After being so depressed I finally had a good night. Today was kind of dull. Then I got invited over to Jason and Susan's for dinner. At first I wasn't sure I could go. I have two doctor appointments tomorrow - medical and psychological. When you don't have money fuel is always an issue. Anyway, i talked to my mother about getting some fuel money from her. I don't like to ask her, but I usually have to once a month. I had to listen to her for about 30 minutes, but she gave me $20 which was nice. Then she wanted me to run to the store and get eggs and vanilla ice cream. Then she gave me $4 to get burgers for her and Jordan for dinner. So quickly I went to Albertson's. I usually get my eggs at Vons, but Albertson's is closer. They moved the eggs so I had trouble finding them. Grabbed the ice cream no problem. I grabbed a water too. Nothing is better than cold water! After I was done with that, I went to Wendy's and got the burgers. I used some change and got myself a burger too. All I'd had was coffee until that point today. Once I did that, I headed home, called to have Jordan come out and grabbed the stuff and I took off to Jason and Susan's.
Being over at Jason and Susan's is always nice. When I got there it was just Jason. Susan was taking Cassie to see her friend (and her boyfriend). I talked a bit to Jason telling him about the depression and he's worried I feel like they are taking her away from me which I don't feel at all. I told him I just felt like a failure as a mother. He assured me that I wasn't. That I was a very good mother because I wanted to do what was right for my daughter. And I do know what I'm doing is right. When Susan got back Jason told her what I said and she assured me too. Guess I just need constant reassurance as sad as that is to say. Then Susan started dinner. picked up Cassie and came back. As soon as Cassie was in the door she came and hugged me leaning against me. She'd missed me. :-) I was glad she was happy to see me. She leaned against me for awhile as we chatted. Then it was time for dinner - spaghetti and raviolies. We watched a little TV though talked most of the time. I got to hold and watch and talk to my little girl. Jason eventually got grumpy, but he's a morning person now and it was getting late and Cassie was getting sassy. LOL! But as 9:30pm rolled around I figured it was time to go and let Cassie get ready for bed. She walked me to the car (to look for something in the car she might want) and then we hugged each other lots of times before she went back inside and I came home.
At least I can say I'm happy at the moment and I'm tired so maybe I'll sleep early and wake up relatively early tomorrow. I just hope this good feeling lasts into tomorrow. But if nothing else I've had a bright spot in a dark time.
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