Saturday, September 28, 2013

The Middle



Well, I haven't had anything that I have wanted to share over the last few days. They've been good, but a bit stressful. I've also been tired. One of my many issues at night now. I remember when I used to stay up all night and sleep all day as a teenager. I also remember staying up for 36-48 hours at a time, sleeping for 8-10 hours and do it all again. When I lived with my mother and sister, I never wanted to get up. I didn't want to deal with them - the put downs, the threats, the criticism . . . It was just easier to sleep all day and be up all night. I would avoid most of their abuses. Amazingly now, I wake up at around 7am to 10am at the absolute latest and by the time it hits about 8pm, I am done for the night. But tonight I'm a little more awake than usual and I haven't taken my night meds yet. But I'm happy here. I don't feel like I am constantly under attack like I was there.. And because I can wake up happy in the morning, I don't mind doing things around the house. I am no longer being judged on how I do things. I can just do them and be happy! :-) My life has really changed a lot.

There have been stresses though lately. There have been some marital issues. I can't go into it. It's not part of my life, except I feel like I'm in the middle a bit because I love them both. I also feel frustrated that I can't help. Then there's the issue of Cassi. Talk about a teenager with attitude!! I love her with all my heart and wouldn't want my life without her, but she argues everything and she always has an attitude with Jason and Susan. I know she's frustrated too. She doesn't have a room of her own and she feels like they breathe down her neck when they don't. They do try to discipline her from time to time and it doesn't go over well because they don't like how I raise her, but really, they can't do much except kick me out, but they don't want to do that. They love us! But then I feel like I am in between her and them. Then I feel like I get put down as a parent, but it doesn't happen very often. It's just we disagree with my way of doing things. I'm sure they are right on a lot of things, but if I wasn't the way I was, I wouldn't know about all the things she is doing. If I had been a total judgement ass, she still would have done it, I just wouldn't have known about it. Anyway, that's really not here or there. I just need a break from feeling in the middle of people. It drains my energy and brings my mood down. I felt it today, so tomorrow I just want to get up and do my usual things and just enjoy the day and stay out of the way of everyone, you know?

Oh, and I saw my Pdoc Wednesday. It was good! I like where I am with my meds and they work great! Also, they weighed me and I am 315 lbs! I haven't lost weight, but I haven't gained anything either! Which I think is amazing. I have really been eating pretty bad, though I have to say that I may bake a lot now, but I don't over indulge. In fact, I can't seem to have a lot of sweets anymore. I just don't want them much. Maybe that's the start of me losing weight again. I have to say it would be nice to be in the 200's and not the 300's. But I am thrilled that I didn't gain anything. I was really worried when I got on the scale! I was afraid I might have gained like 20 lbs. So glad I didn't! It also makes me feel like maybe if I lost more weight, I would be able to keep it off. Always hope for the future! :-)

Poor Cassi is sick with a cold. She ran herself ragged for about 2-3 days in a row, not getting enough sleep, not eating enough and being around people who were sick. It's been a long time since she's been sick like this though. At least it hasn't kept her down. She finally got some good sleep today and she's been eating. She even felt good enough to hang with her friends outside at the tables. Her friends are a band and she's going to be their official photographer. It might just be a dream, but dreams can be reality. We'll see what happens! 

Oh! And I just finished reading "Roses are Red." This book by James Patterson was great! Even though I knew who was behind everything in the story (been reading the books out of order), the book was amazing! It was thrilling from the beginning to the very end! And the ending was PERFECT! Tomorrow I'll start reading "Violets are Blue." I love his character Detective Alex Cross! I hope he continues to write more books for him, as I catch up with the ones I haven't read it. If you have never read an Alex Cross book by James Patterson and you love action and thrills, mysteries unfolding . . . you'll love it! 

Okay, well I am way late! I should have taken my meds hours ago and been to sleep! LOL! But I needed to get some of this out. At least it wasn't like some of my more unpleasant, angry entries. But it is time for bed and I am definitely ready! I just hope I don't have anymore weird dreams! I had this dream that I was in my mom's place and yet it wasn't. And I kept finding Betta fish in dirty tanks. Some were several in a tank. But as I cleaned them out, they started fighting with each other, so I'm struggling to find different containers to use to separate and clean them, but there had to be like 200 fish! But I just remember I was trying to save them from the bad water and then trying to save them from each other and I was so stressed out, but I kept at it. Go figure. It must symbolize something, but only God would understand I think! LOL!

