Okay, I am more than ready for Diana to leave now. She is a bitch, getting in everyone's face looking for a fight . . . I can't handle her. I was so upset last night that I had a massive panic attack. It was bad enough my chest started hurting. So I took a lot of stuff to help me sleep. Well, it worked. I slept for 13 or 14 hours. Even now I feel bad I did it. It was time I missed with Cassie. Just makes me feel like a failure. It doesn't take much, does it?
Then Diana was being a bitch. Basically, Jason and Susan came over again. My mom came over us and she was talking to us about how many days it took to clean Jordan's room. Anyway, after a few minutes she goes outside. Then suddenly, the bitch Diana comes down from her lofty tower where she holds her nose in the air. Immediately she goes, "What's going on?" I said "Nothing" she then saw Jason and Susan and said "What are YOU doing here?" You know if was fine they were there last night when Jason was helping her scrawy ass haul stuff out of the backyard. "They're visiting" Duh . . . "Well, what was mom upset over?" I said nothing. She was talking to us about Jordan's room. "Then she was upset." "No, she wasn't," I said. "Well, I heard a door slam." Jason, Susan and I all looked at one another. "We didn't hear a door slam." I don't remember anything after that, except her going outside with my mom and making SURE she CLOSED the door so we couldn't hear her. Fucking bitch. Like I give a shit. I just want to cut myself. I really do. I want to cut my arms and wrists. I just want the pain to stop. Basically I just can't stand to be in this position again. I don't deserve it!! Then she comes to me after Jason and Susan leave saying "I don't mean to be nasty. But your kids . . . Cassie's black walls and Jordan's attitude . . ." I don't remember the rest of the bashing. But tell me, how does Cassie's fucking black walls of her room AT JASON AND SUSAN'S effect her sorry ass?? And how is it any of her business?? Jason got ticked when I told him. He said, "It's my house and it's none of her business." Duh! But Diana always has to put her nose in every fucking thing. But what was nice was Jason took my EBT card and checked the balance and then brought me the money. So I planned to go to Walmart. But Diana came to me and was saying "I don't mean to be nasty (or whatever word she used), but you need to take a shower. It's affecting everything." I didn't care the fact that she wanted me to take a shower, but effecting everything?? Can we be anymore dramatic?? Anyway, I asked her how it effects everyone. And of course, the smell follows me making the house smell. The fucking house, the fucking house! Then she also asked if I would take care of the cans and bottles today. I said sure and left to do that first. Once Jordan and I left, we took care of the cans and bottles and glass, we got $11.10. Before I went into Albertson's to collect it, I swung by McDonald's. I NEEDED something to drink, so I bought Jordan and I each a drink and bought him a burger because he hadn't had anything to eat. I almost didn't go to Walmart, but Jordan talked me into it. And part of me was like - yeah, lets go! I don't care if I smell. I'll go anyway. Oh, and another thing. My daughter chose NOT to stay with me for the couple of days she wanted to because of my bitch sister. She ran off my daughter! Fuck her.
Anyway, we found a good spot at Walmart and there was a cart right there. Once inside, we went to the pet section. Got some treats and a couple of toys for Karissa. I shouldn't have bothered with the laser pointer. She has no interest and I have yet to have a good test of the treat dispenser. My mother called and I asked her if she wanted me to get dinner out. Told her we were at Walmart. I also told her I got my money. Maybe I shouldn't have. I loaned $60 to Jason and Susan, but they needed it. And with everything they're done for me. But I have to somehow get flea stuff for Karissa too. Anyway, after I hung up, I went and got nose spray an acid reducer. Can't imagine WHY I have heartburn! Then I also had Jordan grab us refills at McDonald's.
From there we went upstairs. I kinda got more than I should, but I found two movies for $5 - "Blazing Saddles" and "V for Vedetta" - both widescreen. Then I also picked up the first season of "Rizzoli and Isles" which it was awesome. I also grabbed a book and a skeen of yarn for one of my blankets I'm crocheting. And I grabbed a Woman's World too. Once we left we had to decide where to go and we both settled on Taco Bell because I hadn't been there for so long. I got one of the new XXL grilled burritos. It was really good! And big!!! I also got a strawberry ice drink. Then Jordan got two 5-layer burritos and a regular bean and cheese burritos. Unfortunately, I seem to have come down with diahreah. Good thing we got back home relatively quickly. So far no accidents, which is excellent. I think it was just I haven't had Taco Bell in so long.
Being home, I finally brushed out my hair and took a shower. I also talked to Nicole for awhile. She's having some issues in her relationship, but I'm sure it'll get worked out. Then we talked about Tim and I vented about Diana. I was worried she'd hear me. I don't know if she did, but after I hung up, I saw her come in through the gate with a bag so maybe she was walking to the store. I just don't want anymore fucking drama!
Then as if that's not enough, my mom wants me to give her the full amount of money!! Welfare cut my money by $50!! I am so upset. That's triggering me too - badly. I just want to cut myself. Maybe go to the hospital. But then not . . . I'm afraid to go and leave my room unattended. I am afraid because I'm addicted to nose spray, but I really, really, really, want to cut all over my arms.
Anyway, I guess that's it. So far Diana has not gotten back into my face. So that's a good thing. Of course, the night isn't over yet. But it is late. WHY did she have to come back? Why?? She needs to go back to Dave and leave us alone! And damn am I tired. I wanted to watch Rizzoli and Isles, but I think I might end up going to sleep. We'll see. Guess that's it.
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