don't know how I'm going to take my pills once the surgery is over. I need more than an ounce of water to take my pills. I have visions of throwing up my pills, which would not be a good thing. But you never know. It might not happen that way. Maybe I'll tolerate things much better than expected. I hope so! I really want things to go well - better than just well. I want things to be the best they can be.

Tomorrow will be 9 days until the big event. I wish I could just chill out about it, but I know I will stress until the very end. Once it's over I'm sure things will be fine. So far, with this, everytime I have stressed things have been much better than I thought. So that's a positive! I just have to stay positive. Not that I'll change my mind. I'm doing this. It's just scary. But it'll be okay. I know it will be - and the psychics told me so! LOL!

Here's to tomorrow . . . making it through another day . . . making things one step closer. Aaahhhhhhh! LOL!