Okay, bedtime. Goodnight!


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

It's Good to be Me! :-D




I am so happy to feel more like myself today. Being without my Invega was very hard and messed me up for awhile, but I feel back to normal which is a GREAT thing! :-) I woke up really early this morning, but I think it was because I wanted to make sure Cassi got off to school. She fought me a little bit, but I held firm and she went! :-) I just want her to go and learn, catch up . . . She can do it, she just needs to apply herself. And with the new medication she's supposed to start on Monday, things should start getting better for her. Prozac worked for Jordan and works for me too (in a low dose), so chances it will work for her too. I started feeling better within a week and I noticed a difference in Jordan in a week of taking it, so even though it takes 6 weeks to reach full effectiveness, I hope to see some improvement within the first week. That's what I hope for with her. Anything to pull her out of the depression she's been in for so long. 

Anyway, after Cass went to school, I stayed awake. I made myself some cold pumpkin spiced coffee. Actually half caff. LOL! I brewed the pots with both decaf and regular coffee and the pumpkin pie spice yesterday. It always tastes so much better the next day. I guess it gives the spices enough time to seep into the coffee. 

After that, I got onto the computer for awhile. I posted on my FB pages - "Overcoming Abuse," "Traditional Holidays Through the Year," and my Writings page. I even looked up articles on how to boost self-esteem and stuff on mindfullness. I want my "Overcoming Abuse" page to really be about not just learning that it wasn't your fault you went through abuse, but also ways to cope with the aftermath. I might share my story at some point, but there is so much to tell. Plus my memory isn't the greatest, especially about the abuses. Don't get me wrong, I remember them, but there's a lot I don't remember like exactly when things happened. I can just tell you they did happen. I had to deal with low self-esteem most of my life. I had to learn to be assertive and it took a LONG time before I thought of myself as a good parent or even just a good person. I can honestly say that now I'm away from my abusers I feel so much better. I have become a person that I enjoy waking up to! I like me now! :-)

I also got some time in with Jason before I had to take him to the trolley. I like when we having times in the morning. We get to talk. We get each other since we both struggle with some off the same things and knowing and understanding how someone feels is key to a close relationship. We are close. We've know each other and been close friends for 18 years! :-)

I came back from dropping him at the trolley and made myself more coffee. I started cleaning the stove. It was in serious need of a cleaning. LOL! I also decided to scrub the sinks, but they didn't get as clean as I wanted them to. Guess the only other thing I can do is try lots of bleach and let it sit for a few hours! I also baked some muffins - triple berry chocolate chip. They turned out pretty well! I'm glad I made them!

I also did my other chores. I cleaned out the cats, washed Karissa's dish out, I did more on the computer posting in my groups on FB. I also decided I was going to write a Flash Fiction only I made it a Flash Non-Fiction. I wrote about the last physical fight John and I got into. I made it quick because it was a Flash story (between 100-300 words long). But it was what it was - a blurry remembrance of the traumatic event. It actually started a discussion on a writing group I'm in. 

I have to say one of the best ways to put myself in a better mood is to smile at myself in the mirror in the morning. Adding a silly face after makes me smile more. It can help for sure! Something to try when you feel down. Just don't back down and convince yourself you can't do anything, because when you force yourself and get something done you feel better about yourself. I know it works for me.

I also talked to my therapist. We had a phone session. It ended early because I said everything I needed and he offered his take. I touched on an event that's OVER. I talked to him about Cassi and just life in general - how it had been without the Invega and how better I feel on it. I love talking with him because a lot of times it gives me clarity of thought. That's always a good thing. 

What's funny is I never thought I would be a Betty Domestic. I am still a slob, but I like to take care of things. I like a clean kitchen. I love to bake and cook! I am serious about taking care of my pets - family. I am happy and I feel loved and appreciated here. I am not judged or criticized. Who would have thought that just being happy and feeling needed and wanted could turn me into  one - or as much of one as I can be and still be me! :-)

I made dinner tonight too. I made a Chicken Buffalo Rice dinner - two packages Buffalo Chicken flavored rice, a can of chunk chicken breast and steamed carrots mixed together and served with ranch dressing on top. :-) It as so good!! Jason didn't want any, but he's not big into spices. Not that it's very hot. LOL! He's had it before and liked it. Guess tonight he wasn't in the mood. But I ended my meal with some of the cherry chocolate cobbler I made the other day. It is still so good! Yum! Next time I should heat it a little bit. Mmmmmmmm! 

