Easy Peasy Breezy Day

Today was simple. I woke up at 10:00am. I had the place to myself for the day with Cassi at her boyfriend's and Jason and Susan at Sea World. I didn't really do a lot except for what I needed to get done. I worked on some letters. I got one finished and sent out with papers I were supposed to return (thought I HAD returned them - oops!).  was glad I got that done! That was important!  I also posted in some groups on FB and stuff. I also cleaned out the litter boxes, washed Karissa's dish, called my mom and whatnot! I also worked on the story. I have more of an idea about the bad guy. Not just his name and what he does for a living and how he talks and looks. There are others around too that might be looked at as suspects. It's good to feel as if that part of my brain is working again! For awhile there it was just gone! And now I am feeling so inspired and just want this to really flow. The more I delve into my characters the better the story will be! I just haven't been this inspired in a long time. Who knows? Maybe this will really be the start of something else that's great!

I haven't eaten much, which is a good thing. I think I had a sandwich toward noon, I was also drinking regular coffee. I had a bowl of cereal a couple hours later. I then had two piece of corn bread with butter and honey, some mac n'cheese for dinner and a nice hot fudge sundae to round things out. Jason and Susan had brought me that home when they went to get their own treats from Mickey D's. I wouldn't say it was much, but I would say pretty yummy! :-)

I am really happy that my day was easy, that I felt good and that I got stuff done! There were no down moments, which always makes for a good day!

This evening I helped my best friend start a blog, which was fun! I got to set it up and pic out the style of it and all that. She told me what she wanted and I did my best to accommodate. Of course, I did have an issue of writing in the wrong page domain name and I forgot how to get to that to edit it. It took me probably about 10-20 minutes. I didn't give up and so I found what I needed and made the correction! Yay! So she has one blog up at the moment. She has another she wants me to post, but it will probably have to be done tomorrow. It's getting late and I have to go to sleep at some point! LOL! I'd like to wake up around 9:00am tomorrow. I could even set my alarm, but I kind of let God decide when to wake me, unless I really need to be up in the morning for something. I haven't decided if the fish tanks need cleaning tomorrow. I might take care of it. I don't want to have to do it on my birthday, though it's really not that bad and it doesn't take that long. But who says you can't train fish. When they see me they dance for me! :-) And then they start looking up knowing I'm going to feed them! They are so cute! You can get close to fish just like a cat or dog. Well, not exactly, but close!

Okay, I did some reading, I did some writing and got some things done! Today was definitely another good day!

Now it's time to rest and hopefully sleep! ;-)

My Concentration is Waning

I slept and slept again. I slept through yesterday, I guess. I just didn't want to wake up. Jason and his crap . . . but all in all, I guess I'm over it. I'm glad that my "Michael" story went over so well! I also started another story today, but I'm still trying to sort some stuff out. It has Jason Bourne in it. I thought I would bring in some serious drama with my Kira Storm character. So far I have him stopping her from killing her target Paul whittaker. I figured I'd bring in the rape as a girl. The scars all over her body and the initials carved into her back. I just figured I'd get more dramatic. It's been awhile since I wrote one of my assassin characters. So that's my next story.

Anyway, I didn't do much today at all. I slept and it was so hot it was horrible. I re-read over my story for "Michael" again and just enjoyed the praise. Then I read the rest of the story that Angel's been writing. I hate to say it, but it's kinda like something I would have written as a teenager. But it's just a fantasy so who cares. But I haven't had so much fun just writing in a long time. Though I think after this one I'll take a little bit of a break. Go back to more of my serious works.

Well, whatelse can I say? It was hot and miserable today. I watched TV today, but I can't tell you exactly what I watched except for "Tanked" and "THe Glades." My mom heated up spaghetti for Jordan and I. She even gave us ice cream. That was nice, considering she was upset about Jordan not raking or sweeping or anything. He should rake, but he's a pain in the ass about it. However, it was way too hot to do anything today really.

I'm actually a little hungry at the moment. I might see what's in the fridge.Tomorrow I have got to pull myself together, take care of Karissa and move forward with the story. 

I swear this is like pulling teeth tonight. It's like my mind just doesn't want to work. It's annoying considering how well I was writing everything else today. LOL! Guess I should think about going back to sleep anyway. I am still yawning.

"The Glades" was great tonight. It was about moonshine - legal and illegal - and the hospital where Callie works is going to be closing. She's been offered another job, but in Atlanta, Georgia. I don't know if she'll take it. It looks like she's going to, but I don't know. The season finale is next week. Should be very interesting.

Guess I'm going to close this out. Time to say goodnight.



I Hate My Period!!

My anxiety level is so high. I'm tired but I probably couldn't sleep. I want to go to Vons and get a tiramisu bar cake again . . . And I just feel emotional. I HATE IT!!! Ugh! Then I'd go to Vons, but I think my mom is still awake and I wouldn't want to go until she's in bed.

