An Emotional Kind of Day

I'm not feeling very good. Not at all. I'm not sure exactly why, but I feel really just tired and depressed. I guess I should have equated the tiredness to depression and I doubt it's going to life until Diana is gone. It sucks. Of course, the other thing that has me down is that my mother again is trying to force me to take Cassie back. She threatened to kick me out. I won't take her away from where she's happy. I won't have Cassie hating me and fighting my mom all the time and making all of us miserable Just because she fucking wants it that way. Let her kick me out. I'll just cut my fucking wrists. At least then they'll put me in the hospital. I so feel like cutting now it's unreal. I've kind of wanted to all day and that shit with her didn't help any. But for the time being there is nothing I can do about how I'm feeling. I might just try to go to sleep early. Well, early for me, since I'm tired anyway. And tomorrow I have to wake up early. I'm going to the bay with Jason, Susan, Cassie and Lauren. I think it'll be fun, though I'm not sure I can break my fear of water I can't see into. We'll see. If we go where I think we are, I might see about swimming toward the little island. But I don't know. The thought scares me now, though I've done it before.

Anyway, I finally got that diagnostic something or other replaced on my car. And I started reading "Fallen" which turns out to be really go. I'm almost 300 pages into it. I could probably finish tomorrow. Maybe I'll ask Cassie to bring "Torment" tomorrow so I can go straight to the next book. It's a good book and I look forward to reading the other two. I wonder if this author will write even more than that. It would be cool.

Well, I spent a little time on Cafemom posting some stuff in my "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" group. Some recipes and something on fat burning diets and on fat burning food. I also posted a poll question and a couple of music videos. No humor today though. I figure what I did post was enough for now.

Okay, I called Cassie to bring "Torment" tomorrow. I have the battery in the camera. I hope I have lots of space left. I'll have to see about having someone take some photos of Cassie and I. I still have to find my swimsuit, but it's on the bed somewhere. Last thing I have to do is take my pills and I'll do more reading. I kind of want to watch "Haven" tonight, but not sure I will. Maybe it will re-air on SyFy later in the week or on the website. Well, that's it, Swimsuit, meds and reading then sleep.