Day 18 - Itchy Scratchy

Well, the rashes are worse. Thank god I have the weekend to partially recover before facing another week of water aerobics in that water. I love the water aerobics, but I really hate the rashes that I get from the chlorine. That really sucks and I can't stop the itching and I can't help but scratch. Ugh!

I got up this morning without a problem. I had the last of my strawberry protein powder. Then I took my vitamins and medication and got ready to go to the gym. I was ready by the time Susan got here.

One of the things I've noticed is though I have a hard time walking far, I have started walking from where ever Susan parks and walk from there instead of her letting me off in the front. It still takes a lot out of me to walk in and out, at least I can do it. Susan was also nice enough to bring me a water bottle to fill up with water. It was good to have.

The work-out was good! I have a hard time hearing Lois sometimes. It's the same for Susan, but I figure as long as I'm still moving I'm doing good! but the pool was cold!! Ugh!! That's something I don't like. The water has been really cold and I hate it. I might warm up once we get moving but as soon as we hit the stretching at the end, I am freezing!! Thank god for the spa! I had to stay in there longer today though because this one woman was here and she uses the hadicapped stall too, so I wanted to make sure she had plenty of time so I didn't have to stand there waiting and probably making her feel bad.

Anyway, after the shower, I still felt a little cold and I was tired. I work harder and harder during the classes. When I got home I laid down and took a nap. I probably shouldn't have, but it seems to be nice for me to do it. Then when I wake up, I got to try my new protein powder - Chocolate Peanut Butter. It wasn't as good as I hoped it was, but it was okay. I'm sure it'll grow on me. The strawberry did! :-) And the good thing is it seems the absess is finally starting to go down!! The antibiotics are finally working!! Thank god for that!!! It's still swollen, but not like it was. I have hope now that it'll need no draining. Yay!

Well, I did check out some stuff online. I checked a couple of things on Cafemom, got on Facebook and looked at Tumblr but I haven't felt up to doing much. There is so much I can do, but I just don't feel like it. If I could I would just go to sleep, but I'm having trouble with that. I might take another percocet, though I guess I really don't need it. Or maybe I'll take an ativan. I did watch some re-runs of "Monk" and two episodes of "Criminal Minds" that I hadn't see before so that was a nice treat. But I definitely want to sleep. I wish I was lucky like Karissa. She can sleep easily. Of course, she's a cat and that's something she does well. LOL! In fact, she snores! I don't want to snore though. When I do I wake up with headaches.

I can't believe that Christmas is over and that New Year's is just a few days away. It's crazy. I have some anxiety about 2012, but all in all, I think it's going to be a good year for me. I just have to keep that in mind and leave out the stupid doomsday crap. I don't know why it bothers me at all. All the end of the world crap is just that - crap. But there's something about this one that bothers me the most. I don't know. I just have to put it out of my mind and just leave it alone, not that I go out of my way to look into it. It's just crap.

Well, I guess that's it. Tomorrow is a new day and my last day of water aerobics for the week. I may or may not try to get to the night classes on Mondays and Wednesdays if Susan goes. I suppose it depends on how I feel and how bad the rashes are. But there's no denying it would be good for me so I'll keep it in mind.

Anyway, I'm going to take the percocet or ativan and go to sleep. Fingers crossed.

Day 17 - Back on Track Though I Still Hurt

Well, I woke up early enough to drink a protein shake, take my vitamins, take my meds and get ready to go to the gym with Susan. The bad thing is that my stomach has kind of been unsettled all day too. But Susan and I did the water aerobics class and I have been working hard each and every time. I want to feel my body working when I do the moves. I think I really pushed myself this time. I felt good afterwards, but I was glad that we went into the spa after. The water in the pool is just too cold. It's fine when you're moving, but the last few minutes that you spend stretching out . . . well, that's a problem. I start feeling chilled to the bone. The spa feels so good after that though. We stayed about 15 minutes or so before going to get a shower.

Susan was nice enough to share her water with me. I needed water badly. Then when I got home, I was kind of wiped out. I was tired. So I took a percocet and laid down with Karissa. When I got up around 1:00pm I fixed my second protein shake and realized I was down to the nitty gritty with my protein powder. My mom gave me money to get another one, and shampoo for her and milk for Jordan. It didn't take me too long to find a parking spot, but it wasn't one I wanted. However, I just figured I needed to take what I could and get done with the shopping as fast as possible.

First thing I did was get the protein pweder. I picked Chocolate Peanut Butter flavored and am just hoping that it tastes good. I'm going to be able to try it either tomorrow or the next day. I love the flavor combo. It's one of my favorites so hopefully this powder will do it justice.

I wasn't hungry for awhile as I worked on Cafemom. I got new members to "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" which is awesome!! I am up to 10 members and this is people finding me, not me trying to find them! It feels great! I didn't do anything in "Holiday Dreaming" today, but I caught up in other groups. I added to my journal in "Plus sized Mommas" and another journal entry in "Sister to Sister." I really wanted to get things done.

Man, this stupid absess hurts! It's driving me crazy! I'm going to have to take another percocet and advil, I think. Something is going to have to give, but I don't want to go back to the ER or to the doctor where they might lance it or try to drain it without numbing it. They did that to Jordan and he went into shock turning about 5 different colors. I knew it hurt him. He almost passed out. I don't think I can do that. It scares me to death. Of course, I don't know how much longer I can deal with this this way either. I guess we'll see what happens - what gives first.

Anyway, it's only 8:00pm, but I'm thinking I might go to sleep here early with a percocet. Plus the only thing I really want to see would be "Brad Meltzer's Decoded" but I'm tired enough to not care. For several hours now I have been watching "River Monsters." There is somwething about the show that really just relaxes me. Go figure. 

I did okay with dinner. It was too big a plate, I think, but a lot of it were veggies. I have to work on eating smaller portions though. But I'm not going to eat anything else tonight. Tomorrow, I'm still on track. We'll do the water aerobics and the protein shakes and work on having a smaller dinner. I have got to start losing weight. 

Now I'm going to head off here and probably to sleep.

Day 16 - Been Better But Okay

Again I slept on and off all day. I think the swelling is starting to go down a little on the absess. At least I hope so. It still feels like I have a hard ball in my jaw. Ah well. At least I've been taking my antibiotics like I should. What worries me is that I am running low on Percocet. Hopefully it will last until the majority of this is over. 

Anyway, I did better on my eating today. I had a protein shake. Then later I had a sausage with two oranges. Then I had a little bit of turkey and some blackberry pie. But not much. I haven't decided if I'm going to drink another shake or just go back to sleep. I could do either. I took a percocet at 9:00pm and so I guess it's kicking in a bit stronger.

I did play on the computer for a bit. I posted pix up on Facebook and Tumblr of our Annual Family Feast. Then I have also been on Cafemom. I added more New Year's forums to Holiday Dreaming. I need to make a list of what to do for Valentine's Day, St. Patty's Day, Easter and July 4th. Of course, that will come as it comes. 

Well, I managed to stay awake for "Dirty Jobs." I'm so glad there are new episodes. I think that's it for me though. I'm ready to head to sleep. I just have to take my night meds. But for sure tomorrow morning I'm going to be getting my ass up and going to water aerobics. I need to.

That's about it for my day. If I'm lucky the swelling will be just about gone in the morning. That would be so nice! Guess we'll see!

Day 15 - Percocet Daze But Still Swollen

I spent most of the day sleeping. I was so tired and the pain from the absess gets worse. So I just took percocet every four hours give or take and slept. I slept on and off until around 5:00pm.

Tim came over and talked to me a little bit about the absess and what I could try to do with it. I don't feel like messing with it the way he messes with things, but on the other hand I don't want to have to have it drained either. I saw Jordan get his lanced or drained and he went into shock afterwards. And if he can't tolerate the pain, I don't think I'd fair that much better. Anyway, the idea is to see if the antibiotics won't start working in another day or so. If not, then I guess I have to go back to the ER.

Well, after Tim left, I fixed myself a little plate of turkey with a tiny scoop of stuffing. I didn't bother with mashed potatoes or anything. I just heated what I had and ate it. When that was done I went and got the computer from Jordan and played on the computer for awhile. Though I didn't do that much. I watched two episodes of "Law and Order" and remembered what I didn't like about the show - an unsatifying ending. But I was waiting for the new "The Closer" episode and the new "Rizzoli and Isles" which was awesome! Gabriel came back and he and Jane got together! Unfortunately, Maura's mom was hit by a car pushing Maura out of the way. Then her birthfather showed up. At the end, he saved Maura only to have a shootout with Boston PD. Maura was beyond upset. I can't wait until next summer to see what happens.