I didn't do too much today except proof-read and re-post my James Bond Fantasy. But what really made my day was that she loved my story. It made her laugh, almost cry and she wanted more!! :-) That made me feel so good! I think I'm going to try to work on my "Michael" story. I just have to sort out my angle. But I have to figure out how he would react to a girl that comes out of nowhere. One who is clearly not from Atlantis, though I don't think he'd rule it out. Well, my mind will stew on it for a bit and see what I can come up with something because I would like to write something about Michael. I've always had a thing for him.

Anyway, my mom made me cook chicken. It was pretty good. I only ate two pieces though. My stomach had felt kinda weird, but I think that's from anxiety. I HATE PMS!!! The anxiety is bad and I hate that it's there and worse because of it.

I don't think I'm going to do much else tonight. If I get to Vons, that will be the best thing. I can get my sweet, creamy craving taken care of.

I did also watch "The Da Vinci Code" which is a really good movie. I hadn't watched it in awhile. Then after that was two episodes of "Leverage!" I was glad I finally remembered this week! I LOVE this show. Then I'll watch "The Glades" at some point. But I gotta get to Vons! LOL! CRAVINGS ARE KILLING ME!!!

It sucks having anxiety, being over emotional, being TIRED and the cravings. I hope all this eases up in a day or two. I can't handle this for long.

Okay, I guess I've rambled and ranted enough. I just hope my mom goes to bed soon!

Feeling Pretty Good!

Today has been a pretty good day! I woke up not really wanting to get up, but my mom encouraged me to go to class, so I did. I got up, got dressed, got my coffee and headed to the car. I got there right on time. Though everyone else was on the late side. That was cool. I didn't mind. But then we spent half the time filling out a survey, which kind of sucked. But other than that it was a great class. We ran over time, but I think that's because we had to do those surveys so everyone had a chance to talk. I talked about a thought intrusion I had the other night where I just suddenly wanted to cut on my arms. I'm not sure what had triggered it, but it intruded on me while I was trying to sleep. That's when the thought intrusions come out the most. Anyway, we talked about tools to use to deal with them when they come. I was supposed to call Kimberly tonight, but I forgot like an idiot so I'm going to try to remember tomorrow.

After that I came home and got online for awhile. I took care of my Happy Aquarium and then took some quizzes. But I also put on music for a bit too.

I also started reading and editing "Crossfire" again and I'm about half way through what I typed up. Soon I'll have to find my handwritten copy, read that and continue it. My passion for continuing hasn't died down and no anxiety so I think so far so good with my return to my original stories - my true passion. I love how I created Rachel and Kamal, though I might have to change a couple of things. I need Rachel to be a little stronger I think. Or maybe what I have on her will work since I have an idea of her protecting Leila. She's courageous when it comes to protecting other people. She's just not so good at sticking up for herself. She's actually kind of timid in some respects - especially out of her element. Anyway, it's good to be back, you know?

Outside of that I just puttered on the computer more. Had dinner - interesting mix of things. There was ramen, Ravioli and hotdogs, but it all tasted good. Then I came back to my room and started working on my schedule. I'm almost to December of this year. I'll have to get a new pocket calendar. One more thing for a very growing list. I'm not sure I'm going to have the money for everything I want and need. That will suck if I run out of money. I tried to do some figuring, but it's not always easy. Plus, I don't have any firm prices to go by. Hope I over estimated a few things. But I want to get some make-up, only I don't know if I have enough to get everything I need. Guess we'll see.

Then tonight as I was working on my schedule again, I watched "Chuck" which was awesome. Chuck finally told Ellie he was still a spy AND that he was the intersect. After that I watched "Stargate: Universe" which was interesting - they had to go to a blue giant star to avoid the drones only because of the temperature the ship was have they had to have everyone gate to a nearby world. Well, turns out they had people on it and the drones had destroyed the place. It was very interesting, indeed! The last show I watched was "Sanctuary" and that had Will morphing into some kind of lizard-like creature. Of course, Magnus saved the day! Still love the show! I'm starting to enjoy Mondays, though the Series Finale of "Stargate: Universe" is next week. THAT sucks.

Well, it's just about 25 minutes to midnight. I'm seriously considering getting dressed and going to Walmart to do my shopping. I could do it tomorrow, but I like shopping late. It's a little less crowded, but sometimes the lines are longer when they only have one register up. But usually it's not that bad. Guess I still have time to decide.

I'm just happy I'm feeling better and more positive. That my writing really does seem to be back for real this time. I just hope this lasts. It would be wonderful if it does. :-) 

Meh . . .

I had a psychiatric appointment today with Dr. T. I was actually feeling okay with a little bit of depression, but I could feel it under the surface. I was hoping that it would go away once my period was over, but it's almost over and the depression has just gotten worse. I don't know if I'm in another depressive cycle. I hope not, but it really feels that way. But we'll see how I am tomorrow I guess.

