Day 20 - Happy New Year!!

Today wasn't a great day. It ended pretty good, but it didn't start that way. I just got depressed the night before. Maybe partly because I gave Cassie my computer so she could work on her homework and I couldn't do my usually playing online. But I also was itchy all night and scratching all night. I think that more than anything has depressed me. Basically, I need to do the water aerobics to help tone my muscles and lose weight. But the water in the pool breaks me out in a rash that doesn't go away. So there's nothing I can do about it because I have to do the swimming. I have to go into the pool and it'll continue after surgery as well. So I got into this funk about how are things really going to work out? Will I always have to be covered with rashes? Will that really be worth it? Anyway, I woke up depressed and went back to sleep until 1:00pm or so. Maybe later. I know I wanted to sleep later. I wasn't even hungry for a long time.

Eventually, I did get up and have a protein shake. I didn't grab my vitamins though. Guess I sort of slacked today all around. Then I actually broke down in front of my mom crying about the stupid rashes and I just don't cry. I hate crying, but I have been so upset.

Anyway, Jason wanted me to pick him up at Amaya and my mom wanted me to go to the store so I could get milk and two steaks. I also had medication to pick up from the pharmacy. So I picked up Jason. He went into the pharmacy for me and I went into Vons. I got the milk and then I found an AWESOME set of steaks that normally would have been $35 down to $14. Talk about a great deal!! And the two steaks were thick and just great! My mom was pretty surprised that I got such great steaks for such a good deal!

After that Jason and I let the car cool down a little then put water in the car and headed to his place. Cassie already had most of her friends already there. It was wild. I was glad to get there and I got my computer. I also got hugs from Katie Belle and Paige. It's always nice to see them! I spent a lot of time on the laptop going over Cafemom and Facebook. I did a survey on Bzoink that got posted to Facebook.

Susan made Chili Mac for everyone else and Teriyaki Tofu Stirfry for us. It was pretty good, but the veggies were just too hard for me to eat. I did, but it wasn't easy. Taste-wise, it was pretty awesome! I wouldn't mind having it again.

The girls all were having fun together, except this one girl. She was a bit over-sensitive anyway and that's never a good thing in a group of girls. No one was ever going to actually say anything to this girl, but she was really obsessive about "Transformers." And I don't get exactly what happened, but Katie Kelly told her two of the girls (Katie Belle and Lakaira) were going to tell her that they didn't like the movie or something stupid like that. She then got so upset she called her mom to come pick her up! It was nuts. I felt bad, but you know, I think it was best she went home. Then Susan and I watched most of the newest "Karate Kid" With Jayden Smith and Jackie Chan. It was pretty good! Then the original one came on and so we started watching that with Paige until it was time to let the girl go nuts outside. Even Jason woke up to watch the ball drop. It was funny because Susan and I were calling down seconds from 40 then 30 then 20 and the girls did the rest aloud on their own. They were a couple seconds fast, but that was okay. They yelled out and made a lot of racket we all had sparkling cider. It was really cool. And Paige was my picture taker. She did pretty good too!

Anyway, I left about 20-30 minutes after midnight. Traffic was lite and there weren't any cops around at least not on  my route. They're probably more toward Downtown. Well, I might be sleeping late today too, though I kind of want to watch the Rose Parade. I guess we'll see how I feel when I wake up first.

It's been a pretty good New Year's Eve. I might go find myself a little snack and then go to sleep. Of course, after I finish watching "America's Cutest Pets."

Day 1

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Or at least I hope it is. It's the start of my new eating regimen. I don't want to call it a diet. That has bad connotations for me. But a lifestyle change might be a better way of putting it. I got up, took Cassie to school. I came back and rested for a little. Then I got up in time to have my first protein shake. It wasn't the best, but it was okay. I then took off to my doctor's appointment. It took about twenty minutes to get back and be seen. Maybe thirty minutes. My appointment took all of five minutes. LOL! All my lab work was fine, except for my white blood cell count was a little high. But not by much. He said he might want to do labs again in a month or two. 

After that appointment I went home. I chilled out for awhile then for lunch I had another protein shake. I laid down for a little while and then left to go pick up Cassie from school. It was raining so hard and then just cleared up for a little bit. Just in time for Cassie to leave school and walk to the car. Awesome, right? It was cold too. I had to put on the heater.

