Back to Being Ms. Mopey

Well, outside of being very tired, I was having a good day until I hear from Jason. He got all out of whack because Greg said he'd buy Cassie a new snake. You know, I don't know why he reads so much crap into it. He gets so fucking immature and jealous that it drives me nuts.

So then Cassie texts me that Jason is being an asshole. I asked if it was about Greg. She said yes. I told her to ignore him and that Greg would probably not come through with the snake for her anyway (which he hasn't produced the guitar he's been promising her over a year so . . ) Anyway, he got mad. She told me she hated me and that all the adults were just negative basically. I figured there was nothing more to say and I was actually upset that she'd write that she hated me. So I just said "Okay. Sorry. Nite." she then wrote me back "I love you. Goodnight." It really didn't make me feel better though. So I'm kind of mopey now. Tired and mopey.

Last night I couldn't sleep so I didn't fall asleep until about 7:00am and I took about 4 mg of ativan. That's a lot of ativan, but I just couldn't seem to sleep. My legs were restless and that kept me awake. The only thing I could think to do was medicate. It sucked. Anyway, then I was too tired and slept and slept. My mom woke me up around noon and I fell back to sleep for another 3 hours. Even then I didn't want to wake up. But I did and my mother and I went to the store. There were sales. So she gave me the stuff to get that was marked on the flier she had while she took her list. It didn't take me that long. So I grabbed a "Woman's World" magazine and a water and sat down to wait for her to appear. I drank almost the whole bottle of water. That's how thirsty I was. She complained about that a little,  but not too much. She bought quite a few things too.

Coming home, I finally got online and I got to write with Patty B stopping only long enough to eat french bread pizza, and I got to chat with Shaunn. He and I had more sexual talking. The man is HOT and he gets me hot!! LOL! Anyway, I've been very, very tired and right now I am too. I think I just need to grab something else to eat and then I need to try to sleep. We'll see if I sleep before I am done watching my shows. I watched a special "Hop" cake challenge on "Food Network Challenge." Then I watched the fourth episode of "Chopped All Stars" and this one was with previous judges! Now "Iron Chef America" is on. But it's a repeat I think. After that is "Cupcake Wars" but I don't think I'm going to be awake for it.

I guess as things stand now I am tired and mopey and definitely in need of sleep. I just hope tomorrow I'm over what Cassie texted and that I don't feel tired like I did today. Those are my goals. Guess they're good ones.

It's Good to Feel Good!

Woke up today feeling pretty good. I got my coffee and got online. I chatted with Patty B and we started writing on our story again. It's coming along nicely and I've really enjoyed writing it. But then I got a call from Jason. They had gone to the store. They were taking Cassie and Katie out of town for Nascar and they were taking Cassie's snake Silky, well, they put Silky's container in a place in the car that wasn't very good for him and he died. Cassie was devistated. But when Jason called to tell me, I didn't believe him. Susan didn't at first when he'd called her in the store. They came over to bury him in the front yard. I cried myself because I loved the little guy too. That and there's just something about baby animals dying that really, really gets to me. It's almost as if somewhere I'm blaming myself even though I had nothing to do with it. I know it doesn't make sense, but a lot of times my feelings don't make sense. I was kind of depressed for quite awhile after that. Poor Cassie wasn't crying when she got to the house, but her eyes were so red. They'll eventually get her another snake, but only when she's ready and they need to do a little more research I think. Or at least not put the container in a position for it to become an oven. And to be honest, it wasn't Cassie's idea to put him where they did. It just sucks. I know how much she's hurting.

After I said goodbye and they left my mom and I had ribs. George had brought them over and the boys had already eaten what they wanted so my mom and I got the rest. They were so tender and yummy! It was a nice treat.

I wrote with Patty B until 8:00pm and I was also talking to my friend Shaunn and boy did our conversation get HOT!! But earlier he actually read my "The Black Cat" and thought it was pretty good, so maybe it's not as boring as I thought. But he shared with me soom of his writing which is very sexually graphic and well . . . our converation got more personal. He shared that some of what he wrote was based off real incidents and just what he wants. I asked him to write something for me about him and I and oh, he did NOT disappoint! LOL! It was hot and I could just feel it as I read it. I can't remember the last time I had a conversation or even read anything like that. We talked about what it would be like to meet in person. I think one of these days it'll happen. And he thinks I'm beautiful at my weight. Or rather my weight isn't even an issue! That's always nice too.

I also wrote to My Aussie, but it's the weekend so I probably won't hear from him until sometime tomorrow which is his Monday. But I'm going to try to make it part of my routine to write to him. I think it's good for me to stay in touch with him because when he does write me back I am happy all day and into the next day. I guess it's just that much of a thing for him. Plus, he's a good friend. He cares and that's what matters.

Anyway, I finally had to say goodnight to Shaunn. I'm getting a bit tired. I needed to write my entry and I want to read through my story. I already fixed a bunch of errors in the prologue. Who knows, maybe I won't and leave it for tomorrow, but I guess I needed a cool down too! LOL!

Needless to say most of today was very good. I am still sad about Silky and probably will be for awhile. But at least I have so many other good things going on. Writing again with Patty B and getting back in touch with my online male friends has made a big difference too. Plus Aunt Flo is GONE for now. Next month I start extra Paxil a week before my period and during my period. It had better work! LOL!

Tomorrow is going to be more of the same I think. A lot of writing and just enjoying the day.  It's good to feel good!

Ticket Buying Fun!

