Crazy Life of Mine

Well, for me it's the end of the year rush and it's becoming busier that usual with appointments. I have an eye exam appointment on Tuesday. I already know I need glasses. I have been needing them for years. I guess taking Cassie in finally pushed me to make an appointment for myself.

Then on the 6th I have a pdoc appointment. Cassie has a pdoc appointment for assessment on the 10th and then I have a parent-teacher conference for Cassie on the 17th. Nothing like being busy!

Plus Jason and Susan are going out of town for 10 days and we are watching the cats. Somehow Greg needs to get his van fixed since his stupid father has hit it twice with his car . . . Idiot. He REALLY shouldn't be driving. I mean, once could be an accident, you know? But TWICE??? Yeah . . . He shouldn't be driving PERIOD! Because of that the passenger side door won't open so I have to sit in the back. It makes Greg feel like a chauffer and I can't blame him! It's nuts to have to do that.

Oh and Cassie is running for Fire Marshal at her school! We made posters Sunday night - two of them. Then Tuesday night we made badges for her to hand out. It was a lot of work, but she got to hand them out today. It's a good thing because tomorrow she won't be at school. She has a field trip to the Science Center. Then on Friday she gives her speech!

Then, of course, we have the kids bdays coming up. Cassie's is going to be at the Embassy Suites again. The guy Jason works for is going to do the same thing for her again this year that he did last year; free movies for the night and send up free food! Is that not sweet?? Jordan will just have some friends over to spend the night. Not many . . . maybe two or three. They will stay in Jordan's room mostly playing his video games! Like who didn't know that?? LOL! I can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving . . . Soon it will be Christmas and a whole new year . . . Frightening. LOL! Ah well . . . Busy, busy, busy!!

Thought I'm tired, guess there's no real rest in sight! LOL! No rest for the wicked I guess! ;-P

You will not believe this Dog - INCREDIBLE!!

Seriously! this Dog will floor you with it's performance. And if that doesn't get you, how about Simon (from American Idol) giving a huge smile!! This dog Jin, really is fantastic and something to see!

http://www.familytiez.com/video/gin.htm

But really, everyone should watch this!

Halloween Carnival at Cassie's School

Cassie had a blast at the School Halloween Carnival. She opted not to wear the wings for her costume because she didn't want to get them ruined before Halloween. So instead of being a fairy, she called herself the Ghost of Christmas Past . . . I have no idea why. LOL! But I guess it worked!

We got there early because she was working the haunted house for the first half hour. I didn't see, because it was designed for kids and I will tell you . . . I am not even CLOSE to being kid-sized! LOL! But she told me that at first, she was just doing the tours through the haunted house, but then the teacher running is had to be one of the ghouls and she started telling the other kids how to do their job! LOL! Not meanly, but giving direction bascially. It was so funny because the teacher said she was a good actress and good at giving direction and asked if she wanted to be the Director. She said, "Okay!" and so then she did that! The teacher said she did a great job and now she wants to run her own Haunted House one of these Halloweens! Plus, she had 15 tickets and then had another $20 to spend (which went toward, sodas, snow cones and nachos and more tickets). I thought for sure she would play games and stuff, but all she really wanted to do was go through the haunted house over and over again with her friends! LOL! So for halloween, she wants to go into this even scarier haunted house that her cousin works at called the Monster Manor. If she does, it'll be the first year of her doing it. She has never liked that kind of stuff before. To be honest, I don't really like it myself. But if she does, that is FANTASTIC! She has been far to timid of stuff that might seem scary for far too long. It's great to see her enjoying it.

As for me, I did the cake walk a few times. That's about the extent of my fun! LOL! I didn't really win anything, but before I left the woman whispered to me, "Go ahead and take something." That was cool. I got a plate that had two cupcakes and two cookies. Cassie and I devoured those when we got home . . . well after dinner. We had gone to McDonald's to grab dollar food and they screwed up the order. Well, this wasn't just a screw up on sauces or something. They shorted us a sandwich!! So I called and railed into them. I mean, it's wasted time, especially wasted fuel! Then the girl that made the mistake to begin with tried to tell me that I was only charged for 3 sandwhiches and I just about blew a gasket. I was LOOKING at the recipt and told her so. Told her not to tell me what I ordered. Anyway, they replaced the sandwich and gave us fries and 2 hot apple pies as compensation. Normally, I wouldn't make too big of a deal, but to forget a whole sandwich?? And then to try to tell me that they only charged me for three when the recipt clearly says four?? I realize they don't hire rocket scientists, but this girl was the same one that took our order and she had this attitude of knowing it all? You can tell those types from a mile away. They give off the vibe. LOL!

But anyway, we enjoyed our dinner, Cassie told me all about the school's haunted house and what she did in it and then we got some reading it. She crashed relatively early for a Saturday night, but I guess she got worn out! LOL!

I am very glad she had so much fun!

My TV shows of the Evening

Okay, my life is generally not that exciting. I was able to work on my book and I was able to write with a friend today. Got most everything done on the "To Do" list, including getting my daughter to read, which even though she's good at is sometimes like pulling teeth! After all, there is so much else to be doing. But night time is kind of my time. At least when one of my shows is on! Tonight has been a favorite for a long time. It used to just be SciFi Friday, though there is now a cop show . . . however that's being changed and it goes up against one of my favorite shows . . . it sucks, but I guess I have to shuffle things around. I know, how exciting!! LOL!


Anyway, the TV schedule for tonight (or last night really since it's after midnight) was as follows:


Stargate: Atlantis - I am a SciFi Geek and I'm proud to admit it!






Next was my quirky cop show - Life







Followed lastly by The Sanctuary - another SciFi show!






Yes . . . my life is one of so many interests! LOL! Anyway, time for bed. I think I am very ready for sleep.

A Cat in the Flower Basket

My cat Karissa has taken to sleeping in the flower basket. It's pretty funny since she has a nice warm bed . . . LOL! I wish the quality of the photo was better, but here is what I saw yesterday morning!

Cassandra's 2008 School Portrait

OMG! She looks so beautiful! It's hard to believe she's just 10 going on 11. She is growing up so fast . . . but she's always going to be my baby!

Easiest Turnovers in the World!