Once we got home, she was hungry and went to eat. First she grabbed the dip I had with some chips. Then that didn't taste good to her so she decided to just make nachos. It was so bad because she brought them into the room and I so wanted some. I guess I have some will power. I was able to resist it. Then she wanted to watch a movie so we decided on "Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides" but we only got through an hour and a half before Jason and Susan came to pick her up. I also let Cassie spend the night there tonight. There was some bad news. Katie Kelly and Lauren's father Don died today. Cassie was really upset too. Tomorrow Susan is picking Cassie up from school so that she can go spend time with Katie Kelly and Lauren. I didn't realize that Don was even sick! It was a shock to me when Jason told me. 

Anyway, dinner was good. Had a piece of ham, a whole lot of cooked spinach and a little mashed potatoes. A couple of hours later I had a mousse tempation. I look my time eating it and enjoyed it a lot. Then tonight I had six Wheat Thins. That's it for me tonight. No more food. I almost had a bag of popcorn. Maybe tomorrow. But I think today has been a good day. Tomorrow I'm going to be going to the gym in the morning. Part of me doesn't want to go, but I need to go. I will start losing weight faster with exercise. 

Well, I took my meds and I have been tired all day, but I don't feel as tired now. Go figure. I did get to watch a new "Closer." Brenda's father has thyroid cancer. And of course they caught a murderer while walking a fine line with the FBI. Then I watched "Rizzoli & Isles" where they went to Jane's High School Reunion. Then one of her friends was wanting to talk to her and before he could call her or her him, he was found dead on the football field. Then another classmate is killed and another died. All because of a replacement heart valve. It was a good episode.

So that was day one. No exercise, but I did stick to eating healthy. On to tomorrow. 

      

A Little Bit Of Everything

Today I was supposed to get up relatively early and go up to Welfare.  Of course, instead I slept and slept and slept. I just didn't want to get up. That's increasingly the problem. But tomorrow I'll have to go whether I want to or not. I need to make sure I get that QR7 in. I did get up and put on TV. There was a "Burn Notice" marathon. Had one of my favorite episodes - "Bad Day." I think that's the title anyway. I didn't get to watch the last part because I left to go pick up Cassie from school.

Waiting for Cassie I was a little concerned that Susan was there to pick her up. But she wasn't. I spent the time writing on "Crossfire" and got two more pages done or most of two more pages - like a sentence away from a full two pages. I know where I'm going, but I'm debating if I should leave this one part out where she tries to save Leila with Johara. I haven't decided if it really fits with the story. I guess it does. I'll just have to see what I come up with tomorrow.

I was also worried about Cassie. She's not her bubbly self with this heartbreak with her boyfriend. Plus she lost her friend Nikki. That makes me sad for her and ache for her. It sucks. Then tonight she was just tired and looked so depressed. She went to sleep though so that's good.

Anyway, after I picked her up from school we went to Albertson's. I needed to get a money order for my car insurance. She asked about going next door to Rite Aid to get ice cream. I said sure. It cost me $5, but her and I each got two scoops. Cassie got two scoops of cotton candy flavor and I got one of medievel madness which wasn't as good as I remembered and one of circus animal cookies ice cream. It was delicious! I want more of that! I think next month I'm going to see if they have it in a half gallon and buy it!

After we got home, I know Cassie got bored. There wasn't anything to do. She couldn't do homework with me. She didn't want to watch TV which wouldn't have been such a great thing anyway. We tried the radio, but I think Cassie just couldn't concentrate on anything anyway. In some respects I was happy when Jason and Susan arrived to pick her up. That way she could do something. I just felt like I couldn't help her. It's a sucky feeling. I was so tired too! I just hung out watching "Burn Notice" until it was time for dinner. My mom made killer pork chops with steak fries that were so good they just melted in my mouth. The veggies though sucked. I don't know what she'd done with them, but even she said throw them out, so she must have known they tasted bad. I ate mine anyway, but that was only because I felt I needed veggies.