Anyway, I have taken my night meds and some ativan as well. I'll be back asleep soon. At least I hope so. I really want more turkey though. And I didn't see any in the fridge. My mom must have it in her fridge. Not that I need more to eat. I also had three or four oranges and a bowl of yams and a glass of cider. Not to mention two rolls with butter. This has to be the last day I cheat. Tomorrow I have to get back on the wagon so I can lose the pounds. I should try to go to the gym in the morning. I have to do the water aerobics. I need to get back on track. 

But first sleep.

 

Day 14 - Merry Christmas!!

Jordan woke Cassie and I up around 6:00am or 7:00am. I don't remember which. He was obviously excited to get the gift he didn't know about. LOL! Or rather know what it was. Cassie wasn't happy with him and I wasn't thrilled, but it was fun to finally give them their gifts. Cassie wasn't thrilled with the book at first, but I convinced her to read the first chapter so hopefully she'll like it. Personally, I thought it sounded pretty good! So I think ultimately she's going to be happy with it and Jordan loved his long sleeved shirt. Then my mom gave them her gifts. Jordan loved the shirt I'd picked out for him - the "Same Shirt Different Day" shirt. LOL! In fact, he put it on!! Cassie loved her scarf from Grandma. She also liked the toe socks, but they didn't fit her well. I think I got Childrens size. :-( Which means they didn't have them for tweens/teens like I thought. They also both got Candy from Grandma - fruit slices which they both love. And they both got regular socks too. They always need socks!

Cassie handed us our stockings and they both liked them. Unfortunately, the fuzzy socks that I bought for Jordan didn't fit him so he gave them to Cassie who definitely liked them. Jordan laughed about the brush, but he actually used it!! Then Cassie got her lip gloss and apparently it didn't taste like anything, which was kind of disappointing to me, but it still shined nice on her lips.

After that, I was so tired, I did go back to sleep. It was around noon that I woke up. It was a good thing I didn't sleep later because Jordan was going to sleep and I needed him to go to the pharmacy and get my meds. He wasn't happy about it, but he knew I needed to get the meds. The absess is even worse than it was before where it was swelling part of my lower lip. THAT is bad. 

Anyway, I stayed in my PJs when I took him and it turned out I wasn't the only one out and about in my PJs. There were about three girls in theirs too that walked by. As I waited for Jordan, I read more of "Beautiful Creatures," which is still really good! When he got back to the car though, the first thing I did was take two of the antibiotics. Then when I got home, I took a percocet. My mom woke me up at 3:00pm to eat dinner. And the dinner was FANTASTIC! The stuffing tasted so good!! Turns out the thing she did different from Thanksgiving was that she cooked it in the turkey. It made SUCH a difference! I wouldn't have believed it had I not tasted it. Jordan was sleeping and didn't want to wake up. His loss. 

I made myself a good sized plate, but not as big a one as I would normally make. On top of that, I didn't go back for seconds or thirds. I did have a tiny piece of blackberry pie. I still want a small piece of pumpkin, but that can wait until tomorrow. Also, I did go back for one snack earlier - a roll with some turkey and cranberry sauce inside. It was good and I was shocked because Karissa actually ate some turkey!!! She never eats Turkey! I guess she changed her mind today or the turkey was just that good! I thought it was sensational. My mom also fixed mashed potatoes, mashed yams, peas, stuffing, rolls, turkey, cranberry sauce and cider to drink. I think in all honesty I did pretty good and didn't go too far overboard. Though next year I'll be picking and chosing my bites since I'll probably only eating a shot glass full of food. 

Anyway, Cassie got really upset though and started crying saying how Christmas just wasn't fun for her. That no one had really spent time with her, but that she was sad because her friends all got cool stuff and she knew she couldn't get any of it. And how she had chosen books because she knew it would be less stressful for us adults to get for her. She is very thoughtful with some things. But I was so sad for her. She just cried and said it didn't feel like Christmas. That her friends all had family that loved to hang out together, talk, play games . . . and what did we have? I know that feeling because I had that feeling growing up all the time. Our family just isn't a family - well, except Cassie, Jordan and I. Though Grandma was really nice this year. I thought it felt more like Christmas to me. I just felt so bad for her.

We then went back to my room where I let her play on the computer. She created a tumblr account, but eventually I just had to lay down. I think she was just happy to be with me. I know I was happy to have her with me. Then Jason and Susan came to pick her up. They saw my face and were shocked I think. It's that bad.

I went back to sleep again after that with more percocet. But I woke up in time to see the last 10 minutes of "Cupcake Wars" then the new "Iron Chef America" where Chef Zakarian had his first battle! He won which was nice. I didn't pay attention the last 15 minutes or so. I started playing on the computer. I also created a Tumblr account. Just thought it would be something to do. And why not have another account somewhere else. I just have fun with it.

Well, I took another percocet and I'm getting tired. I am still having pain which sucks. I need to take another antibiotic at 1:00am. I'll have Jordan wake me up since he'll be awake - brat that he is.

Then I want to go to the gym tomorrow and do the water aerobics, but I don't know. I guess it depends on how I feel in the morning. Hopefully better than this.

Christmas wasn't a spectacular success, but it wasn't a spectacular failure either. I think it was somewhere in the middle when you factor in Cassie's sadness. I hope next year I'll have some money to get her something really nice. :-) But now Christmas is over . . . :-( Oh well . . . one more week to New Years then it's back to normal.

Merry Christmas all!

Day 13 - Happy Christmas Eve!

Today has not been a landmark day really. I woke up to find that my mouth/gum was swollen bad. So what I thought might go away got worse over night. Way worse. I did get my ass up by 9:30am. I was so tired I could probably have slept til noon, but I decided that I should try to keep waking up early.

When my mom saw my face though, she said I needed to see the doctor, so after I had my protein shake I got dressed, grabbed Cassie's book "Beautiful Creatures" and went to the ER. My mom had given me a $20 bill to cover parking and a couple of things she wanted from the store after. But what was cool is the parking structure was apparently free today! I thought that was a nice surprise.

Anyway, they took me back pretty quick though I had to wait awhile to see the doctor. I literally read 112 pages of the book before I left. While I was there though they put an IV in me and ran me through with antibiotics. They also gave me some Tylenol, but that didn't work. When I left I had presciptions for antibiotics and percocet. I was way too tired to get them, but I did stop at Vons to get what my mom wanted. She wanted me to get cool whip and a pie. Well, there were no pies left. So she told me to get ice cream. Then I saw the Claim Jumper blackberry frozen pie and asked my mom if she wanted me to get that instead. She said yes. Well, when I got home, she tells me she didn't realize that she'd have to cook it. :-( So she got mad at me all over again. Said to me that lately I couldn't do anything right. I guess that's kinda true. But still . . . it's not like I did anything on purpose to her. I also got a woman's world and a chocolate milk. Though it had chocolate and a lot of sugar, I needed something in my stomach. Once I got home I also had a good sized sausage that my mom had cooked. From there, I went to my room, checked out a couple of things on the computer then started getting things ready to go. I grabbed my brush, the book, spaghetti noodles since that was my contribution to dinner and then I got a Christmas gift bag from my mom for Jason and Susan's gift. I got them the Joe Joe's cookies from Trader Joe's. Then I grabbed my little bottle of body spray I bought awhile though, but I didn't really like the fragrance compaired to one I'm getting. Hardly used any of it so I gave that to Susan. She was happy with it and that's what matters.

Went I went over to Jason and Susan's they shared their frustrations witn me about Cassie. Seems she's getting a little big for her britches. We'll see how that eventually pans out. She was at her friend Katie Kelly's. She wanted to spend the night and I was like, no! Jason and Susan told her no too. That this was a family night tradition. Apparently she wasn't happy at first, but she got over it. We listened to Christmas music. Just hung out. Cassie looked cute! She got new PJ bottoms from Katie Kelly. They're a snow leopard pattern. Very pretty! Then Susan got Cassie a book - one Cassie wanted so she started reading it and it turned out she didn't like the book after all. It was a fantasy book - like straight fantasy. Not like "Twilight" or "Fallen."

At one point, Jason got grumpy and went into the other room. It didn't stop us girls from enjoyed each other's company. And when Susan served dinner it was great! My plate was about half the chicken breast and a little bit of spaghetti. It was good and I enjoyed every bit. Oh and I got my gift too! 2 lb. weights! It was awesome! They'll be great for my stretching at home. I need to start doing that too, or at least on the days I don't go to the gym.

After dinner Cassie cleaned out the back of Jason and Susan's car because a lot of the stuff was hers if not all of it. While she did that, I got to hold Zippy - towel under him folded over a few times. He was so cute as I cuddled and scratched him he chortled at me and chirped. He just talked and talked and talked. He also pooped and peed a little, which good thing I had the towel. But I got to cuddle with him for so long. I think I got a tickle spot on him too because he would lift his back leg up like he was going to scratch himself. LOL! Too cute! When Cassie came back in though, she needed to put him back. She also gave him some apple.

