Too Little Sleep Makes a Loooonnnngggg Day!!

Well, today has been a long day. I slept like crap last night, but on the brightside my daughter spent the night! It was nice to have her here though she still doesn't want to fall asleep out in the family room alone so I sat out there with her until she fell asleep. She didn't sleep until late. Probably just not used to being here anymore, but that's okay. I woke her up and she was not easy to get up, but she did and I got her to school just in the nick of time. I don't generally like to be that late, but Cassie doesn't like getting there early. So I was being nice.

 

Anyway, after getting up I took my meds and a 5-hour energy, took her to school, came back and got ready for the gym. I was half an hour early for the water aerobics so I just swam laps until it started. I really do enjoy the classes. I won't go on the weekends though and the only thing that really sucks is a break out in rashes after being in that pool. I guess it's an allergic reaction to something in that pool water. My guess is it probably has a higher chlorine content. Needless to say I'm all itchy now. :-( I definitely need to contact my doctor and see what can be done about it because I'm not going to give up my water aerobics class.

 

Jordan and I FINALLY turned in the recyclables today and we got $15. We forgot to take the glass though so we'll be getting more money out of that maybe tomorrow. But with the money, I got us drinks, got us each a cheap sandwich - he got a double cheeseburger and I got a McChicken sandwich, then we each got a hot fudge sundae. They were only $1 a piece. Then with another dollar I had we went to Kahoots Pet store and got crickets for Tubbie our Fire belly frog. Guess he's actually a toad, but I think he looks like a frog! LOL! Then I put what was left into my car. It didn't get me a lot of fuel, but I have enough to make it to the 3rd, I think.

Cassie had her last visit with her therapist today. Not by choice, but the insurance won't pay for anymore sessions. But we did get a referral to a psychiatrist to really be able to deal with her anxiety. She is so much like me. She has this massive anxiety, but she's also very assertive. The bad thing is when people see you as assertive, they think you're confident and you don't have things like anxiety. But either way, we'll be getting her some real help. It's not that I want to see her on medication, but a lot of the days she's missed from school with stomach aches has been anxiety. I'm positive of it now. So maybe something might help her. It was funny because Jason said, "I don't want her on pills!" Her reply to him was "Well, I'm not afraid to take pills like some people!" Jason was prescribed with Paxil years ago and he was supposed to take. He's never taken a pill I don't think. He's paranoid about medication. And it's supposed to help with anxiety which he has too because he has panic disorder. Yeah, we're all a bunch of mentally ill people! LOL! Anyway, I was able to make an appointment with a pdoc for May, unless there's a cancellation. I'm thinking now we might finally get a handle on the anxiety for her and she won't have as much trouble going to school.

When I got home the toilet was stopped up. I tried to fix it and it didn't work. In fact, when I did it, it over-flowed the bowl. It was gross. My mother and I had to clean it up and we had Jordan try to unplug it. That was an experience I don't want to repeat anytime soon. All I can say is I did something wrong and I don't want to do it again! LOL!

Well, I just had dinner. It was pretty good. Polish Sausage, mashed potatoes and peas. My mom also made two pineapple upside down cakes!!! I love those! Needless to say dessert was awesome! LOL! Now I am completely exhausted. I've also had trouble breathing today like I can't catch my breath, but only when I move. I think I just stayed too long in the spa at the gym. This lady and I got talking and before I knew it 30-40 minutes had passed or so it seemed to be. She's a nice lady and I look forward to seeing her again. However, I'm going to hope that I get to sleep early tonight and I don't need meds. I'm running low on my ativan. But I'll survive. I always do.

My Daughter, My Aussie - What More Do I Need??

I ended up sleeping kinda late today. I slept until around noon. Got up and got my coffee. I also ate breakfast for a change since my mother had made me eggs with Linguica - a Portuguese sausage. It's good stuff. She then wanted me to take a package and some mail to the post office - have Jordan go in - since we were supposed to go that way anyway to take the bottles and cans to be recycled. Well, in the end she said she wanted to get out and would I take her to go to the post office. Of course! Dumb question, you know? So I took her there, but as she was in the post office, I can see the Recycling place and again it's CLOSED!!! I didn't bother calling today, but I was very aggravated all over again. I mean, I need the damn place opened!! Ugh! Ah well, not like I can do anything about it. All I can do is just see if they're open tomorrow.

When I got back I wrote on my schedule for a little bit and watched a bit of TV because I decided to let Jordan have the computer until about 3:00pm. Then once I had it back, I got on my chat programs and wrote with Patty B. In between writing I checked my Happy Aquarium and Happy Pets and started writing an email. Once it was time for dinner though, I told her I'd be back. My mom made roast beef with mashed potatoes and her gravy!!! Yummy! It was so good!! My mother had crushed the last strawberries we had and so we had those over vanilla ice cream. Oh it was delicious! But after that, I got back to writing with Patty B. Not long after, I got a text from Cassie telling me she needed to come over and ask me and Jordan questions. It was for science. It was about genetics. But they were funny questions, or at least some of there were like "Can you make a taco tongue" and "Can you make fish lips." It was fun! Then she decided that she wanted to sleep over tonight!! That was pretty cool, though I'm sure she was a bit aggravated with me when I was trying to get her to go to bed. I wanted her in bed by 9:30pm and I ended up letting her stay up until 10:00pm. And then it was another hour before she fell asleep. She is going to be tired and crabby.Ugh! But it's been great to have her here for the night. I let her play on the computer while I watched "Ghost Hunters." Because she took so long to fall asleep I also watched "Fact or Faked" which was really cool. A UFO video they tried to debunk and sure enough they actually figured it out and found out they were right. They tracked down who was responsible for what everyone had seen that night. As if that wasn't proof enough, when they had did the test that showed the same thing, the police were flooded with UFO calls. Even after being told it was stunt divers some people still believed it was a UFO! LOL!

Anyway, I stayed out with her until she fell asleep and now I'm in here getting ready to go to sleep. I am also so happy because I wrote to My Aussie and he wrote me back!! I LOVE to hear from him. He always makes me smile. I haven't told anyone that I'm writing him again even though no one would really care. I should have never stopped writing him, but when depression hits, sometimes it just hits bad. But I am trying to make it an every day thing to write him. He loves to hear from me and he tells me so. It's like even when my day is completely mundane he loves to hear about it because it says it makes him feel closer to me. Isn't that awesome?

Well, I suppose I'm going to take my night meds and go to sleep. It's been a decent day.

Oh What a Day!

Today was an important day or rather this morning I had an important appointment and I almost slept through it!! Thank God Susan was going with me and she called and woke me up. Otherwise I would have missed Cassie's IEP meeting (Individual Education Program). If I had missed it, it would have been two important appointments I would have missed. I don't know why my memory is sucking at the moment. It's bothering me a lot. There's no reason I should be scattered. None of my meds have been changed. I'm not under any specific stress. I was depressed but it eased up . . . so I don't know why I'm so scatter-brained.

Anyway, the IEP meeting went pretty well. Cassie's being moved out of Mrs. Mann's math class. Frankly Cassie doesn't like the woman and neither do I. Even Susan said there was something about her she didn't like. I didn't really pick up a bad vibe from her, but there is something that gives Cassie anxiety about her, so as far as I'm concerned that's enough for me to want Cass out of her class. So now she'll be in a smaller class and have more individualized attention. It's what she needs for Math. However, we also found out she'd been lying about doing homework. She'd say she didn't have any and it turned out she did!! So next week during Spring Break (which I'm pissed that it's not the week of Easter) she's going to catch up with her history and English. She doesn't have to worry about Math now since her class is being changed. Susan is going to make sure she gets that missing work done so that next grading period her grade will pull up because right now she's still failing which sucks because she's way smarter than that. But either way, it was a positive meeting. The couselor is putting in for AB2726 or whatever it is. It's basically therapy through the school district.  And that's if the program is even going to be continuing. But with Cassie's anxiety she really needs the help. I'm also going to ask her current therapist about getting a psychiatrist for the anxiety. Maybe they can put her on paxil like me. It's an anti-depressant, but it also works for anxiety. Guess we'll see what happens.

Since then I have been so tired. Jordan and I tried to take the bottles and cans in to get recycled and guess what?? The place was closed! I actually called the company that runs the place and they told me someone didn't come in to work, but that someone would be there tomorrow. I hope so! I want to take that stuff in. Get it out of my car and get some cash for it. We also have glass to take. I should get a decent amount for it. Jordan wants a cheeseburger so I promised him that. The rest will go for fuel . . . well, maybe a cheeseburger for me too! LOL! I was just so frustrated that they weren't open, but you know what? Shit happens. Tomorrow they'll be open!

I didn't write with Patty B today. I really just didn't feel up to it. I guess because I'm so freakin' tired. So instead I just worked on my schedule. I think I'm up to the end of September 2011. I'd like to be in December, but I'm working on it. I'll just keep going a little bit every day. I am still aggravated by that, but like I said before - shit happens.

Well, my mother made dinner. We had polish sausage, hashbrown potatoes and green beans. I made Jordan a plate because he asked me to. The best was the hashbrowns. My mom wants to get more of them since they were a hit with all of us. I ate mine with some BBQ sauce. Mmmmmm! I was pretty full after dinner. I still crave sugar though. Ah well.

