Day 51 - 33 Pounds GONE!! :-)

For some time now I felt like I wasn't losing weight. The depression didn't help either. As much as I wanted to get weighed, I didn't want to get weighed either, afraid that maybe I hadn't lost much like I fears. It was so much on my mind that I even had a dream that I'd only lost 15 pounds.

Anyway, after not sleeping well last night and going to water aerobics this morning, I was tired when I got home. SO I took a nap. I didn't expect to be woken up by Jason and my mother. He called her to get me up. He told me he, Susan and Cassie were going to take me to my surgeon's office to get weighed. I was really apprehensive, but of course I went. I needed to know if I'd blown things or not so far.

It was an adventure getting into the office. We had to go through a back door because the actual office was getting revamped. I bet it'll be nice once it's done. Then I made sure I took everything out of my pockets and took off my sweater and slippers. But nothing could prepare me to hear the news they had for me. I had lost 33 POUNDS!!! I couldn't believe my ears! I went from 485 pounds to 452 pounds!! I guess I've been doing something right and I am thrilled!! So thrilled I've been writing about it in Cafemom and Facebook! I am just so happy and it makes me feel good. And that means 17 more pounds and I get my surgery date! One month. That's the hope. One month and the 17 pounds will be gone! I am so excited!!

In fact, my mom suggested getting a hospital bed for when I get home from the hospital. I think any bed I get at this point is going to be too hard for me to get in and out of. I can't have my staples stretching and possibly popping. Then I got another great tip. Have broth, pudding and jello ready to use immediately. Water might be hard to drink at first. I'm trying to get prepared as best as I can. I just hope my recovery goes well. Of course, that's still a ways to go anyway. One thing at a time!

Anyway, I got to see my new "Dirty Jobs" episode. It was fun. It was all this behind the scene stuff. It was funny! I watched a couple other things, but I don't really care about those other shows. They were just on to be on really. I added Cassie, Jordan and Karissa's bdays to my timeline. OMG!! It was a pain in the ass because I had to have the pic that I wanted to use uploaded to Facebook to use. I couldn't just take it from my computer or Photobucket. But I did it. OH, I also watched the new "Chopped!" Love that show too. Can't believe I spaced it. Anyway, that's it. I'm done for today. But YAY ME for losing so much weight.

Day 50 - From Darkness to Light!

For the last two weeks I have been fighting some wicked depression. It has sucked. All I've wanted to do is sleep. My eating hasn't been great. I didn't go to the gym for like a week and though the rashes got a little better, they were still itchy. It just sucked being depressed. I just didn't want to do anything. Plus I was so tired all the time. 

Then Friday, Susan and I went to the gym to see if Dave was there and could possibly show us some of the machines. He was and he spent about an hour or so showing us machines that worked our chest, biceps, shoulders and legs. I'll tell you, I felt it!! LOL! I felt it for like three days! But it was a good thing and good for me, ever though I was still feeling the depression.

But last night, I finally started feeling a little better. I played on Cafemom. I watched TV. I just felt better. Then today when I woke up, I felt really good - though I still slept late. Of course, Susan didn't tell me Cassie was home from school because she was sick. That was frustrating, but I wasn't upset or anything. I just called the school. Left a message for attendence. Then I also left a message for the woman handling Saturday school. I need to get Cassie signed up. I felt a message for her to call me to let me know if she made it onto the list for this Satuday or not. 

But here is the BEST news I got today! They called me from Jorgensen Law and apparently the judge is going to approve my SSI!!! I am so excited!!! That also means I'm going to get a retro check and hopefully I'll have a little more money in my pocket! It's awesome! I couldn't reach Jason so instead I called Cassie first. She was thrilled and she was happy to be told first. Of course, she wants money for clothes from Hot Topic. LOL! But I want to get a new laptop for myself and for Cassie. Jordan wants a desk top. We'll see what happens because I still have to fix my car which will be $1200. But at least it would be fixed and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. You know, maybe I'll get myself an iPod too! I've always wanted one! Then I also maybe want to spend a hundred or two on DVDs. I might be spending too much in my head already. LOL! But it's going to be nice to have some money! Jordan was the second one to know. Then Nicole and finally Jason and Susan. I haven't told my mom yet. I just don't know if I want to tell her for awhile. She'll start in on "Get your own place." And I won't be getting THAT much money. I'm still on the list for housing. We'll see what happens. 

Anyway, tonight Susan and I had an appointment with Dave again to show us more machines. We tried out stuff for the Abs, triceps and back. I was surprised that we were at it for about an hour. I didn't even think it felt that long. But we ended up having to go because the Water Aerobics class was starting so we went from one workout to another. And the water aerobics class was fun for the most part. We made whirlpools and tried to fight the current. It did get a little monotonous after awhile, but for the most part it was fun and it took a majority of the time. The bummer thing is that the spa was out of order so I took a hot shower. I managed not to get too cold. I even changed into my PJs rather than the clothes I worked out in. It meant another bag I had to carry into the gym with me, but its worth it to do that at night. Tomorrow morning it's going to be going back into a cold pool for another water aerobics class. Then Wednesday Susan and I will probably work out on some machines. I think I'm FINALLY back on track! Even my eating today has been good! That makes me feel better too.

Well, guess that's about it. I watched "Being Human" tonight and the episode was good, but things are really going down a darker path. I also watched "Pawn Stars" and then "American Restoration." I hadn't watched that for awhile. I forgot how much I liked it. I also played on Cafemom and was on Facebook for a moment. But the best thing by far is just feeling better! That was and is the best thing. 

  

Day 45 - Cassie's Project is Over!

Well, for all my worrying, I got up, dressed, grabbed my protein shake, vitamins and meds. I put on my new slipper like shoes and got to school early. I should have brought my sweater though because I got pretty cold. But all in all, I ended up parked right outside the classroom that we needed to go to. Susan called me from the front of the school. I got the info from the office that the information was on the auditorium door or whatever and she was in a better position to get to it. That's when we found out the room. She just contacted me and said get there now. LOL!

Then Cassie and Crystal's presentation was second. It was really good. Especially their music video presentation. The thing I wasn't crazy about is that they wanted up to judge the kids on their presentations. Susan and I all marked them as being great because we know how much it takes to get up in front of people and make a presentation. There were ever people from the school district there! I was like, HUH?? But oh well. I left at the break though. I didn't want to walk to the auditorium for stuff I wasn't supposed to have anyway and I had been there to see Cassie anyway. Susan took off to get to the gym.

When I got home I just decided to curl under the covers and go to sleep. Not like I had anything else to really do anyway and being under the warm blankets was so nice. The bad thing lately is just my sinuses. My nose is contantly stuffing up. It sucks. That keeps me awake at night. But I slept until it was time for me to leave to go get Cassie. I got a good parking spot and then I just picked up "Beautiful Creatures" and started reading it again. I'm about 63% through it according to Goodreads.com. :-) Cassie looked so beautiful in her dress. She's thinking about getting more dresses and being more of a girly girl! It's kind of cool. I think the dress she piced out was gorgeous!

With Cassie home with me we talked. She was telling me all about her boyfriend and this dream he had and how it had upset him because it was about Cassie with another boy - her other best friend. But I guess he got over it. I bet it was one vivid dream though! I remember my dreaming being much more vivid as a teenager.

Anyway, we cuddled with Karissa too and then Cassie decided she was hungry so I made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Before we knew it Susan was there to pick her up.

