And We're Back!!

Well, I was more than a little aggravated last night because I couldn't write my nightly blog. My goal is to write one every night. Guess it won't be my fault this time! LOL! I'm glad Blogger is back in working mode now. Thank god!

Yesterday I went to my classes at Heartland. They were good. WRAP is always a great group. I like working on my Wellness Recovery Action Plan. Then after that was processn group. I can't remember what I shared about exactly, but I know I got a lot of positive feedback. Oh yeah, I talked about being a little depressed after Mother's Day. I got to see Cassie, but the next day I just couldn't get out of bed. Anyway, I was reassured that I was a good parent. But what was really, really good is that we had time after everyone shared so the couselor that runs the group taught us a new tool. It's called GRAPES. Each letter stands for something. G - Gentle to Yourself. R - Relaxation. A - Accomplishments. P - Pleasure. E - Exercise. S - Social. It's a list. You can write things down that you CAN do, or I'm using it as a list I'm going to try to accomplish every day. That way each day I am doing good things for myself. I started yesterday. Today I continued. I also got a good suggestion about dealing with exercise. I do stretches and it's kind of like I should. Well, someone suggested I change it to "I WANT to do stretches." So far so good. I have done my stretches two days in a row. I'll tell you, I'm doing half of what I was doing last and boy do I feel it. It's not horrible, but there is a definite ache. I also meditated. It was awesome! I use this CD called "Spirit Dreams" and I was getting images of Indians and Painted Horses. Little Indian girls. Golden meadows. A creek. It was definitely cool to let my mind just go with the music. I also did some deep breathing during that too so I know I was pretty calm by the time I was done. Then I wrote down some personal affirmations to be gentle to myself like "I am a good person,""I am a good parent,""I am worthwhile,""I am a good friend." I just need to say it to myself and BELIEVE IT. I might need to write them down everyday though to make it sink it. Accomplishments is easy. I always manage to complete something in the day. Social is the one I have the most difficult doing. At least when it comes to calling people. But I called my best friend, Nicole. We talked for a bit and that was good. As far as pleasure goes, I pet Karissa. I had Ben & Jerry's. I worked on GRAPES which was pleasurable. I hit all the points today. I felt good about it.

I did have one thing that was not so good today. Cassie had an appointment with a psychiatrist - an intake appointment. They ended up not seeing her because Medi-Cal fucked things up! They had some secondary insurance in her file that hasn't been on there for 5-7 YEARS! And suddenly it just pops up! I even remember getting a letter from that company and giving it to welfare! So I call the HMO. They give me the number to the welfare line. They give me a number for med-cal. Then they give me yet another number where I have to get an email address and email my problem. Then I guess I have to pray they get to it. Until then, I can't get my daughter medical help, I guess! So I'm PISSED! I haven't sent an email yet. I need to get the email address. I was too upset earlier to listen clearly to the message. There should be someone there to handle this shit, but because of budget cuts there isn't anyone. So I'm fucked as far as getting help for my Cassie. Nice, huh? God, I hate the government. They can vote themselves pay raises, but they have to fuck over those that have next to nothing. So basically today I got to waste time, waste fuel AND picked up Cassie early from school for NO REASON! Ugh!

Okay, that was my rant. I was happy to see Cassie one way or another. Plus, she was excited. Her and her friends were going to a concert tonight - 933 concert. It's the first concert she's been to with just friends. I think I was 14 or 15 when I went to my first concert that wasn't at the Del Mar Fair. But Cassie is fine. She even sent me a clip from the concert. It was so cool that I could be a part of her day and her excitement.

Anyway, I guess that's about it. I am tired and I'm going to try to go to sleep. I hope I do get to sleep. But I have a bad habit of my head turning on when I want it to turn off. But I'll hope I sleep easily. I'm just thankful Blogger is back online and that whatever was wrong was fixed. Yay. Now time for bed!