My Next Story Isn't So Easy . . .

I wanted to get farther on my Michael story today and I got 2-3 pages into it, but it's not moving fast enough for me. It's actually really, really hard. I think if I wasn't trying to put myself into a SciFi theme it would be easier. But I like the fact that I'm taking my character out of here and now and placed into her TV show. But it's SOOOOO hard to write! Ugh! This is going to take me more time than I want, but hopefully the product will be good. Though I don't think it could be better than my 007 story. I should also come up with a list of characters I want to write stories about. Writing first person really is different and I catch myself going into third person all the time. Of course, after Michael I have NO idea who to write about. Maybe Col. Cameron Mitchell from SG-1 or even Teal'c. I would go with Jacob, but he has Renesme. Seth was very young, but if he was older . . . possibility. I might have to expand who I am though in these stories. But we'll see. One story at a time . . .

Oh man, I had the weirdest dream too! It had penguins in it. And my dad. Blankets, Cassie . . . It's crazy! I don't remember a lot of details, but the last thing I remember was being hugged by my dad and him reassuring me about money because I didn't have any. God I loved the hug . . .

I really haven't done much else today. I added stuff to "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" on Cafemom. I want to post more, but I just don't have anyone's help. Ugh!!

My mom made dinner, but he only made me tortillas, but I shared with Jordan. She was kind of irritated with him because he didn't know what he wanted. Whatever. But dinner was okay. I'm hungry again, but I don't know if I'm going to eat anything else. I still taste toothpaste - yes, I brushed my teeth and I'm considering eating. I am a strange person. What's really crazy is I drank some diet rootbeer after brushing my teeth and it didn't taste weird!! What does that mean for Diet Rootbeer?? LOL!

Cassie had an interesting time today. Her and Susan went to the super walmart over near them and they stopped at the McDonald's to eat and some guy sat at the next table across from Cassie and had his junk hanging out! When Susan got up to tell something, he left quickly. Personally I would have laughed at him. Then filed a Police Report, but they didn't. Ugh! They should have because now he can do it to someone else who it might actually effected. Cassie I doubt was effected at all. I remember when I was ten years old and at Summer Camp. We were hiking and hiked too far onto a nude beach. Well, this guy comes jogging by in all his glory and all I could do was giggle. I'd seen a penis before so big woop! I think several of the girls started giggling. The counselor was mortified, I think. LOL!

Anyway, other than that I watched most of "Restaurant: Impossible," "Ghost Hunters International" which apparently was the mid-season finale. And then I watched the finale of "Legend Quest." I hope that one gets renewed. It was pretty cool. The last thing they had was crappy. I forgot what it was called, but it sucked. In fact, they didn't even run all the episodes I don't think though I could be wrong.

Well, I'm kinda tired so I might try to go to sleep early. Though that hasn't worked too well lately. I just know I can't read because it will keep me awake. I guess I'll chill out to the TV for a little longer then put on my night-night movie and see if I can't sleep.

Therapy, Reading and Writing

I woke up in the afternoon again and that didn't bother me. I think I just like sleeping through the mornings though I really do need to change that so that I can go back to the gym and go back to classes at Heartland. I was going to get my computer, but Jordan had just woken up and wanted to keep it. Since it wasn't imperative that I have it, I let him keep it. As for me, I was going through papers and my writing. I actually got inspired to finish a scene in "Crossfire" which I did and though I'm kind of stuck as for the next scene which I might just write off, I'm going to get them to the desert where she'll finally give herself to him. I've been working up to this point in the story. Then, of course, Rachel protecting Leila along with Johara. I'm wanting to actually work more on this story and I think today was a good start to that.

On the other hand, I just read a fantasy story about this girl meeting her dream guy - Bret Michael's or whatever his name is. Not someone I was interested in for sure, but it's made me think of the beginning of a story to write for myself. I don't know as I'd write it first person though. I don't write first person well. But it might be the only way to make the story work as a fantasy. I have the guy picked though - Daniel Craig. Or James Bond. Not sure which because this would have to be an off-time for him to come across my character. Also Oded Fehr. He's gorgeous too, but not as many people know him. But I like to stick with characters because there are no wives and girlfriends to deal with. Like I know Daniel Craig just married Rachel Weisz so I wouldn't feel right about writing about HIM. But Bond . . . that I could do! I think I'll see what I can do with that one.

Anyway, today was really just a quiet day. I did some writing as I mentioned and then I went to therapy. I talked about a lot of different things - and how I think my inspiration lately have been having someone new in my life. I'll either write an email or call tomorrow. I hope Rick is still interested in me. I hate feeling unsure, but I guess that's how it goes. And it's not like we're more than friends and lovers. Actually we need to work more on the friends part. Still, his son just got home and I don't want to interrupt that time.

After therapy, I came home, only to realize that I hadn't gotten any fish for Mr. Crabbs and so headed back out to Kahoots, bought five goldfish and these were stupid ones and got eaten up almost immediately and what a piggy Mr. Crabbs is!

Once I got home, my mom had dinner ready which was great! I managed to spill katchup on my shirt like an idiot so I actually took time to wash it out. I usually don't, but I guess I just didn't want this particular shirt mucked up. After that, I put on TV and watched two episodes of "Restaurant: Impossible" then I watched "Ghost Hunters International," and "Legend Quest" though I was kind of distracted by working on Cafemom posting on "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" and reading my friend's story on FANtastic Writers. But that's inspired me as well.

The only other thing I have done tonight is go to the store with Jordan. I really wanted ice cream. We went to Vons and we each got a flavor of Ben & Jerry's. I got a limited batch flavor called Fair Goodness Cake! It was German Chocolate cake, caramel, coconut . . . Jordan got his usual Fudge Brownie Chunk or whatever it's called. I also got two eclairs and Jordan a bag of chips. I am so full!!! Ah well. I want to be good, but there's part of me that's just so bad . . .