After dinner I went back to my room and I watched reruns of "Destination Truth" before the new one came on and then "Marcel's Quantum Kitchen." I love these shows. I do have to say that "Marcel's Quantum Kitchen" really is a very cool show. I don't know how well it's doing with ratings, but I sure would like to see more of the show. But I do know SyFy isn't exactly the Food Network.

While writing this, Karissa growling in her sleep again. She growled a few times. I didn't wake her and now she's half awake, stretched across my size of the bed. LOL! Then when Cassie came home long enough to grab one of her school books Karissa meowed at her when she came in. Then she moewed as Jordan came in. She got petties from everyone. LOL! She is a very sweet and very spoiled baby kitty.

Anyway, I'm taking my meds and going to sleep. I am TIRED! Tomorrow I have to think about going downtown. Ick. I don't know. Guess we'll find out. Time for bed and stop thinking about crap.

Simply Simple Day

Today I actually woke up relatively early. Of course, I think I got to sleep shortly after midnight. I was really tired and I'm starting to get pretty tired right now. Which is a good thing, I guess. I'd like to be asleep just after 11:00pm.

Anyway, once I was up, I got my coffee and I actually took Jordan around to get job applications. We went to the Albertson's shopping center, the Vons shopping center, the 99 cent store shopping center and the Fresh N Easy Shopping center. We finally went home and then George needed a ride home. I finally told him to just call me Krystina instead of Ma'am. It's a sign of respect, but I like the more intimate feel of first names. It makes it more like friendship which I like better. Then after I took him home Jordan wanted to use the computer so I let him. I decided I wanted to work on my schedule only to realize that somewhere along the way I had gotten the wrong date. I had to track that down and fix it. But now it all looks horrible because of having to change eveything and make it right. That sucks. I know it doesn't matter in the big scheme of things, but it bothers me! I wanted it to look good! Oh well. At least it'll look good from now on.

I also made dinner or rather heated up left-overs but that works, right? I gave chicken and beans to Jordan and I took the rest of the Corned Beef. I didn't get through all the cabbage left! LOL! But I got a lot of veggies in there too. Jordan was supposed to do dishes but I think he did . . . ugh! He can be a pain in the ass that way. Never wants to do much of anything.  But I do have to say he took out Karissa's poop for me after I cleaned out her litter box. He also got her food for me and he brought me water. Though I think I need more water and since he's asleep now I'll have to go get it myself . . . wah! LOL!

Basically that's all I did. Now I'm winding down. I'm going to finish watching "Being Human" which is pretty awesome. Sally was almost exorcised, but she momentarily possessed the woman doing the ceremony and the woman got to see that her fiance (the one wanted this) had killed her. Sally's best friend who was dating him finally left him. Bishop killed most of the Dutch but one. Josh got his girl pregnant! And next week's episode looked fantastic! I'm going to watch "Stargate: Universe" now and hopefully go to sleep.

Tomorrow I have to see about going downtown to that stupid place for the welfare to work. I also want to go to the gym. Think I'll set the alarm for tomorrow. It's about time I go back to swimming. Maybe I'll call and make a Doctor's appointment. That sounds like a lot to do. Wonder if I'll get it all done or not.

Back to Being Ms. Mopey

Well, outside of being very tired, I was having a good day until I hear from Jason. He got all out of whack because Greg said he'd buy Cassie a new snake. You know, I don't know why he reads so much crap into it. He gets so fucking immature and jealous that it drives me nuts.

So then Cassie texts me that Jason is being an asshole. I asked if it was about Greg. She said yes. I told her to ignore him and that Greg would probably not come through with the snake for her anyway (which he hasn't produced the guitar he's been promising her over a year so . . ) Anyway, he got mad. She told me she hated me and that all the adults were just negative basically. I figured there was nothing more to say and I was actually upset that she'd write that she hated me. So I just said "Okay. Sorry. Nite." she then wrote me back "I love you. Goodnight." It really didn't make me feel better though. So I'm kind of mopey now. Tired and mopey.

Last night I couldn't sleep so I didn't fall asleep until about 7:00am and I took about 4 mg of ativan. That's a lot of ativan, but I just couldn't seem to sleep. My legs were restless and that kept me awake. The only thing I could think to do was medicate. It sucked. Anyway, then I was too tired and slept and slept. My mom woke me up around noon and I fell back to sleep for another 3 hours. Even then I didn't want to wake up. But I did and my mother and I went to the store. There were sales. So she gave me the stuff to get that was marked on the flier she had while she took her list. It didn't take me that long. So I grabbed a "Woman's World" magazine and a water and sat down to wait for her to appear. I drank almost the whole bottle of water. That's how thirsty I was. She complained about that a little,  but not too much. She bought quite a few things too.

Coming home, I finally got online and I got to write with Patty B stopping only long enough to eat french bread pizza, and I got to chat with Shaunn. He and I had more sexual talking. The man is HOT and he gets me hot!! LOL! Anyway, I've been very, very tired and right now I am too. I think I just need to grab something else to eat and then I need to try to sleep. We'll see if I sleep before I am done watching my shows. I watched a special "Hop" cake challenge on "Food Network Challenge." Then I watched the fourth episode of "Chopped All Stars" and this one was with previous judges! Now "Iron Chef America" is on. But it's a repeat I think. After that is "Cupcake Wars" but I don't think I'm going to be awake for it.

I guess as things stand now I am tired and mopey and definitely in need of sleep. I just hope tomorrow I'm over what Cassie texted and that I don't feel tired like I did today. Those are my goals. Guess they're good ones.

It's Good to Feel Good!

Woke up today feeling pretty good. I got my coffee and got online. I chatted with Patty B and we started writing on our story again. It's coming along nicely and I've really enjoyed writing it. But then I got a call from Jason. They had gone to the store. They were taking Cassie and Katie out of town for Nascar and they were taking Cassie's snake Silky, well, they put Silky's container in a place in the car that wasn't very good for him and he died. Cassie was devistated. But when Jason called to tell me, I didn't believe him. Susan didn't at first when he'd called her in the store. They came over to bury him in the front yard. I cried myself because I loved the little guy too. That and there's just something about baby animals dying that really, really gets to me. It's almost as if somewhere I'm blaming myself even though I had nothing to do with it. I know it doesn't make sense, but a lot of times my feelings don't make sense. I was kind of depressed for quite awhile after that. Poor Cassie wasn't crying when she got to the house, but her eyes were so red. They'll eventually get her another snake, but only when she's ready and they need to do a little more research I think. Or at least not put the container in a position for it to become an oven. And to be honest, it wasn't Cassie's idea to put him where they did. It just sucks. I know how much she's hurting.

After I said goodbye and they left my mom and I had ribs. George had brought them over and the boys had already eaten what they wanted so my mom and I got the rest. They were so tender and yummy! It was a nice treat.

I wrote with Patty B until 8:00pm and I was also talking to my friend Shaunn and boy did our conversation get HOT!! But earlier he actually read my "The Black Cat" and thought it was pretty good, so maybe it's not as boring as I thought. But he shared with me soom of his writing which is very sexually graphic and well . . . our converation got more personal. He shared that some of what he wrote was based off real incidents and just what he wants. I asked him to write something for me about him and I and oh, he did NOT disappoint! LOL! It was hot and I could just feel it as I read it. I can't remember the last time I had a conversation or even read anything like that. We talked about what it would be like to meet in person. I think one of these days it'll happen. And he thinks I'm beautiful at my weight. Or rather my weight isn't even an issue! That's always nice too.

I also wrote to My Aussie, but it's the weekend so I probably won't hear from him until sometime tomorrow which is his Monday. But I'm going to try to make it part of my routine to write to him. I think it's good for me to stay in touch with him because when he does write me back I am happy all day and into the next day. I guess it's just that much of a thing for him. Plus, he's a good friend. He cares and that's what matters.

Anyway, I finally had to say goodnight to Shaunn. I'm getting a bit tired. I needed to write my entry and I want to read through my story. I already fixed a bunch of errors in the prologue. Who knows, maybe I won't and leave it for tomorrow, but I guess I needed a cool down too! LOL!

Needless to say most of today was very good. I am still sad about Silky and probably will be for awhile. But at least I have so many other good things going on. Writing again with Patty B and getting back in touch with my online male friends has made a big difference too. Plus Aunt Flo is GONE for now. Next month I start extra Paxil a week before my period and during my period. It had better work! LOL!

Tomorrow is going to be more of the same I think. A lot of writing and just enjoying the day.  It's good to feel good!

Scatter-Brained Good Day

Today was a pretty good day and surprise, surprise my period is OVER!!! I was really starting to get concerned that the depression was going to keep hanging on, but I woke up today and was in a pretty decent mood! I got up, got my coffee, put on the TV and then got online. I turned on my Aim and MSN and sure enough Patty B was there. So we picked up where we left off.

During that time I also wrote to My Aussie, Nicole called and so I talked to her for a bit. I also asked if she'd write that mini article that needs to go into "The Black Cat" (I know, sucky title. That's why it's just a working title until I can come up with something better). I pulled up the story and started reading it again, but didn't get very far. I was distracted and also writing with Patty B. I also was able to play on Facebook. I took care of my virtual fish tanks and virtual pets. I do enjoy Happy Pets and Happy Aquarium. It's nice to have something to do between pauses when replies are being written or when the other is on a phone call. After all, real like intrudes. And we wrote for quite awhile together.