These are the easist Turnovers in the world! I started making them the day before yesterday when I was frying up my daughter and I some quesadillas for lunch. I thought, "I want something sweet too." So I pulled out another flour tortilla and this time I put some pineapple jam in it, sprinkled with a little pumpkin pie spice, I folded it like a burrito and fried it up like I do the quesadillas! It was delicious!! SO yesterday I used strawberry jam inside (no spices) and fried those up, dusting them with powdered sugar. They weren't as good as the pineapple one in my opinion, but they were pretty good and so easy!!

Next month, I plan to make sweetened cream cheese and get a can of blueberry pie filling! I know THAT is going to be awesome!!

The Next Chapter of the Saga . . .

Well, the SARB thing actually went okay. I think I threw everyone off by giving everyone at the meeting that letter. I just walked in and said, "Before we get started, I'd like to hand these out." Most everyone at the table started reading it immediately. I couldn't believe that Sherry Maldonado was at that meeting! I was so ticked off! Though I am a calm and rational person, I did have the urge to beat her. Good thing my calm and rational side always wins out! LOL! Greg was however very proud of how I handled it, and the few people that read the letter, before I'd taken it to the meeting, thought it was very good. I think because of it, the woman that's supposed to do the "these are the rules and consequences" cut it short and went straight to the "what can we do to help . . ." That gave me a lot of confidence and I actually felt that I was being listened to. And the doctor they had there was VERY, VERY nice. He's a very cool guy. Basically, I told them how I had her in therapy now and that I had also made an appointment for her to be evaluated with a psychiatrist and this was BEFORE the meeting. So I think that was in my favor too, because a lot of her stomach aches, I'm pretty sure were stress. Anyway, they'll make conscessions for her in regards to her health yet try to keep her at school. That's fine with me, but I stressed over and over again that they had to have the teacher remind her to use her hand sanitizer several times a day. I mean, that alone should keep her from getting as sick as she has. All I know is that at least one thing was pointed out to Sherry Maldonado in my letter by the School Police officer that was there. I would LOVE to know what that was. LOL! Since I really laid into her. She deserved it! Plus, since she's made my life miserable, I'm going to do what I planned to do at the end of the school year last year. The only reason I didn't was because I was told that she was going to be fired. Not just her personally, but all the counselors. Anyway, I am going to write a formal complaint and give it to the school. I'm also going to make copies and see who I can sent it to at the School District Offices because I want her questioned and under a microscope and see how she likes it! I swear to you, that woman has no business being a school counselor, especially at an elementary school!! It makes me think of my sister Diana trying to be a School Counselor. *shudder*

Oh, looks like I'm going to get a pretty good Digital camera!! I am so excited! Jason won a new one from work at some kind of event and they're going to give me their old one! I have been wanting a real digital camera for a long time. And the cards for this one are relatively cheap and they hold tons of photos! So I'm VERY happy!

This week Cassie got to kind of go to Horse Camp. It was a special thing for 5th graders through the school. It's awesome! They got to ride horses, but also, they got to take care of their horse! Cassie had a beautiful American Paint Horse (so I was told . . . I wish I could see it but they won't allow anyone to take a camera . . . bummer . . .). She brushed it, washed it, cleaned out the stall . . . learned to saddle the horse even and she loves every minute of it. It almost makes me wish I could get her a horse . . . if she'd keep taking care of it. LOL! Not like that's going to happen. Or I wish the program lasted all year. But unfortunately today is the last day.

Then her school Halloween Carnival is this saturday. Though she earned a lot of tickets with turning in box tops to them, Jason and Susan are giving her $20 to use too! I thought that was fantastic! She's going to have a great time, I think. As for Jordan, his grades are starting to slip again. Not sure what I'm going to do about him. The prom doesn't seem to be enough to motivate him anymore nor this trip to Disneyland that Susan's mom wants to take the kids on, but ONLY if he has good grades! I don't have to worry about Cassie. She always gets good grades. It's a 5 day trip too. But we'll see what happens. Maybe he'll pull it together. I'm going to have to start calling his teachers and see what can be done to help him though. It just discourages me. He's 17 . . . I thought maybe he was finally taking his schooling seriously since he got over a 2.0 last semester . . . but whatever motivated him seems to have slipped into the mists . . .

On another note too, I managed to get a new Doctor for Jordan. I couldn't see sending him to see a woman. Thought that might be embarrassing for a 17 year old boy. I also managed to get an appointment for Cassie to see an optomitrist. She's been needing glasses for years. I did a lot in a short period of time yesterday. I even worked a little on my book! I was beginning to wonder if I'd even be able to work on it again! Unfortunately, I still haven't heard from the nurse about my sleeping medication. The insurance is being difficult, but being bipolar and not sleeping isn't a very good thing . . . I need something to help me sleep normally, or as normally as I can. I don't want to go into an episode just because I couldn't sleep and have been under undue amounts of stress. That would be a bad thing!

Anyway, that's the rant for the day!

Pumpkin Recipe just for the Season!

This sounds good! I might have to try this one myself! YUM!







Becky's Pumpkin Cupcakes
Makes 24 cupcakes
From the kitchen of Becky Stasik

Ingredients:
1 package (18.25 ounces) spice cake mix
1 can (15 ounces) Libby's 100% Pure Pumpkin
3 large eggs
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup water
1 container (16 ounce) prepared cream cheese or vanilla frosting
assorted sprinkles



Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Paper-line or grease 24 muffin cups. Blend cake mix, pumpkin, eggs, vegetable oil and water in large mixer bowl until moistened. Beat medium speed for 2 minutes. Pour batter into prepared muffin cups, filling 3/4 full. Bake for 18 to 23 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pans on wire racks for 10 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely. Spread cupcakes with frosting.

SARB - School Asshole Rejects Board

I won't get too much into what SARB actually stands for. To be honest, I don't really care. What I do care about is them calling me up there for some stupid meeting because my daughter has been out due to being sick too much this year and for the first few times I didn't provide a stupid note. I didn't realize that from the last school year to this one, a new leaf wasn't turned over.