Not long after we left and came home. Jordan was awake and Cassie wanted one of her gifts. Since it used to be our tradition anyway, we all opened one present tonight. Jordan got his book because he knew what it was and Cassie got the one book she knew she was getting. The surprises are for tomorrow. I let myself open up my book too - "Body Double" by Tess Gerritsen. Cassie got her "Beautiful Darkness" and Jordan got his "Assassin's Creed Revelations." I think that was it's title anyway. After that Jordan came with me to try to get my prescriptions filled, but he was also hungry so I took him to get a couple of burgers. First we were going to go to McDonald's, but they were closed. So we opted for Jack in the Box. I was still kinda hungry so I got a Chicken Teriyaki bowl. I probably shouldn't have, but it hit the spot. However the bad part was that when Jordan tried to get my prescriptions filled, the computers were down and they wouldn't take iin any prescriptions until 4:00am. UGH! I really need that percocet! But you know, I can't do anything about it so I just took more advil and hope it works.

I need to take my meds now and then I need to change into my PJs. I just finished talking to Jason. He's not feeling well emotionally. I think he's bipolar. He hates that I say that, but I think he might realize I could be right I mean, I don't even know if I'm right for sure, but it has seemed like it to me for a long time. Then once I'm done with this, I'll let Jordan take this laptop and then I'll prepare the stockings and then go to bed. I am so tired!! Of course, with the pain it's not going to be that easy. I can only hope the advil does it's job. 

Guess that's it. My eyes are burning like they have been open too long. Just another sign that I need to get to bed!

Happy Christmas Eve!! 

Day 12 - A Very Turbulent Day

You know, this day has been kind of off all day and then made worse. I woke up fine. Had my protein shake, took my meds, took my vitamins. Susan came and picked me up and we went to the gym. We got inside only to find out that Susan forgot her swim suit at home. She said she'd wait, but it was sad that she couldn't join in the water aerobics class. What was kind of neat though, was that several of the women told Susan as they got ready to leave that I was an inspiration because I was working so hard. They said that if I could come every day then they could too. That was nice to hear. Of course, I'm paying for the week in the pool. I have rashes all over my body and I put on the cream and it hasn't done any good. I'm thinking I'm going to have to use it at least twice a day.

After that, I came home. Susan and I talked in the car for awhile, then she had to go. So I got out and went inside. I got the computer from Jordan and started puttering around. Then my mom wanted to go to the bank, Albertson's and Rite Aid. Cassie arrived home just as we were leaving. It was because Jason was being an asshole again. I was so pissed off at him. He was like he was going to cancel our Christmas Eve dinner together. Then he was saying he was leaving Susan after the New Year. She was saying he was going to be homeless. I got pissed and I called him and I left a message on her voice mail that if he left, Susan would be homeless and that all I had to say was that Karma was a bitch and she'd catch up to him.

Anyway, we took my mom to the bank. Then she went to Rite Aid. She changed her mind about Albertson's. While she did that she gave us $5 to go to McDonald's. I got Cassie two McChickens and then I got a diet Dr. Pepper. My mother was thrilled when she got out of Rite Aid. She got her hair-dryer and a few other things. She got Cassie a teal scarf. :-) When we got home, Jason texted and invited us over for dinner. He was sorry and wanted Cassie to come back. We made him wait a bit to get an answer because we weren't sure. But then before we could go Cassie wanted to finish the chapter she was reading in her book. I was watching an episode of "The Closer." It was the Christmas one from two years ago, I think. It was fun to watch again. Jason also asked me to bring my computer so I did. That was cool because I got to play around on it. I was really into my Facebook today. I changed the profile to this new one called Timeline and it's awesome! I love it!! So I was playing with it. I think I might be on Facebook a bit more now.

Things seemed to be okay for awhile, but then one of Cassie's friends called and wanted her to come over. We told her no. She freaked out. Jason became a jerk. It was a mess again for a little bit. But eventually it all worked out. Cassie calmed down and Jason did too and they rebonded. Dinner was good. It was chili mac. I didn't eat all of it either. I was trying to leave some food behind though I wanted to eat it all. LOL! At least I had enough self control to do that.

Finally I headed home and I stopped to get my mom her Mega lotto tickets only to find out that the lottery was over this week! Ugh!! I wasn't happy because I thought my mom said get them on the way home. Apparently I had misunderstood her and she said to get them on the way over. I fucked up. But when I got home and tried to explain it to her telling her I wish that she would have told me they were doing the numbers tonight. But she wouldn't hear anything. She was just pissed at me. Not that I couldn't see why. I had fucked things up, but still.

Anyway, that kind of ruined my night. The only thing that's kind of saved it is "A Christmas Carol" starring Patrick Stewart. It came on TNT and I have been dying to see this version for a couple of years. I'm glad I found it on.

Well, I am so tired and itchy. I really hate the rashes all over me and I hope with the cream they'll ease up by Monday. At least I can hope. But after the movie is over, I think I'm going to take my meds and go to sleep. Hopefully I'll sleep well. I also can't believe that tomorrow is Christmas Eve! It's come so fast. What's funny is I thought it was still a couple of days away and then it dawned on me it was tomorrow!! WOW! It has come so fast!! I'm determined that this Christmas be a good one! Everything will blow over and I'm sure Christmas morning will be good. And that Christmas Eve will be good too.

Guess that's it for me. I am exhausted and my movie is over.

Day 11 - What a Day to Start!

I was going to wake up at about 8:15, but I was pretty tired and so I slept in about 10 minutes longer. Not much, but I just wanted a little more sleep. But I got up and got ready to go. I had to take my mom to Costco to do some last minute shopping. And believe me, we had to get there early!! I got ready, took my protein shake, took my vitamins and meds then we left.

I was so thirsty by the time we'd gotten there. I should have grabbed water before we'd left. But I didn't. We went into Costco and I followed my mom around. Then she tasked me to get a few things. That didn't take me long. I also found an un-opened bottle of water and drank it. It didn't go anywhere in the store and I just couldn't keep my thirst in check. But my back started hurting so I took a seat on the bench by the pharmacy and waited for her. While I waited, I also read more of "A Christmas to Remember." It was getting really good. I was really happy to have help to get the stuff out to the car and into the trunk.

When we got home, I woke up Jordan to get the stuff into the house. He went back to sleep after that. I finished reading "A Christmas to Remember" and I really loved it. After that I decided I wanted to go up to Grossmont Center - dreading the crowd. But I wanted to go to Barnes and Noble to get Tess Gerritsen's "Vanish." But they were out. I called the Santee store and they were out too. That did suck. But I went to Walmart, which was a pain in the ass trying to find a space too, though I ended up with a good spot. Then I decided instead of a book, I'd see what I could find in the $5 DVD bin. Turns out I found "High Plains Drifter," which is one of my favorite revenge flicks. I always said if I found it I'd buy it! So I did. I guess it was meant to be! After that, I got the milk and bread I needed. I also found something I can drink that's not soda - 0 calorie Lifewater by Sobe! Then my mom wanted me to find her foot lotion. I did! Then I found this massage ball I was actually getting for Susan, but in the end my mom liked it so I gave it to her for Christmas. 

Jordan wasn't happy when I woke him up again to pull in groceries but he did it even though it put him in a seriously crappy mood. I went and got on the computer. I played on Cafemom for a long time. I posted stuff in "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" and I announced that "Christmas Dreaming" is going to turn into "Holiday Dream" so that we can incorporate other holidays.

Dinner was great - rotissery chicken breast, corn and a lovely salad with my light House Dressing. It was yummy! Then it was back to the computer. I wasn't really watching anything either. I did have on "River Monsters" earlier. But I wasn't really watching it. Then I saw this show on about extreme Christmas trees and Christmas lights so that's what I'm had on since.

Right now I'm chatting with Steve. He and I haven't talked in awhile. It's good to be in touch. I think he misses me and he was always a nice guy. We were always good friends. I've been sharing my excitement for Christmas and my gastric bypass and losing the weight. I can't wait!

Anyway, I suppose that's about all I have to say. Outside of playing on the computer I didn't do much . . . Oh but there was one thing I need to mention. I STARTED MY FRICKEN PERIOD! Ah well. I knew it was going to start before Christmas. The good thing is, right now there is no PMS symptoms so maybe I'll be good this year. But it also explains of the cravings I've been having. I just hope I don't bleed everywhere. I can never predict the flow . . . Ah well.

So now, I'm going to take my meds. Maybe get a mousse temptation and then go to sleep now that it's well past midnight. Got to get up early to go to water aerobics!

Later!

Days 9 and 10 - Man I'm TIRED!!

Well, I should have written this last night for yesterday, but I was so tired by the time I got home, there was no way I was coherent enough to write anything.

Susan and I went to the gym yesterday. Even Cassie came. The water aerobics class was good! :-) It ended up being a little too much for Cassie, but I thought it did its job. I wished Joy was teaching the class though. Before we left Susan was able to get a pass for a month which I thought was awesome!! She is thinking about joining the gym next month which is why they gave her a month. I love it because if she goes, I'll feel obligated to get my ass up and go work out. LOL!

