What a BLAST!!

I just had the best party!! My daughter with Jason and Susan's help planned me a "surprise" party and even though I knew there was going to be a party, I was soooooo surprised!

Greg came and picked me up from the house. Personally, I had a lot of anxiety going on. Not sure why, but I didn't know who might be there and if I'd some how blow being surprised. I was nervous about keeping up conversation . . . every normal kind of thing, I think. Then when I got there, the first thing I saw was this caution tape on the door warning of someone's 40th birthday - basically over the hill! LOL! Then I walked inside and there was purple and blue streamers, white, pink and red balloons and a special Over the Hill party hat just for me! LOL! What surprised me more was that Sharon and Colette were there AND Linda Sen. was there with her baby Amaya! Oh, she's so cute! She's 15 months old. At first I didn't even recognize Linda and then was a little worried about conversation, but then we started talking about kids and that's all she wrote. We went from kinds, to 6th Grade promotion and our kids going to school . . . life in general! It was fantastic! And Jason cooked his fabulous BBQ chicken and even cooked Hot Dogs. We also had baked beans. For appetizers Susan had gotten some of the crab salad I love and we had chips and crackers. There was soda, water and I even got gift cards!! THAT was a big surprise too! I was expecting just birthday cards and got gift cards too - $10 to Barnes and Noble and $20 to Target!! I know what they will go for and it will help me out a lot! That's $30 more I'll have in my pocket next month for back to school and whatever else I'll need!

Anyway, I just had such a good time. I mean, I knew it would be a nice party, but this was honestly just so much fun and the time will be remembered for a long time to come!

It's Been a Long Month

I hardly know what to write to be honest. It's been a long month. Not so much because I have had nothing to do or had too much to do. It's been long because I've been in a funk for a good part of this month. I called it a case of the Blahs. All kinds of depression symptoms without being depressed . . . until the last few days. Then all the evil depressive and anxious thoughts came. I hate it!! Of course, I don't know anyone who loves it! LOL! I just feel frustrated. It has interferred with my ability to concentrate and basically my ability to write. I haven't wanted to do ANYTHING even be online for any length of time. Of course, throw in the heat factor and I haven't been able to be out here for long, period. I have also been tired all the time. Just feeling rundown. No interest in doing anything, but not wanting to sit and be a vegetable. It's not been a good time. And adding to all this is the heat factor. We've had temps as high as 106 degrees! I do bad when it hits the 90s! I feel like I'm dying when it hits the 100s!! After all, I'm part polar bear.

But not everything had been bad! My actually birthday was kind of nice. I was able to go out and get a cake. My mother cooked me steak. Greg brought me lunch, gave me ten bucks, two lotto tickets (that I have yet to see if they're winners!) and two cards. I got to spend a little time on the computer and I think I even worked a little on my book. Unfortunately, it just didn't last. But we'll see how today is! After all, it might be a better day!

Something really sweet did happen this month. My son proposed to his long time girlfriend. They still have a LONG way to go before they can get married. Jordan needs to pull his life together, get his GED and get a good job. But just the fact that he did - at the beach too! How romantic! And of course, she said yes! In fact, she has everything planned out for the wedding down to the last detail which I think is so cute! I'm even going to give him my wedding rings to give to her, though we have to find a men's match somewhere (when it's time). It makes me feel special to know that the rings are going down to the next generation and hopefully will be part of their lives forever. I also look forward to when Alicia is my daughter-in-law and I become a grandma! Maybe some women don't, but I sure do! But I'm not going to be one of those mothers that push for a grandchild either. When it happens it happens because even when you try it can take a very long time. I know because it took me five years to get pregnant with my Cassie!

Anyway, not sure what else to blab about. LOL! I am getting ready to go to a BBQ at Jason and Susan's. That should be a fun time! I love going over there for BBQs. It's a nice respite from the house and I get to spend time with friends. Plus, the kids have things to do there too. Jordan gets to play is World of Warcraft and Cassie gets to go play with Katie. I also get to spend time with the kitties! I love that!

Well, guess another update will happen later, but so far, my biggest wish is that these blahs and depression go away soon. I want my life back.

Life is So Fleeting . . .

Today seemed like any other day, with a few exceptions. We have family visiting. Because of that, I gave up dinner at a friends' place. As it turns out, they had this cute little kitten that they called Minnie Mouse. She looked almost exactly like her mother except she was fluffy. Minnie was the cutest black and white (mostly black) fluff ball you could ever seen and she was sweet. She was the only one in her litter. That was a weird thing too. I had never heard of a domestic cat having only one kitten in a litter. Plus, this time around Coley - her mother - seemed present, and yet not present like she used to be with her others. It was odd. But if she meowed on us, Coley was there to take her off.

Anyway, no one knows what's happened, but beautiful little Minnie Mouse died. They just found her and she had to have died recently because she was still warm and there was no idea of what happened. Maybe one of the other cats played too rough with her. I know I've seen Chris play a bit rough with her . . . but he seemed to love her. But maybe he treated her too much like a toy and hurt something that she couldn't heal from. Or maybe she just wasn't well to beginning with. But it's not like we'll ever know . . . Just Minnine is dead . . . gone . . . we will never see her again. Maybe we all took it for granted that she was just healthy and doing fine. Maybe we were too complacent. But this hurts so much and she wasn't even my cat. But I can feel Jason and Susan's pain. And I haven't even told Cassie. I'm not sure what I'm going to tell her. I'm sitting here in tears for a kitten that wasn't mine, but I'd held her, loved her while I could . . . and now she's gone. I won't get to see how she grows up. I don't get to see her even go to a new home. She's gone . . . just like that . . . like a candle flame that someone just blew out . . . just like that . . .

God, life is so fleeting and sometimes it's hard to understand or rather accept . . .

Happy August!

Well, it's be better if I didn't still feel rundown and just off. The last week I have had major anxiety attacks which are annoying and I haven't wanted to take my ativan! But they are starting to get bad and I might not have much of a choice soon. Plus, I just feel fuzzy. Not sure what that's all about, but I hate it too. It just seems like I might lose myself in this fog somehow!

The good news is that I'm not so far gone that I can't edit and I'm going over my manuscript again with a fine tooth comb. I think getting the big edits done was VERY important, but I missed a lot of little stuff because I was sick and not feeling well. Now that I'm better I've been working on it. Another thing is that I was editing from beginning to end. I had to because of the new scenes I was going to add in. But all in all, for small edits it's easier to jump around. That way you're focusing on the one chapter and not the story. It has been working great so far! I'm about halfway done and I am hoping that by the time the weekend is over I will have most if not all of the edits completely done!

After that, it's just setting up the book in the right format and then it'll be ready to go should an agent ask for it! It's rather exciting!

I just wish I weren't so tired. I feel like I could just lay down and take a nap. THAT sucks, but I guess I'll live. Maybe I'll feel more like myself next week. One can hope!