Anyway, I am still pissed. I don't like to be made to feel as if I'm a liar and though I don't know for certain, I believe this is a meeting where they tell you what a bad little parent you've been because your child has been absent too many days (so they lose money . . . boohoo at this point). Well, being bipolar, you can imagine how wonderful this added stress had just helped me so much keeping my symtoms under control . . . It has totally screwed up my sleeping and everything. I HATE these people - especially one in particular and I hope to God that she's not there today because I will be very hard pressed not to go up to her and tell her what a fucking bitch she is!

However, I settled for writing a letter which will be given to EVERYONE there. Though it has all the information I want to them to know, it also reflects my anger and irritation and the amount of stress this stupid shit has put me through and how it is affecting my symptoms and the anxiety level of my daughter. I REALLY HATE THIS DISTRICT. I wish to God I could move her out of it and tell them all to just KISS OFF!

Anyway, thought I'd post my scathing letter here. Not like anyone is going to read it. LOL! :-P

October 22, 2008

To whom it may concern,

Because I am no public speaker and this event has left me far too emotional to express everything I need to in a coherent fashion I have opted to write it out. That way there are no misunderstandings of my meanings. This is too important for me to not be heard and to state clearly what has been on my mind since the end of the last school year. And yes, I do mean from the end of the last school year.

First let me explain that I am bipolar. I am on meds, but stress makes my symptoms worse as does lack of sleep which both have been caused by this event. I am in NO WAY saying that my daughter has missed school because of my illness because I have always gotten her to school EXCEPT for her being SICK or family emergencies. The few other exceptions have been caused by those that work for the district in the school – Gage Elementary.

Mrs. Sherry Maldonado was the cause of much of my grief at the end of the school year last year. It was agreed by all parties that I would bring Doctor’s notes (stupid me assumed it meant for just the end of that school year) to prove when she was really sick (which she always was). But if you check my daughter’s cume carefully you will see a couple of instances where I DID bring a Doctor’s note and yet Mrs. Maldonado still felt the urge to send in a note to SARB. I have no idea what the woman had against me, but obviously she was trying to make my life miserably, not to mention that it was completely unprofessional at that point. On top of that, it created more stress not just for me, but for my daughter as well. She would call her in to speak with her about her absences. According to my daughter (who I believe) she was mean and had my daughter in tears many times, even if she didn’t cry in front of this woman. In fact, toward the end of the school year I called all over the school district headquarters just trying to find someone that I could lodge a complaint with AND to find a new school for my daughter where Mrs. Maldonado was NOT a counselor. I did find someone who told me that I should just leave my daughter at Gage because the woman would be getting a pink slip with all the other counselors in the District. But imagine my surprise at the beginning of the year . . . guess who I find out is still at Gage; Mrs. Maldonado! NOT ONLY has this made me angry that I was lied to, but it has undermined my faith and trust in this School District and if I had a choice I would remove my daughter from it without hesitation.

Now that I have also explained that I didn’t know the new school year did not roll over a new year for this particular problem, I have done my best to correct it. If you LOOK at her CUME you will see that for her last several absences there ARE Doctor’s notes. So, as soon as I realized you all thought I was no longer complying I quickly remedies the situation, but apparently that was not noted anywhere and I find myself HERE.

On to the next bit of business – My daughter, Cassandra, started getting stomach aches and headaches shortly after the school year started. Most mornings I kept her home she was either in so much pain I couldn’t see sending her or she was throwing up. Shortly there after, she was diagnosed with a UTI. Now, for those of you who don’t know, she is prone to these or has been. She hasn’t gotten too many recently though. However, to make a long story short, there is a correlation between girls that were molested and UTIs (the research is there and I can pull up several websites on my computer to verify it). My daughter was molested when she was 7. But recently she told me that the boy who had molested her had not done it just the one time, but had been molesting her since she was 4 years old. THAT was when her UTIs started, only I didn’t know the correlation at the time. As I said, only recently has she told me the full truth of the matter. The memories just recently came back, triggered by something she was reading. This information was revealed to me only a week or so BEFORE I was told of this SARB meeting. It was about that time I started wondering if the stomach aches and headaches that had become everyday were caused by anxiety from these events and not just lingering anxiety of Mrs. Maldonado’s continued presence at the school; especially after I had taken her to be seen by doctors for it several times and they could not pinpoint a reason for the aches, though had no doubt they were real. I also arranged for her to get back into therapy. She is now seeing a Dr. Cross. Since Cassandra also is showing a lot of similar behavior to when I was her age, I have also made an appointment with a psychiatrist to evaluate her for anxiety disorders and bipolar disorder. This added stress has done nothing to help the situation. All it has done is bring out more symptoms and emotions issues for her and I.

And as for her getting sick with anything else - she is prone to getting colds. I have had her immunity checked. She’s fine, though I can have it tested again since it might be a little out of date. But this has been an on-going issue. Since she doesn’t spend a lot of time out in the neighborhood or with friends, she is subjected to more germs at the school than she is at home or anywhere else. I have expressed my concern to the teachers every year and try to ask them to remind her to use her hand sanitizer which should be in her backpack every day. She takes vitamins daily and she eats pretty healthy every day as well. STRESS is a known factor for lowing immunity so I have to wonder where else she is getting stress other than at home with other members of my family. The answer to that question? SCHOOL. She has come crying to me after school (mostly the last few months of the previous school year though a couple of times this year) in tears because of ‘lectures’ from those at the school about how even if she’s sick she needs to be in school. I don’t see how making my daughter feel like she’s lying about feeling sick helps and particularly now. Her own father accused her of lying about being molested just the one time when she was seven so she takes things VERY hard when adults accuse her of lying, even if they don’t come out and say the words. As we all know, it can be implied without it being said.

Let me conclude this by saying that if you want me to keep furnishing doctor’s notes I will. In fact, I intended to regardless. But I have lost any confidence and faith in this school district and at least one person in particular that you have at Gage – Mrs. Sherry Maldonado. The only reason I didn’t write out a formal complaint at the end of the school year was because I was assured she was going to be gone and I was told this by the woman that handles Special Education Coordination for the District – Laura (unfortunately I don’t remember her last name and I can’t find the paperwork I had it written down on at the moment). From now on, I will not be able to believe a word the District tells me when it comes to matters such as this and I will do what I think is in my daughter’s and my best interests, such as writing out formal complaints when necessary regardless of what I am told by anyone in the District since I cannot count on the truth.

