Bittersweet Day

Well, I slept pretty good once I got to sleep, but getting to sleep was again a problem. In fact, I think I ended up taking three ativan last night instead of just two. I need to stop taking them every day, but I think psychologically I'm addicted - that I can't sleep without them. I mean, that's not always the case, but more times than not. I have to say I am glad to be home and on MY computer. It was so difficult to type on their keyboard and then something funny happened that I just didn't think I was up to writing about last night. When I first got on their computer, I actually looked at the keyboard trying to find a scrolling pad! For a moment, I forgot that regular desk top computers have mouses. LOL! I would say mice, but it sounds weird to me when dealing with electronics like that.

Anyway, I got a good laugh at myself with that one. I told Jordan about it and he laughed too! It's a funny memory. Maybe I'll share it with Jason and Susan. :-)

Well, Cassie asked for the EBT card so her and Katie Kelly could go the market at the corner and get eggs. I was finally asleep so I let her take it and told her to keep it as cheap as possible. $2 wasn't bad. They had eggs, but I was so tired that I just kept sleeping. I remember Cassie waking me at one point telling me I was snoring. I must have been snoring LOUD! I didn't get up until about 1:00pm. I could have slept longer.

Cassie worked on her 13 paragraph and finished it. She then started reading this book Katie Kelly gave her to read called "The Heretic Queen." The title is good and the front of the book looks intriguing. Maybe I'll read it at some point! The girls spent a lot of time reading. I just chilled out on the bed. I tried to do some writing, but I didn't get farther than a handful of lines. I just haven't been able to concentrate. It doesn't help that I'm exhausted still. That bed was really comfy. But my body doesn't allow me to get any really good sleep anymore I don't think. Maybe if I lost weight it would be different. Guess we'll find out since tomorrow is my appointment with the gastroenterologist. I know I got the word right, though I'm not sure I spelled it right! LOL! He's probably going to want to start me on a diet, but I don't want to start anything until the holidays are over. I hope he respects that. I'm REALLY nervous about this appointment. I don't remember the last time I was this afraid of going to a doctor's appointment. Like NEVER! I'm not usually afraid of doctors. Maybe it's because this was a step I have wanted to take yet scared to take. I'll pull it together in the morning, even though I know I'm going to have a panic attack the whole time. LOL!

When Katie Kelly left Cassie seemed to get a little depressed. She said she was not feeling good. I asked her if it was mental or physical or both and she said both. Broke my heart. She didn't know why she was feeling that way, she just was. I hugged her and then she went to take a bath. After her bath she seemed to feel better. That made me happy. Then I was going to leave, but Cassie wanted me to stay while she cooked dinner. I didn't want to eat. After the lunch she gave me that had Miracle Whip on it, I lost my appetite. It was way too sweet! I like sweet but not in mayo! I barely like mayo as it is! So I didn't want dinner. I wasn't hungry either. But she made herself Tuna Mac N Cheese. It smelled pretty good, but I just wasn't hungry. Then I was going to leave after dinner, but stayed until she got done with the dishes. Finally I decided I'd better go because Jason and Susan were on their way back from Disneyland and I didn't want to be there when they got back. Partly because of the fact I was parked in their spot, but I think it's because of the previous "Bad" instances of them coming back when I've been there. I guess I just don't want to be around when they come back after being gone for any amount of days. But I hugged and kissed Cassie several times and she helped me get outside with my bags. I found my crochet hook!! In the car, of course.

On the way home, I decide I should eat something and I wanted a Diet Dr. Pepper so I went to McDonald's. I got my drink, a McDouble and a $1 parfait. It was all good! I ate the parfait once I got home.

Being back home was nice. Jordan helped me get my stuff into the house. It was good to hug him. I have missed him even just for a day! Then Karissa was happy to see me, but I'm a little irritated that no one played with her or let her outside the whole time I was gone! My poor little kitty. :-( But she seems very happy to have me home. She's sleeping right next to me at the moment.

Anyway, I am chilling out. I have been chilling out watching TV. I have watched a Ghost Stories "Food Network Challenge," the finale of "Halloween Wars" where the Bling Bats won! Now I'm watching "Iron Chef America" Challenge Halloween Candy! It looks great so far. But I think once it's over I'm going to go to sleep or at least try. I also need to remember to tell Jordan to call Cy. He needs to get his rear in gear and that's the first step.

Tomorrow will be a good day. I just know it.