Well, I guess that's it for this day! On to the Next!! 

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Where am I? Oh There I am!



Over the last week, give or take, I had an upheaval in my medication. I called on Monday or Tuesday for a refill on one of my medications (Mood Stabilizer), The pharmacy assured me they were faxing my refill request to my pdoc. I didn't think to contact them when I didn't get it in the mail. Then came Friday. I was sure my meds would come, but by the time mail was checked and I found out my meds still hadn't come, it was too late to call the pharmacy, Over the weekend I just kept feeling worse and worse. I was having withdrawal symptoms, which sucked. My depression came back. My anxiety skyrocketed. I was having headaches, I felt seriously stressed. So on Monday (yesterday) I called the pharmacy bright and early and explained to them that I NEEDED my medication THAT DAY. Their excuse was that they hadn't heard back from my doctor. Well, I talked to my doctor and they explained that they respond to faxes almost immediately, so either something happened to the fax before it got to my doctor or they never sent it - which seems more likely. They also told  me my medication would be delivered between 2pm - 5pm. Well, it didn't come so I called the pharmacy back. Apparently the driver didn't make it to me before he had to get his second run. I didn't get my meds until almost 8pm. It was way too late to take one so I had to wait another night before I could take my medication in the morning. Ugh!

This morning I FINALLY got to take ALL my meds and I started feeling better within a few hours. It did take a cup or two of coffee to get my energy gong, but I felt more like myself and was able to get things done! I changed the fishes water so it's nice and clean. I took care of the cat litter. I put away dishes. I made a cherry chocolate cobbler. That is super easy. I used two cans of cherry pie filling, covered with chocolate cake mix and on top of that you use about 1/2  cup of melted butter. You want to try to get all of the cake mix with it. Then you cook it at 350 degrees F for about 40-50 minutes. It was a huge hit with my family. The only thing that would make it better is whipped cream on top! :-) Next I want to do a apple pie filling, topped with spice cake mix. I think that was is going to be perfect for autumn!

Anyway, I just feel almost 100% better and back to myself. Those days without my medication I was definitely NOT myself. I am so glad that it's not taking me long to go back to normal. :-)

Well, I took my night meds so it's time to head to bed. Have a good night!

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Two Types of Abusive People



I grew up being bullied and put down by my mother where everything was someone else's fault or it was my fault. She ruined my self-esteem and my feelings of self worth. She was always after me - why didn't I do that right? How could I do this? If I didn't do what she wanted she would go to all HER children and say how awful I was. When I would confront her, it was always my fault or I would hear, "If you don't like it, then change!" As if that made her emotional abuse of me okay. But now that I am out of her house and on my own I feel free. She is or has very narcissitic tendencies. She has no empathy for others. You should only care about how things effect her and so on. It was always about her and what she wanted. It was never about how I felt. It took me years, but I finally started finding my self-esteem again. It's not an easy road, but I will continue to work on myself for the rest of my life.

I don't believe my mom is a full-blown Narc, because she's also co-dependent. But the damage she did and how she acted was like a Narc. Also I should mention that her children are too. Plus my Ex Husband was as well. Though I have some B Cluster Personality traits, I don't fall into any particular category. Plus I work on myself to better the kind of person I am every day.

This is what I found about Narcissists:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissism is a term used to describe a focus on the self and self-admiration that is taken to an extreme. The word "narcissism" comes from a Greek myth in which a handsome young man named Narcissus sees his reflection in a pool of water and falls in love with it.
Narcissistic personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called "Cluster B" or "dramatic" personality disorders. People with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions and a distorted self-image. Narcissistic personality disorder is further characterized by an abnormal love of self, an exaggerated sense of superiority and importance, and a preoccupation with success and power. However, these attitudes and behaviors do not reflect true self-confidence. Instead, the attitudes conceal a deep sense of insecurity and a fragile self-esteem. People with narcissistic personality disorders also often have a complete lack of empathy for others.

What Are the Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

In many cases, people with narcissistic personality disorder:
  • Are self-centered and boastful
  • Seek constant attention and admiration
  • Consider themselves better than others
  • Exaggerate their talents and achievements
  • Believe that they are entitled to special treatment
  • Are easily hurt but may not show it
  • Set unrealistic goals
  • May take advantage of others to achieve their goals
Other common traits of narcissistic personality disorder include the following:
  • Preoccupation with fantasies that focus on unlimited success, power, intelligence, beauty, or love
  • Belief that he or she is "special" and unique, and can only be understood by other special people
  • Expectation that others will automatically go along with what he or she wants
  • Inability to recognize or identify with the feelings, needs, and viewpoints of others
  • Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
  • Hypersensitivity to insults (real or imagined), criticism, or defeat, possibly reacting with rage, shame, and humiliation
  • Arrogant behavior and/or attitude
Continue reading below...

What Causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

The exact cause of narcissistic personality disorder is not known. However, many mental health professionals believe it results from a combination of factors that may include biological vulnerabilities, social interactions with early caregivers, and psychological factors that involve temperament and the ability to manage stresses. Some researchers believe that narcissistic personality disorder may be more likely to develop when children experience parenting styles that are excessively pampering, or when parents have a need for their children to be talented or special in order to maintain their own self-esteem. On the other end of the spectrum, narcissistic personality disorder might develop as the result of neglect or abuse and trauma inflicted by parents or other authority figures during childhood. The disorder usually is evident by adolescence or early adulthood when personality traits have become consolidated.

How Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder Diagnosed?

Personality, by definition, involves stable traits that develop over time.  If physical symptoms are present, a doctor may undertake a medical history and physical exam. There are no lab tests that diagnose personality disorders, but if someone has experienced a change from their usual personality, a doctor may order diagnostic tests, such as neuroimaging or blood tests, to rule out a neurological or other physical illness as the cause of a change in personality.
If the doctor finds no physical reason for the symptoms, he or she would likely refer the person to a psychiatrist or psychologist, health care professionals who are specially trained to diagnose and treat mental illnesses. Psychiatrists and psychologists use specially designed interview and assessment tools to evaluate a person for a personality disorder.

How Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder Treated?

There is no known cure for narcissistic personality disorder, but psychotherapy (a type of counseling) might help the person learn to relate to others in a more positive and rewarding way. Long-term psychotherapy tries to provide the person with greater insight into his or her problems and attitudes in the hope that this will change behavior. The goal of therapy is to help the person develop a better self-esteem and more realistic expectations of others. Medication might sometimes be used to treat the distressing symptoms, such as behavioral problems, that might occur with this disorder, but medicines are not the mainstay of treating personality disorders.

What Complications Are Associated With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

People with narcissistic personality disorder might abuse drugs and/or alcohol as a way of coping with their symptoms. They may also have problems in relationships and in work or school performance.

What Is the Outlook for People With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

The prognosis depends on the severity of the disorder and the degree to which people who seek treatment recognize problems within themselves and desire to change aspects of their personality that may be maladaptive.

I have also a woman that I thought was a previous friend that fits a lot of this, but she also, I believe has something else - Histrionic Personality Disorder. We had a falling out FIVE YEARS ago. I wrote her once last year extending an olive branch to maybe mend fences. She turned around and blocked me. I let it go, but I did check up on her pages, but something hit me one day after giving my life to God to just let things go. I did, but then in July I wanted to congratulate her on getting a book published. So I wrote her one more time. She gets one of her son's friends to harass me online on one of my accounts (I don't block what I have to say from anyone), in fact, it was as mean as it could be. I was shocked and decided to leave her alone and I did for the most part, but something kept nagging at me so I found her blog. She said I was stalking her. That I was going to come after her! Yeah, I looked at her pages online, but I have NEVER made a threat to her that I was EVER going to hurt her or track her down. I could care less. But then she gets another of her son's friends to attack me again on one of my other pages and tells me that now she's dying because of me. That I am giving her blood clots! Ugh! Over two friendly letters I get this crap? But now I can honestly say we were never friends. You can't be real friends who can't think of anyone else besides themselves. Who have to be the center of attention and create drama every day of their life.

Here's something about Histrionic Personality Disorder:

Things Histrionic People Do

Picture

1. THEY NEED CONSTANT REASSURANCE & APPROVAL.

People with HPD are sensitive to disapproval. If you suggest they may have done something wrong, it upsets them tremendously. However, if they suggest there's something wrong, they want you to pity them and fix whatever it is. (This behavior is somewhat narcissistic, and therefore, may vaguely resemble the behavior of narcissists you know, but narcissists are not insecure in the same way -- narcissists do not wish to gain reassurance as much as they expect your approvalnarcissists believe everything they do is perfect as is.
) Histrionic people want your constant attention, help, and support for their dramas. Generally, narcissists just want your admiration and obedience. Histrionic people have an inexhaustible need for continual reassurance, acceptance and consolation. They have an unquenchable thirst for attention, and frequently, this takes the form of seeking a tremendous amount of ongoing support and empathy.
 