This has caused my daughter and particularly myself undue amounts of stress to the point where I have almost found myself back in the hospital for a bipolar episode caused by this event. Though I am on medication and in therapy, any psychiatrist will tell you that medication can only do so much. It has crossed my mind that should I end up in the hospital I know where a lot of the blame lies at this given point.

Like my daughter, I don’t like to be made to feel that I am a liar since I do NOT keep my daughter home just to let her stay home. I have never just let her run wild and be truant. This has been an emotional blow that I personally don’t feel my daughter and I deserve. I am angry and if I could I would remove my daughter from this District all together because of this alone. There is no amount of interest or caring for the truth here. There is only blame to be assigned and threats to be made for non-compliance and in my personal opinion, it’s sickening. Those that should be brought here are the parents whose kids are ACTUALLY TRUANT, not sick. The parents whose kids run all over the city instead of school should be here. Not the ones whose children are actually sick. And as I have said before in this letter, I have lost any faith I had in this District and I doubt it will be renewed.

My Top Movie and TV Show Picks for Halloween

These are movies and TV Series' from my own personal collection.Obviously there are a lot more that can be added to this list. Someof them kids can watch and some are definitely just for adults.If you're looking for ideas, I'm sure you'll find something on this list and maybe see what we have in common.




Top Halloween Movies
_____________________

The Haunted Mansion (Disney)

Dark City

Van Helsing

The Sixth Sense

Labyrinth

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

The Order (Heath Ledger)

Hellboy

Bewitched

Constantine

Underworld

Underworld: Evolution

Ghost Rider

The Mummy

The Mummy Returns

The Corpse Bride

The Craft

The Covenant

Stigmata

Sleepy Hollow (Johnny Dep)

The Prophecy

The Prophecy II

The Prophecy III: The Ascent

Resident Evil

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Cursed

The Addams' Family

I am Legend

The Monster Squad

Blood and Chocolate

Hybrid



Top Halloween TV Shows
______________________

Beauty and the Beast

Dexter

The Dresden Files

Heroes

The Dead Zone

Kyle XY

Blade

Witchblade

I Dream of Jeannie

Getting to Know You - Yes One of THOSE!

Well, I found one of these things online and thought I'd fill it out. Just something else to add to the blog. Something a little more light, though not really feeling very light. Ah well . . .

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope, just myself. In fact, I picked my own name. It's better that way sometimes!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I actually cried a little tonight and I HATE to cry! It totally sucks. I feel too vulnerable when I do.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not really. I think it looks sloppy, but then again, I'm my own worst critic.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? It varies from time to time. I suppose Salami followed by Honey Ham and then Roast Beef.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yep! A boy whose almost 17 and a girl whose almost 11.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably. As much as I am friends with anyone. I've grown a lot more guarded over the years, but I do get along with almost everyone I meet! :-)

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? That's a joke, right?? Of course! That's my basic mode of operating! LOL!

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Nope

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP ? No, I'm not inclined to jump off something really high attached to only a cord - regardless HOW strong it is. NOT my thing! LOL!

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? It varies on my mood. But night now, it's Rice Crispies!

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not unless I absolutely have to. In fact, I usually wear sandals. Though it's getting colder. I'll have to pull out the REAL shoes. LOL! Wahh! :-P

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Mental I'm told I am VERY strong because I haven't totally lost it yet, though I've come very close many times. Physically . . . yeah, right . . .

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, Moose Tracks, Ben and Jerry's anything really . . .

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their face - smile, frown, eyes . . . Then their body language. That will tell you a lot.

15. RED OR PINK? Pink. I'm not a red kind of girl.

16. WHAT DO YOU LIKE LEAST ABOUT YOURSELF? My weight. My hair . . . Those are the physical things.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My dad. He died in January of 2003. And sometimes I miss some lost friendships - when I get nostalgic. Well, there are a few I wish I definitely still had.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Uh . . . it's really a question that doesn't apply since I found this online and don't intend to send it to anyone.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? LOL! I'm wearing a long, dark purple nightgown. No shoes . . .

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Bowl of Rice Crispies. :-D

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The sound of a fan above me and my typing.

22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Purple/Violet Blue - because it's my favorite from the box! :-)

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? There are a lot of them. Apple and pumkin spice, baking cookies and cakes, cut grass, gardenias, honeysuckle and jasmine

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My boyfriend

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I can't say that I do since it wasn't sent to me. :-P

26. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Don't really watch sports. Though sometimes I do like to watch Ice Skating and Martial Arts

27. HAIR COLOR? Brown with a touch of gray

28. EYE COLOR? Olive green

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope, but if I did, they'd been emerald green!

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Steak, Mexican food, Chinese Food.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings, of course!! Action is my favorite genre though.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Snow Dogs

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Still wearing that long, dark purple nightgown. :-P

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter!!! I'm waiting for it to cool down DAY and night.

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Both

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? That varies . . . Cream Cheese pie is a favorite. Especially with blue berries on top!

37. FAVORITE MYTHICAL CREATURE? I'd have to say Unicorn, though Dragon comes in next.

38. DO YOU LIKE HALLOWEEN? I love it!! I'm going to be a tiger . . . Kind of! LOL! I have the ears! All I'll do is draw a cat face on me and I'm good to go.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Digging for the Truth by Josh Bernstein

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEPAD? Not using one actually. The track ball kept sticking on it for some reason. Just the plain desk works better. Go figure . . .

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? Chuck, Heroes, My Own Worst Enemy, The Haunted History of Halloween . . .

42. FAVORITE SOUND? Sometimes silence, or my favorite music . . . sometimes the sound of rain. I LOVE the sound of rain . . .

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles a bit more

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? England

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I love to write! That's my main talent I think.

46. WHERE AND WHEN WERE YOU BORN? La Mesa, California 1969

Depression and Writing

Depression sucks . . . it sucks more than most things, except mixed and hypomanic episodes. But that is killing me about this particular depression - and it's the type I've been having most of the year is that it shuts down my creative centers. It becomes harder for me to write . . . and now I am so far behind on my fourth book sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to go back to it again and finish it.