Being as tired as I was, I kind of laid down for a bit. Then Cassie came home so I spent time with her. She looked so exhausted and depressed. I was relieved when she was able to sleep. I think that will help her a little bit. After all, it's not like she's going to sleep all day or anything. She'll be up in the morning for school. When I got back to my room I watched some of "Chopped" and got my laptop back from Jordan. I checked my email and stuff, but I also went to USA's website and FINALLY got to watch the mid-season finale of "Burn Notice!" It was good! Creepy! This next season is going to be very good. Now I'm watching "Sweet Genius." I really do like this show though I don't think there are many more episodes to go. I hope they make more of them. And Karissa has been so tired today too. She's been sleeping with me and next to me today. She's such a sweetie!

Anyway, I'm hungry again. I think I'm going to try to get some peanut butter. Then I'm going to finish watching "Sweet Genuis," take my medication, set the alarm for the morning . . .

Much Better

Today I am much better. Jason woke me up this morning with the intent of reminding me of an appointment at Cassie's school which I was well aware of, but I guess reminders are always good. Plus he didn't know if Susan was going to go or not. Of course, I didn't mind her being there. But the sucky thing was that I wanted to go back to sleep but I couldn't. So I got up, got coffee, got the computer from Jordan and got online for awhile. But there wasn't much I wanted to do. I also put on the "Burn Notice" marathon and tried to do some writing on "Crossfire" but I just couldn't get into the right mood to do a love scene. I'll try tomorrow and see how that goes then.

The meeting turned out to be a supplimental IEP meeting. It was a good meeting! All of Cassie's teachers were there. The woman that's going to be her counselor was there. The school counselor was there. But the best thing ever is the fact that Cassie is getting all A's and B's! And the PE teacher is willing to work with her on the run. She's going to let her do one lap for the run and then do an extra walk on Thursdays with her friend Nikki. But I was so happy to be there with Cassie and just seeing her helped me a lot and the hugs, of course!

After the meeting we went to McDonald's to get drinks and a snack. I hadn't eaten anything and was pretty much starving at that point. What was funny was Susan ended up behind us! LOL! Anyway, we went home and hung out there for a bit. Cassie told me all about her friends and their goofy "cult." It's wild! All Hail, Allen! LOL! It's a screw that fell out of the sky. :-P Crazy. Anyway, Cassie told me she's still going to come stay with me a few days a week. I need that. I really do. That made me feel so much better. My mom wanted her to come here for the weekend, but Cassie won some Aztec Football tickets for getting such good grades. She's going to go with Jason and Susan. I don't want to go. I couldn't walk it and it's not my thing. Jason will appreciate it way more. Plus it's hat day so Cassie will get a cap! I think that's cool!

We didn't stay home long because Jason and Susan invited me over for dinner. Cassie wanted to check on Zippy her guinea pig - rather the one she's going to get on Tuesday - so we left and went all the way out to the Rancho San Diego Petco. We were lucky he was put in the back. We didn't really see him, but knowing he's there being put aside for her made her happy. But we were told in no uncertain terms that the person who said they would save Zippy for Cassie until this coming Tuesday was not supposed to do that. They can hold an animal for a day, but not a week. Still, so far so good. With luck Zippy will be there Tuesday for her. I don't have a good feeling though. I hope that's just me.

After that, we went to Jason and Susan's. Cassie went to do her homework and the three of us talked for awhile. Jason eventually put on Baseball. The spaghetti was delicious! Susan's sauce is always AWESOME! I could probably have eaten another plate of it. LOL! But then she and Cassie went and got ice cream for us. Well, Cassie got an apple pie. I got a caramel sundae! Yum! I have to say that I was exhausted after that and so were they. Even now, I am just exhausted. Maybe it's a good thing! :-) But anyway, I got more hugs from Cassie and even a kiss or two. She's still my little girl. And she even told me a secret before I left. Talk about making me feel special!! Her friend Skylar asked her out!! She had a crush on him and this other boy Matt, but Skylar asked her first! She was so excited! I think it's awesome! She has a teen experience I was wanted but never had. Truth be told, I would have been too afraid anyway, I think. But she has a boyfriend! Not that she hasn't had boyfriends, but this is special, I guess. :-) I'm just happy for her.

