Happy Happy!!

In this case it is a Happy Happy day! I woke up today and I really feel back to my old self, which is a wonderful thing! Yesterday I was okay, but super, super tired. Today, I'm great! I guess whatever was going on with me has finally run its course. At least I hope so! I could barely function yesterday and get things done. Today, I did a lot baking (raspberry muffins and corn bread), I also took care of the kitties! I managed to work on almost all my Facebook pages and a few groups. I have managed to get a bit done so I am happy with myself!

My mind isn't functioning completely. My writing is kind of at a stand still at the moment, but that will change as it always does. All I know is today was definitely a good one! I also called my mom and checked in with her to see how she was doing. She's so tired and it so worries me. I know things are going to come to an end sooner rather than later, but I want her to be okay. I do get a little sad that I'm the one that says, "I love you." She never says it to me first, like it's an after thought to say it because I did. I try not to take it personally. I don't think my mom has the empathy to feel for other people. It's just how she is. I have accepted the fact that she will never love me the way I need to be loved. In fact, she has her own dysfunctions of her own. She won't admit it, but I know it. I lived with her most of my life.

Anyway, other than that, I called Jordan too. I checked in with him and made sure he had taken his medication. Cass took hers before school. I think it might b working. Even Jason said she seemed to be in a better mood lately. At least it doesn't seem to be making her worse! That's always what you worry about with teens and anti-depressants. But so far so good!

Cassi's therapist from her school called me to check in and see how I was doing. That was nice of her. She also wants to set up another family session which is great! For Cassi and I it draws us closer together. I'm supposed to work on a few things to get us to move on, but it's really difficult. I have no extra money, which means no money for a deposit anyway. I don't make enough to live anywhere yet and pay bills too. I'm waiting for Section 8, but that could be another year to three years. That sucks. But we'll see. I also need to have a talk with Jason and Susan about their attempts to parent her, which backfires for them and for me. I end up  having to run interference and try not to upset anyone. I feel like I'm back where I was with my mom. I had to give my mom more respect because she was my mom, but I felt so caught n the middle and that's how I feel now. Maybe I'll talk to Teela and see f she can help me with some pointers on how to approach the subject. I never know how Jason or Susan will react and I don't want any crap. I mean, there are things that have to be rules they put in place like no one spending the night during the week and such as that, but it's up to me to decide what I think is okay for my daughter to do, not them. I mean, sometimes they help me, but a lot of times I feel in the middle and it really just upsets me and makes me feel like I have to placate everyone. I need it to just be me dealing with things with Cassi unless it effects them. Guess we'll see what happens.

Anyway, I suppose that's it for now! Surprisingly enough I managed to get this written tonight! I wasn't too tired! LOL! Yay!! But think I'm going to get more water, maybe check out a couple more things, take my night meds and hit the hay. I have to wake up around 6:20am. Goodnight!

FINALLY!!!

Okay, I have been trying to write an entry for at least a week or two, but by evening I am so tired I can barely concentrate, so it looks like I'm going to have to write these during the day. :-P I don't mind really, it's just I like to be able to recap my day. I'll just have to adjust! Not a problem.

Well, around the first of the month I got sick with a nasty cold! I am thoroughly convinced that adults are not meant to get sick. My daughter had it before me and though she had some symptoms for awhile, she was only really sick for 2-3 days. Me? I was mostly in bed for a week! Ick! I felt so rotten! I'm just glad it's over and I hope I don't get another cold anytime soon. I do need to get a flu shot though. I might make an appointment to go get it this week. Then I can finally get my blood drawn too. I'm not afraid of needles or giving blood, I just haven't wanted to. Plus, I hate to fast. Not like it's a big deal, but I don't like how shaky I get. I'm not a diabetic. The surgery I had for some reason keeps Diabetes at bay. But I think it's the way my body works. I have always been like that. 

Anyway, after my sick week, I got back to normal though I could feel myself falling down a bit emotionally. Of course, that turned out to mostly be my monthly showing up. I started feeling a little better after it was over, of course. However something else happened that really upset me. It's going to sound stupid, at least it does to me, but others have told me that it WAS a violation of me. Basically Jason got upset with me because I let Cassi spend the night with a friend that lives IN OUR COMPLEX on a school night. She's been really good about going to school now that I implemented a new rule. I get her a bus pass every month, but she doesn't actually have to have it. She gets a bus ride to school and home. But she likes to do things on the weekends and visit friends after school. Basically it comes down to either she goes to school or she doesn't get her bus pass for the following month. It works BEAUTIFULLY!! :-D Now she's not fighting me about going to school and I really have her school therapist to thank. She was the one who gave me the idea! I would never have thought of it! Cassi doesn't seem to mind now. It makes a big difference when you actually go all the time! :-D I think she is starting to realize that she can do this! But she really had a hard time in September in regards to the baby she lost. But she is back on track! She's also on some new medication. She's on Prozac. She's on a really low dose at the moment and I'm seeing a little improvement, I think anyway. But she hasn't been on it very long and the full effects don't kick in for six weeks. She's not there yet. We'll see what happens. If this doesn't work he wants to try Lamictal for her. Guess we'll see what happens!

Anyway, but to the story. Basically Jason got angry with me for it and in retaliation he deleted every recording I had on the DVR, including two documentaries I sleep to. I was so angry and it. I stayed hurt for days and I even got a little depressed over it, though I wasn't sure why it was keeping me down. Well, it was a response to the violation he had perpetrated on me. Kind of gave me a flashback. It was something John would do, or my brother would do. It triggered me. I've only recently started going back to myself in the last few days. Just goes to show you how easily we can be triggered to past abuse. 

Well, I have been keeping myself busy. In fact, I guess you can say I'm addicted to Facebook! LOL! I run several groups, though only 3 are really used - Little Bit of Everything, Recipes Collection, Daily Gratitude . . . I also run 5-6 Pages - Karissa da Kit Kat Queen of her Domain, my Writnngs Page, Traditional Holidays Though the Years, Overcoming Abuse, Food for the Holidays, and Christmas Cookies and Candies. Needless to say, I have ways to keep busy. LOL! In fact, I just reactivated Karissa's page and I just created Christmas Cookies and Candies last night. I was looking for a page or a group that would just have Christmas cookie recipes or Christmas baking . . . something . . . but there was nothing that was active or what I wanted in a group or page. So I decided to make my own! I'll have to do all the work, but if I find good recipes I have places to put them. My most active page at the moment is Traditional Holidays Through the Year. I have almost 200 likes for the page itself. I post pix that I find on the web, plus holiday treats, ideas, I ask questions . . . What's cool is that I also have over 30 people like Christmas Cookies and Candies and I made the page at around 10:00pm last night! Of course I did post the new page on my Traditional Holidays Through the Year page.

Today I want to do some baking. I need to decide if I want to make a cake, cup cakes or muffins. I haven't decided yet. But that is on the agenda. But I did call for a prescription refill for myself. Good thing I remembered! I also took my morning meds, gave Karissa treats and fed my fish - Tucker and King Sushi II. I have plenty more to do today of things I need to get done around the house - take care of the cats litter boxes, wash dishes as I get them dirty or make them dirty! But I'm going to have time to watch a couple of things I recorded on the DVR. I also recorded another documentary that I might be able to sleep to. It's the narrator's voice. It's calm and steady. It's soothing to me. Yes, I know I'm weird. :-P

Well, I think that's enough for now. So I hope your day is a good one! Mine will be! :-D