After Cassie and Susan dropped me off, I went inside, got some decaf coffee and then I started to work on "Savior" about Eyal Levin. I need to get back to it. I'd like to get the story done before Christmas. But I don't know if I will. I'll try to work more on it tomorrow. I'm just too tired tonight.

I then had Jordan shower while I still played on the computer before we left for Jason and Susan's. We tried to be as quiet as possible when we got there because Jason was sleeping. So Jordan and I sat in the family room, talked and played with the cats. They all came out to see me. Soon Jordan had Lulubelle and Katianna playing with a straw. It was so cute!

Susan and Cassie got back soon and we started on the tree. Jason didn't want to come out of the room. I think he was just over tired from working. He has to get up early. Anyway, Jordan, Susan and Cassie were trying to get the tree in the stand and I was the one left to make sure the tree was straight. After that, Susan put on the angel and then her and I put on the lights. Then Jason came out in a much better mood. He and Jordan put the garland on the tree, then Cassie and Jordan decorated the tree with whatever ornaments they could find. Even Jason said it was time for new ornaments. Theirs are old and several are broken.

When Susan got back from the store, it didn't take long for her to throw together dinner. I had ham, a little mashed potatoes, then green beans and corn. It was good! :-) After that, we talked for a little bit. Cassie and Jordan started rough housing and of course they got mad at each other . . . Not that Jason stepping in helped. They're still mad at each other at the moment, I guess. Jordan's not sure he wants to go over there on Christmas Eve, but I think he'll change his mind. At least I hope so and I hope he and Cassie can just get over this event and move on. They usually do. But we'll see.

I was so tired by the time we left. I was ready for bed. We came home, I checked a few things on the computer, but I just didn't have the energy or the focus to write my journal entry so I gave the computer over to Jordan and went to sleep. Or tried. I took a muscle relaxant and an ativan as I tried to sleep but couldn't right away. It was a mistake to take that muscle relaxant though, because today it's left me feeling like I'm dragging all day.

When I woke up, I got ready to go to the Gym. My mom had washed my suit and towels for me, I took my vitamins and took my morning meds. I had my protein shake and then I was ready to go. Well, I grabbed a little water bottle too.

When Susan arrived it was just Susan. No Cassie. We went to the gym and got into the water aerobics class. Well, we got there before the class. The water was a bit cooler than it had been yesterday which wasn't so nice. But it worked. Joy was teaching the class which I was happy about because she is awesome! She's fun and has energy and is just youthful and approachable, I guess. Anyway, I guess it was cardio day because it was one hell of a work out today! It was good! I enjoyed it. Well, until the last bit of stretching. Because we weren't moving much, the cold crept back in and I was never so happy to get into the spa! LOL! Susan and I stayed in there about 10-15 minutes. Then we took showers. I was so tired. I could feel my body just wanting to stop. As soon as I was dropped off at home, I went and got my laptop from Jordan and started to write an email to My Aussie. But my eyes kept wanting to close. I was going to finish up and then go to sleep, but I saw a delivery man come to the door. My mom, of course, didn't hear it, so I got up and grabbed it for her. That's when I found out she was putting up her tree. It looks okay, but not great. At least it's a lit tree which makes it nice.

Anyway, Sue - Tim's 1st wife - sent my mom this beautiful wreath and candle center piece. It was gorgeous!! That's on my mom's coffee table now. She might not have gotten it had I not gone to gete it. But I think that's sweet.

After that, I did finish up my email and then I did lay down. I drifted in and out of sleep until about 3:45pm. Once I got up I got a stamp from my mom. I had to wake her up though, which I hated doing, but I had to get my car insurance out today. After that, I went to Albertson's. I bought a water bottle. Then I got the money order and got myself a little cane of Coca Cola lip smackers! SO I'm going to put it in my stocking. I'll have three new lip balms - Coke, Sprite and Coke Cherry! Nice!!

From there I out fuel in my car and headed to therapy. I got there a half hour early. I used the time to read "A Christmas to Remember." It's gotten very good. Then I had a good session with Dr. Tess. We talked about my lifestyle change and that he's talked to the psychiatrist that had seen me. It all went well! :-) I almost had gone up to Grossmont, which to be honest, I don't really want to because of how crazy things are, but on the other hand, I really want to get "Vanish" by Tess Gerritsen. I'm going to maybe try tomorrow. We'll see. As it is I'm not going to the gym tomorrow because my mom needs me to take her to Costco. The earlier the better!!

Anyway, my body is sore from the work out today. That's a first in a long time. But it just goes to show me that I really worked out today. I'm just tired. I worked on my Cafemom groups and checked the others while "Ancient Aliens" was on. Now I'm going to watch "Brad Meltzer's Decoded" then go to sleep!

That's it for today . . . and yesterday! LOL!

Day 8 - Finally Got Going

I did it! I finally did it. I woke up and got ready, took my protein drink and vitamins and went to the gym. I asked about their scale and they don't have one that can weigh me so I'm pretty disappointed about that. But Jason and Susan said they'd take me back to the doctor to get weighed. Maybe after the holidays. I want a chance to have made a difference first. Though I think I have lost a little. Not sure how much, but I'm back on the straight and narrow.

The water aerobics was great! I enjoyed it a lot. What sucked though, was I would generally have did some lap swimming, then hit the spa and then take a shower, but I was kind of cold so after class I went and got into the spa. I stayed as long as I could, but someone was in the shower. I had to wait for about 10-15 minutes. It sucked, but I didn't complain or anything. I mean, come on. If someone has to use the handicapped shower then they have to use it, right? I know I need to use it. In facr, I took most of my shower sitting down on the bench. I was pretty drained. But what aggravates me is the water pressure in the handicapped shower is like trickling soft. And I had to wash my hair and body in that. Ugh! Makes me take half an hour. But I did it.

When I got home though, I was very tired. I grabbed some decaf coffee and I hoped online which was great. I had written my Aussie last night when I couldn't sleep and he wrote me back today! It was great to hear from him, even if it was a bit short, but he was at working, working hard. I'll probably write him again tomorrow. I'm too tired to really write him today. But I have missed him. He has always been a supportive and very sensual, sexy friend too! ;-) But every so often I disappear from him. He always welcomes me back with open arms. He understands how my life can get. He was happy things are going so well with me.

After that I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore so I ended up laying down and I fell asleep. I'm not sure how long I slept, but I woke up around 4:30pm. I waited a little while then went out to see about getting something to eat. Jordan and I ended up eating frozen dinners. But this time I had a Lean Cuisine with a bunch of broccoli. Going back to my room I finished watching "Lethal Weapon." Started watching "Space Cowboys" and now I'm watching "The Closer." Then I'll be watching "Rizzoli & Isles" if I can stay awake that long. I am so tired.

Nicole also called me. We talked for awhile. We commisserated on kids, men and life in general and celebrated the good stuff too. We talked about how you really have to make up your mind to do something to really make it happen. It was a good talk, but I was so tired. I'm still very tired. Hopefully I'll sleep tonight.

Guess that's it. I'm going to drink some water, take my meds, watch my TV and then chill out. I was even too tired to play on cafemom. It's definitely time to rest and then sleep. Tomorrow it's off to the races again!

Day 7 - B Vitamins Are AWESOME!!

I woke up today around 9:30 this morning. I was kind of tired, but you know, I just had to get up. I then went and had my protein shake and took my vitamins - B Complex, Calcium with Magnesium and Zinc and Vitamin C. And since then I have been awake and in a good mood! I'm starting to feel a little scattered at the moment, but for the most part today I have been pretty clear and focused. I still haven't gotten to the rest of my Christmas Fan Fiction done yet. Maybe I'll try tomorrow.

At one point while I was playing on the computer, a woman came over with some amish spice bread, but basically we had gotten her package. Thank goodness there was a phone number because the address was ours! But my mom gave me half a slice with some butter. I shouldn't have had it, but it was just a little and it was so good!

Then today I took Jordan to Taco Bell - plus we had to pick up my medication. Turned out only one was ready, but it's my ativan so that's a good thing. It'll help me sleep tonight. At Taco Bell I was kind of bad and I had a soft taco fresco. I'm not supposed to have Tortillas, but other than the tortilla it was just a little meat with lettuce and pico de gallo. That stuff is so good!

When we got back I got a call from Nicole and talking to her amped me up all over again! It just excited me to share my week with her so far! I mean, all in all, it's been a GREAT week for my lifestyle change! Then after that, I took my mom to Albertson's. I stayed in the car and read more of "A Christmas to Remember." She came back with frozen dinners for dinner, but I wasn't paying attention to what she'd grabbed. Just neither of us felt like cooking. When we got home Jordan met me in the hall way to give me the laptop. He was so tired, he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. He only slept four hours and also he and his friend George took care of my mom's yard and did some other things she asked. Anyway, I took the computer and went back to my room. From there I concentrated on my forums on Cafemom. I posted as much as I could - especially on "Christmas Dreaming" which I'm going to change to "Holiday Dreaming" after Christmas. Then I worked on "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" I made a new friend and she and I exchanged messages back and forth. That was nice. She also joined several of my groups which was awesome!