After that, I really just got online. I haven't really done a whole lot. I got to play on Cafemom, though I really only went to a couple of groups. Then I was on Facebook. I got two new friends from Cafemom on Facebook. One has how many hours she was on facebook last month and I wanted that, but I couldn't find it. In fact, the apps I did find were crap and didn't really work. They just wanted you to hit the Like button. That's really shitty.

Dinner was good. My mom cooked ham, green beans which were fantastic, baked beans and fruit cocktail. It was all good, and I tried not to eat too much, but I guess I probably did. I also had protein water after that. I'm out of Strawberry Kiwi now. But I just kept on with the computer.

Anyway, I have had the TV on too. I was half listening to "Face/Off" - the first and second episode of this season. Tonight is the third episode and I plan on watching it. Right now is the new "Ghost Hunters." And hopefully I'll get some sleep. I feel tired. And tomorrow I want to do my stretches. I think I'll get a yogurt too. But for now, that's it. I'm done.

Day 44 - Worried About Tomorrow Morning

Tomorrow morning my daughter presents her science project and the biggest thing is I don't know where to go. I am afraid I'll end up at the wrong place or that I'll be late. I want to be there for her, but I just don't know. I have to wake up around 6:45am. Part of me almost wishes I wasn't going because in a way it's stressing me out, but I have to see how good my girl has done on her project. I'm sure things will be okay, but I'm still worried.

I was supposed to get up rather early so that I could take my mom shopping. But she let me sleep until after noon. It was good in the fact that I really needed to sleep, but still . . . it might screw up my sleep tonight. But then again, maybe not. Then by the time I was ready to go - having taken my shake and my vitamins and meds - she was asleep on the couch. But she woke up soon after. We then went to the ban so she could cash a check and then to Target. I wasn't thrilled with going to Target, but I did get slippers and some slipper boots. It's cool! Then I bought some milk, cereal and a bottle of water. I am always so thirsty. Mom bought a few food items and some laundry soap and slippers for herself. A lot of stuff there though are more expensive. The only reason we got the slippers is because they were on clearance or relatively cheap. But even the bananas were more expensive than at Walmart. However, they did have a bigger selection of shoes.

After that, my mom didn't want to go home yet so we went to Denny's. I ended up having my dinner there. I got a build your own slam and got egg whites with onions, turkey sausage patty, seasonal fruit AND wheat pancakes. Those pancakes were delicious! I'd order them in a heartbeat! But I can't have those very often. It's a bread product and I'm not supposed to have bread at all. But still, it was a nice treat. I even got a diet coke - which was an accident, but my mom let me have it and it tasted pretty good! They must be using something different to sweeten it. I was surprised. But diet Dr. Pepper is still my favorite. I haven't eaten anything since either so maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I haven't overdone my calories today. I am worried about my weight. Friday Jason and Susan want to take me to get weighed and I'm afraid. I had a nightmare where I had lost only five pounds. Everyone is supportive about it that if I haven't lost that much it just means I have to change something, but I don't know. It just worries me. I don't want to feel let down with myself.

Well, outside of that, I haven't done much except watch TV an play on the computer. I played on Facebook at myself and Karissa. I posted stuff on Cafemom in "Holiday Dreaming," and even on "Plus Sized Mommies." Then I also watched "Mythbusters," "Dirty Jobs," and "Storage Wars." "Mythbusters" was a repeat. It was the first time Jayme and Adam had blown a water heater and Tory, Kari and Grant did some myths about jeans. "Dirty Jobs" was the one about the dooms day seed vault. Then the new one about bio hazard waste. "Storage Wars" was great. Hester got beat out a couple of time. Barry found a neat 1930's toy in excellent condition. I don't want to sound mean, but I'm glad Hester got nothing for a change. His "Yuuup!" and his attitude are annoying. He needed to get put in his place a bit.

Anyway, I think that's it for me. I'm going to take my meds . . . maybe eat a yogurt . . . then go to sleep. I can't forget to set my alarm either. I'm definitely needing ativan tonight.

Day 43 - Itchy Scratchy AGAIN. :-(

Man, I was glad to get back to water aerobics today, though I was willing to bale out this morning. LOL! But the bad thing is, I'm so itchy now! REALLY itchy! It's awful! But on the other hand, I can't really do anything about it. I hate being allergic to the chlorine. It really does suck! Then I was tired and though I was tired when I got back it took me awhile to doze off. I got really cold too and burrowed under my blanket. I think I'll be doing that shortly again. I'm tired.

Anyway, I had to get up to pick up Cassie. It's nice to see how Cassie responds to my mother now. They get along great as long as Cassie isn't living here. LOL! It was raining while I waaited for Cassie to get out to school and I was busy reading "Beautiful Creatures." When we got back home, I told her where I was and she told me a bit more about the book and some about the next book in the series. That was nice. Then Cassie was hungry. My mom had split pea soup left and Cassie devoured it. She was still hungry though and asked my mom if she had stuff to make salad. My mom was thrilled to hear that and asked her to go out into the garage fridge to get lettuce and tomatoes. Cassie got the lettuce ready, not just for her salad, but for dinner. That was nice. My mom was happy about that. Cassie had to eat quickly so she would leave with Jason and Susan. Oh, and Daniel might be moving down to San Diego and living with Jason and Suan too. Though I don't know how that will really work out. The house is going to be too loaded with people and stuff for Jason. I'm expecting a lot more upheavel, but with luck everything will go smoothly. Cassie absolutely loves Daniel so she is thrilled by the prospect. :-) I hope it all works out well.

Dinner was great! My mom made stuffed mushrooms, baked potatoes and BBQ baked chicken. Delicious! I could have eaten two pieces of chicken, but I was good and only ate one. However, after dinner and after I watched "River Monsters," "Gator Boys" and "Finding Bigfoot: Further Evidence," I needed Jordan to come to the pharmacy to pick up a couple Invega 3 mg. for me since the TAR hasn't gone through yet. I really need my pills, but at least I can get them as I need them. Anyway, Jordan asked to spot at McDonald's. He wanted a drink, but he was hungry again and so was I, but I didn't want to eat a burger. Still, I got him a McDouble and a drink and I was bad. I got myself a diet Dr. Pepper and an ice cream cone. at least the cone was small. I decided that it would be the last thing I ate tonight. Even though I'm a little hungry again. Something is wrong with me. I've been hungry a lot lately. I hate it. Then Jason and Susan want to take me to get weighed. I want to know, but I don't want to know and it's making me depressed. I don't want to find out that I'm not making progress. Which is a possibility. I think I'll feel sick if I haven't lost much.

Anyway, I took pix of Karissa tonight. I got her next to the book "Beautiful Creatures." I figured it was a good title to have next to her. She looked so cute. Then I posted a couple of things on her Facebook profile and page. I did go to Cafemom too, but I have to say I think I'm finally getting a little burned out. I'm trying not to, but it still happens that way, I guess. I posted on "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" but I didn't post anything for my Holiday group. I just didn't feel like it. I did ask for another siggy in the siggy group. I loved the last avitar. I want another avitar, but I can only request one more this month.

Well, I guess that's it. I am tired and I'm cold. Or at least my feet are! Karissa's sacked out too. I think it's time for bed.

Day 41 - Kinda Fun!

I didn't want to get up today . . . again. I didn't wake up until 1:00pm . . . again. I am just so tired all the time and that's agravating. But on the other hand, I had a good day, I think. As you can tell from the pic some if it revolved around my kitty.