Anyway, I'm going to finish watching "Chopped" and I might watch "Sweet Genius" but I think I'm going to go to sleep relatively early. It's just nice to say it's been a pretty good day.

The Bitch is Definitely Back

Okay, I am more than ready for Diana to leave now. She is a bitch, getting in everyone's face looking for a fight . . . I can't handle her. I was so upset last night that I had a massive panic attack. It was bad enough my chest started hurting. So I took a lot of stuff to help me sleep. Well, it worked. I slept for 13 or 14 hours. Even now I feel bad I did it. It was time I missed with Cassie. Just makes me feel like a failure. It doesn't take much, does it?

Then Diana was being a bitch. Basically, Jason and Susan came over again. My mom came over us and she was talking to us about how many days it took to clean Jordan's room. Anyway, after a few minutes she goes outside. Then suddenly, the bitch Diana comes down from her lofty tower where she holds her nose in the air. Immediately she goes, "What's going on?" I said "Nothing" she then saw Jason and Susan and said "What are YOU doing here?" You know if was fine they were there last night when Jason was helping her scrawy ass haul stuff out of the backyard. "They're visiting" Duh . . . "Well, what was mom upset over?" I said nothing. She was talking to us about Jordan's room. "Then she was upset." "No, she wasn't," I said. "Well, I heard a door slam." Jason, Susan and I all looked at one another. "We didn't hear a door slam." I don't remember anything after that, except her going outside with my mom and making SURE she CLOSED the door so we couldn't hear her. Fucking bitch. Like I give a shit. I just want to cut myself. I really do. I want to cut my arms and wrists. I just want the pain to stop. Basically I just can't stand to be in this position again. I don't deserve it!! Then she comes to me after Jason and Susan leave saying "I don't mean to be nasty. But your kids . . . Cassie's black walls and Jordan's attitude . . ." I don't remember the rest of the bashing. But tell me, how does Cassie's fucking black walls of her room AT JASON AND SUSAN'S effect her sorry ass?? And how is it any of her business?? Jason got ticked when I told him. He said, "It's my house and it's none of her business." Duh! But Diana always has to put her nose in every fucking thing. But what was nice was Jason took my EBT card and checked the balance and then brought me the money.  So I planned to go to Walmart. But Diana came to me and was saying "I don't mean to be nasty (or whatever word she used), but you need to take a shower. It's affecting everything." I didn't care the fact that she wanted me to take a shower, but effecting everything?? Can we be anymore dramatic?? Anyway, I asked her how it effects everyone. And of course, the smell follows me making the house smell. The fucking house, the fucking house! Then she also asked if I would take care of the cans and bottles today. I said sure and left to do that first. Once Jordan and I left, we took care of the cans and bottles and glass, we got $11.10. Before I went into Albertson's to collect it, I swung by McDonald's. I NEEDED something to drink, so I bought Jordan and I each a drink and bought him a burger because he hadn't had anything to eat. I almost didn't go to Walmart, but Jordan talked me into it. And part of me was like - yeah, lets go! I don't care if I smell. I'll go anyway. Oh, and another thing. My daughter chose NOT to stay with me for the couple of days she wanted to because of my bitch sister. She ran off my daughter! Fuck her.

Anyway, we found a good spot at Walmart and there was a cart right there. Once inside, we went to the pet section. Got some treats and a couple of toys for Karissa. I shouldn't have bothered with the laser pointer. She has no interest and I have yet to have a good test of the treat dispenser. My mother called and I asked her if she wanted me to get dinner out. Told her we were at Walmart. I also told her I got my money. Maybe I shouldn't have. I loaned $60 to Jason and Susan, but they needed it. And with everything they're done for me. But I have to somehow get flea stuff for Karissa too. Anyway, after I hung up, I went and got nose spray an acid reducer. Can't imagine WHY I have heartburn! Then I also had Jordan grab us refills at McDonald's.

