Well, today was a fail for getting Cassie to school. I was so exhausted - just emotionally drained - that I just didn't have the energy to argue with her. I just turned around and headed back to bed. I just couldn't fight her. Then I feel back into a deep sleep for another hour. But I must have been having a very anxiety provoking dream because everytime I tried to think about what I had been dreaming I would feel like I got gut-kicked.
Now I did get up and I did make it to class today, but just barely. I had such a hard time waking up and all I really wanted to do was go back to sleep. I took a 5-hour energy to help, but it didn't help immediately. I got my coffee and headed out with very little time to spare. I felt like crap though. But once I got to class I felt better. Class was good, but by the time I left (with a plate of Starbuck Pastries) I was having problems with my stomach. It was definitely an anxiety thing and it didn't go away either.
When I got home I picked up my mother and took her to Trader Joe's. She needed to get her special maple syrup. She also got eggs and I got orange sparkling mineral water. It didn't taste great, but it helped ease my stomach a little. Then after that we went to Walmart. I picked up a little bit more Easter candy. My mom needed to pick up other things, but she was nice enough to buy me a "Woman's World" magazine and even got me a spring green nightgown. We also grabbed lunch at McDonald's. Just McDoubles, but they were good. The sick feeling came back to me though.
Then when we got home I had Jordan grab the stuff out of the back of the car. Cassie was strumming her guitar, but then she came in to me and the computer. I let her stay on the computer. She was coming up with a Warriors cat character lists for some story she's writing with someone. She created The Death Clan and Blood Clan. Then Lauren called her. All her friends were over there and so Cassie wanted to go. I told her she could go and that she should probably spend the night with Jason and Susan. Jason asked me if it was okay, because he didn't want to cause any more trouble. I told him it was my idea. So Cassie got some of her things together and I hand-wrote out all the names she'd come up with for her clans and that of her friend's clans. Then as soon as they arrived she was out the door. I think my depression increased a bit by that. Then Jason had to call and mildly interrogate me about her going to school - which if he hadn't gotten me all emotionally fucked up, I probably could have gotten her to school today. That tweaked me out a bit. Felt a little angry and then just tired. I am still just so drained. I did put on my new nightgown. It was a little shorter than I like, but I rooted around in my corner and not only did I straighten up a couple of things, but I found an old pair of underwear. Now I feel much better about wearing the nightgown which is good because I really, really like it.
Anyway, my mom made fried chicken for dinner with beans and green beans. It was really good! Not that I doubt it at all. My mother is a fantastic cook! Everything she makes is yummy. But I was still so emotionally sick with anxiety I ended up taking an ativan. I swear I am not going to have enough to make it through the month. I have really gone through a lot so far. Just the other night I had to take a total of four just to calm down and get some sleep. I might end up having to go to the ER at some point to get more. But that's at least a week or so away.
Karissa is so weird too. She LOVES to mess with the grocery bags in my corner. I don't know if she just loves the sound it makes when she bats at it or what, but it can be maddening when she goes over there and pulls out bags I have just put back. LOL! Right now she's laying down beside me and being her precious self, but later she'll knock over her treats container and will start messing with the plastic bags. I love my little twit. :-P
Now, my day is done. I am watching "Sanctuary" and before that I was watching "Criminal Minds." That's actually a really good show and when they show a bunch at once I do like to watch them. As long as it doesn't conflict with something else I want to watch. But now, I think I'm going to finish watching "Sanctuary" and then take my meds and go to sleep. I hope I get to sleep. I feel like I could so I am going to take that as a good sign.
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