Day 60 - Think This Will Be Short . . . Not?

I got up and let Cassie stay home again. She was really upset last night. I went back to sleep for a little bit, but I did get up and get ready for the gym. Water Aerobics wasn't so fun today, but I was having an anxiety attack through most of it. I did put on lotion after the shower and some of my cream, but I still got itchy. I think I'm just going to have to deal with it. 

When I got home I ended up taking a nap. Of course, Jason and Cassie were still at odds or rather Cassie was at odds with everyone. I needed that nap badly. Then I woke up. Talked to Sandra at SSI briefly. I have an appointment for next Friday and I need proof of income for the last year and a half or so. I'll have to call welfare either tomorrow or Monday. The sooner I get what I need, the better. 

I then also took my mom to get her nails done. I came back home and Cassie was talking about going to her father's. I told her she wasn't going until after the school year was over. She was angry at me for it, but oh well. Eventually, things worked out with Jason and she went over there and I think things are back to normal. I just feel that Cassie is still grieving and now she's worried about losing Grandpa Roger too. Maybe she'll go up for the summer.

Anyway, I picked up my mom from getting her nails done, though I stopped for a diet Dr. Pepper at McDonald's first. Once we got home, I was on the computer. I played on Cafemom. I posted in my groups - not all of them! But I did some posting in "I'm Not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" I got a new member. Members seem to like the recipes! That's cool. I just wish I could get other people to participate. I closed the Q & A forum and will just ask questions in the general forum and see if I can't get more people to participate. It might work . . . Then I posted some love songs onto my "Holiday Dreaming" though I should do more there. Maybe tomorrow I'll focus on it. Once Valentine's Day is over, It's on to St. Patty's day. More forums! Then in the new group I joined I read the spoilers for "The River." It was suggested I look for it on Hulu.com and sure enough it was there!! So I watched it. It was pretty good. I like the characters and the story was interesting. I'm going to try to catch it every week on Hulu if nothing else.

Well, dinner was good. I actually got full, but then I got a call from Jason saying the blockbuster near me was going out of business and to check it out. I decided I would so I told my mom I was going to go out to get dressing - which the store ended up not having at the moment - but I thought there were a lot of movies that were realaly cheap, but they weren't as cheap as I hoped. They were $10 apiece so I didn't get a couple I wanted. I did get "Transformers- Dark of the Moon." At least I have all three movies now. I was bad though. I had a huge rice crispy treat - 300 calories! But that's the last thing I'm going to weat today except for maybe some cuties or something. But I think I'm doing okay. Especially if I get back on track with the water aerobics.

Guess that's it for now. I need to use some cream on my rashes and change into my PJs. Time for bed!

 

Day 59 - Still Depressed But Starting To Get Back On Track

I am still very depressed about losing Linda. She was always so supportive. I would have liked her to be around for my surgery and to help me celebrate my successes. But oh well. There's nothing that can be done about it. I just have to realize that she'll be there in spirit. I did cry a little bit last night and talked with her. Though I doubt she's listening to me. She needs to be with Roger and John. But I miss her too.

Anyway, I slept until 12:30pm. I was worried I had missed the gardener because my mom had a doctor's appointment. I didn't which was nice. In fact, I was able to pick up Jason from the trolley so that he could come over and hang out for a bit. They let him go early from work so he said. I have this feeling he just took the time off, but I could be wrong. It's just this sense I have. But you know, it's not my problem. He's the one that missed out on the money.

When my mom got back and the gardener was there doing a good job, she decided that she wanted to go out for something to eat. We went to Denny's which was awesome. I got a build your own slam again. This time I got two eggs scrambled with onions, the chicken sausage patty, wheat pancakes and oatmeal. OMG! I was expecting a little bowl of oatmeal. Turned out the bowl was HUGE!! Needless to say, I didn't eat everything. I left half the oatmeal at least and I didn't finish the pancakes. So I took them home. I'm starting to get a little hungry again so I might be finishing those pancakes. Anyway, it was good.

When I got back I got on the computer for a bit. I got ready to go to the gym tonight. Then Cassie came home. Jason and Cassie were butting heads again and he sent her home, though I think she wanted to come home. I got a text from Jason saying he was going to send her home permanently. I ignored it and went to the gym with Susan and to water aerobics. The class was good, though I still went to the spa. I can't help it. I need to warm up. Then I took a shower and put lotion on. Susan helped me with my back and the back of my thighs. So far I'm not so itchy now. Maybe that's what I need to do.

But I'm going back tomorrow morning. I need to get back into the swing of things with the water aerobics. I need to lose weight. Only 17 more pounds to go before surgery. 

I also had to pick up my medication so Jordan and I went out. I also had to go to the store to pick up some brown sugar. I also grabbed tortillas for Jordan and caramel mousse tempations for me along with a life water for a dollar. I didn't get much, but I got my balance and I think Susan took more of my food money they she should have and isn't going to tell me about it. I'm not going to say anything, but next time I'm going to keep track of my balance so I know how much she uses. I mean I'm down to just over $100. That's just not right. THEN as if that wasn't bad enough Jason was upset about Cassie threatening to take everything away from her over her not apologiing to him. I understand, but he upset her big time and when she's upset there is no reasoning with her. But all she had to do was say "I'm sorry" without attitude!! Ugh!! What a pain in the ass. I was having a panic attack over it. Susan was crying. These guys don't understand what this crap does to us! UGH!!!

Anyway, I guess Jason finally settled down, but Cassie never did apologize to him. That sucked. I don't know what's going to happen now. All I know is I gave Cassie some ativan. I probably shouldn't do that, but she was so upset. She relaxed considerably and I'm hoping she got to sleep. Morning is going to suck. I have to get her up and get ready for school. She has to go tomorrow. It's been three days so that's enough. Time to go back to school. 

Okay, that's it for now. I need to get to sleep myself. I watched "Ghost Hunters" for the most part. Then I watched the new "Face/Off" which was really good. They had deadly animals and plants and had to incorporate them into something. Becky is a bitch though. I can't stand her. If she wins "Face/Off" I think I'll throw up. Now that's enough. Time for me to get to sleep - after the pancakes. I am exhausted and tomorrow is another day.