Got a Lot Done!

Damn I'm tired! I don't feel that great at the moment, but at least I had a pretty good day. I woke up groggy at 11:30am. I really wanted to keep sleeping, but that wasn't to be if I was going to get the car into Claudio to see what was wrong with it. I got up, got dressed, got coffee and when Susan arrived I left with her following me.

The first stop was to the bank to see if my money had come in yet and it did so I pulled it out. Of course, for some reason it gave me a different balance the first time!! Ugh! But eventually I got the right amount. From there she followed me to Claudio's. From there she went to go pick up Jason. I waited for Claudio to check the car and fix it. It turned out to be the 3 cylinder misfiring. He talked about the fact that he will eventually need to replace the manifold, but I don't think that's going to happen. If the car gets to that point I'll have to go without a car again, I guess, because that would be over $1000 to fix.

Anyway, while he waited for the part and then fixed it I decided to do some reading and I read about 42 pages of "Cowboys and Aliens." So far the book is better than the movie. Not that I don't want the movie. After that I went to Walmart at Grossmont. My mom wanted eggs and I figured I'd pick up what I needed to pick up while I was there - tampons, nose spray, woman's world . . . LOL! I also got a Diet Dr. Pepper from the McDonald's. After that I went to the vet and got Karissa her flea medication. From there, I went home to pick up Jordan after I had him take stuff inside. 

After that, we went to CVS where Jordan not only picked up my medication but one of my mom's medications too. Then I took him to GameStop to pay off his "Skyrim" so that way all he has to do is pick him up on the 11th. From there we finally went to Cici's pizza and OMG it was good! I'm STILL full! LOL! So that's one buffet restaurant off my list and I did eat my fill. 

Trying to get to the gas station near home it took us FOREVER! Next time I'm taking El Cajon Blvd. rather than College. There was so much freakin' traffic from the parking lots of the University. But eventually we got to the gas station. We had to stop at Taco Bell though to go to the bathroom. Jordan and I just couldn't hold it anymore. LOL! Then after we got the fuel we went up to Barnes & Noble. I didn't really want to go to the one at Grossmont, but it wasn't that bad. And it was closer than the one in Santee. I found a decent spot and went in. Not only did I find the book Cassie wanted, I found out that it was actually the second book of a series so instead I got her "Beautiful Creatures." I told her if she likes it I'll get her "Beautiful Darkness" for Christmas. I'm sure I'll hear all about it. :-D If it's good I might read it! Of course, I still need to finish "Passion." I also bought myself a book - Tess Gerritsen's "The Mephisto Club." Of course, I have to finish the two books I have going at the moment. I don't really like having two books going at the same time, but it just kind of happened.

Anyway, FINALLY we came home and I put on "Burn Notice" because the mid-season premiere was tonight at 10:00pm. So far it's pretty good. But when I got home, I put the flea medication on Karissa. She wasn't too happy with me. But then after a bit I made the mistake and kissed her close where I'd put the stuff. Now my lips tingle and have tingled for a couple of hours now. It might just be me being paranoid. After all, I think I'd be sick by now if just that much could poison me. 

Then Cassie came home while Jordan was showing me a demo of "Skyrim" which actually looks pretty cool. I may have to watch him play a little bit. :-) But I couldn't resist giving Cassie her bday present now. I guess I rationalized it because Jordan is getting his bday present on the 11th and not his bday on the 19th. It all works out. That's all that matters and that means that both the kids will be happy this month and that's what really matters to me.

Anyway, it's been a pretty good day. Definitely a busy day. I'm pretty much broke now which kind of sucks, but at least I got the stuff done that I wanted to get done. Don't know what I'm doing tomorrow, but I think it'll be a good day. Maybe I'll spend the day reading. Finish one of the books I have . . . well, maybe. And maybe do some writing. :-) Sounds like a good day to me. 