I did have to stop at one point and yell at Jordan. He and George were supposed to clean the bathroom. I told them as much when I picked up him and George from George's place. So when Jordan flat out told me he wasn't going to do it, I ended up using the leverage I had - George. I told them both that if it wasn't done George was going to have to leave. Guess what? It got done! I hate to be the mean mom, but I guess sometimes I have to be. Then I went back to writing.

I stopped long enough to have dinner. My mom cooked corned beef again. Yummy!! I ate two helpings! Then I went back to writing with Patty B until I got a phone call from Jason inviting me over. I'd been wanting to see my Cassie - especially with the new hair style so I told Patty B that I'd be on tomorrow and skiddadled to Jason and Susan's.

Cassie's hair looks fantastic!! I love it. It's definitely retro farah Faucet hair and it looks so good on her! Katie Belle was also spending the night or rather the weekend. Tomorrow they leave to go up to Fontana. Nascar race. Though I think it's just Jason going to that. I think the girls are going to go to the mall.  LOL! Or they'll swim in the pool at the hotel. Either way I know they're going to have a good time. So this was the last chance I'd get to see my baby girl until next week.

Wow I'm tired. I also feel really scatterbrained right now. All this week I have been forgetting things like my therapy appointment. I have been forgetting my phone more often than not. Just really scattered. In fact, I bet this sounds completely choppy. Anyway, I think I am going to finish watching "Merlin." I want to see what happens to this kid with magic going up against King Uther. I mean, you know nothing is going to happen to the King really. Just want to see how it'll play out for the kid. Then I'm taking my meds and I think I'll go to sleep. After all, tomorrow will be another day and with luck I'll actually be enjoying that one as well!

Okay, goodnight! LOL!

Meh . . .

I had a psychiatric appointment today with Dr. T. I was actually feeling okay with a little bit of depression, but I could feel it under the surface. I was hoping that it would go away once my period was over, but it's almost over and the depression has just gotten worse. I don't know if I'm in another depressive cycle. I hope not, but it really feels that way. But we'll see how I am tomorrow I guess.

Today was actually decent. I actually or rather finally downloaded MSN messanger again and AIM for XP. For the first time in months I wrote with Patty B! And we wrote for HOURS! I plan to do more writing with her tomorrow. I'm hoping it also jumpstarts my writing in general. I always had ideas when we were writing. So maybe my writing will get a big boost. We'll see.

I also got an Email from my Aussie!! I still have a thing for him! LOL! I guess I always will. Every time I see his name in my inbox I get a flutter and a smile crosses my face. So that was a stellar part of my day! So I have that to make me happy.

You know, maybe I'm just cycling badly. I'm not feeling as bad as I did a few minutes ago. But then in, I was distracted thinking about Ron. LOL! Maybe that should be my cure! Reading all his emails over and over again. :-D

The story Patty B and I are working on is pretty cool. My character for the most part was level-headed. An assassin, but I didn't have her kill anyone during what we wrote so far. She actually spent the time trying to help a 16 year old. Then she finally went back to work only to be kidnapped by a man thought responsible for killing her baby daughter. Turned out he didn't and that he'd been following her for years trying to keep her safe. Anyway, he wants to marry her and she's agreed. I'm thinking of having some kind of accident happen and her memory be wiped. It would make things more interesting for me and I want the drama in the story. LOL! I've also had an idea for another story, or maybe I'll combine it in here somewhere. And maybe transfer this into a fantasy story. Though I think I'd better save that for another story. I suppose it just depends on what's going on.

Anyway, outside of the writing I've watched the season finale of "Fairly Legal" and didn't like it. Well, I don't like cliffhangers. Everything was going wrong in Kate's life. It sucked. I also ate a container of strawberries. LOL! And I cuddled my Karissa. Her purr is so soothing! So that's about it for my evening. I think now I'm going to get a cheese sandwich, finish watched "Burn Notice" since it came on after. I believe it's last season's finale, which is cool. Then I'm going to take my meds and hopefully sleep. We'll see what happens.

Not so exciting, not so great of a day, but it'll do.

Depression Biting at My Heels

Today I slept late again. I suppose I should just accept that I am not going to wake up early unless I force myself to. But tomorrow I'm going to force myself I think. I also need to take Jordan around so that he can get job applications. So I do have things to do.

Though I woke up at 2:00pm again, I decided to finally get the oil changed in the car. I called the place and it turns out it's Carl Berger! I know this dealership! So it didn't give me too much trouble finding it once I realized what I was looking for. The bad news is I was looking at an hour and half to two hour wait, but it wasn't a big deal for me. I had my book and there was a woman there I spoke a little bit with. Then Jason was texting me too. Cassie was getting her hair cut and he was telling me about it. He also told me that they moved the litter box into the bathroom and the cats are having no trouble adjusting. SO Cassie may have her own bedroom within two weeks! I think that's awesome. They'll paint her room with the black chalkboard paint which I think is cool. Her snake can get moved into there too. I think it's going to be a good thing.

But here's the aggravating thing. My mom wants Cassie home and that she can have Jordan's room! When I tried talking to her about that a few months back her answer was a resounding NO because she didn't want Jordan in the family room! Ugh! You can't have it both ways. Either yes or no and now she can't change her mind. Plus, it won't stop my mom from being my mom and I don't want Cassie to be around her for long lenghth of time. Plus she has no friends around here and I couldn't take her to her friends' houses all the time.

It was nice. I wrote Ron and I heard back from him. I wrote him again and I hope I hear from him again. He said that I was a great parent because I was doing what was in Cassie's best interest and not in my own. It's nice to get reminded of that. That I'm thinking more of her than myself. I mean, I could have forced her to be with me. Instead, I'm letting her be somewhere that she'll have a better life and will grow up with less dysfunctions I hope.

Anyway, after the oil was changed, I apparently forgot that I had a therapy appointment!! Ugh! Dr. Tess didn't call me though and usually he does so I put in a call to him tonight. Hopefully he calls me tomorrow. I could use an appointment. Not that I am too bad off, but I feel depressed. Go figure. I think it's the PMS, but I'm sure it's also because I was writing to another friend about how I'd lost my writing on the computer twice. How I need to get a flash drive, but also how I haven't written since the Blue Screen of Death  where I lost my work - except "The Black Cat" which I sent to myself. But it's just sad. I guess it's just another chink in my armor taking my confidence  level down again. I just hope that doesn't mean this depression will continue. But I can't get a flash drive until April 3rd at the earliest. Who knows. Maybe I can get a printer too so that I have one that will work with my laptop, but I won't hold my breath. That might take another month. But I want to start having hard copies of my writing all over again. That's important to me.

Anyway, I played on Facebook for awhile. I was on Happy Pets, of course, checking and feeding all my virtual babies. I took care of my Aquariums in Happy Aquarium and then I also write Ron and Shaun. For dinner all I wanted was a can of beef tamales and my mom's cookie candy bars. Yum!! Then I watched "Ghost Hunters" which was cool. Not only did they have experiences but they used a dog named Maddie. She pickes up EMF easily. She's cool and I hope to see them use her more often. Looks like they're going to next month. Then I'm watching "Fact or Faked" with Jordan. It's a pretty interesting show. They did the photo of the second world war called the battle of Los Angeles. Watching that one was pretty cool. The second half was about an apparition on the Queen Mary. It was cool.

Well, I guess it's time to let Jordan have the computer. Nothing else is going on, We've spent time cuddling Karissa of course. She so loves Jordan! Not that she doesn't love me, but I'm always in the bedroom. But when Jordan comes in she always talks to him. It's so cute!! Anyway, time to boogie for now.

Destination Walmart

I woke up earlier today than yesterday. It was still in the afternoon, but not so bad - 12:30pm. Immediately I got up and got coffee. Aunt Flo was giving me problems that I had to deal with. Guys are lucky in the fact that they don't bleed for a week every month. Not that I would ever give up being a girl. Have a baby is the most incredible, life altering, miracle and I would never give up that ability though there will be no more children from my womb in this lifetime. LOL!

Again I really didn't do too much today. I put dishes away. Played on Facebook. This time I rescued another shy pet from my account's basket. Then I decided I wanted the Albino Siamese and the only way to get it was to have two more neighbors, so yes, I ended up creating two new accounts after all. LOL! But I had the extra email addies. I didn't have to create any knew ones! So I got my new backyard last night and put the wild cat and leopard cat. But today, I got another room. I decked it all out too! It's one of my prettiest ones ever! Anyway, she's a cute little thing. I believe I named her Starlight. Yeah, I'm crazy. Love my virual pets almost as much as I love my real ones. Tomorrow I need to pick up crickets for Tubbie. I've put it off these last two day, but he seems to be doing fine. But tomorrow he's got to eat. Then Karissa got some special organic food that I bought for her from Walmart believe it or not.

Yeah, my mom decided she wanted to get out of the house. Being sick for so long she was ready to get out just for a little while. What was great was on the way there she had us stop at Denny's again!! This time we had value slams, but I'll tell you ANY Denny's slam is good for me!

