I Didn't Expect to Be So Nervous!

Okay, I am sending out my very first query letter to a literary agent. Grant you, it's just one and chances are it's going to be rejected. I mean, most people are, so I have that in my mind. But I can't believe just how nervous I was writing out the envelope and putting the letter into it! LOL! Generally I'd be putting several in the mail, but the one is all I can afford at the moment. More will go out on the 3rd of next month when I have money. Still . . . I just wasn't expecting to be so nervous. LOL! My hands were litterally shaking!

Okay, I guess I'm just insane. :-P But at least it will go off into the mail today!! In that regard I'm excited too!

Wish me luck!

IT'S TOO HOT!!!

Well, not a whole lot has been going on lately and the heat has been killing me. I know there are a lot of places where the heat is worse, but the heat literally makes me sick. I not only sweat, but I swell. My legs, feet and fingers all feel like cooked sausaged. It's disgusting and makes me feel bad about myself. As if that's not bad enough I get irritable and if THAT isn't bad enough, I literally get nauseated. I almost started throwing up a couple of days ago because of the heat.

The funny thing is, the heat has been worse, but I just can't take it either way. We have no air conditioning because it takes too much money to run it. The fans do just about nothing but move hot air around. Even with the windows open it sucks. Then at night, if it's too hot, I can't sleep. No sleep means bad next day.

I don't know what happened the night before last, but I didn't sleep. It could have been from the heat since I woke up ever two hours and then it was this strange half sleep. I woke up so tired . . . I ended up not being able to edit Chapter 12 of my book and that had been my goal for yesterday. But the good news is that I got sleep last night and was able to somehow finish chapter 12 today!! Even in the hellish heat! So as long as I keep my mind focused, I get enough sleep and can try to concentrate through this horrible heat, I'll be done editing my book in about four days, give or take. I can't wait!! But with this heat, even if I finish I'm not sure how wonderful I'll feel. I mean, I'll be excited!! I'm excited now! But this heat . . . It sort of ruins everything, you know? I'm going to try not to let it ruin this for me. It's a step in the right direction. I am moving forward! I will get finished, get an agent and get published! :-) At least that's the plan! We'll see!

But either way, no matter what I can accomplish or not, I have only one thing to say at the moment: IT'S TOO HOT!!!! UGH!!

Summer Not So Fun Heat - But Writing is Pretty Good!!

I am so happy with my editing! So far I have made it through 11 chapters. Today I was supposed to finish Chapter 12, but I didn't get much sleep last night and am exhausted. I thought of taking a nap, but it's too hot and it might keep me from sleeping tonight. It's just frustrating because I don't trust myself to edit like this and I am so close!! I'm five chapters and a short epilogue away from having it completely edited!! I want it to be perfect and I think it'll be close once I get this last edited, so I guess it's not surprising I'm so frustrated today. I have been able to get at least one chapter a day done until now. Ugh . . . This isn't fun.

Maybe I should take a nap (or try - stupid summer heat!!) and risk not sleeping tonight. Then at least when I woke up I might be able to tackle this chapter and keep doing what I planned - a chapter a day. I suppose it won't be the end of the world if I have to put it off for a day, but I would really love to stick to my schedule. But even with windows open and fans going I am just melting. Not sure I could sleep if I tried because of it.

I do have to be excited that I'm so close though! And I believe it's a good concept and a pretty good book! If I had my bets out of everything I've written thus-far that this is the best all around. Plus, I'm getting ideas on how to write my query letter! The biggest thing that has me stumped is how to condense my story and still make it interesting. Things are starting to click though so I might have something ready to go as soon as the book is done! Wouldn't that be fantastic? I hope so!

Guess that's enough for this ramble. I'm going to get some water and see what I can do to try to cool off before I get sick and throw up - yeah, I know, nice visual, but the heat makes me that sick. :-( Hate it, hate it, hate it!!!!!

Why Do Some People Never GROW UP??

(My friend is the one is the Leather Jacket)

I've known this woman since I was twleve years old. She's actually about 2 years older than me, but she has always acted younger, making me refer to her as my little sister. We had our ups and downs, but in the end we were always friends and I always thought of her as a sister. That never changed.

Okay, now fast forward to January 2008. Being the writer that I am, I like to encourage others to write. I have usually found people get great benefits from it. Comprehension goes up. Vocabulary increases . . . Plus it's a great way to get out your emotions. It can be very, very cathartic!! I find it so anyway.