Note: A need for excessive reassurance is also seen in Dependent Personality Disorder.


2. THEY CREATE DRAMA.
Histrionic individuals are addicted to drama. If there's no drama for a few minutes, they will manufacture some drama out of nothing at all. Is everything going fine? That's got to change! They (and you) never have any true peace, because histrionic people find the lack of drama far too boring. If drama does exist, they feed on it, extend it, fan the flames, give all their energy to it, and foster it as long as possible. If there's a shortage of drama, they will go to any length to get some going -- they will even even flat-out lie -- to generate something. Everything is a "big deal", and you cannot suggest otherwise, or else, now it's an even BIGGER deal because you're denying that it's something truly worth getting all upset over! 
3. THEY'RE INAPPROPRIATE.

It's not uncommon for people with HPD traits to be very inappropriate sexually. Their boundaries are usually unhealthy and the rules are hazy (or completely non-existent). Behaviors involving seduction, attraction and sexual activity and contact are common among histrionic people, and these poor sexual boundaries can create a lot of emotional upheaval for people in their circle of influence. Because histrionic individuals are addicted to attention, inappropriate sexual attention may often be sought, and the most inappropriate attention is foisted upon the most inappropriate people in the most inappropriate scenarios. Provocative attire, out-of-line propositions, infidelity and out-of-control flirtatiousness is common. It has been noted that despite their overabundance of inappropriate sexual behavior and provocation, ironically, many histrionic people suffer from sexual dysfunction and other significant difficulties with intimacy. 


4. THEY TALK A LOT.


Talking is o
ne of the easiest ways to capture and maintain peoples' attention, and histrionic people love attention, so excessive talking is often seen in 
people with HPD traits. The two most highly-favored topics are themselves and their current drama; however, if that fails to gain attention, whatever topic works will be used. HPD people are often (but not always) very gregarious and chatty, and frequently interrupt and dominate conversations, having little patience for topics not central to their reality. They have a limited or non-existent ability to discuss matters in detail. They communicate in big broad strokes, and their listening skills are generally very weak. Contemplative introspection isn't at all likely. Masters of the attention-grabbing sound bite, they perceive things on a grand scale and do not go beyond the outside surface of topics, and dramatic topics are preferred. Talkative histrionic people love to talk; however, not typically about the nuances of Shakespeare, your vegetarianism, creative knitting patterns, aviation terminology or the economy -- at least not in any kind of detail. Expect to hear sweeping and dramatic sound bite-style tidbits about celebrity gossip, their most recent grave difficulty, the newest dance move, or some kind of tragedy instead.    



5. THEY MANIPULATE FOR ATTENTION.

Most everything histrionic people do is to get the most dramatic attention possible. What they wear, what they say, what they do (or don't) how they do everything - is all designed to garner the maximum amount of attention. Stretching the truth and lying are common among people with histrionic traits, as is manipulation and game-playing. Nothing must get in the way of their regular supply of dramatic issues, attention, discord and conflicts, sexual tension, rumors, big to-dos, claims of everything falling apart, and needing lots of empathy, approval, or significant assistance from others. Many histrionic people will tell lies to see these goals met, so lies, half-truths and even downright full fabrications are commonly seen in people with histrionic traits.
   


Note: Not all people with HPD will do all these things, and some of these things are occasionally done by people without HPD. This list is not exhaustive; these are simply some common examples.

More Here: http://www.lightshouse.org/things-histrionic-people-do.html#ixzz2fCtdJN4o

Well, I suppose I was so used to drama at my own house growing up it seemed natural. A lot of this fits her, but five is definitely her without a question. The other traits have been there though, through her life at different stages.

What I have learned is that you can only control yourself and if someone tries to control you as a parent, sibling, friend or husband and they need you to be tuned into them constantly, then something is wrong. Never let anyone define who you are as a person. People like these cause more harm than most people would think and leave scars that last a lifetime. What's good as we can heal it as best we can. You can forgive, but don't forget. Not ever.


Monday, September 16, 2013

6,052 Views!!!



Wow!! I'm floored that I have so many page views! I never thought my life was that interesting! LOL! But here it is, I have been blessed with a lot of page views and what's really funny is that when I started this blog it's basically a diary of my life. I didn't expect anyone to look at it, so needless to say I am so surprised - pleasantly surprised by the views. For those that stop and actually read more than what's on the first page, I thank you! If you like it, come back again! :-)

I am just genuinely happy and thank you all!