But in fairness to myself (besides being bipolar II) I have had a lot of my plate between friends, boyfriend, family (that I wish I didn't have really), my kids, their schools . . . Especially with my daughter's school . . . I feel like everything has been hitting me like a blizzard and I just can't see my way out of it yet.

The sad thing is that I have no energy at all. Just the fact that I'm writing this and I'm able to contribute to my blods is a feat all in itself because I'm so run down . . . I have trouble sleeping, but when I do sleep, I won't want to wake up . . . I just have no real interest in life and I can't seem to muster the interest to write . . . I wish I knew why. I LOVE my writing. But it seems that all I can do is the fun writing with my friend Patty B. That's fine, but what about my own writing? My own projects? And yet even as I type that, this wave of exhaustion just hits me and all I want to do is crawl back into bed . . .

Anyway, a lot of time my depressions don't disable my writing. In fact, it usually helps me since writing is my means of escape. But for now, I'm mired in this pit of dispair. It sucks . . . I want to write. I want that part of my life and mind back . . . I want to be able to write!!

But at least I have not been completely unproductive. I did get a psychiatrist for my daughter. She'll be evaluated on November 10th. I know she's got an anxiety disorder, but I'm worried she has bipolar. She acts EXACTLY like I did when I was her age. I can see it. So we'll see what happens. But it's something I intend to let the SARB board know. They're lucky if I don't tell them to fuck off . . . I hate these people. I hate this school district and I can't wait for the day I can tell them to piss off.

But for now . . . it's depression city and the everlasting darkness . . . Who knows if or when the sun will rise again . . .

Men . . .

I have a unique way of looking at the world and relationships. It's not a conventional one and I'm the first to admit it. I have no expectations of faithfulness . . . I have no expectations of much of anything really. Commitment is great . . . Marriage? Nope, don't believe in it anymore. I think, personally, that isn't a trap. It's there for two people to basically say, "I own you, you need to do what I say or else . . ." and you know . . . that doesn't work.

Now I know A LOT of people would disagree with me. They would say that Marriage is a beautiful thing between two people who love each other. That it's hard work, but if you're truly commited you can make it last a lifetime. Yeah . . . if both people want to work on it. That one doesn't think they have the right to rule over the other . . . I am convinced that yes, maybe it can work. But the two people have to have VERY similar value systems and have similar ways of doing things or else it just won't work. There isn't that same thought that you have to stay married just because - and thank god for that!!

I was married for 10 years. Well . . . almost. I would say out of those 10 years, maybe 2 were actually good . . . 3 if I push it. I won't say that I was the perfect wife. I know I wasn't. I am a slob. But he knew that before we were married! I didn't hide that. When we got married, he expected me to magically change. Maybe I had different expectations too . . . Like that he wouldn't flirt with other women . . . Of course, being married, I didn't think that one was too out of the ballpark for expectations. But it wasn't just that. We argued about money and the lack-there-of. During the first year of our marriage I got pregnant and we had a son. That was one of the best years I had. I did find that he had a bunch of dirty magazines under our bed and he said he'd gotten them to get back at me for a party I'd gone to that was just girls . . . I should have INSISTED that he come or that I shouldn't have gone to be with my friends. It was a dinner party at my friend's house . . .

But there was so much more. Verbal and emotional abuse. There were times it got physical. Probably about six times in 10 years. I guess that's better than some. Of course, the last time he hit me, I was 7 months pregnant with our daughter. She was almost 2 when I finally decided I wanted a divorce. I got serious about it after she was born. He begged to go to counseling so I said okay. I didn't want it said that I hadn't tried everything. But you know, the damage was done. It made it last one more year, but some things just can't be fixed.

Besides the physical abuse the mental abuse was worse. He blamed me for everything. Being bipolar and usually I was depressed (we didn't know I was bipolar at the time) he constantly pushed me. There was this one time, he wouldn't let up with his verbal punishment with me. I was in the kitchen with a knife to my wrist and he looked down at me (since I was sitting on the floor) and said, "Do it. You've talked about it so much, why don't you do it??" And to this day, I don't know if he wanted me to or not, but to push me? I was suicidal. The only thing stopping me at the time was our son . . .

But one of the things that hurt the most; It was literally traumatic; was when he had an affair. I was devistated and I was ready to kick him out. He had to convince me that he wanted to be with me. But the damage was done. In fact, at first, he didn't even tell me the whole story. I only got that he'd kissed her and felt her up. Well, she told him she was pregnant . . . which apparently she did with every guy she slept with. She told me herself how she'd lost twins and another kid. Apparently she was also good at miscarriages. Personally, I think she was lying. She always had this clouded expression of her face like she just wasn't there or was confused all the time. I think she was schizophrenic or maybe even bipolar complicated with hallucinations. I don't know. I don't care. But I remember being so upset and hurt that I told my husband that he'd better never know me how to use his gun, because if he did it again, I was going to shoot him. I meant every word at the time. Now I looked back on that and I laugh. Like he would even be worth the bullet. But it hurt me. Though I am so over him and over that. I mean, I don't give a crap who he slept with now just so long as he didn't give me anything, which he didn't. But there are still things from that time that I can't listen to or watch . . . I remember wanting to see this movie "Father Hood": and because he saw it with her, I can't watch it even now. Though I could care less about him, it triggers that pain. I also can't listen to the song "Lady in Red". I forget who it's by and I really don't care now. He bought that tape during that time. Some pain just resides there . . . It can't be undone. Even if you stop caring about that person, the trauma is there. And I swore I would never go through that again . . .

And so my philisophy . . . Expect that your partner will cheat. Expect that they will lie. Expect that you can't control them so don't . . . They will do what they will do and it's your choice whether or not you react. Maybe because of that, I just don't allow myself to get close enough to anyone anymore. My Ex put me through such a ringer that I will NEVER get married again. I refuse to let it bother me if my partner wants to screw around so long as he doesn't bring home anything to me.

Because I've said this to him (because it's not like we have a place to have much adult time and it's been months since we've been able to have sex or make love as he always insists on calling it) and he was getting frustrated. I said if it was that bad find someone else for the time being. If he needed it, he needed it. And because of that, he automatically assumed that it meant I was screwing around on him and that it was okay for him to do it too. WHAT?! So I get pissed. He's heard me talk about my Ex . . . I have explained this before. I KNOW I have . . . So it hit me from left field and he expects to want to get some tomorrow . . . Being upset, I'm not exactly inclined to "make love." Oh yeah, and that's something my Ex tried to pull on me too - "Well, I make love with you . . ." Like that made his screwing around any better.