So when she said she was interested in writing again and would I help her write a book, I said sure. It would be a fun side project. Well, the fun side project ended up being a HUGE deal. She started taking it seriously. She WANTED to get it published. This book was going to solve all her problems. Yeah . . . reality check. And get this part - I was having to write it for her!!!! Her grammar, spelling . . . everything was bad. The plot was childish. She would ask me about things and it was like a kid writing and this woman is 41 or is it 42 now, I think?

This is an example of what I was had to edit:


Mark and the boys are out looking at one of the Christmas tree lots, they have been to at least four of them since they left after Daniel and Brian took Brianna to the Doctors. They finally found the prefect Christmas tree and as Jeff pays for it and they get it tied to the top of the Car. Mark looks at his Brothers as the get ready to start to leave." Now if we can just pull this off before she gets home." They get in the car and drive off to the Lancing Family Estate.


Brianna walks out after they did her CT-Scan "All done now can we go eat" Daniel looks at her and smiles "How About we go through drive thru and you can eat at home while you rest. What would you like to eat?"


"How about we get a few pizzas and bring them home." Brian looks at Brianna "I like that idea." Brian pulls out his cell phone how about we call Round table and get four large pizza's and some salads and soda to go and we stop and pick it on the way back to the house and Then my darling it's bed for you until your hair appointment." She looks at Brian. "As long as you stay close."


He squeezes her hand. He dials the number to Round table pizza. " Yes I would like to place an order four of your large pizzas pepperoni pizzas and four large salads and four bottles of coke. This will be a pick up the is the number is as follows." He gives his cell phone number. "Ok I'll be there in twenty minutes. As they climbs back into the car. And head back towards the family estate.

It might not be the worst writing in the world, but this isn't the worst I was dealing with either. This is child's play compared some I had to work with.

Still I wanted to encourage her, but she was getting more and more demanding because she knew she could not pull off the quality I could write. Not that I'm the best writer by any stretch of the imagination, but her writing got to be really overwhelming for me after awhile; especially when I was trying to work on my own material seriously - and her calling me every day JUST to talk about her book. Not "Hi, how are you? How are the kids?" or "Thought I'd call and see how things are?" or even, "What are you up to?" It was always, "I have an idea on the book!" "Have you written on the book?!" Book, book, book, book, book . . . Eventually, our friendship came down to . . . this book! But it wasn't just me either. She was so obsessed with it that she was emotionally abusing her kids when they were on the computer. I mean, she cussed at them anyway (which I NEVER thought was appropriate) but when I found out that her daughter didn't even want to come home because her stomach hurt her all the time and that my friend had called her a c*nt was the last straw. I told her I had my own projects to work on and I had other things going on in my life, so I was backing out of the project.

I bet you can guess what happened after that - she dropped me as a friend! Surprise, surprise. But that's not the worst of it. It's been almost a year now since this happened and she hasn't let it go!! Not that I've tried to contact her, but she's using her own children to try to upset me and my kids - well more my daughter because they can't get to my son. I don't think they'd try anyway. But it doesn't matter.

You might be surprised considering how she treated them, but you know what? She's still their mother. It's not that I don't understand why they're doing it, but you don't tell someone's daughter whose not even 12 years old yet that they're a "F*cking spoiled brat" or whatever it was she said.

THEN this woman had the nerve to write me a letter. I didn't look at it. It went straight to the trash once I saw one negative word. Not saying anything to her will drive her more nuts.

But the thing is, it's like being thrown back to Junior High!! I mean, shouldn't everyone have grown up by now?? Especially if you've had a couple of kids?? But she never will. It's how she is and how she'll always been and as much as I have loved her as a sister, I am definitely done. Why should I care about someone that will not drop stuff after a year and who uses their own children to target other kids to get their pathetic form of revenge?

But I wish someone would tell this woman to GROW UP!

So Far So Good!

Well, at the moment I am working on my first manuscript. I've been editing and just finished the fourth chapter. Only another twelve to go! LOL! I can only do so much at one time though, or I start missing stuff. And even when I'm doing pretty good, I still miss something here and there that I find later. It can be maddening, but that's how it goes.