When I finally got hungry I fixed a frozen dinner, but I'm having to skip my second protein shake because of how many calories were in that frozen dinner. Did you know some of them have over 800 calories?? Mine did, but I didn't eat more than a bite of the brownie. I ate the rest though. But I'm going to eat the last of the sugar free jello I have and maybe a mousse tempation. That shouldn't add too many more calories. I really want another piece of cinnamon bread, but I'll be good. ;-)

Anyway, I watched "IRT Deadliest Roads" then "Cupcake Wars" which was awesome because it was for the 100 episode party of The Closer!! A show I love!! Then I watched the finale of "The Next Iron Chef - Super Chefs." Chef Zakarian won. I really wanted it to be Chef Falkner, but ah well. I thought she was far more creative. Now I have "Iron Chef America" on, but it's a repeat. I'm also getting tired finally. I think I am finally crashing a bit. LOL! But my mood is still good. I am just a little bummed that Susan isn't going to be going to the gym with me tomorrow after all. But I understand. Her daughter wants her to come over to her place and finish decorating the house. Let's face it, if Cassie wanted me to do something with her, I'd pretty much cancel about anything - except doctor appointments! She's coming with me on Tuesday though so that's good!

Then I also have things to look foward to. Tuesday the kids and I are going over to Jason and Susan's for the annual tree trimming party. Cassie will go with Jason and Susan to get the tree. Then Susan and I do the lights and the kids do the rest. Well, we do help a bit. Then we'll have dinner. I have to be pretty good that day!

Anyway, I guess that's it. My mind is getting more scattered by the moment. I wouldn't be surprised to find all of this is just rambly and disjointed. But oh well! It's how things go. I'm just glad I've had a good week. :-)

  

Slept Through the Second Half of Day 6

The morning and into the afternoon was crazy!! It involved a lot of waiting, driving and misdirection. And all on 2 hours of sleep.

I couldn't sleep Friday night. I couldn't breathe having a hard time with my nose being stuffy. The nose spray I use wasn't exactly working, which sucked. Then by the time I did drift to sleep, I had to get up two hours later to make sure I had enough time to get dressed, take my morning meds and make my protein shake. Jordan had George over to go with us in the morning so he could come to us this morning on the ticket buy. We had to be down at the sports arena early though it went random and we ended not in the best position to get tickets. By the time Cassie got to the window they were already on Terrace which wasn't good. But it turned out our ticket broker friends wanted whatever they could get. After all, it was for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. They actually sent the kids through the line twice and Susan went through twice. I didn't, but I drove and I can't stand in line for too long. They really waited until the last minute to do the wristbands for the line up. Usually they had out wristband at like 8:00am. Then you don't go back until 9:30am and then they pick the start number and line everyone up. This time they gave us wrist bands at like 9:15am and lined us up at like ten to 10:00am. We didn't leave until after 10:40am and I had to get to this place to get a food basket. But I didn't know how to get there from the sports arena. I was really panicked because we were supposed to be there by 11:00am.

Well, let me say we didn't get there until almost noon, I think. First, I screw up on the 5. I was almost to National City before I realized that we were going the wrong way. So I had to turned around and I was a little freaked out, not sure there was an entrance to the other way. But there was and I found my way to the 94. Once I go the off-ramp that I needed, I finally pulled into a gas station. I was down to 18 miles to empty. I think I freaked the kids out a little bit. LOL! But I know how far I can push my car. I paid a rather high price though, but that's how it went. And I wasn't done with going the wrong way. I went way down the street in the opposite way that I needed. It took me awhile to turn around. But once we were going the right way, all was fine and we found it no problem. It was just trying to sort out which way. However, I know I scared the kids with some of the bone-headed stunts I pulled while driving. Usually I'm a pretty good driver, but between the lack of sleep and my rising panic I almost ran some red lights and had to make a few leaps to get where I needed to go. I'm just glad it all worked out and that we FINALLY got where we needed to go. What's cool is we actually got a little turkey! :-)

After that, I was happy to be headed back to the area of town I know. We stopped at McDonald's so the kids could eat. We sent Jordan and George in to order. I got a chicken caesar salad. The boys got combos and Cassie just wanted a McDouble. It all worked out well.

After eating, I took the boys home then took Cassie to the Vans Outlet store so she could spend her newly aquired money. I still have $18. The kids each got $20 and I got $30. I had some money left from before, but $20 went right into the tank and now I need more fuel after that fiasco.

At the outlet store, Cassie used her $40 - she had $20 from something else - she found shoes in the clearance table. She got two pairs along with two pairs of black socks. She was very happy about them because they were high-tops. I'm not thrilled with one of them because I think it's kind of ugly. But you know, she's happy with it and that's what matters.

From there, I took her over to her friend Katie Kelly's stepmom's house. They were having her father's funeral and Cassie wanted to be there with them. She cried a lot of tears for him too. He was a good guy. But I'll tell you, I was never so happy than to be driving home. I needed the sleep badly and no sooner had I got home than I laid down. My nose was still stuffy, but I was so tired. I drifted in and out of sleep until dinner. I went out and ate dinner which was sausage, baked potato and green beans. I filled up a lot on green beans. And when I went back to my room, I crashed out.

Jordan woke me about 12:30am wanting me to take him to Jack in the Box. I was kind of awake so I agreed. He also got me a diet Dr. Pepper from McDonalds. I'm not supposed to have soda anymore, but I figured as long as I didn't do it often, I could get away with it. After all, there's no calories in it. But when I got home I went back to sleep and didn't really get up until 9:30am. I slept a lot! Anyway, that was my ordeal yesterday I'll talk about today later. :-D

Day 5 - Sticking To It

Well, I woke up around 11:00pm or Noon. I can't remember exactly. But Alicia Jordan's girlfriend came over bringing cake. Man I want a piece! LOL! Ah well. Eventually I got up and got a protein shake. My mom was gone to a doctor's appointment. I had a hard time sleeping last night. In fact, I didn't really fall asleep until 6:00am and then I kept on waking up. Stuffy nose which SUCKED! I guess it's no surprise that I am exhausted now.

Anyway, Jordan had the computer for a few hours.  Cassie came home from school, but she didn't have my charger! Ugh! But she did have the info for the free food basket tomorrow. They gave me the directions but not the map. I think I'll try to run off the map. Maybe. The directions should be enough but I like seeing a map.

Oh and my Printshop Press Writer arrived at Jason and Susan's!! Jason brought it with him. It's awesome!! I installed it and immediately started on the Newsletter. Some things were different than I remember, but it all worked out. Importing images was difficult. I had to fiddle with the pix to get them to the right size and all that fun stuff. I didn't spell check the newsletter, but I was just happy to get it done.

While I was doing that I had "Criminal Minds" on. It was a good set of them. There was at least one I hadn't seen before. But I was mostly focused on the newsletter.

My mom cooked Chicken for dinner. I had a single chicken thigh and then two bowls of this veggie and bean mixture. It was delicious! After dinner I went right back to the newsletter and I finally got it done. I ran off four copies. Tomorrow I need to get the cards ready to go. If I don't get them out tomorrow, they have to go out on Monday.

I watched most of a new "Chuck" and it was nice. I've missed the whole season so far. Then I watched "Grimm" for the first time and that was really good. Now I'm watching "Sanctuary." It's been interesting so far. Feathered serpents and healing waters.

I finally took my second protein shake and it's been a few hours. Now I am so tired. I just want to set the alarm, maybe grab a mousse temptaion, take my meds and go to sleep. I have to wake up early in the morning for a ticket buy. I'm not going to be looking forward to it because it's going to be FREEZING! And I have to remember to put water in the car before I go or things won't go well.

I also got to talk to Susan and got a bit of reassurance for the way the diet has been going. Helps me want to stay on track. Though I really want some cake. I'm going to try to stay away from it though. I love cake though which sucks.

Anyway, I guess that's it. I'm sticking to my eating plan as well as I can and I'll just go on to the next day. Hopefully I've already lost some weight. At least one can hope.

Day 4 - Making My Way Through

Well today I woke up around noon. Better than sleeping later, which I was tempted to do. But I got my ass up. I got dressed, took my meds and went out to get my morning shake. By the time I finished it was about twenty minutes later. Then Jason called. The sad thing is I started getting hungry about and hour and a half later which hasn't really happened. Then my mom reminded me she had made decaf coffee, so I went to make my iced coffee - minus creamer. :-( But with the hope that it would suppress my appetite and it did!! :-) So I was good until dinner!