Walmart was not too crowded. I ended up getting everything my mom told me to get - I think she's going to be making some treats because she got chocolate chips, sweetened condensed milk and walnuts. I also asked my mom if I could check the clothing section. She said yes and I found exactly what I wanted; a Taz shirt that said "CAUTION Mood swings!" I also got to get a drink from the McDonald's and got to read a little bit. But it didn't take that long to finish and get out of there. But just that little bit of time was enough to tire my mom out.

When we got home my brother Tim was here. He had brought all kinds of fruits and veggies that he'd picked up at a little farmers market. The strawberries were good. I ate one of those. I think I might be grabbing an orange tonight too before I go to sleep. I preheated the oven and slid the chicken alfredo family dinner into it. Then I ended up going back to my room and playing back on Facebook. That was until it was time to take out the chicken alfredo. Dinner was good! Of course, I love that dish. I told Jordan to do the few dishes that were there. He didn't do them when I asked. I had to remind him tonight at 11:00pm. But at least they got done. We also had to help my mom make her bed. That bed is a pain in the ass to get the sheets down on. But we did it so my mom could go to sleep.

I was a little disappointed tonight though. I thought "Dirty Jobs" would be on tonight but for some reason it wasn't on. But on the upside I got to watch "Destination Truth" at it's first run time instead of waiting until 11:00pm for the encore. I also watched "Marcel's Quantum Kitchen" which turned out to be pretty awesome! He had to cater an event for this fantastic organization called "The Wildlife Weigh Station." It's a sanctuary for exotic pets. Marcel also suggested they have some of their animals there for the dinner and they did it. I was most impressed with the tiger! OMG! She was beautiful! Oh and the meal was a success.

Well, I'm getting a headache now. I think it's from my period. At least I can take tylenol if I have to though it didn't kick in last night for quite awhile. Guess I will just hop off here and take something to help. It was a pretty good day, I think.

Aunt Flo Complicating Matters

As usual, I slept like crap. No matter how tired I am I just can't seem to sleep when I want to sleep. Ugh! So I ended up sleeping until about 2:00pm or maybe 3:00pm, I think. I had woken up a couple of times, but I guess I chose to go back to sleep. I still hate waking up. Maybe that's something that might never change. I don't know.

Then as luck would have it, I started my period!! Oh happy day!! NOT! Or as others like to say, 'Aunt Flo has come to visit!' Still I didn't get all emotional the night before like usual. In fact, I didn't even know I started until . . . well, I finally saw the blood. Nice, huh? I thought maybe I would just have a period and feel normal. It wouldn't be the first time it's happened, but it would have been the first time in a LONG time. 

Anyway, I got breakfast. My mom had baked biscuits and oatmeal with raisins. It was good! Then I got on the computer. I didn't do any writing, but I played on Facebook. I decided that I was going to go to my accounts and release the shy pets in the baskets in Happy Pets. I also sent stuff to Paige and myself to help us with our barnes. Maybe eventually I'll get mine built. I suppose I'll have to create a few more accounts! LOL! That would be totally insane of me so not now.

My mom heated up the last of the Corned Beef ands Cabbage and she'd made a shepherd's pit. We finished off with the last of the Julian Apple Pie. Jordan and I watched the end of "Iron Man" while we ate. Then it was back on Facebook for me to try to finish what I started. But I played on it so much that Facebook started giving me problems and just about locked me out of my accounts! Then WHAM! Then emotions start up. My anxiety starts rising. I start feeling like I want to cry. I worry that I am locked out of my accounts forever . . . basically PMS started. Then the cramps started too. They weren't horrible, but bad enough. I am already taking 500mg of Naproxen twice a day and the cramps were getting through so I ended up calling my health plan's nurse advice line only to find out that I really needed to talk to a pharmacist. Turns out I can take Tylenol with it. Hope that works. And of course, I was trying to get my answers while trying to watch "Being Human" and "Stargate: Universe." Needless to say, I'm still awake and rewatching them, though I got the jist while watching the first time around. "Being Human" was about the elders coming to town in Aiden's world. Josh gets kidnapped to participate in a 'dog fight' as entertainment for them. Sally watches what happens not being able to do anything to help. It was a really good episode and I can appreciate now having watched it mostly through this time. For "Stargate: Universe" the part of the story I got the clearest was the Aelusian Alliance crashes their ship into 'Homeworld Command' and there's a bomb that has to be found and defused before it detonates. It was good from what I saw.

Anyway, again I'm tired. The PMS makes me tired too, but I doubt I'll sleep. It'll be the same as last night and the night before than and the night before that . . . But it won't stop me from trying. Oh, and I checked my Facebook and it's working fine again. No more fear of being locked out of my accounts.

Guess that's it. Tomorrow will probably be more of the same, except I'll be able to watch "Dirty Jobs," the premiere of "Marcel's Quantum Kitchen" and then "Destination Truth." It'll be a good night for TV if nothing else.

From Gentle Breeze to Fierce Winds

I ended up staying up late last night after all. I know, it's just how I am, I guess. It's something I will keep trying to change, but I made the mistake of turning on something that definitely ended up getting my attention. I thought I could sleep to it because of the narrator, but nope. It was just too unteresting. I think the show was called "Underwater Universe." Basically it means that it was hard to wake up. Finally Paige came in and woke me up around 11:00am. She was sweet and made one of my iced coffees for me. Paige is just such a sweetie. Eventually we went out and got something to eat. We had yogurt. Then back in the room we played on Facebook. It was so funny how many times we had to switch from hers to mine. But I was trying to bless her shy pet in Happy Pets. Seven blessings and the baby pet will come out. So I did that. Then she was a little disappointed because her baby was a duck and she wanted a bear. I had two of my accounts that had bears so I sent her one for adoption. She'll get it tomorrow. It was fun and funny! Paige also helped me with a couple of things in my room. She helped me get hangers and helped me hang up my clothes. Did laundry yesterday so I had a lot of clothes. It was definitely a great help. Then she also helped me fix the blankets on the bed. After that, she wanted to watch a movie - "Garfield: Tail of Two Kitties." I was working on my schedule as I worked on it. But eventually I got hungry for dinner. I think she was hungry too, but she just won't say anything. It kind of drives me up the wall! LOL! She was also adamant that she wanted to cook. She loves to cook. We decided on quesadillas. I pulled stuff out of the fridge and got the pan. I told her I'd do the salad. Not that that's very complicated. LOL! Lettuce in a bowl! I also asked my mom if she wanted anything and she wanted a quesadilla. But there was one snag. There were only six tortillas for four of us. Then Jordan came out and told me he was going out with his friends at 6:30pm so I figured his friends would take him out to eat. They usually do so he got one quesadilla. My mom got one then Paige and I got two apiece. It was good because I was really on the hungry side. Dinner turned out well.

After dinner was over, Paige and I went back to the room and finished watching the movie. Then we turned on the Food Network channel. She loves that channel too and likes "Chopped" so together we watched last week's encore "Chopped All Stars". Then "Food Network Challenge" which was pretty cool! They had to make an extreme demolition derby car. Then they had to do a cake remote controlled car! It was so funny because they had a demolition derby! We got to watch the little cake cars destroy each other! LOL! It was great! After that Paige and I started watching the new "Chopped All Stars" but her mom came and she didn't get a chance to finish watching it. I also watched "Iron Chef America" but it was a repeat and so I used most of the time working on my schedule. I got to August. But I would prefer to be in November or December with it. 

Today was also really windy. I kept waiting for the rain to hit, but for the most part it was just wind, wind, wind all day. Cassie called me and told me that she almost got hit by a tree when she went out walking dogs with her friends. That was kind of scary for me to hear, but at least she was okay. That was the most important thing for me. Eventually it did start raining though and boy is it raining now. It is just a total down pour. I like rain though so it doesn't bother me. 

Now I'm watching "Cupcake Wars" which I love. I'm tired though so we will maybe see about sleeping, but I doubt it will come as easily as I want. As usual.

I can say all in all a good day. My mood has been stable. I think maybe having Paige over made me feel a little better than usual. Anyway, think I will finish watching my show and chill out. Cross your fingers that sleep will find me! :-)

Another Day in the Life

I woke up at noon and I am so tired right now. Go figure. I thought I'd have no trouble staying awake, but I am very, very tired. I suppose ultimately a good thing. It's possible that I might actually get a good night's sleep though I won't hold my breath.

Today hadn't been terribly exciting, but it's been a good day. I woke up with a my phone ringing. I didn't pick it up. I thought I'd go back to sleep, but the phone rang again. Turned out the second call was Cassie asking if Paige could spend the night with me because they had just moved. Her sister was in trouble and not home and her mother has to work tonight and no one wanted her home alone. I thought for sure Grandma was going to say no, but turned out she said yes. So later that afternoon they brought Paige over.

When Paige got here I played on the computer on Facebook. Had to feed my  fish and my pets. Then I let Paige on to check on her pets. She bought a couple new pets too. After that, we didn't do too much. I let Jordan watch some of his videos in here while Paige and I talked a little bit. I'm letting Paige borrow "Flowers in the Attic" to see if she likes it. It's a good book. It might be too mature for her, but we won't know until she reads it. I also got some writing done of my schedule book. I got up to August 2, 2011. I like to be several months ahead of time. In fact, Ideally I'd like to be in December writing out the schedule. It's really more of a "To do" list. Things that need to get done almost every day.