I got up and had my protein shake, of course. And my vitamins and meds. It took a bit, but I eventually got my laptop back from Jordan. The first thing I did was to play on Facebook. I checked mine and then went to Karissa's. I took some pix of her by the window because it was raining outside and I commented about how "I can't go outside because of the rain." Okay, that's not a direct quote, but I had Karissa bemoaning the rain. LOL! I also had her add "The Mean Kitty Song" from YouTube. It's such a cute video. Sparta is awesome pawsome! Then Nicole and I chatted back and forth like she was chatting with Karissa. THAT was fun! Eventually I settled on my side and her and I chatted there too. It's funny how I have been spending more time on Facebook now than on Cafemom. I can't help it, I guess I go through phases. Of course, one of the things that re-invigorated my interest in Facebook was the Timeline Profile. It's AWESOME! I have had a lot of fun playing with it and looking at it. 

Other than that, I did play a little bit on Cafemom, but barely. I applied to one group and joined another, but messaged the owner of the group because there is no forum! I don't know how you do that! But I offered my help. We'll see what happens. It's a Walmart group. Come on! I love Walmart! LOL! 

Cassie went with Jason to a Monster Truck Rally and had a blast. I'm so glad they had fun. They got to see Grave Digger and Son of Grave Digger! How awesome is that? I'm just glad she enjoyed it so much!

Anyway, I did watch "My Cat From Hell" which was awesome. I know I watched other things today, but they haven't stuck in my brain except for say "Iron Chef America." At least I made it through the day. Right now I'm watching "Storage Wars." I'm lucky in the fact that I haven't seen some of them. 

For dinner, I ended up having oatmeal. That was good. Then I had a bunch of blackberries! Yum! I also had a 100 calorie fruit crisps. I think I'm going to have a yogurt and then that's it for the day. Sometimes I worry about having too much, but I'm thinking I'm okay today. At least I hope so!

Well, I think after that yogurt I'm going to cuddle with Karissa a bit and then try to go to sleep. I am tired!

Day 40 - Emotional Me

For most of the day I've actually been feeling okay. In fact, I felt pretty good. But as the night has worn on my mood has shifted to something darker. It's like an under current of anxiety. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm tired. I hate being tired all the time. And I am. But today was good. That's what I don't get.

I woke up Cassie to get her to school, but she was so tired from being upset last night that I let her sleep another hour. Then I took her to school. I also got myself a protein shake for breakfast. After that, I went back to sleep and slept until about 1:00pm. I could have slept later if I'd let myself. But I got up, got my protein shake for lunch and waited to get the computer from Jordan. 

Karissa went outside and then came back in 5 minutes later. LOL! She did that twice. The second time she stayed out a bit longer but not by much. I did take a few pix of her inside and I tried to get a pic of her outside but that didn't work out so well. She wouldn't sit still!

Anyway, I got my money from Jason and Susan. They owe me another $20 and I'll get that Tuesday. I think I'm going to use that for either getting "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2" or get "Vanish" by Tess Gerritsen. Later they brought Cassie over so that she could make her bed. What sucked was that she had a dental appointment for today only to find out that she can't see the dentist until April. So it was a waste of time and of gas for Jason and Susan. Oh, good news, seems they might be keeping Rena after all. I hope so. But poor Susan and Jason. They had so much running around to do. Jason estimates that they drove 80 miles today.

Once I had the computer back from Jordan, and did a couple of things, but I knew I had to get the money order for my car insurance. I also needed to get milk and bread. I didn't get cereal though. Turns out we're out. Jordan just lives off it, it seems. While I went to Albertson's I was starving too. Not a good combo. I grabbed a vitamin water and started looking at different snacks. EVERYTHING was so outrageous when it came to calories. Twinkies were like 300 calories! Needless to say I did NOT get Twinkies. Eventually I found Special K Fruit Crisps. They are 100 calorie packs! As I got the milk and bread I also grabbed a Woman's World before I checked out. Once out in the car I had to eat something so I tried the blueberry fruit crisps and they were pretty good. It kept me filled until dinner. In fact, I'm only now starting to get hungry again. I'll have a snack then go to sleep.

My mom gave me some of her salmon tonight for dinner with tilapia. It was good. Of course, I love salmon. After that, I got back online. I posted in Cafemom in "Holiday Dreaming" and of course, "I'm not fat! I'm Fluffy!" I was going to post elsewhere, but I was pretty drained after doing everything I needed to do. I also posted pix of Karissa on Facebook on her account and page. Through doing all of that, I also watched "River Monsters," "Chuck," which probably caused my anxiety to go up a little. Then I watched "Brad Meltzer's Decoded," where they were researching the Alaska Devil's triangle. It was pretty creepy. After that was "Merlin." That one made me very sad. Not just because Uther died, but because of how he died. As I finish this I'm watching "Being Human." It was this past Monday's premiere. It was good. Sally goes to her High School Reunion, though it makes her sad at the end when the most shallow girl at the school who just died gets her door. Aiden ends up being placed as Second in Command of Boston and he's supposed to ensure that Mother's daughter succeeds in bringing Boston under control. Only Mother wants Josh dead. And Nora . . . well, Josh isn't the only one who is wolfing out this time. I think she saves Josh's life. Good episode.

Anyway, I think I'm done. I want to sleep. Definitely take some ativan.

  

Day 39 - Tired and Aggravated

Today has been a bitch of a day. Not really bad to start with. I didn't wake up until noon and that was after Jason called me like three times in a row. Ugh! I couldn't go back to sleep after that - not that I should have slept later than that anyway, but still . . . Then Cassie called me around 1:00pm to pick her up from school because she wasn't feeling well. Then Cassie stayed with me for a bit. She ate some of my mom's fresh split pea soup but burnt her tongue. She survived. Then she made her bed quickly once Jason and Susan came to pick her up.

Things just got worse from there. I mean, I had fun making a Facebook for Karissa. But when Jason called me and told me that Cassie was spending the night I wasn't happy. He pulled all kinds of shit on me. Telling me I was a 40-year old woman afraid of my mom - like he even knows what I go through. He's an asshole. He really is sometimes to the point where I don't even want to hear from him. And of course, I found out that he talks shit behind my back. This is why, as much as I love him and appreciate what he'd done for Cassie and I, I don't trust him emotionally. He's way too volitale.

Then as if that wasn't bad enough I find out that Rena's going to be taken back. I knew someone had to have said something to make them say it wasn't working out and that they were going to pick her up. When I said that to Jason, he flipped out at me AGAIN!! I found out later than Susan had told them about the cats. Duh?? You don't do that. At least that's what Cassie said. And then Cassie was upset by that, and by Jason yelling at her. By him and Susan fighting. She was so upset she was thinking about coming back home. And again, she told me I'm the only one she trusts and that she has been thinking about coming home because of the constant yelling and such. I just hate the fact that Jason can act like a two year old and get everyone upset and he thinks "I'm Sorry" makes everything better. This has always been an issue for me.

And it's not like we're fighting right now or anything, but I am still not happy with him right now. Of course, I'm tired. My chest hurts. I feel like emotionally I've been on edge all day and it's just grown worse trying to deal with his ass.

Anyway, I'm tired. I'm going to take my pills and go to sleep. I've had enough of today and of Jason . . . 