From there we went upstairs. I kinda got more than I should, but I found two movies for $5 - "Blazing Saddles" and "V for Vedetta" - both widescreen. Then I also picked up the first season of "Rizzoli and Isles" which it was awesome. I also grabbed a book and a skeen of yarn for one of my blankets I'm crocheting. And I grabbed a Woman's World too. Once we left we had to decide where to go and we both settled on Taco Bell because I hadn't been there for so long. I got one of the new XXL grilled burritos. It was really good! And big!!! I also got a strawberry ice drink. Then Jordan got two 5-layer burritos and a regular bean and cheese burritos. Unfortunately, I seem to have come down with diahreah. Good thing we got back home relatively quickly. So far no accidents, which is excellent. I think it was just I haven't had Taco Bell in so long.

Being home, I finally brushed out my hair and took a shower. I also talked to Nicole for awhile. She's having some issues in her relationship, but I'm sure it'll get worked out. Then we talked about Tim and I vented about Diana. I was worried she'd hear me. I don't know if she did, but after I hung up, I saw her come in through the gate with a bag so maybe she was walking to the store. I just don't want anymore fucking drama!

Then as if that's not enough, my mom wants me to give her the full amount of money!! Welfare cut my money by $50!! I am so upset. That's triggering me too - badly. I just want to cut myself. Maybe go to the hospital. But then not . . . I'm afraid to go and leave my room unattended. I am afraid because I'm addicted to nose spray, but I really, really, really, want to cut all over my arms.

Anyway, I guess that's it. So far Diana has not gotten back into my face. So that's a good thing. Of course, the night isn't over yet. But it is late. WHY did she have to come back? Why?? She needs to go back to Dave and leave us alone! And damn am I tired. I wanted to watch Rizzoli and Isles, but I think I might end up going to sleep. We'll see. Guess that's it.

Two Days and Life Still Sucks

Can't believe I skipped writing in here last night, but I wasn't home. I spent the night at Greg's house. I didn't feel like connecting up to the internet while I was there. He doesn't have a wireless router so I'd have to plug into an ethernet. But that's okay. I can say that over the last two days I have struggled with depression.

Cassie and her friend Katie spent Friday night here. Saturday morning Cassie was supposed to get up but she wouldn't. She just argued with me and we yelled at each other for about 20 minutes. Finally Susan decided that Cassie could miss this Saturday. I was pretty upset. I felt like I had no authority over her anymore. She told me to leave her alone and I was so upset and hurt I told her to leave me alone too. I went back to my room and went to sleep. By the time I got up and went out to the kitchen she came to me, giving me a hug and telling me she was sorry and that she loved me. I still wasn't feeling so great. Then Greg called and wanted to know if we wanted to come over and spend the night. I wasn't sure I was going to spend the night, but I did plan for it. It was nice. I finally  got to meet Skippy his doggie. He's so cute and the girls LOVED playing with him. Together all three of them also gave him a bath outside. LOL! That was funny. Then we went to watch "Get Smart" the movie and the TV in the living room took a dump. So Greg set up the DVD player in the extra room where I slept. Got it hooked up to the TV. Then the girls didn't want to watch it so they went out to the living room - after moving the futons out there and I guess they spent time reading. I however took my night meds and went to sleep after I finished watching the movie. I just replayed it to help me sleep.

I was actually having some anxiety because we were there. It probably wasn't the smartest thing. But in the morning the girls got something to eat and played more with Skippy. I told Jason where we were and he flipped out. He got over it, but I was upset for awhile. Eventually I told the girls we had to leave so they had to put the futons away. I then took Katie Kelly to her Grandma's and my timing was perfect. Her father was there to pick up her and her sister. So we said good-bye and then I headed off to take Cassie back to Jason and Susan. They were going to go pick up Katie Belle and take the girls to Sea World. By the time I got over there he was fine. Reassured me he wasn't upset. I teased him a little about his jealousy streak. After that I just came home. I haven't done much of anything except watch Food Network most of the day. Now I'm watching "River Monsters" and then I'm going to watch the new "Iron Chef America."

I just feel down still. I started taking the extra paxil, but I haven't felt much of a difference. But maybe this isn't PMS. Maybe this is a cycle starting. But I don't want to think that's the case.

I also haven't heard from my Aussie. I usually don't over the weekend, but I kinda hoped I would. I might still hear from him. I just could really use a email from him to brighten my day a little.