As for my day, it wasn't really that interesting. I worked on my Facebook pages and posted in my groups. I also created a new page called "Overcoming Abuse" which I try to post things as encouragement to others AND finding things about personality disorders that could be what the abusers have. Not to excuse them but to help us understand that whatever they did to us was NOT our fault. I grew up with abuse and as I got older I was abused by my siblings and a now Ex Husband. I have even had a friend once upon a time who was also attacking me for no reason. But that's basically where I post this stuff. I want to encourage others and to let them know they can survive and become better than they ever were. That the abuser doesn't get to decide what kind of person you are, how you think or how you feel. In fact, it shows people how shallow, malicious and critical they are. But anyway, I didn't hope in my "Holidays Through the Year" page today. Not that I won't, but I am getting pretty tired.

I woke up around 7:00am. I have been waking up so early these last few days, but I don't mind it. I was able to get right onto Facebook and start my stuff. I also made a large cup of coffee - two actually. I had cold coffee in the fridge and it's perfect for the morning! I put in splenda and some creamer and voila! Delish! But I also decided to write a flash fiction that had been kicking around in my head for awhile. A Flash Fiction is a very short story (between 100-300 words) with a twist at the end. I had fun with it and a few people got a kick out of it. 

I also did some regular chores like taking care of the kitties. I had to get Karissa fresh water and refill her dry food bowl. But what's funny is as soon as I open her canned food at night Romeo is right there. But Karissa eats her fill, jumps on the bed and starts grooming, letting Romeo eat the rest of her food. But other than that, she chases him out of the room. LOL! Sometimes I worry about Romeo, but he seems pretty fast and I think Karissa is just trying to make a point about this room being HERS! 

I also made muffins today! I wanted to make a cake, but I didn't have the vegetable oil I needed for it. The mix is Caramel apple flavored with matching frosting. I just had to try it when I saw it. I have been waiting for several days, but Susan finally picked some up! So tomorrow is going to be caramel apple cake! After we eat that I'm going to make spiced peach cobbler! Perfect for September! In fact, if this turns out well, I might share it. It's super, super easy!! That's the kind of cooking I really like! ;-) Everyone loves that I have been more into cooking and baking, but they say I'm making them fat! LOL! They love it!

Other than that, I haven't done much else. I picked up Cassi from the trolley after she spent time with friends. Her hair is now blonde until she decides to go for another brilliant color. She was thinking of going back to pink. But she also got snake bites. She's wanted them and she had one lip piercing already. Jason doesn't like it, but he's dealing with it. At least he didn't act like a jerk. He has done that in the past, but I think he's growing emotionally and understanding more about Cassi. Plus, he's known for a long time she has wanted snake bites.

Well, tomorrow I'm going to see about going to my Mom's to do laundry tomorrow. If she's okay with that Jordan can help me with it. He is so much better off at Grandma's house than with my brother. He's one of the abusers in my family. but that's a story for another time! But for now, my life is good and I am enjoying everyday! I hope a lot of people are having days like mine. And if you're not, it's okay. Things will get better. Sometimes it just takes awhile. ;-)

Okay, done for now! Time to pack it up and go to sleep!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

The Winding and Strange Road of My Mind!




Well, I was going to actually write last night but I was way too tired. I had not slept much the night before and woke up early. I even ended up taking a nap in the afternoon. I'm a little tired at the moment, but not enough to take a nap, so I figured I would FINALLY get to this. 

I can't really say much is going on, but Cassi went to see "Focus in Frame" at Soma Friday  night and hung out with the band members a bit after the show at In N Out. Then last night she went to another concert in a bit smaller venue. The group was called "Ghost Town" and she had a great time. She got to meet the band there too! I think it' good she starts liking bands at the beginnings of their career because she ends up friends with these people and that will probably stick for quite awhile. She is a loyal fan if nothing else! ;-) I'm just glad she had a good time and spent time with friends AND made new friends! This is probably one of her favorite weekends ever! She even hung out with Bryan Stars for a few. 

As for me, I have been spending a lot of time on Facebook the last two days. I have been working on my groups (a couple of them anyway) and my pages. I have one that's for my writings and I have one on Holidays through the year. I like it. Right now I'm not really celebrating a holiday at the moment, but we are celebrating apples! I found some really yummy sounding recipes.