And you know, even if I did (which I can't anyway, even if I wanted to, which I DON'T) I wouldn't be stupid enough to say anything. I wouldn't change my routine. I wouldn't change the way I act . . . and I would never say anything. It would be like nothing had happened. I would NEVER want to hurt someone. A mistake is a mistake. I forgave my Ex once . . . as much as I could forgive him. But the pain is still there, even though my feelings for him are long gone.

I just wish my boyfriend understood. I mean, I know he's gone through a lot too, but geez . . . I don't often compare him with my Ex, but he seems to always seems to try to compare me with his when something like this arises . . . I know both his wives screwed around on him, but I'm not them . . .

Sometimes I wonder if relationships are even worth it. Or maybe I am so used to being indepentant now for my own emotional sake that even though he and I are together maybe I will never be as close to him as he wants. Maybe I don't know how . . . maybe that part of me is broken forever. He and I have known each other for almost 6 years and have dated on and off that whole time. Only in the last two years have we been seeing each other seriously. I do love him. He makes me smile and laugh most of the time - something I desperately need more of. But he looks at me as his everything. There are times I just can't handle it. I can't be anyone's end-all-be-all . . . and I honestly think that I will never be able to love him the way he wants. But he says he'd be devistated if we broke up. The thing is, I have no intention of breaking up with him unless he hurts me, or brings up the pain. I have so much in my everyday life living with my family . . . I just can't handle anymore.

But what got me even more than that is when he asked me if this was about when my Ex and I started having problems. WHAT?? Our relationship was NOTHING like my marriage. And it was as if he were blaming me for the marriage going bad. Maybe he wasn't, but with all the things texted, it sure seemed that way. That might not be something I can let go of for a bit. With as much as my Ex hurt me to intimate that *I* caused the problems . . . screw that . . . THAT is something I will not abide by. I wasn't the abusive asshole. I didn't put him down constantly. I wasn't the one that verbally and emotionally abused me - and our son. I wasn't the one that screwed around. I wasn't the one that started the hitting . . . So . . . I can't even imagine why he'd intimate that . . . But THAT hurt.

As I said . . . Men . . .

Can't live with them . . . can't shoot them . . .

And I used to be so romantic and idealistic . . . Needless to say that bright-eyed bride is long gone . . . Replaced by a realist . . . Looking at everything with a sarcastic and brittle grin. Believe nothing . . . As Dr. Gregory House always says, "Everybody Lies" and he's right. Accept that and life is more managable . . . Your expectations change . . . and some things will hurt less . . . Though it doesn't work for everything . . .

Well, the story is GONE!

I am not one to condone destruction of someone's work, but I think in the instances of Denise, it was necessary. She let it destroy her whole life . . . for her marriage of 21 years it was the last straw and it lead to her eventually abuse her kids . . . Nothing was more important than that stupid book.

I couldn't believe that even now in jail after abusing their son she had the NERVE to ask her soon-to-be Ex Husband - father of their now abused children - for him to send her pens and paper so she could work on her book!!! Didn't even ask about the kids. Just wanted pens and paper. Well, since she doesn't have a place to go back to anyway, her husband went to pack up the kids' stuff AND he destroyed the hard drive to the computer. Of course, by the time she's out of jail all her stuff will be gone anyway. The manager doesn't want her back even if she could pay rent for three months. He's written her and told her what he did. I just wonder what she will do when she finds out . . . Should be interesting in a sick, weird way. Part of me is sad for her and part of me is like - Yay! She's getting what she deserves . . . Well, I think this story being destoyed and gone is probably for the best. She'll hate everyone and blame everyone, but it still all comes back to her . . .

So I am very glad her soon-to-be Ex destroyed it. She only had it on a hard drive and I'm sure any hard copies are long gone or will be by the time she gets out. The story needed to go . . . She needs to get her head around real life.

But we'll see what happens in the saga of Denise . . .

Time for more Humor!

If this doesn't make you laugh, then something's wrong with you! LOL!

Official Announcement:


The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that...

Sometimes you have to wonder if life is one long tunnel

and you only reach the light once it's over. Don't get me wrong. I'm not actually as depressed as I've been before, but it's this feeling like every day is a struggle. My wonderful, darling, precious older sister (who is old enough to be my mom) got in my son's face last night because he was doing dishes and watching TV. She (get this one) literally stood on her TIP TOES to make sure she could (and I do not exaggerate this) scream in his face. The woman is in her 60's and she has to act more immature than my 17 year old son! I came out of my room and tried to talk calmly and she was so out of control that all you could do was yell at her. I swear, the woman has more wrong with her than I ever will, and I'm bipolar!! What the hell does SHE have??

Anyway,long story short - I got in her face and asked her how she liked it. She decided to say how horrible I am. That I needed to be a mother. I said that I was after I told Jordan to go to his room. Because I was protecting my kids from her. I then finished by saying that the conversation was over and I slammed the door in her face. What's sad is that my mother, of course, took her precious daughter's side. Believe me when I say that. My mother never wanted me to begin with. I know this because when I asked her why she'd had me (and this was before I knew I was adopted) because the risk was so high I would be down syndrome (both my parents were old), she told me "Your father wanted a baby." It wasn't, "I wanted a baby." It wasn't, "We wanted a baby." It was, "your father wanted a baby." And growing up, she made it clear that if you weren't her ideal of perfect and that you didn't jump when she told her or did it the way she wanted you to do that then she had every night to emotionally abuse you until you did it.