I didn't really do much today. I zoned out to TV. I was lucky in the fact that Syfy had a marathon of "Destination Truth." I also decided it was time to wrap the presents. I got tape and bows from my mom and made sure I wrapped everything. Well, almost everything. I forgot to wrap the Jones Soda cases. But then again, not sure that I could wrap them on the bed. The cases could go straight through the paper.

Anyway, dinner was pretty good. Had a hamburger patty with BBQ sauce, a big pile of mixed veggies and a few oven baked fries. It was good. After dinner I went back to my room. Cassie called me and told me that on her way back from Disneyland she saw snow!! On the ground in Mission Veijo. Though I've managed to text and talk on my phone, it's out of charge just about. I hope Cassie brings me my charger tomorrow morning. But what's really sucked is that I'm starting to have cravings. Last night I wanted fried chicken. Ugh! I can't have fried stuff like that. But I think I've been pretty good for the most part.

When Jordan came to give me my computer back he was telling me he wanted to go get something sweet. Of course I knew I'd want something. I knew I had to be good though. I also wanted to see Crazy Uncle Steve's lights. I pulled up and parked. Then the car in front of me moved so I moved up. Then the car in front of them moved so I assumed they would move up, but they didn't, like assholes! So I decided to go around them, only there wasn't enough room for me to be out of someone's drive way. But I stayed there. Then this woman drives up and she angles her car like she wants to go into the driveway so I move and go on and leave missing the rest of the show only to see the car go forward and down the hill!! The old bitch faked me out! I was pissed but didn't go back. I ended up going to Albertson's with Jordan. I got some water and Jordan got some orange slice. Then I picked ip some sugar free candy. I have been good and only ate two of them. Three is a full serving. When we got home, I got on Cafemom and posted some stuff. I watched the season finale of "Burn Notice" which was really good. Fiona gave herself up so that Michael wouldn't do anything for Anson anymore. I can't wait to see next season. Too bad I'll have to wait six or seven months. Ah well.

I did get hungry again since I've only had two meals so I finally had another protein shake. I also watched a repeat of "Covert Affairs" then Jordan has been waiting for the computer and I put on "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" and it was actually an episode we hadn't seen before!! It was awesome and had Jerry Springer.

Anyway, I still deal with cravings. I saw ham on the counter and I wanted to grab a piece. Jordan had a salami sandwich and I wanted one. But I haven't given in. It kind of sucks, but at least there's a reason for all of this. But I guess that's it. I have made my way through the day. It's hard some moments, but it will hopefully get easier. Not sure what I'm doing tomorrow. Maybe I will finally feel up to trying to finish my Christmas fan fiction. I hope so.

Now I'm going to finish watching "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" and then take meds and head to bed.

Day 3 - So Far So Good!

I woke up and took Cassie to school, but when I got home I went back to sleep. I just didn't have the energy to do much else. So I went to sleep. Then suddenly I get woken up by a voice outside my window! It was Jason! LOL! He and I talked for awhile. My mom actually made him breakfast which was nice of her and he appreciated it. Jason kind of had to talk me into taking my shake because I wasn't hungry yet. I guess I just need to put myself on a schedule so that's what I'm going to try to work on. Well, maybe not until next week . . . We'll see. After that Jason talked me into putting in the Disc I got from the Bariatric center. It has all the info on it. I ended up not reading it all. In fact, Jason didn't have enough of an attention span to do it either! LOL!

Susan picked Cassie up from school early but we told my mom that it was a half day to avoid bitching and moaning. Cassie came in to get Jason and to give me a hug and kiss. Plus to grab a couple of things too. 

After they left my mom wanted to go get her hair permed. We waited for a bit then around 1:30pm I took her up to Fantastic Sam's and while she was there, I went to Walmart. I needed to get vitamins and more protein powder. Then my mom wanted decaf coffee and I needed to get more non-fat milk. I even got a movie for my stocking! After I did the little bit of shopping and looking around, I went to McDonald's and bought the large drink cup, but instead of soda I filled it with water. I must have drank at least 3 cups full and that cup isn't small! Then a woman with a baby sat at the table for a little bit. Then another woman sat down and was determined to talk to me while I was trying to read more of "A Christmas to Remember." She was nice enough and I talked with her. She gave me her phone number, but not sure I'll call her. I'm so bad at calling people anyway. 

Finally my mom showed up. We did a little more shopping and after we checked out, we went back to McDonald's and got chicken Caeser salad and a small fries. I didn't eat much of the fries, but the salad was good! But by the time we got out to the car my back was ripped and it was hard for me to put the bags in the trunk. It was a good thing Jordan came out of the house to meet us. He had to take the bags in and put the stuff away by himself. He wasn't happy about it, but he's not a baby either. He is perfectly capable. I went to my room and rested. I then got online and went to Cafemom. Some bitch joined my "Christmas Dreaming" group just to spam it with links and then left. That pissed me off. She didn't even pay attention to where she posted stuff and I had to take a lot of time to move or delete posts. Ugh!! Then I made it a point to add more posts so that hers don't come up easily.

Anyway, I did work on "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" a little bit. I checked out other groups, but everyone seems pretty quiet at the moment. So then I also did a search to see what Denise might have been up to and found out she is signed onto this one site and I joined just to join. I will probably will never use it, but it's just something else to check on every now and again.

Well, I am tired. I think I'm going to watch the new "Brad Melzer's Decoded" and then go to sleep. Maybe sooner. I really am exhausted. I did finally have another protein shake for dinner. I think it'll keep me full for awhile. If nothing else, I'll be full when I fall asleep. :-) That's the best I can ask for! LOL!

Tomorrow there is nothing on the schedule that I know of so we'll see how it goes. I just have to remember there's a ticket buy Saturday morning. I can use the money. I might be able to get another book for myself. I wish I had another $50 though. I would get Jordan this Assassin's Creed movie and then get Cassie the third book to her one series. Ah well . . . shit happens. But I think Christmas is going to be pretty good anyway! :-)

That's it. I'm laying down.



Day 2

Day two has been unproductive really. I was going to go to the gym, but I just wasn't feeling it and I went back to sleep. When I woke up, I drank a smoothy my mom made only to find out that she hadn't put protein powder in it so I had a protein shake. Then I went back to my room.

Cassie called me from school wanting me to pick her up. I didn't pick her up because I felt she needed to stay. Susan thought the same thing, so I ended up talking to one of the ladies in the office about getting Cassie a place to be alone for a little bit or something and they said no problem. They said they were going to try to get the counselor to talk with her. I just felt so bad because she was grieving Katie Kelly and Lauren's dad's death. It just breaks my heart.

Anyway, I was on the computer for a little bit, but I was so tired, I just kind of laid down with the "Dirty Jobs" marathon on. I didn't get up until my mom called out dinner. I had a piece of crusted tilapia, fried zucchini, only I think she baked it. It was still good so . . . Then she also made broccoli. I had a good helping of the broccoli and three strips of zucchini. After dinner, I continued to watch "Dirty Jobs." An hour or so later Jordan gave me my laptop and so I started playing on Cafemom. I replied to what I could. Added some stuff to my groups. Then Cassie came home. Wasn't sure she was coming home tonight. Then she wanted me to stay out in the other room with her so I microwaved some popcorn and turned on "Dirty Jobs." The new episode was coming on. I LOVE this show and was glad to have a new season start. While I watched the show Cassie read her book. :-) She spent the whole time reading and she was still reading when I left her. I also had a caramel mousse tempation.

I went back to my room and turned on "Chopped" but Jordan came in and Nicole called so I pretty much missed it. LOL! No big deal. I did eat two oranges so that's it for the night. I think I did okay on my eating. I don't think I went over. But I have to admit I've been a little depressed today. I'm not sure if it's just Cassie's grief which I feel acutely. I don't think it's the change in my eating. Could be an early start to PMS, but I don't think so either. I don't know. All I can do is hope that I feel less depressed tomorrow, though I don't know about that. 

Now all I need to do is take my meds and try to go back to sleep. 

 

Day 1

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Or at least I hope it is. It's the start of my new eating regimen. I don't want to call it a diet. That has bad connotations for me. But a lifestyle change might be a better way of putting it. I got up, took Cassie to school. I came back and rested for a little. Then I got up in time to have my first protein shake. It wasn't the best, but it was okay. I then took off to my doctor's appointment. It took about twenty minutes to get back and be seen. Maybe thirty minutes. My appointment took all of five minutes. LOL! All my lab work was fine, except for my white blood cell count was a little high. But not by much. He said he might want to do labs again in a month or two. 

After that appointment I went home. I chilled out for awhile then for lunch I had another protein shake. I laid down for a little while and then left to go pick up Cassie from school. It was raining so hard and then just cleared up for a little bit. Just in time for Cassie to leave school and walk to the car. Awesome, right? It was cold too. I had to put on the heater.