Life and Other Exhaustive Things

You know I really hate being exhausted all the time. It's getting old and it's giving me depression. On the other hand, I am still managing to do stuff. I woke up this morning - Cassie was already awake - grabbed coffee, took Cassie to school, came back, chilled out for a bit and then I went to the store. I knew I wanted to get something sweet and cakey like I always do - but shouldn't have! LOL! I ended up with water, Cottage cheese with strawberry and two boxes of dounuts. I also had to get stamps for my mom. Then after that, I went to get a money order so I could mail off my car insurance only to be told they couldn't do it until 10:00am. It was frustrating. But I just went out to the car, ate the cottage cheese with strawberry and wrote in my schedule book. One or two and time was done.

When I went back into Albertson's to get the money order, they had trouble getting the machine working. LOL! It's one of those days. I said the wrong amount of money the first time, but we got it right eventually. I was never so happy as when I got the money order filled out, in the envelope and mailed!! Going home, I tried to stay up for a bit, but I was getting so tired. By 11:00am I start crashing. Maybe I'll have to try more coffee around that time and see if that helps, because usually I lay down and try to take a nap. Today I actually did sleep for a bit. It was hard to wake up a bit, but I did and went to go get Cassie. Rather than work on the schedule I did some reading instead. I got a chapter or so farther into "Cowboys & Aliens."

When Cassie got out of school we went home and started working on her homework. I couldn't really help her with her math. I have forgotten how to do fractions. Then there was a history paper she needed to finish. She did that. Then there was another history paper that said right on it to do in class and she was adamant that he sent it home for homework! Guess she'll find out tomorrow. But she took what she couldn't do to Jason and Susan's and for the most part did the rest of her homework there. Susan came and picked her up early - 3:30pm, but that was fine with me. It gave me time to run off my manuscript - not the formatted one, but I just need the story for the synopsis. I haven't really worked on it. I wrote a couple of things down, but not sure I'm going to use any of it. Tomorrow I'll started working on it in the morning. I just get so tired in the evenings now, even though I still don't go to sleep early. It SUCKS! I toss and turn for hours!! Ugh!

Not only did I run off the book, I watched a few episodes of "Fact or Faked" and then I also headed out to therapy. I spent time talking about Cassie and the schedule and how she seems to be thriving despite not being as happy about circumstances as I am. I talked about being tired, depressed yet still getting things done. And I talked about my writing. I need to maybe look over a couple of things again for the synopsis, but tomorrow I really need to get to it. I really want to move forward with my writing. If I could just get one person to read it and like it I would be happy! I just want to see my writing in print that people can buy. I want to be able to say "I DID IT!" Of course, getting a little money would be nice too. 

Anyway, I came home, ate dinner and went to my room, getting on the computer, but I am so tired!! So instead I just kind of farted around with different websites and different searches. I do still think of Denise and I know it's kind of cruel, though part of me really would just want to share this, not to rub her nose in it, that I got published. I would post it somewhere real obvious or literally send it to her. She would take it bad though. But I still think about her and there are times I still miss her. But you know, things are the way they are. And I'm looking forward, not backward.

Okay, well, I'm going to take my meds, watch the rest of "Ghost Hunters" and then TRY to go to sleep. Tomorrow will be a fresh day!

I Can't Escape Being TIRED!

I've been tired all freaken day! I hate it! I just haven't been sleeping well at all. My nose has been giving me nothing but trouble which makes it worse. I want to wake up early - which I will be doing tomorrow morning. But I don't want to feel like I'm dragging.

Anyway, I slept until around 1:00pm. I knew I needed to get up so I did. I got online and checked my Cafemom groups, but nothing was really done today. Guess everyone's busy on Mondays or this Monday. I was so into what I was doing though that I almost forgot what time it was. My mom had to remind me to get Cassie because it was almost 2:00pm. But I was able to get my regular spot, which is cool. I guess people don't like to park out in the sun if they can avoid it where I will if I have to. I took my book "Cowboys and Indians" and read until she got out of school and got to the car. After that, Cassie and I went to Albertson's to get something to drink. I got water and Cassie got a Squirt. Her stomach was upset more of today though and I think Sprite would have been better, but I guess it worked.