I think Karissa missed me. When I first got home all she did was meow at me. Then she laid down beside me in front of the window. She's been there most of the day. In fact, I was laying down most of the day once I got home. I would have napped, but I don't think I completely went to sleep at any point. Hope I sleep tonight. I think I will. I'm tired, but then again, I'm always tired lately. The good news is that I don't have to wake up early. My only class tomorrow is at 11:00am. I thought about not going at all, but I need to go.

I just wish I didn't feel so depressed!! It sucks!! But for now, I think I'm going to close this up and chill out.

An Easy-Going Day

Okay, another long day. It's been a decent day except for some pain. And boy am I TiRED!! I woke up this morning about 8:20am. Maybe a little later than that. And I did not want to get up. But I forced myself up. I got dressed, grabbed my coffee and headed out the door. I got to class in time for the first class - Coping Skills. We talked about hope. Having hope. Feeling hopeless, but mostly about being hopeful. Then the second class was Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. We did a thought chart or whatever it's called. There were three of us in the group and Virginia used Kevin's and the other girl's examples. I wish I could remember her name but my mind has gone blank. Anyway, I was told mine would be first next week. Is that a good thing?? LOL! 

Anyway, after class Virginia had me come to paperwork. We talked too. It was a nice time. I enjoy Virginia's company. She's got such a sunny personality that it makes me feel good being around her. And I've come to the decision that even after the Welfare to Work crap is taken care of, that I want to keep going to classes at least two days a week. 

My mom called just as I was finishing up and she told me she wondered if I could take her to Costco. I really, honestly didn't feel up to it, but I said yes, of course. In fact, my mom was so sweet. She put $25 of fuel in my tank. But walking around the store killed my back. I was in such pain that once I got everything up at the register that I told him to get her some help and that I was going out to the car. My back just couldn't take it anymore. And Jason contacted me to see if I was still coming over to see Cassie's room and stay for dinner. At first I wasn't going to and then I just decided I would. I really, really wanted to see Cassie's room. My back still hurt so I took some tylenol - after taking the naproxen I couldn't take advil. It eased it only a little bit but when I got over there Cassie showed me her room and it is totally awesome!! Black walls. New carpet on the floor. Her bed is in there her lamp, side table, octagon table, TV . . . Her room is just so cool. I didn't do much while there except kick back and watch "The Abyss" as Jason puttered around. Susan and Cassie went to pick up Katie and Lauren and go get their nails done. When the girls got back they all went into Cassie's room and started giggling like girls do. And Susan made killer Spaghetti with marinara sauce and texas toast. OMG! That toast was so good!! I could have eaten a loaf of it all by myself! LOL! 

Anyway, Cassie's neck began hurting and I encouraged her to take a bath - well we all did and eventually I decided it was time to go home. I kissed her goodbye and said good-bye to Jason, Susan and the cats. My back wasn't hurting as bad as it had, but it was still sore - even now it is.

My mom was thrilled though. She got the rugs cleaned today. But she needed Jordan's help and the butthead was ignoring her until she called him a few names. She was just so frustrated so I completely understand. I guess he eventually helped her . . . What a putz. Ugh!

Well, nothing else is going on. I'm probably going to help myself to a Cadbury Egg, finish watching "Ghost Hunters" and then "Fact or Faked" and then going to sleep. I am very tired and am even wondering if I will watch all of "Fact or Faked." Probably because I'll get interested, but I am exhausted. 

I haven't heard from my Aussie yet today either. But he can't write everyday unlike me. :-P I can't wait to hear from him though. I'll be dreaming about it anyway. 

Ticket Buying Fun!

Today is the beginning of my more early rising. In fact, I'm going to set the alarm and be up by 9:00am. I had to get up early for the Ticket Buy. I got Jordan to take a shower last night and this morning I got dressed, grabbed coffee and Jordan and got going. It had been so long since I'd gone on a ticket buy! But it was fun. We met up with Susan, Cassie, Paige and Alicia which was perfect. Cassie had brought her snake though it was really too cold for him. He spent time curled up in people's sleeves and stuff. LOL! He's a beautiful snake and so little!! He's so cute!! I hated sitting in the cold and it took forever for them to give out number wristbands. Usually they do it early, then everyone breaks up and then comes back to hear what number is first and then line up. But not this time. Then they had someone new also who had everyone line up when you don't line up without wristbands! That eventually was corrected. I felt sorry for Cassie and Paige. They got farther back in the line. But we all bought tickets and we all got money. I got $25 for just a few hours. It's not too bad and it was extra money I needed. I ended taking Paige home while Susan took Alicia back home - along with Jordan and Cassie. I was glad to get home though. I had another huge iced coffee, but it didn't perk me up at all! LOL!