Once we got home, she was hungry and went to eat. First she grabbed the dip I had with some chips. Then that didn't taste good to her so she decided to just make nachos. It was so bad because she brought them into the room and I so wanted some. I guess I have some will power. I was able to resist it. Then she wanted to watch a movie so we decided on "Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides" but we only got through an hour and a half before Jason and Susan came to pick her up. I also let Cassie spend the night there tonight. There was some bad news. Katie Kelly and Lauren's father Don died today. Cassie was really upset too. Tomorrow Susan is picking Cassie up from school so that she can go spend time with Katie Kelly and Lauren. I didn't realize that Don was even sick! It was a shock to me when Jason told me. 

Anyway, dinner was good. Had a piece of ham, a whole lot of cooked spinach and a little mashed potatoes. A couple of hours later I had a mousse tempation. I look my time eating it and enjoyed it a lot. Then tonight I had six Wheat Thins. That's it for me tonight. No more food. I almost had a bag of popcorn. Maybe tomorrow. But I think today has been a good day. Tomorrow I'm going to be going to the gym in the morning. Part of me doesn't want to go, but I need to go. I will start losing weight faster with exercise. 

Well, I took my meds and I have been tired all day, but I don't feel as tired now. Go figure. I did get to watch a new "Closer." Brenda's father has thyroid cancer. And of course they caught a murderer while walking a fine line with the FBI. Then I watched "Rizzoli & Isles" where they went to Jane's High School Reunion. Then one of her friends was wanting to talk to her and before he could call her or her him, he was found dead on the football field. Then another classmate is killed and another died. All because of a replacement heart valve. It was a good episode.

So that was day one. No exercise, but I did stick to eating healthy. On to tomorrow. 

      

A Headache Almost Ruined the Day

Today was pretty good though I didn't want to wake up. Then when I did I had a massive headache. I didn't wake up until almost 2:00pm. I was supposed to be over to Jason and Susan's between 1:00pm-2:00pm. THEN I wake up to find out I had melted chocolate all over my PJ shirt, my stuffed bunny and my bear. I washed off my shirt, but not the stuffies yet. That's next I guess. Not sure how I'm going to do it. But I'm sure I'll come up with something.

Anyway, I got dressed and put on make-up. Jordan called Susan to make sure it was okay if George came with us, which was fine. But I only took 600 mg of ibuprofen which was a mistake. I had to take 600 mg more at Jason and Susan's. But the headache just didn't want to go away. Instead Susan had to make the dishes that I normally do - my pumpkin spice cream cheese pie and my double stuffed potatoes though she didn't make them the way I do. They still tasted good. :-) I felt better after I ate so that might have been part of it. Plus, I slept so long that sometimes that causes headaches.

George and Jordan played some war game on George's DS. They stayed outside most of the time. Then Paige was there with Cassie. Paige was curling her hair. I also got to hold Zippy for a bit. He is so cute. I got him to chorttle a lot. :-) And Duana came over. She is down to a size 18! I just hope that will be me one day. I think it will be. It's just going to take awhile. She ended up throwing up once though. She ate too fast. Plus she burped a lot. She also drank soda, which I am not going to do. Tomorrow is my last pig out day and then it's the straight and narrow. I gave Jordan most of my Christmas that would have gone into my stocking. I ate some of it. I have also drank about two Jones sodas. I'm going to drink the rest tomorrow. I might as well enjoy them on my last day. I'm sure I've put on 5 more pounds this weekend, but they'll come off. And Susan is going to go to the gym with me starting Monday. I need to find my old ratty swimsuit!

Well, tonight I played on Cafemom a bit, but I have been kinda depressed tonight. I have also had a hard time concentrating. Not sure why. I also watched "A Nanny for Christmas" and another movie I think was called "Home for the Holidays." The second movie was really on a darker note, but it all ended happy.

Now I'm trying to relax and go to sleep. I'm tired, but not sure that's enough. So often it's not. Tomorrow maybe I'll catch up on cafemom if I can concentrate. Maybe I'll also read more of that Christmas romance book and/or work on my fan fiction. I really need to finish it.

Anyway, I guess that's it. Time to call it a night.

Surgeon, Internist and Psych Consults

So I had my consultations today. Thank god Jason and Susan took me. I really needed the emotional support. I mean, I was excited too, but my nerves were on high. Susan had to go find somewhere to park so Jason was the one to come in with me. First was Dr. Tanaka. He was kind of gruff, but I think he loosened up a little bit at the end. But basically he wants me to lose 50 lbs before surgery. I forgot to ask how long I had to lose the weight, but I'm going to try to get it down as fast as I can. I want that surgery as soon as possible. Anyway, he told me about vitamins I need to take and that I need to exercise. What iworries me is he wants me to do some weight training. Not sure what that means. I guess I'll have to ask.

Anyway, after that was this Internist - Dr. Kohler. He did an EKG and looked me over. He gave me the thumbs up. Then I had to see the psychiatrist, only they told me noon at a different location. So we went to see my lawyer to find out the status of my case. I have to call them every few weeks. I guess the case has gone to a judge, but they don't know what judge until they get a hearing date.

After we did that I get a call from Dr. Tanaka's office. They tell me I had a psych appointment THERE. I was like, huh? Anyway, since they could see me now we rushed back and I saw the psych consult. She was very nice. We talked a bit and I explained that I'm looking at the surgery the way I look at my bipolar medication. I look at it as Diabetes. Life long. Just how it is. I asked her if she thought I was a good candidate and she said yes, so that wasa good to hear. So basically the only thing holding me back from surgery is a measily 50 lbs. I heard from a woman in my gastric bypass group on Cafemom who had to lose 100 lbs. So if she could do it, then I can!

Come Monday I change my eating. I am trying not to use the word diet because it has bad conotations for me so I'm changing what I eat and how I eat. I'll be using protein shakes for two meals. He said one or two, but I don't eat much in the morning. I just need a lot of protein. No bread, tortillas, crackers. No sugar or caffeine. Drink at least 63 oz of water daily which is NOT a problem for me. Oh and NO SODA! That's not a big deal. I will miss my Diet Dr. Pepper a little bit though. LOL!

Tonight my mom took us to China Super Buffet which was awesome. The funny thing is, I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. Go figure. But it was good! I did enjoy it. I'm going to miss cream cheese wantons! But I'll survive.

Since getting home all I've done is watch "Criminal Minds" and play on Cafemom. I love my new PJs which I am wearing again. :-) And I am looking forward to tomorrow. It's FINALLY OUR Thanksgiving. Jason, Susan, Cassie, me, Jordan hopefully and such. And it's the last time I can really enjoy this dinner. But you know, after this weekend it's over. Food takes a back seat in my life.

I guess that's it for now. I took a nap this afternoon, but I'm still tired so hopefully I'll go to sleep. One can hope. But it's been quite a day!

Good Busy Day

I am exhausted. Last night as tired as I was I didn't sleep. Surprise, surprise, right? LOL! So I had taken two more ativan. I had a total of three which is one more than I'm supposed to have and then a baclofen. It did end up knocking me out. I managed to get up and get Cassie to school. Actually, she came into the room ready for school before I even woke up. When I dropped her off at school I always tell her I love her and she'll say it to me too. I figured this way if anything happened, the last thing she would have heard me say is that I loved her. Lucky me, nothing has happened.

Anyway, I went home and went back to sleep. My mother woke me up so that I could take her to get her blood tests done and I actually fell back to sleep!!! That's new. Eventually she woke me again and that time I got my ass up and ready. As soon as I was dressed with coffee in hand, I took her to the doctor. While she went to do that I went to Trader Joe's and got her this maple syrup she likes. She uses it for this nasty lemonade she makes. It's supposed to keep her healthy and made it's doing it, but ICK!! That stuff is GROSS! While I was there also got a water and a thing of cookies for Jason and Susan. It's not much, but at least it's something. After that, I went to Walmart to get Chicken thighs. Well, I was supposed to get four and I got three thinking I had gotten four. Then I also picked up more Jones soda. I figured Jordan would actually want them too, so each of us is getting a case of Jones. Yum! I was in the check-out lane when my mom told me she was done. I'll tell you, I came across some REALLY STUPID drivers today. It was driving me NUTS! I was glad to get home. But it was nice too because we got to stop at Denny's and eat. My mom let me get a slam that had all the holiday specials! The bread pudding french toast, the brown sugar ham and the pumpkin pie pancakes. They were delicious!!