Today was actually decent. I actually or rather finally downloaded MSN messanger again and AIM for XP. For the first time in months I wrote with Patty B! And we wrote for HOURS! I plan to do more writing with her tomorrow. I'm hoping it also jumpstarts my writing in general. I always had ideas when we were writing. So maybe my writing will get a big boost. We'll see.

I also got an Email from my Aussie!! I still have a thing for him! LOL! I guess I always will. Every time I see his name in my inbox I get a flutter and a smile crosses my face. So that was a stellar part of my day! So I have that to make me happy.

You know, maybe I'm just cycling badly. I'm not feeling as bad as I did a few minutes ago. But then in, I was distracted thinking about Ron. LOL! Maybe that should be my cure! Reading all his emails over and over again. :-D

The story Patty B and I are working on is pretty cool. My character for the most part was level-headed. An assassin, but I didn't have her kill anyone during what we wrote so far. She actually spent the time trying to help a 16 year old. Then she finally went back to work only to be kidnapped by a man thought responsible for killing her baby daughter. Turned out he didn't and that he'd been following her for years trying to keep her safe. Anyway, he wants to marry her and she's agreed. I'm thinking of having some kind of accident happen and her memory be wiped. It would make things more interesting for me and I want the drama in the story. LOL! I've also had an idea for another story, or maybe I'll combine it in here somewhere. And maybe transfer this into a fantasy story. Though I think I'd better save that for another story. I suppose it just depends on what's going on.

Anyway, outside of the writing I've watched the season finale of "Fairly Legal" and didn't like it. Well, I don't like cliffhangers. Everything was going wrong in Kate's life. It sucked. I also ate a container of strawberries. LOL! And I cuddled my Karissa. Her purr is so soothing! So that's about it for my evening. I think now I'm going to get a cheese sandwich, finish watched "Burn Notice" since it came on after. I believe it's last season's finale, which is cool. Then I'm going to take my meds and hopefully sleep. We'll see what happens.

Not so exciting, not so great of a day, but it'll do.

A Drop of Darkness in the Pool of Life

I might have been tired last night, but I didn't sleep. Nice, huh? I think I was just waiting for Christopher to come back. He did, but not last night. He came back this afternoon. But he walked away before I could even get out of my room, to say nothing of the door. I called to him several times, but he still didn't come to me. I don't know what to do anymore about him. He sees us. But it's like he's too skittish to come up to anyone now. And he knows ME!!!! It really is so upsetting. I love the butthead and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to get him back for Jason, Susan, Cassie and I. It SUCKS!! I wish I had a magic wand where I could make him magically appear and come in. But that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Needless to say I didn't go to the water aerobics class. I spent my morning and early afternoon sleeping. In fact, I didn't want to get up at all - the depression that's creeping back is causing it, I think. My goal is to try to go tomorrow. I just have to get some sleep and force myself to get up. But I tell you, I wanted to sleep all day and even now I kind of wish I was asleep and had slept all day. There was nothing bad about the day. Well, except for Christopher showing up and running off again. But I mean nothing bad really. In fact, I even got a $50 check! Susan is going to cash it for me tomorrow and we're going to do food for cash too. It helps me a lot because I can now pay my car insurance, get the oil changed and maybe even have a little left for fuel. Or at the very least enough for crickets and some $1 drinks from McDonald's! LOL! So good, right? Go figure.

I didn't do any writing today again. Actually I did a little research and have gotten a few more ideas for my story. I figure the attacker is going to end up befriending her. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet, but I'm thinking that it's going to start with something stolen, yet returned - Laura didn't know it was stolen. She would have thought she left it. So could be a wallet . . . keys . . . schedule book . . . maybe the schedule book makes the most sense. This way, she'll appear to be in between two men. There will still be stuff going on like her house being broken into without anything taken. At first she'll think it's just that she's moved something without really remembering. But over time, she should start to notice. Maybe she'll also start getting phone calls. Payphones around the city that can't be checked really. No cameras available, or no clear pix. I need to figure out how to make both the men ambiguous so that in the end it's interesting and that it's clear that Mathias is the good guy. I want a scene with Mathias the cat scratches the shit out of the other man when he's trying to hurt her. Maybe at the end when he finally gets her, cat Mathias will come to her rescue. Until human Mathias can make an appearance. I'll definitely have to figure out more of the middle now that I have a clearer idea on the end. So I guess I've done some work on my story, but no writing. Time to list ideas. Maybe that will be my project tomorrow.

Even though I slept late, maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight. I sure feel like I can, but that never means anything once I lay down. But I'm going to hope. I just need to take my meds. I've already did some reading. "The Surgeon" is such a good book. I've also watched "Fairly Legal." It's awesome to see Richard Dean Anderson acting again. It's not a large role that I can see, though I could see it getting bigger perhaps. We'll see what happens in the future, but it's a good show. And as soon as I finish watching the finale of "White Collar" I'm going to try to go to sleep. At least I hope that's what happens. 

Guess that's it for this episode of insanity.