Driving Through the Day!

Well, I woke up pretty good today and in a good mood for the most part! Kinda back to my old self. The bleeding stopped for awhile. Unfortunately, it started up again and "surprise, surprise" I got tired again! Of course, not like driving around in the heat helped at all. I mean, the heat could get worse, but this is when the humidity comes. It sucks! I don't do really well in the heat anyway, though I tolerate it much better than I used to when I was 160 lbs. heavier. That was horrendous!

Anyway, I woke up, spent some time with Jason. Then I had to pick up Jordan and his friend George to take them to GameStop over by my Mom's. Taylor and Cassi came along just to go. When we got there, the boys went in and got their game. Apparently they were handed the special edition! Needless they didn't take it back in. The woman obviously didn't check. I can't blame them. I mean, she did give that one to them. Not like you can take it back now. 

After that, we swung by McDonald's. I got two large ice waters. One for Cassi and one for me. George got a McFlurry and a Quarter Pounder, I think. He had coupons. Then I took them home. Then I went home. Hung out with Cassi and Jason a bit, but decided I was going to put my new sheets on the bed. I have been waiting to use them. They are light purple and I love this color! Anyway, I open up the sheet and come to find it's a flat sheet!! What?? I thought I had grabbed a fitted sheet. So I had to call Jordan to have him go with me to Walmart so he could do the exchange. I already returned too many things without a receipt, I guess. :-( I only do it when I need to do it, but I guess people were abusing the system or something. So I brought Jordan with me. Cassi came with again. So that was my second trip. But inside Walmart we had to go get sheets twice because I had taken off the stickers on the sheet I had because I thought it was what I needed. She needed another one to scan. What's kind of nice is the fact that I got my money back anyway!! And I wasn't expecting it back! I think it has something to do with things being put in the wrong place and if it's under $5. . . maybe? But that worked because Cassi was thristy, I was thirsty and Jordan was starving. He'd also taken 2 Tylenol PMs for a headache and was so tired! But we went to the McDonald's inside Walmart. Jordan got two McChickens, Cassi got a $1 drink and I had my cup from earlier so I just got more ice water! Then as we were eating my mom called me. I had called her earlier to just see how she was. She's still really upset about the break-in. I can't blame her and she asked if Jordan would be willing to stay the night again. Of course, it's another trip to the mobile home (my brother Tim's place) so Jordan could get his stuff. I dropped off Cassi on the way so that she could go see her boyfriend. Jason and Susan were taking her there. Anyway, I took Jordan over to my mom's and he's going to ask her if she wants him to stay for awhile until she feels better. It would be a good solution to her worrying. Jordan will kick anyone's ass if they try breaking in again! So all in all, I drove 70 miles in one day or more miles than that. Not sure. But at least 70. I am glad I don't have to do anymore driving! Yay!

That was sure more than I had planned to do today. I managed to get a lot of my daily list done today even despite all the running around. I do think I'm going to sleep we tonight! LOL! 

I did want to work a bit on my newer story, but I know I am way too tired to think straight so that will have to be something for tomorrow. I also have letters to work on. I need to write my new soldier. I'm behind a few letters and goodness knows I'm behind on sending packages. Maybe if I can afford it I'll send a couple of packages to him next month. I really need to make up for it. I also have another couple prisoners to write. Both of them sweet guys. One in particular. It seems I can read his writing pretty well. I am pretty good at deciphering hand writing. My dad was always amazed that I could read his "chicken scratches." LOL! That ability is serving me well.

Well, tomorrow Cassi and I finish her intake for school. I can't believe the summer is almost over! Wow! I can't believe my birthday is this coming Monday! I think I'l be 44 years old.  I never seem to keep track anymore! LOL! I honor the day with fun! But you know, I don't need to think how old I really am. I feel kinda timeless! I know it sounds funny, but it's true! I don't feel old. I don't feel young. I just feel good!! :-)

I need to get a little reading in tonight. I'm reading "Roses are Red" by James Patterson and it is great so far! Since I've been reading the Alex Cross books out of order, I know who the bad guy is. But I don't know the story. So far I am liking it. But I haven't found a James Patterson book I haven't liked yet! Wish I could be as prolific and awesome as him! 