Day 38 - I feel the Depression Coming Back

I've been so good for so long that this is a set back for me. Plus, I'm tired. Of course, I started my period, but even that's strange. I'm just staining. The last few days I have just been too tired to even write here. I am trying my best to stay on track, but this has made me kind of see things negatively. Like I don't know if I'm really losing weight because I haven't been weighed. But then I'm afraid to get weighed to find out I haven't been losing which is crazy. I have to be losing weight. Of course, I'm not going to the gym for a few days because of my period. Plus, part of me just doesn't want to go. Maybe the rashes are just getting to me too. I want to lose the weight and I'm doing what I can, but I just feel like it's all for naught. It's probably just the depression talking. And it didn't help that Jason flipped out about Romeo going after Rena and scaring her. I tried to reason with him, but that was a no go. He tells Cassie she needs to decide who she wants to keep. I didn't think it was necessary. Cassie got upset and did a lot of crying. She said she only feels safe when she's with me. Not the house, of course, but with me. I don't yell at her. I don't constantly judge her. I don't flip out constantly. I think she's to the point (at least today) of wanting to come back home. Then Jason was mad at me because Cassie read what he was texting me over my shoulder. I mean, come on, he said he was going to tell her himself and then he gets made at me. What a wimp. He just wanted to vent to me and then not deal with Cassie. I half expected him to tell me to tell her anyway, but then again, it could be my hormones whacking out and making me read things that aren't there.

I went to therapy and I talked about the depression that was setting in and about the whole fiasco with Jason. I think what ticked me off the most is the fact that I know a lot about animals. It's instinctive. I grew up with animals. Anyway, I had tossed out a couple ideas to help them out and he just shot them down. So did Susan and it's sad because it would have worked. I don't think this is over yet. There might be more issues with Rena and Romeo, but I guess all we can do is see what happens. 

When Cassie and I got home from therapy we had to grab frozen dinners because my mom thought we were going over to Jason and Susan's for dinner. She didn't realize I'd gone to therapy. No big deal. I had Cassie grab us frozen Lean Cusine's. Cassie got a Baja Quesadilla which ended up not very good. I had a Thai inspired chicken which was awesome! Unfortunately I have heartburn now, but it was worth it. I'll just have to make sure I take the medication BEFORE I have that. 

I have barely gotten online at all. I just haven't wanted to and I've just been so tired all the time. But I did check into Cafemom and on the group "Just Siggies" I got my first siggy!! It's awesome! It has tigers and a very sexy brunette. Works for me! And I'm excited about it so that was nice. I made sure I thanked her. Then I just posted in two of my groups that I was sorry for my absense that I would be back either tomorrow or Friday.

It was also nice to have Cassie with me, but I wish she hadn't been so upset. I got her to bed and I stayed out with her until she fell asleep. It's so freakin cold!! And colder out there. I also watched or half-watched "Ghost Hunters" and then the new "Face/Off." It was good, but as soon as I'm done here, I'm going to set my alarm and go to sleep under the covers.

Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

Day 35 - Freezing All Day

I woke up early to a phone call from Cassie on my mom's phone. Apparently I'd slept through her call on mine. But she asks me if she can pierce her lip now that she's proved she's getting good grades. That was the requirement. But I figured we'd get it professionally done, but she wanted to do it herself. Her friend is letting her have one of her lip rings. I can kind of understand why she wanted to do it herself - basically you can control the pain if you do it. I think she was afraid that it would hurt too much if it was professionally done - like all at once. Anyway, I haven't heard from her about how it went, but I gave her my okay to do it. I look forward to seeing it.

After that, rather than go back to sleep, I had to get up. I drank my protein shake, took my vitamins and medication, got dressed and then took my mom to Costco. We had to wait for about 30 minutes for it to open. Then I helped my mom get some stuff. But by the time I was done, I had forgotten a couple of things, but I wasn't going to go after them. I was exhausted and FREEZING! I had to get someone to put the stuff in the car. When we got home, I got George to bring in the groceries - Jordan was sleeping. I went to my room and cuddled under the covered - after I did a little more reading on "Beautiful Creatures." George even gave me my computer back, but I was just so tired I couldn't use it. I just went to sleep, but it wasn't a deep sleep. I was too cold.

I got up long enough at one point to get my second shake. I stayed up after that. I got on the computer and also watched "Restaurant: Impossible" and a couple other things. Then I had dinner - chicken croissant sandwich (yes, I know I'm not supposed to eat bread, but it was a croissant!). I also has a salad and baked potato. I hope that was a decent dinner.

After that, I went back to my room and got back on the Computer. I played on Cafemom working on my groups, but not doing as much as I could. I joined another group. Checked out a couple more of my groups. Then I always was on Facebook. I finally warmed up though because my mom gave me her electric throw blanket. Made me really warm. It feels great! I also watched "Rachel and Guy's Celebrity Cook-Off," "Cupcake Wars" and "Finding Bigfoot." I think after this is over I'm going to see about going to sleep. I need to wake up tomorrow to make sure I go to water aerobics. I'm not looking forward to being cold again. Maybe I'll be able to cuddle under the throw again when I get home. That would be awesome!

Guess that's it. Tomorrow night is the preimere of "Being Human." I have that to look forward to. :-)

Day 34 - Uncle Bob Comes For a Visit

I am so tired. Looks like no matter how long I sleep I still get tired. Hopefully I can sleep early. I want to as soon as I get this done.

Today I slept to about 1:00pm and I still didn't want to wake up. I've been doing a lot of dreaming, but the only thing I remember from the other night was being pregnant and feeling the baby move in my abdomen. Then last night not sure what I was dreaming, but I was definitely dreaming. My mom was irked because not only dids I sleep so late, but Jordan did too. But I got up at that point and had my protein shake. Then I took my vitamins and medication. After that, I grabbed the laptop from Jordan and turned on the TV. I spent most of the time playing on Cafemom, but I really didn't do much posting in my groups. I ended up playing in the Red Carpet VIP group. 

Of course, then I got the news that my Uncle Bob was coming to visit with his wife. Oh joy! He and his wife Thelma (who passed away back in '05) always wanted to bag on my weight. Very over-critical. I just never thought of them as nice at all. Anyway, I grabbed my second protein shake and waited for them to arrive. I was really surprised with my mom. For the first time I can think of, she jumped right on Bob and told him not to say anything about my weight because I was working on it. In fact, his wife is really nice and has a daughter that started out my size and has lost 75 lbs! I still want to lose the 50 lbs and get the surgery. But I thought it was great my mom jumped right in on that. I think she was worried about me starting to go backwards if he started being a jerk.

Anyway, we went out to dinner to Wendy's. I had the Baja salad. It was good though I probably should have had a different salad. It had a lot of calories. But I figured it wouldn't hurt. I'm being good. I wish I could remember Bob's wife's name. I think it's Mary, but I'm not sure. Guess I'll have to ask.

When I got home, it turned out that I had to take Jordan out to get something to eat. He was a brat about putting some water in my car, but he put some in and we went to McDonald's. I got him his 2 McChickens and 1 McDouble and I didn't get anything. Not even soda!

Since we've come home, I've been on the computer and watching TV. I watched "Dirty Jobs" and "My Cat From Hell" which was awesome!! Then I'm watching "Restaurant: Impossible." I haven't changed into my PJs yet, but I'm doing that in a moment. Then I'm going to have a 100 calorie pack and that will be it. Time for bed.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but it will be a good day, I think!