I eventually got hungry so we went and ate the Corned Beef and Cabbage my mom had cooked. It was so yummy! I love Corned Beef and Cabbage. I'm glad I bought another one so we can have it again.

One of the things Paige and I did do was watch "Letters to Juliet" and as always it made me smile and cry. God I love that movie. Paige loved it too, which was nice. We could have watched "Inception" too, but I was just too tired. So I helped get the bed ready for her and wanted to just write this entry and go to bed, but Jordan was still on it. He told me he was going to be about 20 minutes until the video he was watching would be over. Well . . . 40 minutes later he STILL hadn't brought my laptop to me so I let him know how aggravated I was. While I waited I worked on the schedule. Finally, he brought it, but while I was trying to write this, he and I have also been playing with Karissa. First she kept watching this spoon Jordan was sliding down an open spiral of mine. Then I decided to put some catnip on the bed and there was the serious fun as we watched her roll all over being cute and playful. She even grabbed her tail to attack it with her feet. It was too funny!Now she's just chilling. I think it tuckered her out. We love her so much.

Anyway, not sure what we're going to do tomorrow. But I know we'll come up with something. If nothing else there is always "Inception."

Rating for Today: Better Than Average!

Last night I should have set my alarm, but luckily my mother woke me up in time to get dressed, grab coffee and get out the door to get her to her doctor's appointment. I got her there with 10 minutes to spare! So timing was very good. While I waited for her to get done seeing the doctor, I went across the way to Walmart. I didn't really do much. I just kind of looked around at the different things that interest me, but all in all, I ended up at the McDonald's there with a $1 drink and a book. I started reading "State of Fear" by Michael Crichton, but I've literally only just started it. I got several pages into it when she called me to pick her up. Then as I'm driving, I get a call from Calworks that told me I'm supposed to go to some orientation when my doctor cleared me from doing this for a year as I work on getting things set to permanent. I can't end up back in the hospital again! It would help my case even more, but I don't want to go into the hospital! Anyway, I am going to have to make some kind of noise over this and see what happens. Just the thought of being forced into this situation makes me start shaking and panicky. I can't go through weeks or months of it like I tried before. I just can't! I don't think I'd survive it.

Anyway, so I'm trying to take this call and pick up my mom. Not the smartest thing to do while driving, but it was more difficult trying to keep her quiet while I finished the call. Finally I did and then I finally explained it to her. For some reason she thought I was talking to Susan or Greg or someone. I can't remember now. But I was still pretty upset, though I don't think I showed it too much. Probably came out as irritation more than anything else.

My mom came out with prescriptions so I ended up taking her to the pharmacy and she treated me to breakfast at Denny's. Instead of just getting the value slam, she had both of us get Build-Your-Own-Slams. It was great. I got pancakes, hashbrowns, sausage links and oatmeal. I know it's a strange combination, but boy was it delicious! That put me in a better mood. Of course, good food always brings a good mood! Of course, what sucked was the fact that my first finger on my right hand . . . the nail came off at the quick when I went to move my chair. Even now it's hard to type, but I'm over it. I'll get better.

When I got home, I really didn't do too much. Actually, since Jordan had the laptop I decided that I would write notes for one of my stories since I'd come up with a change I want to make when I rewrite it. Needless to say that kept me kind of busy. I'd had Jordan pull out ground turkey for dinner. Originally I thought I would make Shepherd's Pie but Jordan and I decided on spaghetti instead. After dishes were washed from earlier I started dinner. What I think is funny is that when my mom makes spaghetti there is usually some left. When I make spaghetti there is rarely any left. I don't do a lot of things well, but making spaghetti is definitely one of the things I do very well! Then we also finally got into the Julian Apple Pie I got for the $5 and OMG!! It was so worth it! It would have been worth the $15 if I'd had to pay that much. Maybe I'll get one every month now as a treat for all of us. I'm going to do my best to cut out snacks again. I was pretty good for awhile, but the last two months have been bad for snacking. I eat a night and I need to stop that. Anyway, the pie was fantastic! And I have to say that it was kinda nice to do the cooking. Even though my back is not appreciating it much! LOL!

After dinner I took the time to clean out the litter box. I mean, let's face it. It NEEDS to get done! Especially with it being in my room. Plus, I'm sure my baby appreciates it. What I think is so funny though, is that when Karissa gets out of the room when she shouldn't Jordan makes his noise and chases her back into the room and then she talks to him! In fact, sometimes when he just comes into the room she'll talk to him! :-) It is so cute!!! I think she's starting to figure out that she doesn't go out of the house when it's dark. LOL! But she doesn't get it completely yet. She's such a good baby.

And last of all, I have watched some GREAT TV today. I saw an episode of "House" that had to be pretty recent and it just about broke my heart! He gets rejected by Cutty AND he goes back on Vicodin . . . I just wanted to cry! :-( Then Jordan and I watched a couple of episodes of "NCIS" which were pretty good. But I decided I wanted to see if Syfy would have full episodes of "Stargate: Universe" which they did!! I was so excited because then I got to watch Monday's Episode which I missed! That was so awesome! There was a second Dr. Rush,  a second Destiny and only one set of the crew alive. However, they also killed off Col. Telfort. It was a riveting episode. It's crazy that Telfort is dead. Go figure.

At the moment, I'm watching "Dan Meltzer's Decoded" about DB Cooper. I find it so interesting. I think they had it right. This guy Kenny Christiansen fits almost everything about it. Even the picture of him was so similar to the sketch of DB Copper! I mean, come on!! That has to say something! Of course, it's all circumstantial, but . . . well . . . if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck . . . The last thing I want to watch is the last "Fairly Legal" because I missed that last night and I'm pretty sure it's up. But I'm also getting pretty tired so I might save it for tomorrow because Saturday's are usually deserts when it comes to TV. Guess we'll find out. I think I'll just take my night meds, finish watching about DB Cooper and go to sleep.

Rating for today: Better than Average! ;-)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

I don't know why, but I LOVE St. Patrick's Day! Maybe it stems back to when I was a teenager where my friend Krista or maybe it was Nicky, but her and I, we used eyeliner and green eyeshadow and we colored our faces for St. Patrick's Day and had my mom take us up to Grossmont Center. LOL! We got a lot of smiles as we walked around Montgomery Wards (yes, I remember when they used to be around). I had such a good time. We laughed the whole time we were there I think! Then as I had the kids, I always made sure they had green for St. Patrick's Day. I've made corned beef and cabbage, though I don't think I cook it all that well. My mother does great. 

Anyway, I love St. Patrick's Day. :-) 

Today, however, I was so tired I slept until 2:00pm. I missed a text from Cassie to bring her some advil, which I don't have any anyway. But as soon as I was up, my mom asked if I would go to Walmart and get her some sanitary napkins. She also gave me extra to get Jordan hamburgers and fries for dinner. But before I could leave the house I had to our on my green shirt, my big green ribbon that says "Eat, Drink, Be Irish!" along with four little pins, each saying something different: Honorary Leprechaun, Get Lucky Be Irish, Kiss Me I'm Irish and Happy St. Patrick's Day. Then I also wore a shamrock bandana and shamrock headband boppers. Needless to say I was definitely decked out for today!

I went through the drive thru at McDonald's to get a Diet Dr. Pepper on my way. Getting to Walmart I got a decent place to park that wasn't handicapped. When I was there I decided to get a Woman's World, green food coloring, and I finally found "Batman Begins" in the $5 bin! I was able to get the extras because I found a Walmart gift card that still had $10 on it. I also got a lot of smiles as I walked around. I think people appreciate the display of those of us that really get into the holiday. Oh and I also picked up chocolate covered marshmallow eggs. It was only $1. Then I was also invited over to Jason and Susan's for dinner. The invite came at the perfect time. My mom didn't feel up to making Corned Beef and Cabbage and they had fixed it. I made sure I took the food coloring with me and went over there after I dropped off the other stuff - like my mom's sanitary pads.

Cassie was in the tub when I got over there. Jason loved my St. Patty's day look. Susan did too! It was so good to see Cassie! I have missed her so much. But she's doing well. While Susan cooked and played on the computer, I watched stuff on the History channel about the black plague and then about Barbarians. I would have prefered stuff about ancient Ireland, but what can you do? Jason was taking a nap and Cassie stayed in the tub for a long time. When Cassie got out, she got the computer. Susan gave us each a bit of corned beef. Yum! I was particularly hungry since I hadn't eaten. I also went out and got the lemon lime soda from my trunk, so when Susan fed us, she also made us glasses of green soda!! It was awesome! I had two glasses full. And then I finished my plate and Jason couldn't eat anymore so I finished his. LOL! It was so good! I could have probably have eaten even more, but really, I wouldn't want to look like a complete piggie.