Anyway, that's all I really have for the time being. Tomorrow is yet another day and hopefully I'll get some writing done all around. Here's hopings!

Up and Down and Around

Well, I guess I'm not Richard's match because I haven't heard from him since my last email. I'm guessing he's a bit of a coward and rather then just say something to me, he'd rather just leave me alone. That's fine. It was giving me anxiety dealing with him anyway. Though I might write him tomorrow and just clairify things. I want closure. If you don't like me anymore, FINE. Just say something. Either way it will be a rejection for just get it over with, right? Anyway, I wasn't really invested in it so not that big of a deal. But it doesn't do anything for my self-esteem. That's for sure.

Other than that, I went to Walmart today. I had to pick up some milk, bread and salad dressing. I also got a box of the cherry cream cheese danishes. I gave Jordan two of them. I've eaten two, but I have a feeling I'll be eating the other two tonight. After that, I came home for awhile. I did more reading on "Bella and the Merciless Sheik," and it got hot! LOL! Then about 4:25pm, I headed out to go to therapy. I stopped and got a soda from McDonald's then headed to therapy. I sat down to read and I saw a National Geographic magazine that had a picture of a Spirit Bear. OMG! I didn't even know there was such a thing and it was BEAUTIFUL!! Then I read that they want to put a oil pipeline through it and it almost made me cry. Of course, I think I might be PMSing. Still, they are so beautiful and I don't want their habitat ruined!! After that, I read more of my book. I would have cried had I continued to read the other.

Therapy went well, but I keep going up and down. I think I might be rapid cycling. I feel like I'm going up, then down. I was down, then I felt up earlier and now I'm back down! Ugh!! It's maddening. I HATE it! So I'm going to hopefully work on cleaning my corner up and then do some editing. I want to edit. I want to get my book published. Before I can go anywhere though, it has to be edited. I need to focus on that.

Anyway, dinner was simple, but it was nice that my mom made salad and rice. I used BBQ sauce on the chicken and the rice. I guess my palate must be more sensitive now or something because the BBQ sauce made my nose run and my mouth burn. I was surprised by how much. I mean it was my favorite BBQ sauce - KC Masterpiece!

After dinner, I played on Cafemom and YouTube. I had to look up videos for "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" For the Music Videos Forum and the Humor Forum. I also spent time look up some of the Stargate: Atlantis - Michael vids. Some are songs I forgot that I jused to love like "Crashed" and "I'm Still Here." Anyway, I'm also watching "Ghost Hunters International" then after that I'm going to be watching "Legend Quest."

I don't feel really well at the moment. It sucks. It's just this underlying anxiety/depression. I have to pull myself together and just get myself going. I have to get passed the "I don't feel like it" and get to the "Just do it" stage. Hopefully tomorrow will prove to be a "Just Do IT" day. But I guess we'll see tomorrow.

Exhausted But Still Going

Well, today has been a pretty much uneventful day except for the fact that I have been very, very exhausted. I mean, I can hardly stand up straight. I feel like I have to lean over. I just don't have energy. And every little thing makes me feel even more exhausted.

I didn't sleep as late today as I normally do. I didn't really go into the other room. I just stayed in my room and did some reading. "Torment" is good, but I'm not reading it as fast. I guess it's hard for me because I can't buy the next book until next month. Ugh!! At least that's why I think I'm procrastinating. But I also feel something in my gut that is making me slow down. It's nothing to do with it being interesting because it's just as exciting. I don't know. But I'll have it read pretty soon, I'm sure. It is a good book. I can't wait to see what happens with Luce and Daniel.

My mom finally asked if I wanted dinner. I told Jordan dinner was ready. From there we had scrambled eggs, bacon, quesadillas and crepes. I was really full after eating, but I did the dishes that were there. Then I took a shower. I needed one badly. But with the full stomach and just being exhausted, taking the shower exhausted me more. But I was glad I'd taken the shower. My mom also told me some of the things we needed and she wrote out a list. Half an hour later I was ready to go. Well, as ready as I could be. I still couldn't stand up straight very well. But I managed to do it. We stopped at McDonald's on the way and got xtra large Dr. Pepper. Then went we got up there, I needed a cart immediately. Once inside Jordan and I did the shopping pretty quick. I got some extra stuff for Jordan and I. Not that I need it, mind you. In fact, I might be getting fatter because of the snacking. But I just can't help myself with Diana here. I heard her raise her voice earlier, but I didn't hear what it was about. Probably about me or Jordan. But I didn't hear, so I don't know.

Anyway, when we got home, I took the treats and he took in the rest of the groceries. I can't believe it's the 20th. I should have called Patty today - Today was Mason's Birthday. I forgot how old he was turning. He sounds so cute on the phone. :-) Today was also Denise's birthday. But oh well. I'm not feeling that whole desire to catch up with her like I was. Maybe I'm getting passed the nostalgia. 

Tonight since I've been back I have watched half of "Chopped," Ghost Hunters International," and "Legend Quest." "Legend Quest" was awesome. He might have found Excaliber!! I won't say it for sure, but it's cool! :-) If I can manage to stay awake for another hour, I am going to watch "Royal Pains." I haven't been following the show this season, but Boris' girl is having his son. Anyway, I just want to see it.

Tomorrow I should be getting my money from Jason and Susan - Food for cash AND the rest of the money they owe me. I am very happy with it. I might be able to get "Eureka" on DVD and even take Jordan to see "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2." I want to see it too. So maybe tomorrow . . .

Time to take my meds and maybe play on Cafemom some more.