What I'm also doing is coming up with new scenes I'm going to be adding in. I realized that there was an area that I could expand on and in turn, it would make the book longer - which in this case would be a good thing. So far I have a three page scene and I'm working on another right now though I haven't gotten very far. It's more or less introducing the other people in the plot. I am hoping by the time I'm done I'll have added another 20 pages or more AND that it goes well within the story I've already written! I think it will. I just worry about it slowing down the pace of the book. I guess we'll see. When it's done, I'll see about sending it to a couple of trusted friends and see if they think it made things better or worse. I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. Whatelse can I do, right? And I have to believe that what I'm adding will be a good addition to the story; that I am NOT making a mistake.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried though. LOL! But when I'm done with this one, I'll have two more books to wreck my brain against! :-P

Annoying Teenage Brats!

Well, it's sad, but that's how things are. Some teens are just brats. They don't think. They plot and they willingly bully kids younger than them at the behest of their psychotic parent.

I might be bipolar but I don't use my kids to do my dirty work. If I'm ticked off with someone, I don't play games. I tell them directly and I CERTAINLY DON'T USE MY KIDS!!

A friend I had a falling out with almost a year ago is having her daughter, Heather, not only play games with my nephew Taylor, but is now playing games with my Cassie through her friend Kimmie. I can't believe that someone whose 15 years old would continue to be that immature. But then again, if I look at her mother, Denise, I can see why. Not only is the woman bipolar like me, but without knowing her other diagnosis, I know for a fact she has Histrionic Personality Disorder where everything is a crisis. Drama, Drama, Drama! Though she claims she doesn't like it. SHE CREATES IT!! The woman is nuts, but I've always loved her as a sister, yet this is seriously pushing it. I mean, it's been a year since our falling out!! Get OVER IT already! And to use hers kid to bully a girl whose only 11 years old?? And to pick on Cassie because of who her mother is and who had a falling out with HER mother? It's just pathetic. If this is how her Heather and Kimmie are now, what will they be like as adults?? Not really sure I want to know that one.

She told my daughter that I was a b*tch, that she was a spoiled f*cking brat. This was on Gaia by the way, and of course, the little coward blocked my daugher because I think she knew I was going to get involved and do something about it. Well, I did. My daughter and I reported her ass to Gaia for bullying and abusing. I hope they cancel that little brat's account and that she'll know better than to hurt people like that. Until she can mature a little bit and not abuse over the social network, I hope they keep her off. Of course, that's just dreaming, but oh well.

Then my nephew found out what happened and my son found heard his sister crying and why and they are both are ready to slam Kimmie and Heather for playing games like this (They will not use bad language, but definitely use condescension

which I am all for). It just sucks that these kids are

so easily lead to do this.

I mean, it's one thing to stick up for your parent. I understand that, even if your parent is in the wrong. That's what kids do, but this is totally uncalled for, hurtful and beyond what's reasonable! My daughter was in tears!! All I can be certain of at the moment is that Karma is a bitch and eventually they'll get theirs. Even the universe recognizes teenagers on their way to adulthood.

Anyway, all I can do is hope that this little witches gets what they deserves.

Ugh!!! Bratty Teenagers!!!

At least the other teens I know are good kids. But there's always a few bad apples and in this case with a worm in one. Ah well . . .

Writing Passion

Well, writing is my passion. It's what I've been wanting to do since I was 12 years old when I realized I could write and create my own worlds or the ideas of a world that interested me. Where anything could happen.

It started easily enough. My favorite show was Fantasy Island. What's easier for a kid to write for? I wrote at least two scripts that took place on Fantasy Island. I have another than used it as a cross-over point to Battlestar Galactica which I had gotten hooked on in re-runs.

From there I branched out to short stories in 9th grade. I had the best English teacher to loved creative writing and inspired me. He would give up a sentence and we'd have to write a paragraph to it. He'd give up the beginning of a story and we'd have to finish it. Once he showed up a picture of a little waterfall and we had to write something that was at least half a page long. Mine was two pages and I could have probably pushed it to three.

In 10th grade I created my own series for TV and wrote about four or five scripts for it. I also wrote a couple of movie scripts (using the correct format finally) and several more short stories. I never did anything with any of this, but I knew I had talent. My teachers all told me I did and encouraged me.

When I was 16 and in 11th grade I was in a Senior class. Again I was inspired to write short stories. It was also when I was inspired to start writing romance. Not that I was in love with anyone attainable. My love affair was with a character on TV and I recognized it as such. To this day I still love the character Stingray on the short-lived 80s TV show. But this was also the time I started writing books and poetry. I never finished a single book I started though. Over the years I even got as far as chapter 11 in one book and just stopped as if my mind had stopped working. But then a couple of years ago a miracle happened. I FINISHED my first book!! Not only did I finish it, but I had people WAITING to read the end which had taken me a very long time. Even my kids' paternal grandmother who doesn't read romance LOVED it!! By almost everyone who has read it, I was told they just couldn't put it down. That has to say something for the story, right?