When we got home, I helped Cassie with an essay she wrote. It had to be typed up and I typed it up for her. I suppose I should have let her do it, but I figured she did the hard part - writing it. There was something else she had for homework, but she didn't have her colored pencils so she had to do it at Jason and Susan's. Susan picked her up and took her. This schedule really is cool and even Jason likes it. Of course he'd still like her to live over there, but I think this is cool! We all get to spend time with her this way.

Anyway, my mom made dinner - hot dogs and baked beans. It was good. Then I did some searching/stalking on Denise. LOL! I found a couple more places she's gone. I just think it's funny because it's not like I'm going to contact her. But I get to keep track of her. I guess part of me still cares about her. But oh well. Things are the way they are. Maybe things will change if and when I get published. I'll make it a point to let her know about it. Well, maybe . . . I'm not a cruel person by nature so maybe not. Of course, I want to be published and I want what I get published to be very good! I just have to stay strong and not stop doing what I need to do. That means tomorrow no matter how I feel I need to get my ass moving on editing my book! If I don't finish it then there will be no going forward. I have to have a product to be able to sell. But the big pay off would just see my book in print! God that would be so awesome! Not that it wouldn't be nice to be able to make a living at it.

Well, Jordan and I ended up going to Albertson's to get drinks. I got an Arizona Green Tea this time and Jordan got a Sobe Raspberry Lemonade. Of course, we also got brownie bites and 2 boxes of vanilla Zingers. It was 2 for $4, which is a good deal. We ate the Brownie Bites together, but I gave Jordan one of the boxes. Probably shouldn't have, but did anyway. He just better keep that room of his clean! I don't want to see any wrappers on his floor or under his bed. Personally, I'm too full to eat any of mine tonight - for now anyway.

Cassie came home and she was nice and showered. She wants me to get her up tomorrow at 6:30am so she can do her make-up. :-) She also got skinny jeans from Hot Topic and she wants to start working there when she turns 14 years old. We'll see if they're hiring since they do hire people that young. And she LOVES Hot Topic. She also got a pin that says "I'm not Antisocial! I just hate you!" LOL! Funny little thing, she is!

Anyway, that's really been my day. Now I'm going to take my meds, finish watching the summer finale of "The Closer" and of "Rizzoli & Isles." Tomorrow I have got to force myself to edit. It has to get done! So I guess that's it. 

Needed Retail Therapy

I'm so emotional right now. I feel like it's bad PMS or something, but I don't think that's it. Maybe it's because I took too much ativan last night and the fact that Cassie's coming home soon. That I don't know when Jason's going to go off on me again. I honestly don't think it's an if. I think it's a when. And it kills me because we're family. Then I also know my mom is going to flip out every time she goes over there. And I'm stuck in the middle. I am depressed and all I want to do is cry. I'm also tired. I slept late, but my mom woke me up and I was still very tired - too much ativan. Maybe it's worse because I'm still tired. All I know is that this sucks. I feel like there is a shit storm coming and I'm going to be in the fucking middle of it. I'm afraid of it literally destroying me. Plus, I just think of how I am failure as a parent. The kinds of things that have been said to me over the years by family mostly, but recently with Jason. He always says he's sorry, but I just don't know whether to believe the apologies. I'm more in the camp that the more pissed off you are, the more likely you are to tell the truth. Not that I would say that aloud. But I think it's the truth for most of us. Anyway, I just feel crushed at the moment. And I want a new start with Cassie. I want to try to be a good mom and I'm not sure she'll give me a chance. I feel like I've lost her when I haven't. I know I haven't, but it's just how I'm feeling. And here comes the tears. I never wanted Cassie in this position. I had not planned on Taking Cassie back from them for her sake. I just feel like because I'm worried about a place to live and keeping my medical that I'm a bad person. That I don't care about Cassie. Jason has said that to me numerous times so far. I just don't think I can handle hearing it again. 

Anyway, my mom woke me up because she had some bills she had to send off to pay. So I forced myself to perk up. I got dressed, got my coffee and then her and I went to the Post Office. After that she wanted to do some shopping at Albertson's. I stayed in the car reading "The Sheik and the Christmas Bride." Then she wanted to go to the 99 Cent store. Again I stayed in the car to read.