Finally at 8:30pm it was time for Cassie to take a melatonin to help her sleep - she didn't sleep well last night either. So I gave her lots of hugs and kisses. By the time I finally got out the door though, it was like 9:00pm or maybe a bit later. I didn't get home until about 9:30pm, give or take about ten minutes. Susan had given me two bottles of apple cider that I had left there. I brought one into my room when I got home and together, Jordan and I drank it. It was good. We also shared my chocolate covered marshmallow eggs. The bad thing though was that I totally forgot Destination Truth's Live Episode in Ireland tonight was on. It had started at 7:00pm so I've missed a lot. It also only has about 30 minutes left. I'm hoping they will air an encore, not that I'll be watching it all. I'll need to sleep at some point and I am kinds tired.  But I can say it's been a pretty good day and I had fun wearing all my St. Patty's Day gear. :-D

Now I think I'm going to take my night meds and watch what is left of Destination Truth as they look for a Banshee.

5-hour Energy Nap??

Surprise, surprise, I slept like crap last night! LOL! I wasn't going to get up at 8:15am, but Susan called about taking Cassie to the doctor. So I decide I'll get up and go to the gym. I did drink down a 5-hour energy though I don't like to do two days in a row. As an example, I ended up taking a nap this afternoon. It just becomes ineffective quickly in my body if I use it every day. In fact, I might have to go to every few days.Anyway, I wrote a note giving Susan the go-ahead to get my Cassie medical help. I was worried that she might have a small fracture, but as it turned out - after they went to Children's Hospital ER - that she just had a really bad sprain again. Sometimes I wonder about my child. This year has been a lot of sprains and strains.

I went to the gym and made it in time for the water aerobics class. The water in the pool, though, was JUST a bit chilly. LOL! That was the first time I thought the pool was actually cold. They said it was only a couple of degrees off normal, but I can pretty much say NOT!!! I made it through the class fine though and got a good work-out. As a neat little tidbit, the instructor told us because we were cold that we were burning even more calories. Not that I would want to stay cold, but at least I got something good out of it since I couldn't control it. LOL! I was also going to swim my laps, but before I could pick a lane, they were pretty much taken. Not that I couldn't have pushed the issue and taken a lane since I was in the water, but the thought of the nice, warm spa was too inviting. I got out and got in the spa and stayed there way too long. I was in there for like half an hour! LOL! Needless to say after that I sat down through most of my shower. I personally thought I did pretty good washing off, but the rashes came back almost immediately and I am so itchy. That is the one BIG THING I hate about going into that pool. I get this stupid reaction. I know I haven't gone to the doctor yet, but I don't think there's anything he can do about this except give me a cream and who knows if it'd work. Guess I should try it though. The doctor might be able to help, I suppose. This iching SUCKS!!!

When I came home, I checked in with my mom. I ate a piece of French Toast I found. I then went into my room. Jordan had my laptop so I couldn't play on the computer, but what really mattered is that I was exhausted anyway. I decided I would finish reading "The Surgeon" which was awesome! Though I was a little disappointed that we didn't see a lead in to "The Apprentice" - to see Hoyt's desires shift from Cordell to Rizzoli. That would have tied it together perfectly for me. Either way, it was a FANTASTIC book!

An old episode of "Destination Truth" came on so I kind of watched that. Then "Face/Off" came on as a marathon. I knew that was because of the finale tonight. I was so looking forward to it! But as I was watching I fell asleep. So the 5-hour energy was a FAIL today. It did get me to the gym though, so not a complete fail. My mom was upset because no one had done anything, but I told her I was tired. I guess when she found me sleeping she got concerned. I don't take naps easily. I just don't. So she said I should go see the doctor and have my heart checked because Dr. Oz said that if you're tired for over a week it might be a sign that your heart isn't functioning properly. I don't put a lot of stock in Dr. Oz but my mother does, so I've taken that under advisement. Maybe I'll make that appointment tomorrow.

My mom finally woke me when it was time to eat dinner. It wasn't anything special. Just hot dogs and baked beans, but that's good enough for me. After that, I just watched "Face/Off", scratched Jordan's back and had him scratch mine. LOL! Then he gave me the laptop back so I puttered on there for awhile. I went to Facebook and checked on my Happy Aquarium. I got a Happy St. Patrick's Day sign and I did get a baby alligator, but it seemed to disappear, which sucked. I also played on Happy Pets and bought a Shamrock Bunny. I like bunnies better than ducks. I love all my pets! Named the bunny Patrick. :-D

Okay, I am still tired. I watched the new episode of "Ghost Hunters" where they heard conversations and a door opened and closed on it's own right in front of Steve and Tango. It was trippy. Then after that was the finale of "Face/Off!" It was FANTASTIC! OMG! The work put into the finale was incredible. Each of the last four had to pick from a set of fairytales and themes. My favorite was Tate's Post Apocalyptic "Little Red Riding Hood!" LOL! Gauge picked "Hansel and Gretel" with Industrial theme. Sam did Psychedelic "Little Mermaid" and last of all Connor did Haunted "The Frog Prince." I would try to capture what they did in words, but it wouldn't do it justice. I also like the fact that there will be a season 2. They are already looking for people! Awesome!

Anyway, I am still tired. Think I might get something to eat and then go back to sleep. I guess my body could only take being tired for so long. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel clear-headed enough to do some writing. That would be a good thing. Got to start replacing what I lost. That still sucks I lost stuff, but it is what it is. Just gotta get a flash drive. That will solve the problem permanently.

As for tomorrow, it's St. Patrick's Day!!! Yay!! I might try to get some food coloring and I have lemon-lime soda - so green soda!! I also have my pins and the head boppers! My mom should be making corned beef and cabbage - YUM! I do really enjoy today though I can't tell you why. Maybe it's just the feeling of belonging in the world on that day. I know that kind of sounds crazy, but it's about people. Kiss me I'm Irish! Pinch you if you don't wear green! So I look forward to tomorrow. Even if I don't do much. I just love it!

So now it's off to snack and sleep. Maybe I'll dream about my dad again. I did earlier. That he was alive and then not alive. But I dreamed about him. I miss him. Okay, I've blabbered enough!

Even a 5-hour Energy Couldn't Help!

I don't know what I did wrong, but man am I tired!! I was originally going to wake up around 8:15am. That didn't work so I reset the alarm  but my mother came in and so I woke up around 9:30am. I figured I shouldn't sleep too much longer. I got dressed, took my meds. I even took a 5-hour energy because I was just super exhausted when I woke up. I didn't sleep well last night. LOL! I suppose I say that every day . . . Ah well! It is what it is.

Anyway, I took off out of the house at around 10:15am. I had an appointment at 11:00am to get the laptop fixed. I also left the house without my phone AND the address, though I was sure I would know how to get there. I was right. I did. The place is easy to find. It's just off the express way. Anyway, they did everything they could to try to save my files, but ultimately I had to give them up so that the computer could be wiped. It sucked. I hated that I had to lose them, but I have "The Black Cat" because I sent myself a copy via email. Thank god I did! That's 16 pages I don't have to figure out how to rewrite. But I lost "The Protector" and "Dragon Destiny." However those didn't have much written. In fact, there were two other things I had started more from emotion than anything else and was typing up something I'd written by  hand. None of it added up to too many pages and I'm trying to look at it this way. The second time around usually comes out sounding better for some reason. :-)

As they took care of my computer, I just found a place to sit down and read more of "The Surgeon." The story is really speeding up. We just got the name of the serial killer after Dr. Cordell. I can't wait to see how it all comes out, but I'm not reading tonight. LOL! I am hoping I sleep easy tonight. I can dream! LOL! I feel like I barely made it into the house, but I had to go back out to mail bills. I tried to get Jordan to go with me, but he wouldn't so I ended up getting myself a diet Dr. Pepper from McDonald's just for me! I also stopped at Albertson's deciding to get several little spiral pads of paper to take notes on my different stories. That way I always have a place to write on the stories.  

When I got back I played on my once again functioning laptop until my mother wanted me to go to the store. So I picked myself up, though I didn't want to, and went back to the store. I got her minestrone and New England Clam Chowder soups she wanted. I also got lettuce, Italian dressing for Jordan, some sourdough bread from the clearance rack along with a Julian Apple Pie! They are usually $15 a piece and I got one for under $5! It was a deal for sure! Then I was really bad and got more Ben and Jerry's. I got Jordan his Chocolate Fudge Brownie while I tried the new Clusterfluff. It was good, but the little clusters really didn't taste that great. Loved the peanut butter ice cream though. Yum! But by the time I got home, I could barely get out of the car. I remembered to take my phone that time so I called and had Jordan come out to take the bags. I also had him put things away while I got our French Bread Pizzas into the oven. That was our dinner, pizza with salad. 

Jordan and I had been watching "Man on Fire" while we ate dinner and then after dinner we had a little bit of a tickle war. I know, he's 19 years old and we can stay play around. Plus, he loves to startle me, so he pretended he was launching himself at me like he was going to ram into me! LOL! Of course, I flinch and he starts laughing as he hugs me. It's cool. I'm glad I have a good relationship with him for the most part. After dinner, I went back to my room to watch the rest of "Man on Fire" with my Ben and Jerry's. After that I watched "Dirty Jobs," which I love. It is one of the best shows ever! Though tonight was a repeat, but you know, I watch all the repeats too! That's how much I love this show! LOL!