Anyway, so here I am, trying to edit it. There are 16 chapters plus an epilogue and I'm only done with the first three chapters. There are new things I'm adding and I want to correct as many mistakes as I can find, add any details that need to be added and just make it the best that it can be. But it's so difficult and exacting. However, I'm going to push forward.

Once it's done, I go on to write my query letter. Not sure what I'll do about an agent, but I'll see what I can do and if not, I'll send my manuscript directly.

On my side, it's not the only one I've completed. I have two others that are part of a quartet of stories that also needed serious editing and the third of the set halfway done. At least I can say ideas are not what I lack. Sometimes it's the determination to finish. Sometimes it's just the exacting work of editing. But this time is my time. I'm going to do this. I will finish. I will get published and I WILL make a living at it and finally know for myself that my talent is real.

Can we be friends?

Can you actually be friends with someone you don't trust? I mean, not like he's going to hurt me. Just that he will never be reliable . . . Greg, the friend I kicked to the curb is back . . . I know, maybe I shouldn't have let him back at all, but I put down the ground rules. If we're friends we are just friends and we're going to go slow. There will be no huggie, kissie or anything else. I'm sorry, but NO! Even today he offered to take me and the kids to Jason and Susan's. He was an hour late. So he's still the same as when I kicked him to the curb . . . well, just about. At least he showed up. But tomorrow I have an appointment tomorrow. He wants to take me when I know I have another ride. My honest reaction is that he's going to flake. That he will not be there when I need him. This has been the case for awhile now. Plus, he has other commitments. That in and of itself is fine. I have no trouble with that. But don't tell me you're going to show up when you can't and then don't tell me. However, he's assuring me he's going to be here tomorrow. I told him if he's 5-10 minutes late, I'm calling my original ride - Susan. They both think he'll flake out on me too.

In fact, when I got out of their car tonight I said, "I'll probably see you tomorrow!" They replied that they thought the same thing. I guess only time will tell. Maybe it seems kind of mean or that I'm setting Greg up for failure. But when it's happened so much in the past, it's hard not to expect the same behavior. Guess we'll see, but if he does flake out yet again, it's going to make things all the harder because I expect more out of my friends. I am there for them. If I say I'm going to do something I generally will and most of the time if I can't, I tell them so, or I won't commit. I'll tell them maybe and why. If he just doesn't show up, then that will be what he's been doing to me for awhile and I expect common decency from my friends; not just an "I'm sorry" later.

Other than that, my day and night has been pretty good. I got to chat with Ron today before he went to work. I was active on Cafemom and posted some of my writing exercises and a chapter of my book. It's always a bit nerve-wrecking to do because I just want everyone to love it and yet I'm afraid of it getting picked apart - which I know comes from years and years of emotional abuse starting in early childhood. I have gotten a lot better at accepting constructive criticism, but it still is really hard. There is always that initial, "OMG! I screwed up. They hate it. They hate me." It gets personalized really quick and then I feel like a failure and maybe burst into tears and I HATE to cry. LOL! I know, all over dramatic. But I've gotten better. It's still a struggle though.

Other than that, I was able to spend a pleasant evening with Jason and Susan. They're still struggling over the loss of Troy. It's hard for all of us, but I got to play and pet the other kitties, enjoy a fantastic meal of chili mac with biscuits and strawberry shortcake for dessert while watching something on Animal Planet about this guy working his way into a Lion Pride - a wild lion pride! It was pretty amazing. But not much else. I updated my Chapter 3 from edits I made on the hard copy I have and I am going to be going through Chapter 4 tonight maybe, if I don't crash first. I am soooooo tired! LOL! And if not that, then I have an idea for another scene to add to the book as I go. It'll just be a matter of trying to figure out where to fit it. Plus, I just need to work out the particulars of the scene in my mind anyway. I might actually be too tired to do it at all. I feel like I could fall asleep right now. But we'll see.

Anyway, now I'm going to check a few more things, write to my beloved Ron and then I'll be off to read, write or watch a movie! I never really know until I'm at that point in the future. I'm just like that!