Of course, I wasn't the type to give in easily. I screamed and yelled back at her (isn't it amazing how all her kids do that - not just the screwed up one). I didn't do what she wanted until I wanted to. She slapped me across the face a lot of times for being mouthy with her and a lot of times in public. I grew up hating her and to be honestly, I still don't know how to feel about her. I don't love her - as in I don't get that warm, fuzzy feeling for her. I'd protect her - as if she were someone under my care maybe. But I have no real love for the woman. I think she managed to kill anything I felt for her a long time ago with her emotional and verbal abuse. And what's sad is her daughter Diana has followed in her footsteps. She has three girls and isn't it amazing how none of them come see her very often. In fact, I recall many years ago that when her oldest's daughter was around 6 years old, she refused to let Diana she her because of something she'd said or done. I think it was something she said. When this same daughter came out to visit, she made it a point to come tell me that her mother was a difficult person to love . . . Isn't it interesting that Diana told me the same thing? Only it doesn't appear to be me that is. My kids WANT to be near me! Unlike Diana's kids. I think they need the distance to be able to deal with her and even attempt to say they love her. You can't live with someone emotionally and verbally abusive and tell them you love them unless you are seriously lying. Personally, I can't lie like that. I can't bring myself to say it if I don't feel it. But like Diana, all of my siblings are like this. The boys are WORSE in a lot of ways because they have a streak in them that hates women I think. Or that basically makes them think that they can do whatever they want and the women in their lives should just put up with it like doormats.

Anyway, just because someone is put up for adoption doesn't mean they automatically go to a good home. In fact, I HOPE they have tightened up the laws since I was adopted because my mother NEVER should have been allowed to adopt a child. She never should have been allowed to have her own! IT's sad that some people who should never have children do and then damage them irreparably.

So I have no idea when this dark tunnel will ever come to an end and that I'll see light. I can hope it happens soon, but I won't hold my breath.

Okay, I need some humor!

Just thought I'd have some fun . . . I am not into video games at all, but when my son played this for me, I just thought it was hysterical! It's not the type of song I invisioned for Mercenaries 2! I would suspect rock, heavy metal, rap . . . Uh . . . this isn't any of those! LOL! And you know what's really funny? I REALLY like this song and the lyrics are great! Those do fit the game. But the melody . . . You will NOT expect it! Seriously! LOL!

Writing Comparison - Is it REALLY worth abusing your kids over??

Okay, here is what Denise was abusing her kids over. Want to tell me if this writing is worth it? And let me say that this girl honestly believes she can sell this book; that it will make her a ton of money and that she's actually going to go on book signings. But let me first say that I won't put anyone through a whole chapter. This is only the first few paragraphs. I'll post something of my own after.


(Denise)


Chapter 1

Brianna Didn’t Know If She Was Going To Make It Off Base. She Was Worried That He Was Going To Come After Her. She Hoped And Prayed That She Could Get Off The Marine Base Camp Osborne, And That The M.P.’s Would Believe Her if They Stopped Her And That The M.P. Was A Friend That Worked With Her Brother Jamie.

Brianna Started Remembering How She And Bobby First Meet For The Fristtime.As The Tears Started Running Down Her Face. She Thought He Was So Nice. When She Went to The Base To Meet With Her 5 Brother’s For Lunch Three time’s a week. Mark Her Oldest Brother 38 years Old, And The Youngest Gunnery Sergeant. He Was 6 Feet 2 ½ Inches tall And Very Thin He Just Started Wearing Glasses Recently And His Girlfriend Ali Was One Of Her Best Friends.

Mark Had Called Her Before She Left Her Company To Find Out Where To Meet Them For Lunch. She Grew Up On The Base Because Her Dad Was A Retired Marine And They Where Always Going To The Base, All Of Her Brother’s Where In The Marines And Stationed On The Base All Over The Place So They Would Just Meet In One Place For Lunch Instead Of Here Driving All Over The Base.

Brianna Started To Feel Like She Was Going To Pass Out.She Needed To Stay
Awake Because She Hoped And Prayed That If She Was Stopped For Anything That They Would Believe Her About What Bobby Had Done To Her. Brianna Grabbed Her Cell Phone And Went Through Her Phone Book And Found Her Friend Rayna she pushed The Button Of Her Cell Phone She Knew If She Talked To Her Friend That She Would Stay Awake And Get Of The Base And Get Her Best Friend To Meet Her And Get Her Help That She Needed.

Brianna Remembered Mark Calling And Asking For her “To Meet All Of Them At Taco Bell”. She Told Him “Sure, Why We Ate Their Two Days Ago.” Mark Told Her
That He Wanted to Introduce To Bobby Alex Anderson Who Had Just Joined His Command.” She Told “Ok I’ll Meet You At The Regular time.” She Was Very Surprised How Nice He Was When They First Meet That Day Three Weeks Ago. What Had Change In Him?

Listening As Her Cell Phone Called One Of Her Three Best Friend’s in the Whole World. And They Were Always There For Each Other No Matter What.
“ Hi You Have Reached Rayna’s Machine I’m Out leave A Message And I Will Get Back To You.”Brianna Hung Up The Phone Without Leaving A Message.





When I was helping her, I was doing the writing for the character of Rayna. So here's part of Chapter 2, which I wrote. You can make your own decisions how good it is or not. But I will say that this wasn't my project. I thought it would be fun to do when I wasn't working on my own stuff, but then she got so obsessive . . . Me backing out of the project is what caused her to dump me as a friend. Nice, huh? Of course, what can I expect from a woman that will abuse her kids over this. Anyway, here's a sample of my work for comparison. But let me say again, this was not my project so my full heart wasn't in it. LOL! In other words, it's not some of my best work.


(Me)


Chapter 2

The last week had been a difficult one for Rayna Blackmoure as December had entered its first week. This was always an emotional part of the year for her so her moods had been all over the map. She would swing between being all right, then angry . . . sad . . . Usually she'd been able to keep it under control and keep the memories at bay. She even took medication . . . But for whatever reason, this time it was not working and it was affecting her ability to concentrate. It didn't help that her publisher was on her case to see the first three chapters of her next book - Not that the rest of it was due anytime soon. But he had been spoiled by her. Usually once she presented him with a story, she had no trouble writing out a concept for it or the first several chapters. Yet this time was different. It all seemed so much harder. And he wanted to see the first three Chapters as soon as possible, which for him meant immediately. She had definitely spoiled him, she thought, and it was aggravating.