Day 33 - Feeling Better But Still Cold

I woke up today and though I didn't feel like it I got up, took my vitamins, had my protein shake and went to water aerobics class. There was a substitute instructor. She was okay, but not great. Not funny either. Wish it had been Joy there. By the time I got home, I was exhausted and my back was sore. But my mom said that we needed milk or rather Jordan needed milk and she wanted some decaf coffee, so I went out to Albertson's and got it. I also got me water and vitamin water. Then I got cold and I was tired so I cuddled under the blanket and dozed on and off until 3:00pm.

I woke up Jordan at that time to get the computer. Once I had it, I played a lot on Cafemom. I actually got a new member in "Holiday Dreaming!" It's so awesome!! Then I checked out some of the other groups I'm in. I stayed on there until my mom called dinner - salad, mashed potatoes and tilapia! It was definitely good.

After that, Jordan and I went to Walmart. That was fun. My mom wanted butter. I wanted salad dressing and Oikos yogurts plus a few other things. I got 100 calorie pack Milano cookies!! I was so thrilled to find those. I also got more gum - Aprple Pie flavored. It's pretty good. I also got Sobe Life water - 2. Then I went a little nuts and got two DVDs - with three movies -"Demolition Man" with "Over the Top" and "Drive Angry" which is a Nicholas Cage movie I wanted. I still have to get the last Harry Potter movie, but that will come. I'm thinking tomorrow is going to be a movie day. I have several movies I haven't even watched!

Anyway, now I'm just chilling out. I watched "Chuck!" I really have missed it. There are only two episodes left and then it's over, I guess. I'll have to try to watch them. Now I'm watching "Grimm." After that, I'm turning it on SyFy. I can't remember what's on though. Go figure. Oh, "Merlin!" After that, I'm planning on going to sleep. I was thinking about going to water aerobics tomorrow with Susan, but I just can't. My whole body is so itchy. Oh and someone suggested that my being cold was from my lower calorie intake. I suppose it's possible. We'll see. But even in my room which is usually pretty warm for me, I'm sitting here with my sweater on. I actually slept with my sweater on the other night. I hate the being cold, but I'd take it over being too hot. 

Guess that's it for this addition of my life. Until next time!



Day 31 - Not Great But Better

I was really depressed when I first woke up. I decided to not go to water aerobics and went back to sleep. I didn't wake up until after 1:00pm. I did decide to go to the night class. But I really had a hard time today dealing with Cassie. I even got a call from Cassie's therapist at the school. She actually wanted to have a family counseling session with my mom! Yeah RIGHT! I explained to her how that was a bad idea and what kind of person my mother is. She was sweet and talked to me for 30 minutes. After that,  things seemed to calm down. I watched "Larry the Cable Guy's Only In America" since it was a marathon. Then around 5:00pm I started getting ready for the gym. I also decided that I was going to get into my PJs after the class. I wasn't much up for changing, coming home and changing again. It made more sense to me to change into my Pjs. 

Anyway, before Susan came to get me, I also typed up a survey on Bzoink! I ended up having 104 questions I think! Between last night and today I came up with good questions. One person took it and gave me five stars for it!! That was cool. I hope more people take it.

Cassie was starting to be a little brat again over texting, but when Susan came to get me, she apologized to me in the car. That made me feel better. Cassie decided she wanted to come to the water aerobics class with us and she did REALLY good! She got through the whole class without trouble. Last time she didn't do so well. I guess Jen is just a really good teacher. I really hate how itchy I am at the moment though and the rashes are definitely getting worse. Cassie is adamant that I go see the doctor so I'm thinking I might call and make an appointment. 

Once Cassie and I got home, I finally ate some dinner. It wasn't the best dinner I could have - sausage, quesadilla and carrots and celery cooked. Finished it off with an Oikos greek yogurt. Oh and another bummer. I found out I was using too many scoops in my protein shakes. It sucks. But tomorrow it gets fixed. I kind of don't want to get weighed now for a couple more weeks. I want a chance to lose more weight first. I really have to get back on track with my protein shakes and simple dinners. I'm winging it too often lately.

Anyway, I am so tired now. The work outs really just wipe me out. But I did get to watch the season premiere of "Ghost Hunters" and "Face/Off." Both episodes were awesome. For "Face/Off" they had to re-imagine characters from "The Wizard of Oz." It was girls against boys. Girls WON!! :-D It's always sad to see someone go home though.

Now I think it's time for me to go to bed. It's going to be an early morning. Got to get Cassie to school. Then there's tomorrow morning's water aerobics. So tired . . . Got to get back on track with my meds too. I think I forgot to take them yesterday and I definitely forgot this morning. I also forgot all my vitamins. So tomorrow it's time to get back on track there too!

I will . . . now it's time for sleep.

Day 30 - Teenager Trouble

You know, I consider myself a pretty laidback mom. I don't demand much and in fact, because of my living situation, I let my teenage daughter spend a lot of time with her godparents. You'd think she's be happy to at least have the weekends and most nights with them, but it's not enough for her now. Now she's back to acting like a little spoiled BRAT who has threatened to run away if she has to come home. That she isn't going to come home. I don't know where this came from. Just because she'll have to stay here two more days a week so Susan can go to the gym at night. She is just going to have to get over it and come back whether she likes it or not.

Of course, the problem being is that I'm very hurt. I try not to be hurt by her teenage stuff, but this has hurt me a great deal. It has really thrown me backwards. I have wanted to cut, but I haven't yet. I have wanted to stuff my face with sweets and sugar, but I haven't. I want to cry and I haven't done that either. But it's like she doesn't care if she hurts me. She says it's always about me. I guess that's what teenagers all say, even though it's really about them and what they want and aren't getting. Ii know I should just let it go for what it is, but it seems like Jason and Susan aren't going to be helpful and that pisses me off too. Cassie wrote on her facebook that she wanted to spend the night somewhere because of family trouble tomorrow night and Susan tells her she's staying with them!!! HUH??? She has to come home! She can't spend the night there! And if she does then I'm going to have to rethink everything. I don't know whatelse to do. We can't go back to the way it was. I don't know.

Anyway, yesterday my mother and I got into a big fight over Cassie. That was after I took her to get her tabs and we went to Walmart to pick up some stuff. That was about Cassie spending the night with Jason and Susan when it's during the week. I was so upset that I laid down. Got up only for dinner and then went and laid back down. I don't know when I fell asleep, but I did. Then this morning I woke up with a scratchy throat and just achey from head to toe. I called Susan and told her I wasn't going to go to water aerobics today. I ended up sleeping into the afternoon. Then I got up when it was close to when Cassie came home. She rode her skateboard home. That's when everything blew up and she left. Susan found her at her school or just about there.

I really don't know what to do about her. I really don't. And I'm trying to be good and stay on my plan, but it's been hard. I have wanted to really mack out on sweets, but I haven't. I had one thing that was 120 calories - and chocolate covered marshmallow caramel heart. At least I check calories now and try to calculate what I can have and not. Then I got a diet green tea. I'm not supposed to have the caffeine, but at least there are no calories in it. I never thought I'd been so calorie conscious. Well, I just hope I'm still losing weight.