Now it's almost 10:00pm and I am so tired. I think I need to take my meds and try to go to sleep. I have had a productive, long day, but now it's time for the day to end, I think. Sleep . . . Sleep . . . Sleep . . . . ZZZzzzzzzz . . .

Frustration Mounting

I am so aggravated! My laptop is down. I can't even get it past a blue screen. It won't load up on safe mode. It gives me some error that one of the files is corrupt. So basically, I get to pay $50 to get it fixed tomorrow and until then I get to use this crappy-ass desk top that has so many problems with it. I don't even know what's wrong with it except that over time it's dealt with a lot of errors and stuff. Maybe it has a couple of viruses for all I know. But the thing is, my laptop has ALL of my recent writing! Because I don't have a printer than can hook up to it, I have NO hard copies! It's horrifying thinking I might lose everything again. I don't know what's going to happen, but I hope they are able to save my files. I'm pretty sure they can, but it's a guess and I don't like guessing.

My mom and I almost game to heads when I asked her for the money. She pitched a bitch and then when she found out I was going to borrow it from Jason and Susan, she turned around, told me to use my money for it and she'll pay my car insurance this month. Of course, I have to pay her back next month, but to have my computer it's worth it. It'll suck that I have less money, but I have to have my computer.

Other than that, I didn't do much today. I slept late again. I didn't make it to the gym. This time I have a good reason. My body is still hurting and I don't know why it's hurting. It's all through my back, hips and legs. I was almost crying this morning. So anyway, I just slept. I don't remember to what time but it was definitely earlier than yesterday. Maybe it was an hour earlier or I take that back - two hours earlier. I think I woke up at around 1:00pm today. At least it wasn't 3:00pm. And tomorrow I am getting up at 8:15am. I'll take a 5-hour energy and be ready to take my laptop in. The appointment is for 11:00am. I am NOT missing that appointment for anything. Not unless one of the kids were dying or something.

I did go shopping today. Since my mom still feels like crap, I went and bought Stouffer's french bread pizzas. They were so good. Wish I would have bought more lettuce so we could have had a salad. My mom didn't want anything. I also grabbed the new Ben & Jerry's Velvet cake take off. It was yummy! I was going to share it with Jordan, but he wants nothing to do with it. I might get him one and me another one. LOL! But we'll see.

I think the ativan is starting to kick in a bit. That's a good thing. Tonight I just kicked back and watched the movie "Red" which was great!! What a fantastic cast and the story was fun! Then I watched "Being Human" which was a really emotional story. Aiden had to kill this little boy that his girlfriend had turned into a vampire. He loved that boy too. Josh was having problems with his girlfriend Nora because he's way over cautious, but he finally told her that the problem was him and that he'd hurt his family and that he didn't want to hurt her. She showed her abdomen which looked so scarred and immediately John was in protective mode telling her he would protect her from stuff and people like that. Awwww . . . I really like the show. Then I watched "Hawaii 5-0" which is equally as awesome! This time they were dealing with a serial killer! First they had to figure that part out because the murders were on other islands. But there's always the MO. Only this time a woman survived. Her husband dead, but she got away before the whacko could mutilate her. Awesome, Awesome!

Now I guess I'll try Happy Aquarium one more time before going to bed. But at least I was able to write my journal. Thank god for that.

Decently Good!!

I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to start waking up early again. But tomorrow I'm setting the alarm and hopefully I'll wake up in the morning, stay awake and go to the gym. I need to go swimming. But today, I slept until almost 3:00pm. Technically it would have been 2:00pm, but we did have Daylight Savings Time start this morning. I was tired last night, but I would wake up and stay awake for awhile before going back to sleep. Tonight I have ativan to ease me into sleep and probably get deeper sleep. Maybe less dreaming too. I was dreaming about models last night, a party, a lost necklace . . . I can't remember the rest. Just strange. But that's the nature of dreams - to be strange and hidden in symbolism, which I suck at interpreting! LOL! Ah well.

My mom is sick today. She was ticked that I didn't get up early, but I did do the dishes which I told her I would do. What aggravates me is that she loves to say how impatient Jordan and I are when we want something (Cassie too), but she's just as impatient when SHE wants something or someone to do something. But I feel bad for her. She really doesn't feel good and I do worry. She thinks I don't care, but I do. I asked her if she wanted me to get her anything at the store and she just said to get Corned Beef and Cabbage. They were on sale. Oh and milk too. So I went to Vons and did just that. But I also wanted to try to find another book by Tess Gerritsen, but as luck would have it, the two used books stores that I knew of are out of business!!! And I also tried Target. They used to have a decent book section and really, the one they had at the one I went to sucked. Walmart's was better. At least at Walmart they carried three of her books. I saw none at Target. I was so frustrated!! Now I don't know what to do except to go to a book store and paying full price, which will have to wait until next month. I just wish I could have gotten another book by her. It sucks.

After I came back, I played on the computer for a bit. In fact, I added a bunch of songs to my Playlist. I was looking for songs by Trace Adkins and the funny thing is I could only find three songs and that was spelling his name Atkins. When I spelled it the right way, there was NOTHING. And just now, I tried Adtkins which is a really WRONG spelling and I got about 7 songs. Go figure! Found one of the songs I was looking for at least. Then I made dinner. It was nothing fantastic. It was just salad and Chef Boyardee beef raviolies. I had Jordan wash dishes and George wipe down the table. I had Jordan wake up grandma and ask her if she wanted any of it. She felt like crap still, but she took some of the ravioli and she said she wanted vanilla ice cream. It worked out well since the kids and I wanted Thin Mint ice cream. Jordan grabbed the containers, bowls and spoons and I dished it up. I thought the Thin Mint ice cream would be more minty. But the kids liked it. We were also watching "Jurassic Park" during dinner and dessert. I forgot how good that movie was. I couldn't help myself making comments during it. I just have some good recollections about the movie and the book.

I ended up going back out to the store. Jordan and I had to go pick up my medication and grandma's. Then I wanted to go back to the store and get another Corned Beef because I could only get one on sale earlier. But coming back again I could get another. So Jordan went to the pharmacy while I went to Vons. Of course, I also had to get onions, red potatoes then I wanted to get yogurt covered pretzels and then red vines for Jordan. Also got Dr. Pepper for Jordan and I. It was a nice cap to the evening.

Other than that, I haven't done much else. I did watch "Chopped All-stars" which is fantastic!! Tonight had Duff, I can't remember the one girl's name, then Chef Ann and Chef Robert. Ann and Robert always have a playful rivalry. Ann keeps winning. LOL! They did "Worst cooks In America" together and she won that. I think they did something like "Iron Chef America" and she won that. LOL! He doesn't have a lot of luck winning against her. As much as I love Chef Robert, I was rooting for Chef Ann! LOL! There is just something about her I really like. In fact, she would be a good cooking teacher. After all, I've seen her do that in the one show. I am kinda watching "Iron Chef Aamerica" tonight, but it's a repeat so I don't have to give my full attention to it. But tonight is definitely my Food Network night to watch TV. I missed "Food Network Challenge" tonight, but that's okay.

Well, I think that's pretty much it for my day. It wasn't a terribly exciting day, but it was a decently good day. Think maybe I'll do a little reading, or maybe I'll save that for tomorrow. I am kinda tired and I want to take my ativan. Then I have a good shot of going to sleep early and then getting up early won't be such an issue. Well, maybe . . . but the goal is to get up, stay up, go swimming and come home, do some reading, maybe do some writing . . . Wish I could get a hard copy of my latest story. But maybe I'll re-read what I have so far and then take notes about what I want to do to continue the story. I have to try to get back to writing every day. It's my job and I love it. I just have to not get discouraged.

Okay, think that's it. Karissa is sleeping on the corner of the bed. I will be cuddling her later, I'm sure. We'll snuggle a bit before I go to sleep. Oh, and "The Green Mile" last night was FANTASTIC! I can see why it got awards. It was wonderful and one of these days I'll get it for my collection. I don't have the money at the moment. Now it's time to settle down for the night.

Goodnight, sweet dreams . . . May tomorrow be a wonderful day!

Here's To a Better Day!

I didn't exactly wake up early this morning. But I was awake before noon. That must say something. And that was thanks to Jason. He came over so Susan could get the food card. He stayed with me as she went to the store. We hung out and as we did I slowly woke up. It actually took me quite awhile. Usually I can get up and wake up pretty quick, but I guess with the depression it takes awhile. What I can say is that today was better emotionally than yesterday, except for a couple of things. Well, one thing - Jordan, Susan and Jason. Jordan told them he's not going to school and going to get a job. But he lied to Susan saying he was going to go to school too. Not good. So she was hurt. She was hurt so bad she cried. I don't understand why Jordan just won't try to get his education, but after thinking about it for awhile, I also realized that, it's like me losing weight. You have to really want it. He doesn't. Until he does it's not going to happen. I think he's going to get a big dose of reality when it comes to getting a job. I might get him an alarm clock that he'll have to set and use. Of course, that's if his hours end up in the morning. After all, he's not going to get more than a part time job. There just aren't a lot of jobs out there and the ones that are are part time. In fact, I recently read in an article that minumum wage jobs were increasing, but there was almost no difference in higher paying jobs. And most of jobs offered are part time. Does that suck or what?? This country is going to hell in a handbasket I think. I love my country, but they are bleeding the middle and lower class dry and barely touching the money of the uber rich. I think there is a lot of corruption in the government otherwise the money taken from the people would be more fair.

