I've Been Awake More Than 35 Hours Straight

Well, I ended up not sleeping last night and not for a lack of trying. I took baclefen and two ativan and nothing. I relaxed but no sleep. My mind just kept going and going and going. Not too fast, but fast enough. It just didn't want to settle down. I mean, I was a little excited that I had come up with another group to run on Cafemom - Christmas Dreaming. Then I was thinking about a Christmas story I was thinking about writing and my fan fiction. Not to mention "The Mephisto Club," which is getting better and better by each page.

Anyway, I eventually just gave up sleeping. I got my iced coffee. In fact, I had two of them this morning. Not to mention two Extra Large Diet Dr. Peppers from McDonald's. Guess I'm kind of on a caffiene high too. Though usually caffiene doesn't do much to me. 

All I've really done today is play on Cafemom. Of course, nothing moves on there fast enough for me. No one seems to be replying. It is sort of driving me nuts. But I can't really focus on much else. I kind of had "River Monsters" on today. I watched part of "Transformers" which is a good movie though the second movie is my favorite of the franchise. After that, I put on "Food Network Challenge," but I didn't finish it because Jordan and I went out to get sodas and to pick up my medication. Thank god one of the meds was the ativan! LOL! I have taken two of them and with luck they'll help. While Jordan ran in for my meds, I did read a couple of pages of "The Mephisto Club" then went I got home, I put on "The Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs." I missed the first few minutes. But it was a great episode. Anne Buriel won!! Samuelsen was sent home. I know I spelled their names wrong. Ugh! But it was really a good episode. Now I'm watching "Iron Chef America" where the secret ingredient is caviar! 

Well, I think that's really about it. I hope I sleep at some point tonight, though I kind of want to do more reading. I don't know. I have felt pretty scattered today. I have worried about a hypomanic episode or worse, a mixed state. I guess it will really depend on how I feel tomorrow. Right now I just feel scattered, tired but not quite sleepy. Though I think the ativan is starting to work. It's relaxing me a bit.

Okay, that's it. I am done with this. I'm starting to relax. Thank god for ativan. I might sleep yet! So I'm going!

A Little Up a Little Down

Well, today hasn't been a bad day, but it hasn't been a good day either. I woke up tired even though I needed to get up - just so that I didn't sleep the entire day away. I even had some breakfast which I usually skip most days. Didn't eat anything else until dinner. Oatmeal is very willing.

I did get to see Cassie briefly when she came home to get shorts to wear at the hotel pool tonight. Jason and Susan are taking her to Disneyland tomorrow and they went up tonight. I also told Jason a little of what goes on in my mind today. That kind of helped for a little bit. I miss Cassie as always.

The good thing today was that I read Nicole what I wrote on my story. The bad thing is I did no writing today. I just didn't feel like it. I hope it doesn't mean that my mind has stopped working again so soon! I have the story in my head so I don't know. Guess I'll have to try to write tomorrow and see what comes out. I need my writing. Especially now.

I also started a new group on Facebook. Not that I think anyone is going to care! LOL! It's for Burn Notice and I'm just going to put up one Michael Weston words of wisdom each day. I might as well do something will all the ones I've written down. Maybe I'll start writing them down again as a side project.

I'm just tired right now. I'm watching "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" after watching most of "Transformers" on TNT. I'm enjoying it, but it seems the later I get the more depression is starting to set in again. Maybe if I just kick back, watch my movie and go to sleep I'll wake up feeling better. At least that's the hope I'll hold onto.