I should go to water aerobics tomorrow, but with the way I feel, I'm not sure I want to. But I suppose I need to whether or not I want to. I'll sleep and make up my mind then. tomorrow I guess. Maybe it will be a better day, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

I did do a little reading today. "Beautiful Creatures" does get more interesting by the page. Then I watched a bunch of episodes of "Dirty Jobs" as I played on Cafemom. I also watched the last part of "Casino Royale" and some b-movie on SyFy that has Michael Shanks. I wish things would get better. I suppose I'm going to have to just believe that things will get better, but I sure don't feel like it will be. Just more heartache from a teenager that doesn't think about anyone but herself.



Day 28 - Exhausted

I don't even have a reason for being exhausted. I just am. I didn't sleep well last night. I ended up sleeping until 1:00pm. I didn't exercise today or anything. I have just been tired all day and it's frustrating!! In fact, my mom tried waking me up around 11:30am and I literally fell back asleep. After that she just let me sleep. You know, I just wish that with all these good changes I'm trying to make in my life, that it would help with sleep and it just hasn't.

I didn't do much today. My mom wanted to go to Albertson's so we went there. It was the last day to redeem some of these coupons she had. She got three pounds of Salmon fillets and we picked up 10 Lean Cusine dinners for $1.88 apiece. I also got a water and mousse tempations. My mom got  few other things too. 

When we got home, the boys brought in the groceries. I set to work with these game pieces and game board that came from Albertson's. It was a lot of work because there were TONS of pieces I had to go through. In the end, with the way I having to sit, my back is tweaked a bit. It's sore. That sucks.

My mom made dinner - spaghetti and meatballs. I had two meatballs and a little spaghetti. However, that just wasn't enough so I also had one of my greek yogurts. Then I grabbed protein water an hour or two after that. So far so good.

Then I played on the computer, mostly on Cafemom. I wasn't up to doing much else except update stuff. I have to focus on "Holiday Dreaming" tomorrow since I did "I'm Not Fat! I'm FLuffy!" I also watched "The Bourne Identity" and half of "The Bourne Ultimatim." Then "Cupcake Wars" which was about some scoccer cup. I can't remember the name, but I'm not into soccer so I just don't know what game cup it was. After that, I watched "Rachel and Guy's Celebrity Cook-off" and now "Finding Bigfoot."

I think after that I'm going to attempt to get some sleep. I just have a feeling tomorrow I'm going to feel like I'm moving through molasses again. Fun! Fun!

Day 27 - Shopping Day

Well, I slept pretty late today. I slept until 11:30am. Late for me lately anyway. But even now I'm tired and will probably go to sleep after this. Saturday is a desert for TV for the most part anyway. I watched the only good thing on at 8:00pm tonight - New season of "My Cat From Hell" and it was awesome! Jackson Galaxy is the MAN for dealing with troubled feline homes.

Anyway, I got up and drank my protein shake. I forgot to take my vitamins today though. It's too late to take them now - even my multi because apparently it gives me restless legs!! I swear, I just can't win! Almost everything gives me restless legs and there seems to be no way to stop them. But after I got dressed I had to take my mom to the bank. After that, I put fuel in the car. Finally we went to Walmart. My mom and I split up to do our own shopping. I had the list she gave me and knew a few things I needed to get myself. She was nice and got me "D" vitamins to add to my regimine. I also took her advice and got some of this foot cream called Foot Balm. It's really moisturizing. I could feel my feet suck it up. So I think that was a good deal. I also got my protein powder. I got three containers and in three different flavors - Strawberry, Vanilla and Chocolate. I have tried the vanilla or the just plain chocolate. I almost got chocolate peanut butter again, but I figured I should try the ones I hadn't tried first. I also picked up Dannon Greek Yogurt while I was there. That stuff is so good!! I got vanilla and blueberry on the bottom. I also grabbed a vitamin water by Sobe. Then I got a "Woman's World" and then I met this guy doing a sample display for this stuff called zipfizz. It tasted good! Had vitamins in it. No calories, but it's not something I could really afford. I told him my situation and what was so sweet, he gave me two tubes for FREE! :-) But here's the weird thing and I don't know if it was from the sample I took or what, but as I was at the register, I was shaking!! My whole body was just shaking like crazy. The cashier asked me if I was okay. I ended up being fine once I got back home and rested a bit. But I had to go sit down at McDonald's and wait for my mom. Once she got there she wanted something to eat so I got her a Grilled chicken Caeser salad and I got me a cup so I could get water - a big cup. Had to pay a buck for the cup, but it's better than the little shitty cup they give you for water. My mom didn't finish her salad so I did that for her. We did have to have someone help us get the bags into the trunk.

When we got home, Jordan, Taylor and George brought in the bags. I went to my room to just chill out. Then I was supposed to go over to Jason and Susan's tonight for dinner and pick up my Food card, but Jason changed his mind - of course - and at first I was kind of ticked. I figured he had a certain reason for being upset with me. But I guess it was really about the fact they were going to have steak instead of chicken. Ah well. Either way, I got over it quickly. I just wanted my food card back. It took awhile, but Susan broiught it back to me. It was after I had eaten dinner. I had a frozen dinner. It didn't have a ton of calories, but it wasn't much food, which is probably while the calorie count wasn't outrageous. I also had a Dannon Greek Yogurt. Those things are so good! It was Vanilla. That was when Cassie came to the door. Jordan, Taylor and George had left. Mom let Cassie in - who gave me my food card back - and I gave her a hug hug!! Even if she doesn't stay with me much, ,I love you to death. She is my girl. 

A little while after that, I went to Albertson's. I had a devil of a time trying to find protein water! But with the help of this woman that worked there, I finally found it! I'll know where to look now. I also got more greek yogurts, a vitamin water, a regular water and I even got some gum that tastes like strawberry shortcake! I usually don't get gum. I don't often chew it and once I have the surgery I can't have it at all because it makes you swallow air. Anyway, Jordan was proud of me for making good choices.

I do have a great relationship with my kids. Jordan came to me and told me he and the boys were going to do a little drinking. George apparently got them some liquor. I mean, come on, they are almost 21 - George IS 21. In fact, they gave me a shot or two. I have to be careful though because I don't want it messing with my diet. There are a lot of calories in liquor. I just hope they don't lose it and get too loud or something. Guess we'll see what happens.

Anyway, outside of watching "Covert Affairs" - the first two episodes and "Larry the Cable Guy's Only In America" I haven't watched much. I didn't do any reading today except the "Woman's World." Now I think I'm going to find something that's not terribly caloric to eat then go to sleep. My stomach is growling so I need to have something. No big deal since I missed one of my protein shakes.

So it's been a decent day of shopping. I got what I wanted for the most part. I forgot to get Mousse Tempations though. Guess that's for later. Time to wrap this up!

Day 26 - Been so COLD!

I felt like I was moving through molasses again this morning. But I got up and got ready to go to the gym for water aerobics with Susan. I was wearing the swimming sweater that woman gave me which probably helped somewhat. But the water was freezing!! And to make matters worse, the spa is out of Order so after the aerobics freezing to death, I took a shower, but the water pressure is so bad I couldn't get warm at all. It sucks to be that cold. Then once I got home, all I wanted was to curl up under the covers. I did and out on the "Merlin" Marathon on Syfy. I had to turn the volume down pretty low though because it was keeping me awake and I wanted to go to sleep and I did sleep. I slept for a couple of hours. Then when I did wake up, I didn't want to get out from under the blankets. I did for a little bit when Cassie and Jason came over with Rena. Well, Cassie had to clean up her space. Then when Rena came in she was just all over the place and wanting to be loved on. She is such a sweetie! Jason is worried about my rashes. Susan too and I have to say I've been thinking about going back to the doctor seeing if there is ANYTHING that can be done.