Okay, I didn't plan to write in that direction. Go figure. But I think Jordan needs a big dose of reality and I think he's going to get it. If however, it works out for him - FANTASTIC!!! But if not, then he'll have a chance to start over. All we can do is see what happens.

After awhile Jason and I left to go cash my check and get my $50 from food for cash. It was nice having $100. I got Jason and I shamrock shakes. OMG, I LOVE those things! I also got a McChicken sandwich. I knew I was going to need to eat something. Then after we got to his place, Susan was leaving to take Cassie and Katie Belle to their friend Tyler's while she went to Walmart. My nose started stopping up, which sucked. I forgot to grab my nose spray. But I spent my time reading "The Surgeon." I have less than 100 pages to go. I have two other books to read, but I really want another Tess Gerritsen book. Maybe I'll go to Target tomorrow and see if they have any books by her that I don't have. Either that, or I break down and go to Barnes and Noble or somewhere like that.

Anyway, after Susan came back, I went to Albertson's near them and got nose spray that I'm going to keep in my purse though it kinda works like crap. I also got myself a "Woman's World" magazine, a bottle of water and a little notebook. It was $4, but it's sturdy and I like sturdy books. I also grabbed Hawaiian sweet rolls to snack on. I was kinda hungry. Going back, Jason was watching Basketball. The Aztecs were playing against whatever Bringham-Young University calls it's team. I didn't really follow the game except to know the Aztecs were winning and they ultimately won. Guess out of the three games they played against them this was the only one they won. I spent most of that time reading too. Then Susan went to get the girls from their friend's house. I love my Cassie and it's always good to see her. I got my hugs and got to see her beautiful face again. Then she went off into the other room with Katie to play. Susan made Chili Mac for dinner. It was awesome as usual. I ate a second helping. LOL! Even Jason had more. Cassie and Katie Belle wanted to rent a scary movie so they told them if they wanted the movie they would have to work to clean up Cassie's stuff behind the couch. Her clothes are in a tub back there and so are her stuffied. What was really funny was when she started going through the stuffies she found two of mine! LOL! It took awhile. Jason played music videos for us. I took down names of songs to add to my playlist. I'm too tired tonight so that will be something for me to do tomorrow.

As the girls were looking through the movies they saw "I spit on your grave." I guess they did a remake, but I told Cassie I didn't want her seeing it and for me, it has to have a good reason considering some of the stuff she has seen. But I saw the original. I am all for revenge flicks, but I do not want my daughter to see a graphic rape scene. I don't know about this recent one, but the one back then was very graphic. They showed it. I was early teens when I saw it myself, I believe. I don't remember exactly, but I remember that scene pretty well. Anyway, I think they settled for "The Last Exorcism," though I'm not sure. Guess I'll find out later.

On the way home, I was hungry again so I got some egg rolls from Jack in the Box and then I got a ice cream cone and a soda from McDonald's. I ate and then finally came home, grabbed my drink, purse and bears with me. As soon as I opened my bedroom door Karissa ran out of it. LOL! I can't blame her. The room was completely dark for several hours. I mean, she's a cat and can see in the dark, but she's not often in the dark anymore. And not often alone for that long either. :-) She's turned into quite the spoiled baby. It didn't take her long to decide to go back into the room. Since then, I've been working on this and watching "The Green Mile." I already saw the ending because that's where I came in on it. But to my luck they are re-airing it. I'm so tired and it's almost 1:00am, so I am ready to sleep. Of course, I've adjusted for Daylight Saving's Time. We'll see if I stay awake. What I've seen so far though, this is an excellent movie and if I see it at Walmart I might just pick it up to have. Then I can watch it when I want, too. In case I fall asleep. I am just so tired. Something else for tomorrow.

Depression Is Trying to Claim Me

Well, the depression won out today. Not only did I not go to the gym, I slept until 3:00pm. I just couldn't seem to wake up. Then I had this weird dream that I was in some kind of simulation of a fight being waged with swords. But somehow in the chaos I managed to misplace my sword. Actually it was a rapier, I believe. Anyway, I can't remember where I went, but I was with people I either knew or who knew me and they gave me this long looking knife - almost like a bread knife. It was at that point or just after when I woke up. I'm not sure what it means.  I'm not good with dream interpretation. I never was. But I do on occasion have interesting dreams. I am still so tired. I feel it inside me. Deep inside. I might go to sleep as soon as "Merlin" is over. We'll see.

Needless to say I did nothing of interest today. At least not really. Once I got up, I took my mom to the bank. I was so thirsty though. I asked if she had a dollar to get myself a drink from MacDonald's. After the bank she gave me $5 and so I was able to get a diet Dr. Pepper. But they got a simple order wrong. They thought I'd ordered a cone too. I ended up taking it though. My mom took a few bites, but I finished it. Then we swung by Wendy's getting burgers and fries for us, Jordan and George. Outside of that, I've just been puttering around online. Because of Paige, I found a new application - Muzy. You can make picture collages and I've done two so far. One of Jason, Susan, myself, Cassie, Jordan, Paige, Katie and Karissa. The second one was all Karissa. :-)

Other than that, I watched "Criminal Minds." It's actually a pretty good show. Maybe I'll start watching the marathons of it. I watched about four episodes of it today. Karissa is snoring at the moment as she sleeps next to me. It's cute. I would love to record it, but it's never come out and I've tried a few times.

Anyway, I drank a lot of water since I've been awake. Now I need to take my meds and then go to sleep. I just really hate this depression. I don't want to sleep all day on a logical level. I know it's not good for me. In fact, I'm sure it will just feed the depression. But on an emotional level all I want to do is sleep. I am seriously hoping this is just PMS. I don't want to find myself back in the pit again. How many times can I fall in before I just can't get out anymore, you know? All I can do is just hope I have the inner strength to wake up and stay awake tomorrow. Not sure what I'll do tomorrow, but I can't sleep all day. Of course, I say that, but who knows what'll happen when I wake up in the morning. 

I guess all I can do is try to keep in mind that I NEED to stay awake. Maybe it'll have to be a 5-hour energy day. We'll see.

A Drop of Darkness in the Pool of Life

I might have been tired last night, but I didn't sleep. Nice, huh? I think I was just waiting for Christopher to come back. He did, but not last night. He came back this afternoon. But he walked away before I could even get out of my room, to say nothing of the door. I called to him several times, but he still didn't come to me. I don't know what to do anymore about him. He sees us. But it's like he's too skittish to come up to anyone now. And he knows ME!!!! It really is so upsetting. I love the butthead and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to get him back for Jason, Susan, Cassie and I. It SUCKS!! I wish I had a magic wand where I could make him magically appear and come in. But that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Needless to say I didn't go to the water aerobics class. I spent my morning and early afternoon sleeping. In fact, I didn't want to get up at all - the depression that's creeping back is causing it, I think. My goal is to try to go tomorrow. I just have to get some sleep and force myself to get up. But I tell you, I wanted to sleep all day and even now I kind of wish I was asleep and had slept all day. There was nothing bad about the day. Well, except for Christopher showing up and running off again. But I mean nothing bad really. In fact, I even got a $50 check! Susan is going to cash it for me tomorrow and we're going to do food for cash too. It helps me a lot because I can now pay my car insurance, get the oil changed and maybe even have a little left for fuel. Or at the very least enough for crickets and some $1 drinks from McDonald's! LOL! So good, right? Go figure.

I didn't do any writing today again. Actually I did a little research and have gotten a few more ideas for my story. I figure the attacker is going to end up befriending her. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet, but I'm thinking that it's going to start with something stolen, yet returned - Laura didn't know it was stolen. She would have thought she left it. So could be a wallet . . . keys . . . schedule book . . . maybe the schedule book makes the most sense. This way, she'll appear to be in between two men. There will still be stuff going on like her house being broken into without anything taken. At first she'll think it's just that she's moved something without really remembering. But over time, she should start to notice. Maybe she'll also start getting phone calls. Payphones around the city that can't be checked really. No cameras available, or no clear pix. I need to figure out how to make both the men ambiguous so that in the end it's interesting and that it's clear that Mathias is the good guy. I want a scene with Mathias the cat scratches the shit out of the other man when he's trying to hurt her. Maybe at the end when he finally gets her, cat Mathias will come to her rescue. Until human Mathias can make an appearance. I'll definitely have to figure out more of the middle now that I have a clearer idea on the end. So I guess I've done some work on my story, but no writing. Time to list ideas. Maybe that will be my project tomorrow.

Even though I slept late, maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight. I sure feel like I can, but that never means anything once I lay down. But I'm going to hope. I just need to take my meds. I've already did some reading. "The Surgeon" is such a good book. I've also watched "Fairly Legal." It's awesome to see Richard Dean Anderson acting again. It's not a large role that I can see, though I could see it getting bigger perhaps. We'll see what happens in the future, but it's a good show. And as soon as I finish watching the finale of "White Collar" I'm going to try to go to sleep. At least I hope that's what happens. 

Guess that's it for this episode of insanity.