Then I took a little nap and went to get Cassie. From there we picked up Jordan. Cassie wanted Takis so I let her go into Albertson's and get them and some chips for Jordan. Then we got sodas at McDonald's and THEN we went to the pharmacy to pick my my mom's other medication, my medication and one for Cassie. When we got home Cassie and I just talked and played online. Eventually Susan picked her up with my food card so they could go shopping and Jason stayed with me. We really just talked. He was going to help me with my room, but that didn't happen. LOL! Ah well. Then we went to go watch the lights at Crazy Uncle Steve's, but that didn't work out either. We went to McDonald's got a drink to share and some fries, but there was no place to stay and watch the lights. Turns out that with trash coming tomorrow there were no real spots to park anyway. Then it looked like the show was stuck anyway. We'll try again tomorrow or something. Then Susan came back and picked up Jason, giving me back my card. Cassie came and gave me a hug. I love her so much! Not that I don't love my Jordan too!

Anyway, Karissa started acting funny and meowing like crazy. Turned out she didn't have food, so I had Jordan get her some. Her water was fine. My mom fixed dinner and it was good - sort of like quesadillas with beans inside with the cheese. Then I had to go to my room. Clothes needed folding. I did that. I had to have my trash taken out. Jordan did that too, though he was so tired. He also grabbed his pants and put a couple of things in the hamper for me. I do still have the sheet and pillow cases to put away, but that can wait.

I kind of want to stay awake to watch "Burn Notice" but I'm also tired and it would be a good idea for me to skip it and just try to sleep early. I might try. I want to feel relatively good when I go to my appointments tomorrow. I am so glad Jason and Susan are taking me. I was really nervous maybe even scared about going by myself. So I am thankful they're taking me. Of course, one of the appointment times had to be changed. The Pdoc appointment was scheduled for 10:30am and now it was moved to noon. It sucks, but what can you do, right?

Well, I think I'm going to take my meds, put on "Rizzoli and Isles" and see about sleeping. Tomorrow I'll start thinking about the newsletter.

Busy Day and MORE Shopping!

I woke up this morning and got Cassie off to school on about an hour of sleep. Needless to say I came back and crashed out again. My mom let me sleep until about 10:20am since I needed to get her to the doctor's by 11:00am. It didn't take me too long to get ready, then I took her. While she went to her appointment I went to Walmart. She had given me a shopping list and so I went shopping. I got a couple of things for stockings like pocky and Coke balls (ornaments so they're supposed to look like). I also got a couple of extras, but by the time I got up to the register OMG!!! I had so much stuff! I actually had someone unload the stuff into my car. Thank god Jordan was awake and ready. He took the groceries inside but I had to help him put stuff away. Go figure. After that, I took a much needed shower!! Then shortly after that I went to pick up Cassie. I read more of "A Christmas to Remember" which is pretty good. But I had to go pee so bad! Between my big cup of iced coffee and my extra large diet Dr. Pepper I was feeling it. I had to ask her to hurry which I  usually don't have to do. LOL! Boy was I relieved when we got home and I could run to the bathroom. I haven't had that experience in quite awhile.

Anyway, I created the design on Jordan's stocking. I did mine last night. Then I let Cassie do hers. Jordan had the computer and came into the room and showed us some videos. It was cool to watch as a family since we really don't do much as a family. We all do our own thing. So that was pretty special. He played Weird Al music and some of his WOW music videos. It was cool. Then Jason and Susan came to pick up Cassie and shortly after that I left to get to therapy. Of course, I also stopped for another Diet Dr. Pepper.

Therapy went well. I talked to Dr. Tess about my appointments on Friday for the gastric bypass and how I'm nervous. I mean, excited, but nervous. I get nervous anyway going to places I haven't been before. I guess that's my anxiety coming out. I also talked about the program Jason has gotten me so I can create a newsletter. I can not WAIT to get it!! But I need to try to remember what happened through the beginning of the year. Ugh! I'll have to look through some of my journal entries.

Anyway, when I got home from therapy my mom had dinner that I had to reheat, but that was no big deal. The burgers were good! Then I got on the computer for a little while. I think I'm starting to burn out a little on Cafemom. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. But today I only made a couple of posts. I also watched the "season" finale of "Ghost Hunters." I say "season" because it was a Christmas one. It was awesome. New episodes come back in January. I also watched "Brad Meltzer's Decoded." He wanted to decode Da Vinci, which was a fantastic episode. I don't think he was a prophet. He was just brilliant!

Well, after that I wanted to sleep. I took my meds and put on my "Rizzoli and Isles" but that didn't help. So I ended up calling Walmart and found out they are open 24 hours for the holiday season so I went shopping. I got the rest of the stuff for the stockings - barring oranges. I still need to get cloves. I like to make pomanders for the season. They smell wonderful! I also got Queen Anne BLUEBERRY cordials! I thought that sounded good! When I got home I tried one and they are delish! I also bought the new "A-Team" movie because it was $5. I also got myself body spray only it turned out to be $7 which sucked, but I was commited to getting it. I just have to be careful with the money I have left. I hate being spontaneous like that, but I think it was a good thing. It's vanilla brown sugar or burnt sugar. Whatever it smells wonderful!

Now I'm going to TRY to go to sleep. Maybe I can. I hope I can. But like always, we'll see what happens. It's been a decent day. But lots of shopping. LOL!

Christmas Shopping, Christmas Shows

I was okay most of today. Now I feel tired and kinda down. Not depressed, but maybe just coming down after a bit of a high. Though I slept late today - well about average for me lately - I got some stuff done. I picked up Cassie from school though late. I got there on time and then she stayed late for Science. I took the time to start reading another book called "A Christmas to Remember," by Kay Stockham. Then once we got home, she was starving and didn't want tuna or the like. So she ended up asking if she could make stuffing. Boy am I so glad that we have a microwave now! That's what I should have bought earlier. Though I can buy it tomorrow.

Anyway, Cassie and I had stuffing. It didn't seem seasoned enough. It was weird. Usually stove top stuffing tastes great. After that, Susan was there to pick her up. I left shortly after they did because I wanted to run up to Walmart. Of course, I had to stop and get a diet Dr. Pepper from McDonald's.

I was also hoping I was making it to Walmart before any crowds and I did!! I was able to get "Cowboys and Aliens" without an issue. Then I also found Jordan a long sleeved shirt that looks cool. I looked in the $5 bin and I saw a couple of movies I would have liked to have had, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. So I paid for my items, got a refill and then headed home. I was excited and showed my mom what I got Jordan. She liked it too.

After that, I played on Cafemom for a bit and thought about making a Christmas newsletter. You know, the family newsletter thing. But I couldn't find any templates or anything. I was frustrated because what I really wanted was Borderbund Printshop Press Writer. Well, it turns out that it's really cheat and Jason was so sweet! He bought it for me and I should have it next week! Just in time to make a newsletter for Christmas. I have certain people to send cards to. Maybe three or four. My birthmom, my birthfather, Linda and Roger and . . . Not sure. It would have been Maggie and Verne, but I haven't heard from her since her move. Ah well.

After Jason said he got me the Press Writer Program, I stopped working on the one I had started by hand. It was a pain in the ass, but I could have done it, but the press writer will make things so much easier.

Then I got antsy and was thinking about my mom and the Catherine's card. I figured why not go! I was hoping that there wouldn't be a lot of people at the mall and I was right! :-D I think next week we'll start seeing a real crunch. Anyway, I went to Catherine's for a pair of winter PJs and I found some! They didn't ask to see my ID or anything which is what I was afraid of. And the PJs are so cute! They have a frog couple holding candy canes and stuff. I don't think I want to have them under the tree! I want to use them now! LOL!

Well, on the way home I stopped at the 99 cent store. I had to pick up batteries for the boom box anyway and I thought I would get the kids and I fuzzy socks for the stockings. I also got Jordan and brush and Cassie flavored lip gloss. Then when I got home I showed my mom the PJs and she thinks they're so cute. Now she's talking about getting me a robe. :-) But she's also thinking of going there without me, so who knows what she's going to get. LOL! But I am happy with the PJs.

Cassie came home shortly there after. She was exhausted and basically went straight to bed. I covered her up with a heated throw and two blankets. That should keep her warm enough. Then I finished watching the Christmas episodes of "Eureka,""Warehouse 13" and "Haven." They were all a lot of fun to watch. "Eureka" was by far the funniest as they got turned into cartoons, claymations and anime! LOL! "Warehouse 13" was about an artifact and made the world like Pete never existed. Of course, he fixed everything once he was able to get everyone back together again. Though it took convincing. Then in "Haven" it was Christmas in July. Not only were everyone putting up Christmas decorations but they started disappearing!! Turned out it was this girl and a snowglobe and how she needed to stop living in it. Right now "Eureka" is back on.

I also played more on Cafemom. Just posted a couple of things. And I am so happy that I pretty much have most of my Christmas shopping DONE! I want to get Jones sodas and stuff, but that's easy. Then I'll get Christmas candy for stockings. Maybe some nuts and oranges. Things are going to be great! Now I'm feeling better again.

Man, I'm tired. I would say that I'm going to go to sleep right away, but everytime I say it, it doesn't happen. So I'll sleep when I sleep, but I'm tired. LOL!