I think fate plotted against me today. I have been aggravated, hurt, upset, happy, amused and back to normal. At least normal for me. You'd think that my day would be relatively good. But it started with Jason. I won't get into the disagreement, but it had turned nasty. I told him he was being selfish. I was beyond aggrivated. I was actually so emotionally overrought I wanted to cut on myself and I haven't done that for a couple of months. Or maybe it's been a little longer. Either way, I don't want to go back to that, but I was honestly very close.
Anyway, his way of apologizing was to say that he had been joking with me and that I had taken it the wrong way. Right . . . I didn't mistake anything, but it's not worth fighting over. I just wanted it over. Period. So I thought things were fine. I also found out that Cassie was coming home to spend the night tonight, which was awesome, but then Jason started in again only this time about Cassie! Out of the blue he says she's coming home! Don't get me wrong, I would take my daughter home in a heartbeat if she wanted back. The only reason I let her stay there is they really can do more for her, though I'm starting to get concerned about her emotional well being. I mean, is it worse than here with my mother, you know? So even though I didn't get upset Cassie was really upset. Susan said to ignore him, but Cassie wouldn't. I finally told him he was basically being a jerk. I was nicer than that, but basically that he was again being selfish. He texted me back and said that he's not allowed to feel angry or sad. I texted back telling him that maybe if he didn't take his feelings out on everyone around him things would be different. I got one more text about fine he was saying good-bye for good. Whatever. At that point I did ignore him and no longer than 20 minutes he was texting us how sorry he was. Sometimes I juxst want to take a 2x4 and smack him in the head with it HARD!! I mean, all the problems with today were honestly HIS FAULT! This is why I can't stand men in my life. I will NEVER be in another relationship again, I think. Too much drama. Jason has almost getting to be too much for me. I love him, but I want to kill him too.
The great thing about tonight is Cassie being here. It's so good to see her and hold her and laugh with her. In fact, her, Jordan and I had the best time watching this guy's videos. He has this one called "Nom nom nom babies" and from there we watched all his picture songs. They were hysterical. There were a couple of things I didn't like or care for, but most of it was funny.
Cassie hadn't eaten dinner before she came home so I headed out with her to McDonald's to get her a couple of double cheeseburgers and sodas for the kids and I. I also got myself an ice cream cone. Yum! Unfortunately, when we got home, I found out Jordan had burnt his hand. There's something wrong with the microwave so he had to reheat his dinner in the oven. Well, he got it out of the oven okay, but I guess he set it down and moved something on the stove to make room and then when he went back to move the pan, he forgot the mit . . . BURN! I feel so bad for him. He was in so much pain. I had him put ice on it. Thought about taking him to the ER, but he would have been sitting there for hours and they just would have given him an ice pack too. We'll see how it is in the morning.
I have had so many moodswings today that I don't think I've recovered from them all. I kinda feel okay and yet, I feel this anxiety under the surface. It's like feeling sick to your stomach without having a stomach ache. I'm also tired, but we'll see how well I sleep tonight after this crappy day. But I love having Cassie here, asleep in her own bed . . . Tomorrow Susan's bringing their cats over to stay for the night since they're getting their apartment sprayed. After that, they'll be working on Cassie's room. Providing more crap doesn't happen.
Anyway, I'm going to try to get some sleep. Hopefully I will. One way or another I am glad this day is done and I just hope tomorrow is a good one.
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