Anyway, that's it for today's adventures! On to tomorrow's!!

Summer Frustration

I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) as one of the many things wrong with me, only like the usual, I don't follow the norm. Most people get this during the winter when the sunlight gets less and all that fun stuff. For me, it's the opposite. The heat of summer is enough to send me into a depression. I hate summer. I hate heat. I think the only reason I loved summer as a kid was because there was no school and we had a pool in the backyard which is no longer there. Not sure I could have gotten in and out of it anyway now. But still . . . that and I think kids just tolerate heat better than adults. It's like how kids can handle fevers and adults just can't. I don't know.

Anyway, for the last month at least, I've had depression symptoms and it's blown up into full on depression. I am having trouble concentrating. I don't want to really talk to anyone. I don't want to do anything. It's shutting me down and I HATE it. I can't even write!! My brain won't work for that either and I want to work on my fourth book and finish it. Then I worry that this will last forever, even though I know things change all the time. Nothing stays the same. But it's the "what if's" that paralyze me. What if my writing skills and desire or imagination don't come back? What if my book gets accepted by an agent only they want me to make edits and I can't. What if I get kicked out of my home because my mother dies? What if, what if, what if . . . It's holding me back as well, which is all part of the depression. I haven't even wanted to write to Ron, my Aussie! ;-) But I finally did that today and explained a little of what was going on - the good, the bad and the ugly! LOL! I don't know how to force myself to write. If I do force myself, it comes out like crap anyway. I just feel like my hands are tied and I am stuck in mud . . . really thick, icky mud.

I can say that I watched the rest of Season 3 of Dexter and enjoyed that and just got the first season of Leverage and watched the first disc and enjoyed that too.

Of course, now I get bad news. Jason is in a crap mood so I'm not going to be able to go over. Makes me want to cry. I was so looking forward to it, you know? Ah well . . . Now I just have to figure out what to have for dinner. I have no idea. And today was supposed to be for Susan, not for him. But whatever, it is what it is.

At least on a brighter note, I got to chat with my Aussie and boy did I need that. Even with as sad as I am about Jason, at least I have him to lean on. I love him. Even when I feel the way I do and seem to be numb to so much, I love him. I know I do. He has been there for me. He knows I'm struggling with depression and he's there for me. He lets me know how special I am and won't let me forget it when we chat. I am going to meet him one day in person. It's going to happen. I know it will. But for now, I just have to hold on and ride out this depression. Not like I have a choice, but it makes it better knowing he's there for me.

Maybe every dark cloud does have a silver lining.

Summer Not So Fun Heat - But Writing is Pretty Good!!

I am so happy with my editing! So far I have made it through 11 chapters. Today I was supposed to finish Chapter 12, but I didn't get much sleep last night and am exhausted. I thought of taking a nap, but it's too hot and it might keep me from sleeping tonight. It's just frustrating because I don't trust myself to edit like this and I am so close!! I'm five chapters and a short epilogue away from having it completely edited!! I want it to be perfect and I think it'll be close once I get this last edited, so I guess it's not surprising I'm so frustrated today. I have been able to get at least one chapter a day done until now. Ugh . . . This isn't fun.

Maybe I should take a nap (or try - stupid summer heat!!) and risk not sleeping tonight. Then at least when I woke up I might be able to tackle this chapter and keep doing what I planned - a chapter a day. I suppose it won't be the end of the world if I have to put it off for a day, but I would really love to stick to my schedule. But even with windows open and fans going I am just melting. Not sure I could sleep if I tried because of it.

I do have to be excited that I'm so close though! And I believe it's a good concept and a pretty good book! If I had my bets out of everything I've written thus-far that this is the best all around. Plus, I'm getting ideas on how to write my query letter! The biggest thing that has me stumped is how to condense my story and still make it interesting. Things are starting to click though so I might have something ready to go as soon as the book is done! Wouldn't that be fantastic? I hope so!

Guess that's enough for this ramble. I'm going to get some water and see what I can do to try to cool off before I get sick and throw up - yeah, I know, nice visual, but the heat makes me that sick. :-( Hate it, hate it, hate it!!!!!