After they left though, I went back under the covers for awhile. Tim came over to drop Taylor off. And George came over so the boys have been hanging out. I ended up going after burgers for the boys and I got myself a Caeser salad and a diet Dr. Pepper. We ate when I came back and then after that I returned to my room, put "Merlin" back on. I also got on cafemom. I had to post some stuff in "Holiday Dreaming" and "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" Nicole called and I put cream on most of my rashes as we talked, but I was still cold. I'm cold now and I have my blanket wrapped around me. I'm also tired. I hope I sleep good tonight. Maybe by morning I'll feel warm.

Anyway, I finished reading "Body Double" last night. I couldn't put it down. But I wanted more. I have to get "Vanish" next month. Jane probably would have had her baby already or it will have her having the baby. There might be more about Maura's bio mom too, though I doubt that.

Well, I guess that's it. Today I have done okay on my eating. I just need to see how much I weigh eventually. But for now I'm going to try to go to sleep buried under the covers.

Day 24 - Just Exhausted

I had to take an extra ativan while trying to sleep last night because of my stupid restless legs. It's really bad. It's just something else for me to deal with. Anyway, I woke up, got Cassie to school. Went back to sleep for a little bit, but got up to get ready so I could get to my appointment for my pdoc. Well, I thought my appointment was at 9:30am. Turns out it was for 10:30pm. But I didn't mind really. I just sat there and read "Body Double." It's such a good book!! 

Anyway, the appointment went well though the doctor wants to start weening me off the ativan, though I really don't want to stop. I hacve enough going on than to have to deal with this too. But oh well. I probably won't be able to use much of it after the surgery anyway. Well, that's a guess, but that's what I am thinking. It'll help me get through it.

When I got home, I took a nap. I was just to tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open. So I slept until about 1:30pm then got up to go get Cassie from school. Of course, I went back to my book. Then after school was out she wanted to walk to 7/11 with two of her friends. I let her and just waited for her to come back. It was about 15 minutes. Once we got home, I had to try to get Cassie working on her homework, though she and I ended up talking mostly, I guess. I ended up letting her take the laptop with her to finish up her homework. Of course, it didn't get completely done until after we got home.

Once she left with Jason and Susan, I waited a bit then went to therapy. I did get a diet dr. pepper on my way, but the cups are a lot smaller now. Anyway, when I got to Dr. Tess' office I sat down and just did more reading. Time seemed to go by very quickly. I guess a good book can do that. 

My session went well. I didn't have much negative to say, though when we talked about jobs that stressed me. But it wasn't like he was pushing me like he wanted me to work. It just came up in conversation as we talked about SSI. But just thinking about it was almost enough to make me start crying. That fear gets overwhelming. I just hope SSI comes through. 

Anyway, after therapy I went over to Jason and Susan's to have dinner and bring Cassie home. I got to spend time with Rena too. She is such a cute dog. But Cassie pretty much got the rest of her homework done so that way when we got home I could type it up for her. She also took a shower while we were there. Of course, I also got to hold Zippy for a few minutes, but the kitties were hiding. I think they  might hide for awhile. It's going to take time to get them used to having a dog around. 

Well, I typed and printed off Cassie's persuasive essay and I am exhausted. Ids hope I sleep good tonight. I have to wake Jordan up at 6:30am, Cassie up at 6:50am then get myself up by 8:15am to get to water aerobics. Maybe tomorrow I won't be as tired.

Day 23 - Why Do Ex Husbands Like to Ruin Your Day?

I am so tired tonight. I actually woke up okay this morning. I was a bit tired, but all in all I was able to get ready easily. Of course, there was a wrench thrown in the mix. Cassie wasn't feeling good so I had to go pick her up and be back home in time for Susan to pick me up for water aerobics. It worked out fine. I got there, called Attendence and they walked her out to the car. I dropped her off at home and Susan was there minutes later. We even got a decent parking spot. I almost walked in without using my key card. LOL! I was just so focused because I didn't want to be late.

OMG! The water was cold! That's something I haven't been liking lately. Eventually someone put on the heater, but it didn't exactly help. The workout was good though. It was more about abs than anything else today, which was a good thing. I'm a little sore, but not like I was yesterday. And I didn't have to spend extra time in the spa really. That was nice, but I was still tired from the workout.

When Susan dropped me off, Cassie went with her to see Rena and spend time with the woofie. Poor Cassie has a head cold though. It's not terrible at the moment, but it's giving her problems going to sleep tonight and she probably won't feel great in the morning. But that's just how it goes.

Anyway, after Cassie left I got on the computer for awhile. I finally put up Valentine's Day forums in Holiday Dreaming. I got so tired though that after I had a protein shake for lunch, I laid down, but I didn't sleep that much. Then I posted more stuff to "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" I also had a bowl of stew for dinner and then Jordan and I had to make my Mom's bed for her. It wasn't so bad except that I was really exhausted physically. I also watched a marathon of "Dirty Jobs" along with the new episode tonight. Loved it. I even tried helping Cassie with some of her homework, but we didn't get through much of it. She still has tomorrow to finish it up. 

Well, Cassie got ticked when she found out that Jordan used her Target gift card - especially when he told me the wrong amount and she couldn't get three books she wanted. Instead she settled for two, but she was really, really upset with him. I gave her $30 though - the $20 from Maggie and $10 from me to cover the difference. She eventually calmed down and went to bed. Of course, as she was getting ready for bed, she told me the story of "Hush Hush" and I have to say that I really like it! I might ask her to read that one after I finish "Beautiful Creatures." Of course, I also need to finish "Body Double" by Tess Gerritsen. I got to read some of it while my mom went into pick up her medication at the pharmacy earlier in the day. 

Anyway, I checked Facebook and just got ticked. My Ex Husband John wants me to take off a pic of him that was generated by this app. I told him that if he didn't like he could unfriend me. I don't know how he'll respond to that, but you know, I'm not going to delete the thing just because he doesn't like it. Ugh! But I'm even too tired to stay ticked. It did ruin my dad for a bit though. He really is good at that crap too. I don't know what his problem is, but oh well. It's his problem. Not mine.

So now I'm going to take my meds and go to sleep. Goodnight!

Day 22 - Tired and Sore but Good.

I woke up this morning feeling like I was moving through molasses. It really sucked. I was tired and just didn't want to get up, but I did. I took my meds, my vitamins and had a protein shake. I half thought maybe water aerobics class would be cancelled today. But it wasn't. Which ultimately was a good thing! :-) I worked out HARD I guess because I got SORE! Of course, I think the thing that really killed me after aerobics was the spa. I had to stay there longer than I planned because of this other woman that has to use the same disabled shower stall I do to finish her shower. I kind of hate it when she comes because of it.

Anyway, I was so exhausted by the time I got home. I was going to lay down, but Timothy came with his wife and little Zamantha. She is so cute! I talked with them for awhile, but once they went upstairs I went and laid down. I was also FREEZING! Not sure why, but I got under my covers and laid there drifting in and out of sleep for a few hours. I got woken up by Cassie, Jason and Susan with Rena their new little doggie!! Oh she's so cute!!! I was surprised that Karissa didn't hiss or freak out. She did good! But she was on edge and didn't take her eyes off Rena.