Finally, she had decided to take the day for herself as a last ditch effort to relax and try to concentrate. She disconnected the house phone and kept her cell on vibrate. She'd spent the morning keeping to her usual activities, but as evening approached, she had fixed herself a rum and coke and slipped into the warm waters of the spa in her own back yard. She soaked until she could feel a lot of the tension in her neck ease. But it didn't take away everything. After all, memories were like cave drawings. They were there to stay forever. What she needed to do was to take these whacked out emotions of hers and push them into the current story concept she was working on. It’s what she did time and time again. But this time . . . this month . . . this time of the year . . . It was different.

Getting out and drying off, Rayna decided to order in some Chinese. Changing into some warm clothes, she lit some candles in her office. As soon as the food arrived, she took it with her to the computer and blarred the music from her iPod in her ears trying to blot out the world around her.

It was a serious struggle, but after a few hours Rayna had managed, between bites of shrimp with lobster sauce and sweet and sour almond duck, to write several pages. It was a good start, she thought as she re-read what she had written; Chopsticks standing in a container of food still not quite eaten. Quickly saving the edits, she closed out the Word program and finally shut off her iPod, removing the ear phones.

It was only moments after raising the volume on her cell when it began to play "Lil' Red Riding Hood" indicating the call was from someone not in her contact list. Looking at the number, her brows knit together. It wasn't one she recognized and the caller wasn't identified.

"Hello," she answered with uncertainty.

"This is Highway Patrol dispatch for Temecula," the voice said. "Is this Rayna Blackmoure?"


"Yes," she answered even more unsure and hesitant. "What is this about?"

"You're listed as an emergency contact for Brianna Lancing and she's just been taken to Inland General Hospital."



Rayna's green eyes grew large with shock. "Oh my god! What happened?? Is she okay??"

"I'm sorry, that was the only information I was given," she said with sincerity. " But I'm sure the hospital will have more information for you."



"Thank you," Rayna said quickly and closed the phone.

Immediately, she pocketed the phone, ran toward her bedroom to grab her purse, keys and blue tooth. As soon as she had it in here ear she pulled her cell back out and placed a call to Jenna McKenzie . . . Her first try was unsuccessful, but the next number she tried - the number to Jenna's folks, she was able to reach her.


"Something's happened to Brianna," she said. "She's at Inland General Hospital."


So there you have it. Comparison of our writing. I might not be the best writer in the world. This isn't some of my greatest work either, but I'd like to think I'm better than Denise and I have no illusions about getting published, getting money and I certainly have no thought of going on book signing tours . . . and I DEFINITELY would NOT abuse my kids over my writing . . .

I'm open to opinions on this matter.

Have you ever . . .

. . . just kept wanting more information about a friend screwing up their life because you just can't believe it? It's like a car crash you see and can't stop. You have to look. I think human minds are programmed that way. Maybe to warn us of what might happen in the future . . . who knows. But I have to admit that with everything else going on in my world, it's a break to focus on someone else's screw-ups for awhile. Maybe that makes me a bad person. I don't know . . . But when I found out my friend had abused her kids over that stupid writing project of hers (and it's not even good), I was just floored. The way I feel about people that abuse kids, I'm glad she's going to jail; that CPS is involved; that a restraining order has been filed against her so she can't go near the kids again without getting thrown back into jail after she gets out and that she's losing her apartment, and I hope that means she loses that stupid computer along with it.

I am writer. I have written since I was 12 years old . . . and the day one of my books becomes more important than I kids I really, honestly hope someone SHOOTS me, because at that point, I wouldn't deserve to live. NO ONE that abuses kids deserves to have a good life and she can't claim it's because she's mentally ill either. I am mentally ill! I am bipolar, but I do what I have to, to keep it in check!! And when I feel I'm slipping, I try to get myself help!! I think she's too busy blaming everyone else around her for what's happening in her life other than herself.

And what bothers me even more is that her guy pal had the nerve to put his hands on her son too!! What the hell?? I hope he gets smacked around a bit in jail and see how he likes it!

Okay, so maybe I am a bad person. I am certainly not a perfect person, but I'd like to think that I have better morals where my kids are concerned. In fact, I have been referenced as a mother bear. I let my kids have a lot of space, but anyone hurts them and they'll get mauled. My Ex found that out the hard way . . . He used to threaten to take me to court to get what he wanted after the divorce . . . like to pay less money or this or that. It was manipulation and he never actually intended to take me. He used the fact that I was so panicked by going to court that I would do just about anything not to go (happens when you have a panic/anxiety disorder). But then when my daughter was molested, I forced myself to go. I went to three different court houses for a total of 11 times in 7 months. Guess what? I don't panic going to court anymore. I might not like it, but I certainly handle it now. In fact, I don't even threaten my Ex. Or rather since I don't need to do anything anymore I didn't threaten my Ex with court. Instead, I would go to the court house, file the papers and notify him that I was taking him to court. If you're not trying to manipulate, then why say anything. You're just giving the person time to try to find a way out of the mess he's made for himself and I stopped tipping my hand long ago.

But the point of that was, he was part of the abuse against both of my kids. He has no legal rights with our daughter. I have full custody of her - legal, sole . . . whatever. I make the decisions. As for our son . . . He has no visitation. He lost that when he had physical custody of our son - because our son told me that he wanted to live with his dad . . . Well, in three months he wanted to come home and his father wouldn't let him. He hit him, yelled at him . . . of course my son acted out. I called the sheriff to do a well-child check twice . . . Anyway, I petitioned for custody back. John - my Ex - eventually gave him back and didn't show up for the hearings. Boo-hoo . . . Jordan, my son, likes seeing and hearing from his dad, but he sure doesn't want to see or hear from him on a regular basis and god forbid you should make any reference to anything he might have in common with his father! You get a very visceral reaction.

My kids are great kids and I can't understand how he could hurt them. Well, he won't be hurting them again. And my once-friend (though I think part of me will always care about her. We have known each other since I was 12.) won't be hurting her kids either . . .

You know, maybe for kicks I'll post some of her writing and some of my writing!! That ought to be a hoot! People can see how ridiculous it was for her to abuse her kids over this stupid book of hers . . . The only good chapters were the ones I wrote for her! That's not just my opinion either . . . try everyone who she showed it to.

Anyway, guess I have rambled on long enough. Maybe I'll post the writing tomorrow. For now, I think I might add some photos on here of myself, Denise, John and the kids . . . Just in one of those moods.