When Jordan came home, he had my money for me. He'd already spent his money on a game for his Xbox 360. He says he still has money left so, that's good. I was too tired to go out for any reason. In fact, I thought I'd take a nap, but instead I ended up reading the rest of "The Chronicles of Riddick." I finally will start a new book either tonight or tomorrow - "The Bone Garden" by Tess Gerritsen.

Anyway, I thought I'd be too tired to write today, but instead I managed almost another full page. It's really coming along nicely! I'm not sure how interesting the book is yet, but we'll see. I still have to write that prologue! It's just nice to be writing and enjoying it, having that sense that the story will continue to bloom as I write. It helps that one of the characters is a cat and since I love cats it's easy for me to write them. Plus, my kitty Karissa has been by my side all day - at least since I've been back. Her presence calms me and makes me smile. I don't feel alone when she's with me.

Well, not sure whatelse I'm going to do. I have no shows tonight and I'm really, really tired. I'm about ready to take my night meds and just go to sleep. Who cares if it's just 7:40pm. It will make tomorrow morning easier too. I can say that today has been a good day! I don't feel the under-current at the moment, which is AWESOME! Don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I'm going to think positive. Either way, I'm thinking tomorrow I get a woman's world and maybe a Dr. Pepper from McDonald's. LOL! But that's for tomorrow. Tonight it's time for sleep. And it's a good, well-deserved sleep tonight I think. Good, huh? Maybe I'll write a couple of notes before I go to sleep, but either way, it's nite nite.

Goodnight!!

Adventures of the Week

What can I say? This has been a long week. But I can say it's been productive in one way or another. I still feel the blahs and I hate it. I don't know if it's the medication or what, but I HATE it. I remember when Jason used to say to me that he just didn't feel like himself and that he just wanted to be himself again while he was in his depression. Well, I'm just the same now. Only difference is I'm actively trying to do something about it. The problem is, I think what I'm doing isn't helping. In fact, it might be keeping me this way and I'm about ready to just stop the medication I think it is and see if that doesn't fix the problem (no I am not going off my mood stabilizer - I would NEVER do that purposely). But I don't know. I'll play it by ear at the moment. After all, I see my pdoc on Oct. 16th again. I just don't know if I'm willing to wait that long.

Anyway, Jordan got his wisdom teeth removed this week too. I knew he had a lot going on with his teeth, but the one thing that we could get done now was the wisdom teeth. I can say that he has coped much better than I did. It's maybe three days later and he's eating. He's still swollen - he has the chipmunk look - but he's doing good. I'm very glad.

I kind of worried myself sick before hand. It wasn't like I tried to do this, but my mind came up with all kinds of worst case senarios on what might happen. I was never more relieved than when they told me they were done. Because of the medication they gave him he has gaps in his memory (after he woke up that is). He came in that night to get some medication from me and asked me how he'd gotten home!! LOL! He also didn't remember writing questions for me, since he wasn't supposed to talk right after the extraction. I showed him the notes later and he got a kick out of it. Either way, I'm just glad he's okay and recouping well!

This weekend should be an interesting one. Katie is coming over to spend the weekend with Cassie. Of course, Cassie has chores and Katie being the sweetie she is, will help Cassie with them.

The one thing I have done this week is start a schedule again. I mean not a totally ridged schedule, but one with a list of things that should be accomplished every day. So far so good. Most of it is getting done, but there are a couple of things that haven't gotten done. Still, most is good. I have been writing out schedules though for the last two days or so and so far so good. I'm almost a the month mark and I'll just keep going to get ahead. Still, it gets a bit monotonous after awhile, but it'll be worth it in the end when I have the schedule out and not have to worry about it.

Well, guess that's it for now - until the next exciting adventures of my life occur! LOL!