After that, I debated going back to sleep because I was still so tired, but my mom wanted me to go get dinner for Jordan and I and I realized it was the 2nd, so I figured I'd see if my money had come in and if it had I'd buy dinner myself because I wanted a chicken caeser salad. My mom hadn't given me enough for that. I was going to have to cook dinner for me and I just didn't want to do that. So the money came in. I got my salad and I got a diet Dr. Pepper, though I gave Jordan at least a third of it. Then I got him three McDoubles and 1 small fry. He was happy about that.

After dinner I headed up to Walmart. I, of course, forgot my list. But I remembered to get my mother orange juice. I got my nose spray though I almost forgot it! I was going to get protein water pouches, but I didn't find any. Not even protein water!! I got Cat litter. I had to get a big box because the little ones were gone. I also got Karissa's kitty treats. Then I also got Jordan microsoft points. I got myself "Covert Affairs - Season 1" and a new romance book - "Secrets of the Oasis." Got to have my Sheik romances. I also got a big bottle of ibuprofen and another bottle of vitamin C. This time not chewable, I don't think. I know I got a couple more things - toilet paper and fabreeze . . . vanilla scented renuzit. Trying to get my room smelling better. After all, I have the cat and her littler box in here.

I got really lucky tonight though. When I was looking for something to watch, I found the ROSE PARADE coming on!! I didn't miss it!! And it was awesome! I really liked it. I also played a bit on Cafemom. Changed the pic for "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" and I posted in the group and several others. Then I put on "Hawaii 5-0." Great show!

Now I think I'm going to go have a protein shake and then go to bed. I am exhausted.

Day 21 - New Year's Day!

I didn't wake up early. In fact, my mom and Jordan woke me up with their fighting. Jordan cussed at her which wasn't right, but I was so tired, I just couldn't say anything. In fact, I don't remember what it was about or anything. I just couldn't stay awake after having trouble sleep last night because of restless legs. That sucked. I hate restless legs. Makes me get very frustrated and cry.

When I finally did wake up, I just kind of stayed in my room for awhile. I put on the TV - "River Monsters" and then a marathon of "Finding Bigfoot." I cleaned up my room a little bit too. Cleared off a lot of the bed off. There's stuff still on it, but not like it was. I got Jordan to do two more loads of laundry for me today. I picked up trash. I got all the yarn and my crochet project put in a bag. Not sure where to put it after that though, so that's still on the bed. I also have several hangers on the bed, but I also got clothes hung up. Jordan was kind enough to do that for me and to put the trash I had gathered into my trash bag. Eventually I went out to get a protein shake. Drank that down. Grabbed my vitamins. Went back to my room and took them and my morning meds.

Eventually, I got online and started playing on Cafemom. I didn't do anything with Holiday Dreaming, but I posted a few things on "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" I need to pick a new pic of Karissa for the group. Maybe I'll see if I can't get some hearts behind her or something for Valentine's Day which will be here before you know it too. I hope it doesn't take me that long to lose the 50 lbs. I'd like to get that surgery as soon as possible. But I don't think I'm losing weight that fast. I'm going to have to really cut down everything. I already do two meal replacements a day. Now I need to work on down-sizing my dinner and not eating much at night. Mostly I've been eating fruit. If I can stick with fruit at night I might be okay. 

And speaking of food, my mom made a fantastic steak dinner! I know I ate too much, but it was good. And it wasn't just steak. We had hashbrowns, corn and green beans. It was all good. Later I had a small piece of pumpkin pie. Man I want another piece. But I'll be good. However, I am kind of hungry again so I'll have to figure out something. My mom said there was an orange in the kitchen so I'll go look.

Anyway, I played on Facebook too and on Tumblr. I added pix and a recipe to Facebook. Exchanged messages with Nicole. I even did some working out on my arms with my new weights. I also watched "Cupcake Wars" and "Rachel and Guy's Celebrity Cook-off." Now I'm watching the season premiere of "Finding Bigfoot." After that, I'm hoping to go to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be an early day. Back to the pool . . .

Day 20 - Happy New Year!!

Today wasn't a great day. It ended pretty good, but it didn't start that way. I just got depressed the night before. Maybe partly because I gave Cassie my computer so she could work on her homework and I couldn't do my usually playing online. But I also was itchy all night and scratching all night. I think that more than anything has depressed me. Basically, I need to do the water aerobics to help tone my muscles and lose weight. But the water in the pool breaks me out in a rash that doesn't go away. So there's nothing I can do about it because I have to do the swimming. I have to go into the pool and it'll continue after surgery as well. So I got into this funk about how are things really going to work out? Will I always have to be covered with rashes? Will that really be worth it? Anyway, I woke up depressed and went back to sleep until 1:00pm or so. Maybe later. I know I wanted to sleep later. I wasn't even hungry for a long time.

Eventually, I did get up and have a protein shake. I didn't grab my vitamins though. Guess I sort of slacked today all around. Then I actually broke down in front of my mom crying about the stupid rashes and I just don't cry. I hate crying, but I have been so upset.

Anyway, Jason wanted me to pick him up at Amaya and my mom wanted me to go to the store so I could get milk and two steaks. I also had medication to pick up from the pharmacy. So I picked up Jason. He went into the pharmacy for me and I went into Vons. I got the milk and then I found an AWESOME set of steaks that normally would have been $35 down to $14. Talk about a great deal!! And the two steaks were thick and just great! My mom was pretty surprised that I got such great steaks for such a good deal!

After that Jason and I let the car cool down a little then put water in the car and headed to his place. Cassie already had most of her friends already there. It was wild. I was glad to get there and I got my computer. I also got hugs from Katie Belle and Paige. It's always nice to see them! I spent a lot of time on the laptop going over Cafemom and Facebook. I did a survey on Bzoink that got posted to Facebook.

Susan made Chili Mac for everyone else and Teriyaki Tofu Stirfry for us. It was pretty good, but the veggies were just too hard for me to eat. I did, but it wasn't easy. Taste-wise, it was pretty awesome! I wouldn't mind having it again.

The girls all were having fun together, except this one girl. She was a bit over-sensitive anyway and that's never a good thing in a group of girls. No one was ever going to actually say anything to this girl, but she was really obsessive about "Transformers." And I don't get exactly what happened, but Katie Kelly told her two of the girls (Katie Belle and Lakaira) were going to tell her that they didn't like the movie or something stupid like that. She then got so upset she called her mom to come pick her up! It was nuts. I felt bad, but you know, I think it was best she went home. Then Susan and I watched most of the newest "Karate Kid" With Jayden Smith and Jackie Chan. It was pretty good! Then the original one came on and so we started watching that with Paige until it was time to let the girl go nuts outside. Even Jason woke up to watch the ball drop. It was funny because Susan and I were calling down seconds from 40 then 30 then 20 and the girls did the rest aloud on their own. They were a couple seconds fast, but that was okay. They yelled out and made a lot of racket we all had sparkling cider. It was really cool. And Paige was my picture taker. She did pretty good too!

Anyway, I left about 20-30 minutes after midnight. Traffic was lite and there weren't any cops around at least not on  my route. They're probably more toward Downtown. Well, I might be sleeping late today too, though I kind of want to watch the Rose Parade. I guess we'll see how I feel when I wake up first.

It's been a pretty good New Year's Eve. I might go find myself a little snack and then go to sleep. Of course, after I finish watching "America's Cutest Pets."