I HATE John. Okay, maybe I don't completely hate him, but I am pissed. He called me tonight and though I didn't raise my voice to him at all, I basically told him what I thought of him. He can't be trusted. That he was opportunistic. Just wanted to be an asshole. Not that I said that. But I told him it was his fault that Cassie was going to come back home to be with me. He would love for me to get off Welfare, but fuck him. I think next week I'll be ready to call the IRS on his ass. I didn't want to do it, but maybe I need to show him just how he's not the only one that can be an asshole.
Anyway, it's tweaked me out again. I am shaking again. I want to cut. I want to sleep. but I can't between the wanting to cut and the shaking. I don't know what I'm going to do . . . I'm going to try not to tweak out too hard emotionally, but I am really wanting that razor. I just know if I can keep myself from not doing it. In fact, I want to right now. I hate life right now. I hate it. I hate him for having done this to me, the asshole as he is.
Guess I have said all I can really say. Not sure that I have made a difference, but at least I tried to write it out.
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