Today is the beginning of my more early rising. In fact, I'm going to set the alarm and be up by 9:00am. I had to get up early for the Ticket Buy. I got Jordan to take a shower last night and this morning I got dressed, grabbed coffee and Jordan and got going. It had been so long since I'd gone on a ticket buy! But it was fun. We met up with Susan, Cassie, Paige and Alicia which was perfect. Cassie had brought her snake though it was really too cold for him. He spent time curled up in people's sleeves and stuff. LOL! He's a beautiful snake and so little!! He's so cute!! I hated sitting in the cold and it took forever for them to give out number wristbands. Usually they do it early, then everyone breaks up and then comes back to hear what number is first and then line up. But not this time. Then they had someone new also who had everyone line up when you don't line up without wristbands! That eventually was corrected. I felt sorry for Cassie and Paige. They got farther back in the line. But we all bought tickets and we all got money. I got $25 for just a few hours. It's not too bad and it was extra money I needed. I ended taking Paige home while Susan took Alicia back home - along with Jordan and Cassie. I was glad to get home though. I had another huge iced coffee, but it didn't perk me up at all! LOL!

When Jordan came home, he had my money for me. He'd already spent his money on a game for his Xbox 360. He says he still has money left so, that's good. I was too tired to go out for any reason. In fact, I thought I'd take a nap, but instead I ended up reading the rest of "The Chronicles of Riddick." I finally will start a new book either tonight or tomorrow - "The Bone Garden" by Tess Gerritsen.

Anyway, I thought I'd be too tired to write today, but instead I managed almost another full page. It's really coming along nicely! I'm not sure how interesting the book is yet, but we'll see. I still have to write that prologue! It's just nice to be writing and enjoying it, having that sense that the story will continue to bloom as I write. It helps that one of the characters is a cat and since I love cats it's easy for me to write them. Plus, my kitty Karissa has been by my side all day - at least since I've been back. Her presence calms me and makes me smile. I don't feel alone when she's with me.

Well, not sure whatelse I'm going to do. I have no shows tonight and I'm really, really tired. I'm about ready to take my night meds and just go to sleep. Who cares if it's just 7:40pm. It will make tomorrow morning easier too. I can say that today has been a good day! I don't feel the under-current at the moment, which is AWESOME! Don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I'm going to think positive. Either way, I'm thinking tomorrow I get a woman's world and maybe a Dr. Pepper from McDonald's. LOL! But that's for tomorrow. Tonight it's time for sleep. And it's a good, well-deserved sleep tonight I think. Good, huh? Maybe I'll write a couple of notes before I go to sleep, but either way, it's nite nite.

Goodnight!!

See's Candy, A Snake and Writing . . .

I'm tired yet again. Ugh! And again I have slept all day. Tomorrow morning I'm waking up early. I have a ticket buy. I can use the money and maybe it will be the start of me getting up a little earlier. The thing is I didn't want to get up and that's the thing I have to keep fighting. That need to just want to stay in bed. I suppose it's still part of the depression manifesting itself. I have been okay, but I still am feeling it. The damn depression is just under the surface and that makes me tired too.

Things haven't been bad today at all. I finally got up and got dressed. I had to eat so I finally tried my cranberry apple butter on Hawaiian bread. OMG! That was really yummy. Then I just had a couple of yogurts and a banana. From there I took my mom up to Grossmont Center because my mom wanted to go to See's candy and pick up a couple of boxes. I know she's sending them to Diana. Wish I had a box! I love See's candy. She did bring me a couple of sample pieces they were handing out. Yum! So at least I got a taste. It's better than nothing. After that, my mom wanted to go to the 99cent store. I went in long enough to get something to drink and a penguin calendar. Then I just went back to the car and read some more of "The Chronicles of Riddick" which I've gotten through about 240 pages, give or take.

We'd had to wake up Jordan before we left in the gardener finally came, though I have to say I didn't think he was going to show. I did have a fleeting thought as we were leave that he would show up because I was so sure he wasn't. LOL! So when Jordan called and told me the Gardener was there I kinda laughed. Personally I didn't think the guy was ever showing up again! He still didn't do everything my mom wanted him to. He better get his act together next month or my mom might get upset enough to fire him.

Anyway, dinner was good; a salad with tuna and two quesadillas. I also did some writing on my new story. So far so good. I need to come up with the next thing though. But I have faith it will come to me. After all, the premise came to me easy enough. I'm still working on developing the characters. I have Mathias the cat down pretty well. Now I have to work on the human part. The woman Laura is easy. She's one of the many versions of me. I can identify with her. I guess I'll think on the next section for awhile and I know something will come to me. I think I like this story idea better than the other one I had and that one is great too! I guess I've just been blessed with creativity lately. For awhile, I thought it was gone and now it's come back full force. I need to pick a date to do the edits on my first book. I think if I don't I will keep putting it off. Of course, now I'm going to put that off until tomorrow. LOL! But I have to get back to that. I want to stop being afraid. I know it's a good story. It will be even better when I do the edits. Time to work on my confidence. 

Well, there isn't much else going on tonight. I might try to write a little more though it's more likely that I'm going to finish watching "Ocean's Thirteen" and maybe "Merlin." I have to stay awake long enough to have Jordan take a shower since he'll be coming to the ticket buy with me. And his girlfriend wants to see him! 

Of course, on a sad note, Cassie's boyfriend broke up with her today. It sucked. She's doing okay. She was upset at first, but she's okay with it now. It just sucks that it had to happen right before Valentine's Day. Then again, she also got her corn snake today! It's black and gray. She's in love with it. :-) I knew she would be. She loves snakes. I'm sure having that distraction helped her a lot.

Anyway, it's been an eventful day. All's well at the moment. Now I'm going to go eat a Reese's Big Cup and take my medication. Oh and set my alarm! :-P So that's it for now.