But after Friday night I woke up feeling wonderful yesterday morning! Who would have figured, but I think it's because I worked all that stuff out of me before I went to bed. I mean, it' basically done and over so I am back to my old self, even if I have been a bit tired. That makes me feel old though! LOL! I hate being tired! :-P Oh and Jason had shared a Youtube video he had been sent and I LOVED it!! It's the William Tell Overture - Momisms. It's so funny, but I love it!! Here's the link for that one. If you're a mom or grew up with a mom figure, you'll get a kick out of it. I've watched it several times and so far it hasn't gotten old! Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYukEAmoMCQ

I also found another video that made me cry! George Takei posted it on his Facebook page. It was a marriage proposal at a Home Depot for two gay men, and did I mention this is in Utah? That's right! But even if it were some someone straight it is a AWESOME idea ever! But this was so sweet it made me cry! Check it out if you want to! I LOVE this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4HpWQmEXrM&feature=youtu.be

Well, I think I'll work on my newest story. I have most of the pieces of it together. It just needs to be written. Not that I have put my other manuscripts away, but this one has my attention at the moment. This is definitely one of my more interesting tales. Nothing beats a serial killer! ;-) Plus there will be a few suspects on the way. I am really excited about this story! Seriously!! 

Man, I need more coffee, but I definitely need it decaf this time of day. I react pretty bad to caffeine in coffee for me. In tea it doesn't bother me; not in chocolate . . . nothing, just coffee! Go figure! But I definitely need the flavor with some Almond Joy creamer too. Yum! I think I am going to make three pots of coffee so we can have some in the fridge. I love cold or iced coffee. Warm is okay, but I hate HOT coffee! Anything that's going to burn my tongue off I don't want! Not to say I don't like some spicy stuff, but I don't like hot temperatures. Heck, I don't even like hot temperatures outside!!

Anyway, I don't know the temp outside, but it's warm and it's a bit humid. However, that's a San Diego County September for ya!  I can't wait for the end of the year! Halloween! Thanksgiving and Christmas! THAT is the time of year I really look forward too. When the weather starts cooling off I enjoy it! I know people that love summer. When I was a kid I LOVED summer, but I could with the heat then! I also grew up with a pool. But as I got older it was harder to deal with the hot temps. 

What's really sad at the moment is that the air conditioner isn't working as well as it could. That has to get fixed soon for the last few weeks of heat we'll get. But it's nice it's cooling down at night a bit, though last night was kind of warm in my room. Still, better than some nights were.

Well, I was going to make a Caramel Apple cake today, but Susan forgot to pick up vegetable oil so it'll have to wait until she does, but I will be making it as soon as she does. Until then, I'm going to make some triple berry muffins. Maybe I'll do it tonight though when it's cooler. I also have to make dinner. I have to figure out what it's going to be. I have a few ideas. I might just make more Mexican rice, through in some ground turkey and corn. Mix it together and serve with shredded cheese on top AND sour cream. I might serve it in tortillas like a taco instead of just a bowl. That's always good too! Dang I wanted to make that cake today though! Ugh! I would get some oil myself, but I just don't have the money on me at the moment.

Okay, there is really nothing else to really talk about I don't think. The unpleasantness from Friday is over. I am feeling good and I am enjoying my life! Tomorrow is going to be a GREAT DAY! If you're reading this, have one too! :-)


Friday, September 13, 2013

I HAVE HAD IT!!!


I know I said I was never going to mention Denise every again, but that was on the pretense that "I" didn't go looking for trouble and I haven't, but apparently she wants more drama! She actually had another young man who is mostly likely a friend of her son's contact me via my Facebook Page I have for some of my writing. He was an ass at first, but as I confronted him, he backed down. I'm going to post it just because I have to get this out of my system. But I won't use his name. That's just not right for anyone to do. But I ca say that if she honestly wants to keep some twisted relationship, even if it's just to hate me, I am DONE! I literally want NOTHING to do with her ever again. But this is what I had to deal with an hour or so ago:

      • hello Krystina,

        you don't know me but I know all about you. so u like to stock Denise do you. well I have some news for you ..... YOU NEED TO STOP!!!!! I have seen all your little blogs on youtube talking about her and stocking her and keeping tabs on her. I have tell power and the connection to shut down all your site and banned u from ever getting anything published. so let me tell u what you r going to do. u r going to stop looking for her on facebook, ebay,and any other sites. you will also stop making blogs where u talk about her and her books. or so help me I will make your life a living hell. if you don't believe me keep it up. if I ever her anything about you again .......... more then police will be involved. mock my words. have a nice day. sincerely Denise's foster son.
    • 'bout one turn o' yer hourglass ago
      Krystina Grant's Writings
      • Why don't you grow up. I am done with her and anyone connected to her and frankly, she posted crap about me, using my real names, which I never did to her. If she reads my blog, too bad, not that I plan on saying anything to her ever again or about her ever again. But being that she has to use other people to tal to me instead of herself, she can grow up too. I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH HER EVER AGAIN! PERIOD! I reached out an olive branch to her twice and now I am being stalk by her and her friends. So who is really giving who problems? Go think about that one!
    • 'bout one turn o' yer hourglass ago
      • since I know your on she's dying
      • andit's not a joke
    • 'bout one turn o' yer hourglass ago
      Krystina Grant's Writings
      • Bull crap. Like she said Dean tried to kill himself years ago and went all the way from Temecula in an anbulance all the way to Oregon. Sorry, I don't believe it. And if she wanted me to know she could tell me instead of playing games like this and using other people to talk for her. She has lied to me so much I don't believe her. I have tried caring about her an I get gut-kicked for it. So I should care why?

    • 'bout one turn o' yer hourglass ago
      • I have aphoto of what's killing her and I'll send it to you and you will see that it's killing
    • 'bout one turn o' yer hourglass ago
      Krystina Grant's Writings
      • Sure I wouldn't mind knowing, but how do I know it's the truth? Not that she cares if I care or not. As much as she wants me gone, she seems to not want me gone. I am confused now.

    • 'bout one turn o' yer hourglass ago
      • this is what u r doing to her. think what u want, but I have been here and I know what is happening her with both dean and denise. so u have been fed half truths. so please do not try and contact anyone or try and keep tabs on her.
    • 'bout one turn o' yer hourglass ago
      Krystina Grant's Writings
      • Look, I reached out to her AS A FRIEND. She is the one that thinks I'/m going to come after her. I have no idea why she is saying I'm after her. Yeah, I have looked up her pages before, but I would NEVER go somewhere I wasn't wanted. So guess what, of this is happening to her, it's HER MIND doing it. Because I am in no way responsible. I can show you copies of what I have written to her personally. Anything on my Blog is MINE and it's her fault for reading it But I also never used her full name. People couldn't find her and I wouldn't ask someone to do for me what I should do for myself. Either way, I am keeping a record of everyone that contacts me in case I really do need to get a lawyer to be left alone. She wants to actually talk to me, fine. Otherwise I am done with her. Period. I don't need the drama in my life that she is causing by doing this. I also have a copy of her blog entry that lists my maiden name, my married name AND my pen name, just in case.

  • Anyway, surprisingly enough I didn't get a response to that AND Denise privatized her blog where she listed my names. Now the only people who can read it are those she invites to it so I don't have to worry about harassment from just people. Frankly I am sick of her using people to try to piss me off. She doesn't get the fact that I am truly, honestly DONE with her. I don't need her drama or pulling people into this crap because she can't do it herself. She is so into hating that she is causing herself to get sick. I have NEVER threatened her. I have NEVER used more than her first name in this blog EVER. I have never wanted to ruin her but she has this delusion that I'm after her. Okay and I am how?? Threat? NOT! I only ever reached out to her in friendship and this is the crap I got back for my trouble. She sends her son's friends to harass me. I just want to be left alone and out of her delusions. I think things are not going the way she wants in her life so she has to focus on someone to hate. Apparently that has to be me. But if this doesn't stop here, I will look into getting a lawyer to make her back off and stop harassing me. I am so done. I just want her OUT OF MY LIFE! PERIOD! She can take her drama someplace else!

  • I had other things I was going to post about today from over the last few days, but this just ticked me off so much. She needs to leave me the hell alone. I never went after her maliciously! Obviously she is malicious herself. She has tried to ruin me, upset me and whatever negative thing she could try. But I don't plan on checking her out anymore. Any of the caring for her that I did have in my heart for her is GONE! She is on her own and she can rally and plot with her son's friends all she wants, but if I get anymore contact, it's just going to go into a file until I feel like I do need a lawyer. At that point, I'd like to see how she would explain herself? She's attacked me at least twice using these "friends" and I have copies. I don't play games anymore like we used to in Junior High. I grew up. It's time for her to do it too. She either needs to contact me herself or leave me the hell alone. DONE!!