Up and Down and Around

Well, I guess I'm not Richard's match because I haven't heard from him since my last email. I'm guessing he's a bit of a coward and rather then just say something to me, he'd rather just leave me alone. That's fine. It was giving me anxiety dealing with him anyway. Though I might write him tomorrow and just clairify things. I want closure. If you don't like me anymore, FINE. Just say something. Either way it will be a rejection for just get it over with, right? Anyway, I wasn't really invested in it so not that big of a deal. But it doesn't do anything for my self-esteem. That's for sure.

Other than that, I went to Walmart today. I had to pick up some milk, bread and salad dressing. I also got a box of the cherry cream cheese danishes. I gave Jordan two of them. I've eaten two, but I have a feeling I'll be eating the other two tonight. After that, I came home for awhile. I did more reading on "Bella and the Merciless Sheik," and it got hot! LOL! Then about 4:25pm, I headed out to go to therapy. I stopped and got a soda from McDonald's then headed to therapy. I sat down to read and I saw a National Geographic magazine that had a picture of a Spirit Bear. OMG! I didn't even know there was such a thing and it was BEAUTIFUL!! Then I read that they want to put a oil pipeline through it and it almost made me cry. Of course, I think I might be PMSing. Still, they are so beautiful and I don't want their habitat ruined!! After that, I read more of my book. I would have cried had I continued to read the other.

Therapy went well, but I keep going up and down. I think I might be rapid cycling. I feel like I'm going up, then down. I was down, then I felt up earlier and now I'm back down! Ugh!! It's maddening. I HATE it! So I'm going to hopefully work on cleaning my corner up and then do some editing. I want to edit. I want to get my book published. Before I can go anywhere though, it has to be edited. I need to focus on that.

Anyway, dinner was simple, but it was nice that my mom made salad and rice. I used BBQ sauce on the chicken and the rice. I guess my palate must be more sensitive now or something because the BBQ sauce made my nose run and my mouth burn. I was surprised by how much. I mean it was my favorite BBQ sauce - KC Masterpiece!

After dinner, I played on Cafemom and YouTube. I had to look up videos for "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" For the Music Videos Forum and the Humor Forum. I also spent time look up some of the Stargate: Atlantis - Michael vids. Some are songs I forgot that I jused to love like "Crashed" and "I'm Still Here." Anyway, I'm also watching "Ghost Hunters International" then after that I'm going to be watching "Legend Quest."

I don't feel really well at the moment. It sucks. It's just this underlying anxiety/depression. I have to pull myself together and just get myself going. I have to get passed the "I don't feel like it" and get to the "Just do it" stage. Hopefully tomorrow will prove to be a "Just Do IT" day. But I guess we'll see tomorrow.