By the time I came home, I knew I was over emotional. I could feel it. I went to my room and watched some "Iron Chef America" though I didn't see who won. When my mom said dinner was ready. She made hamburgers. They were good! After eating I kind of laid down for awhile. But the "Restaurant: Impossible" that was one was one I'd seen. So I thought about getting some printer paper. Plus I would get me out of the house. I wanted Jordan to come with me, but he wouldn't. Turned out to be a good thing. I went to Walmart and went to the stationary where they keep the printer/copier paper. I grabbed a good one and I could have just left, but I decided not to. I looked at the pens and got myself some new ones. I believe I needed new ones - especially in other colors - purple and blue. I have plenty of pink. LOL! Then I went upstairs to look at the movies. I figured I could get away with a $10 movie. But nothing really stuck out to me. Then I went to the $5 bin and I found "Police Academy" and I did like that movie. Then I decided to look at the CDs. There was one I would have liked, but I wanted a different song that wasn't on the disk. But that put me over by the books so I thought I'd see if there was "Cowboys & Aliens" and sure enough they had it so I bought it. The only other thing I got was Reese's sticks.

I really am happy with my purchases. I think I made wise choices, though I probably shouldn't have spent the money. But you know, I feel a hell of a lot better than I did before I left. Sometimes retail therapy can help.

Anyway, I'm chilling out, watching "Finding Bigfoot" and will probably take my meds and try to sleep. That and take some advil for a headache that started while I was in line at Walmart. Might kind of be from my congestion and the stress I feel.

Well, that's it for now.

Just a Little Note

Today feels like it's been a bit long, but it really hasn't. I'm just tired from not sleeping until 8:00am again and then when I did sleep, I had nightmares. I had this really bad nightmare where I let this woman watch my baby, but she wouldn't give me my baby back. There was something about hair and a woman from some government organization came and told me that the woman didn't have to give my baby back to me like I was some terrible person. That just stood out to me from all the dreams. I think it just stems from everything that has gone on with Cassie and John calling welfare on me . . . I hope I don't have anymore nightmares. Makes me sleep even worse, of course.

Anyway, I had Jordan clean out the car a little bit. Cassie came over to ask for money for the concert tomorrow - the Warped Tour. I didn't have it, but she wanted to ask Grandma. Grandma doesn't have it so she actually asked Diana. After talking to her for like 20 minutes Cassie was able to get the money to go - $46.50. That was really nice to Diana though there are always strings. However, nothing she can't do. I was just happy that she got the money to go. Of course, I can't believe she pierced her own lip! Ugh! I have the pic. She sent it to me. There's no use getting upset because it's done. I just can't believe she did it to herself! Guess she wanted one bad enough to do it herself. Ick . . . She's the one that has to live with it now.

When it reached 6:00pm Jordan and I left to go to the Drive-In to use our re-admission tickets. We went to go see "Cowboys vs. Aliens" and "Stupid, Crazy Love." On the way there we stopped at Vons and bought drinks and sandwiches and fruit pies. Then we stopped at the 99 cent store to get other goodies. The funny thing is, I couldn't eat that much after the sandwich. I mean the sub is HUGE. But it was dinner!

While waiting for the movie to started, I read more of "Passion." I'm getting more into it now. I just have this anxiety that I'm going to have to wait a year for the last book! LOL! I don't like to wait! :-P But so far it's good. I can't wait to see what happens in this book. And the movie "Cowboys vs. Aliens" was pretty good and Daniel Craig looked as handsome as ever! The storyline was really good. I wish the girl had lived, but oh well . . . she saved the world. Can't fault her for that! :-) "Stupid, Crazy Love" was kinda stupid, but the ending was good and had some humor, but it's not something I'll be putting in my collection unlike "Cowboys vs. Aliens" when it hits DVD.

On the way home we stopped at CVS pharmacy to grab my ativan!! Thank god for ATIVAN! I might actually get some sleep tonight! But I wanted to write this first. Now, I'm going to take my meds - my ativan - drink a little more soda and go to sleep. Tomorrow I have to wake up relatively early to take my mom to Costco. Diana might go. I don't know. Guess I'll find out in the morning.

Goodnight.