Just One Of Those Days

Actually for the most part the day part was fine and the negative part of it was actually kind of a small part.

I woke up with Cassie coming over for the shot record for the school to prove that she had her Tdap or whatever that shot was. She had it, now she's shown it to them so they ought to re-enroll her for next year. But I didn't get the shot record back. I need to talk to Cassie about it because I forgot to ask her today after school.

Anyway, I got up, got coffee, got dressed. In time I left for class. They weren't as useful as usual, but there was some good stuff. And we laughed a lot. Plus it's always good to see Kimberly. Ooops, I was supposed to call her tonight . . . Well, I'll see her tomorrow. It was good to get out of the house for class though. I always enjoy myself. And I also finally called Greg, told him I'd blocked him on Facebook and didn't want him to contact me again. Gee, I heard from him after that! He was in the hospital. Apparently there were no phones! Yeah, right. Whatever. I'm done with him. I have had other people confirm to me that he's just not worth my time anymore. And I know that he couldn't have been at the hospital all that time. He was back with Linda. Not that it mattered to me. But don't freakin' lie to me! He blew me off because of her after he told me he'd take care of my brakes on a certain day at a certain time. I am just done.

When I got back, my mom needed to go to the bank. My mom and I first ate a sandwich each for lunch and then we went to the bank and then I took her to Albertson's to get stamps. She also picked up some lettuce. Then after that, I got a chance to rest a little and check in on Cafemom before I had to leave and pick Cassie up from school. It was good to see her. Jason and Susan went up to their sons' graduation - Chris and Nick. Cassie couldn't go because of school - plus Susan's mom wouldn't want her there. Ugh . . . a story in itself that I have probably written about before. That woman is an old, bitter, unforgiving bitch. But enough of that! I picked up Cassie and we went back home. I played on the computer for awhile why she went through the pix on my camera. Then I let her on. She put on her playlist which I like a good portion of the music. Just not so into the rap. :-P At around 5:00pm we went out and had dinner. I made small salads for us and heated up my dad's chili. My mom made it, though I think she does something different because hers is more soupy than his was. After that, I let her back on the computer and I laid down a bit. I am so tired, even now. But I didn't sleep. I also got to check on Cafemom  on and off. 

Eventually, we headed over to Jason and Susan's. I stopped at McDonald's for drinks on our way. Then there, I was trying to watch "Haunted Collector" and the cable box froze twice! 

But here's what got to me. They got home close to 10:00pm and Cassie was still awake. They were surprised but didn't say too much except that Cassie was going to be grouchy in the morning. But I don't think she would have slept anyway with me there. But I had this feeling like when I left they were going to talk behind my back about the fact that I wasn't a good mom. Don't get me wrong, logically I know that's probably not happening. I think it's a paranoid thought. But it's hard to deal with those thoughts though. I feel like I have failed. There are so many things I would change if I could, but you can't go back in time. I can only go forward and I know I didn't screw up everything. I am not a total failure. I might not be the best parent in the world, but my kids know I love them. Plus, I realized that I was really placing my own paranoia onto Jason and Susan. That I was mind reading and jumping to conclusions - both thought disorders. And I just tried to rephrase for myself.

Anyway, I wrote a bit about how I was feeling on my group on Cafemom. I think that helped me feel better too. Some place to vent and get support. Now I'm watching the re-run of "Haunted Collector" and hopefully going to finish what I missed earlier. It really is an interesting show. The first half was about this woman's home. She'd lost her mother 6 years ago and the mother's spirit was attached to a music box. They got an EVP with the mother saying "Purple Flowers" which made the daughter cry. But she let him take the music box to see if it would help. The second half is about this man's house. His 11 year old son is being scared to death at night every night. I haven't finished watching it yet, but so far so good. But I am so tired, so I'm going to hopefully sleep as soon as this is over.

At least I didn't fall into the pit. I could have too. So I must be doing something right!

             

Decently Good!!

I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to start waking up early again. But tomorrow I'm setting the alarm and hopefully I'll wake up in the morning, stay awake and go to the gym. I need to go swimming. But today, I slept until almost 3:00pm. Technically it would have been 2:00pm, but we did have Daylight Savings Time start this morning. I was tired last night, but I would wake up and stay awake for awhile before going back to sleep. Tonight I have ativan to ease me into sleep and probably get deeper sleep. Maybe less dreaming too. I was dreaming about models last night, a party, a lost necklace . . . I can't remember the rest. Just strange. But that's the nature of dreams - to be strange and hidden in symbolism, which I suck at interpreting! LOL! Ah well.

My mom is sick today. She was ticked that I didn't get up early, but I did do the dishes which I told her I would do. What aggravates me is that she loves to say how impatient Jordan and I are when we want something (Cassie too), but she's just as impatient when SHE wants something or someone to do something. But I feel bad for her. She really doesn't feel good and I do worry. She thinks I don't care, but I do. I asked her if she wanted me to get her anything at the store and she just said to get Corned Beef and Cabbage. They were on sale. Oh and milk too. So I went to Vons and did just that. But I also wanted to try to find another book by Tess Gerritsen, but as luck would have it, the two used books stores that I knew of are out of business!!! And I also tried Target. They used to have a decent book section and really, the one they had at the one I went to sucked. Walmart's was better. At least at Walmart they carried three of her books. I saw none at Target. I was so frustrated!! Now I don't know what to do except to go to a book store and paying full price, which will have to wait until next month. I just wish I could have gotten another book by her. It sucks.

After I came back, I played on the computer for a bit. In fact, I added a bunch of songs to my Playlist. I was looking for songs by Trace Adkins and the funny thing is I could only find three songs and that was spelling his name Atkins. When I spelled it the right way, there was NOTHING. And just now, I tried Adtkins which is a really WRONG spelling and I got about 7 songs. Go figure! Found one of the songs I was looking for at least. Then I made dinner. It was nothing fantastic. It was just salad and Chef Boyardee beef raviolies. I had Jordan wash dishes and George wipe down the table. I had Jordan wake up grandma and ask her if she wanted any of it. She felt like crap still, but she took some of the ravioli and she said she wanted vanilla ice cream. It worked out well since the kids and I wanted Thin Mint ice cream. Jordan grabbed the containers, bowls and spoons and I dished it up. I thought the Thin Mint ice cream would be more minty. But the kids liked it. We were also watching "Jurassic Park" during dinner and dessert. I forgot how good that movie was. I couldn't help myself making comments during it. I just have some good recollections about the movie and the book.

I ended up going back out to the store. Jordan and I had to go pick up my medication and grandma's. Then I wanted to go back to the store and get another Corned Beef because I could only get one on sale earlier. But coming back again I could get another. So Jordan went to the pharmacy while I went to Vons. Of course, I also had to get onions, red potatoes then I wanted to get yogurt covered pretzels and then red vines for Jordan. Also got Dr. Pepper for Jordan and I. It was a nice cap to the evening.

Other than that, I haven't done much else. I did watch "Chopped All-stars" which is fantastic!! Tonight had Duff, I can't remember the one girl's name, then Chef Ann and Chef Robert. Ann and Robert always have a playful rivalry. Ann keeps winning. LOL! They did "Worst cooks In America" together and she won that. I think they did something like "Iron Chef America" and she won that. LOL! He doesn't have a lot of luck winning against her. As much as I love Chef Robert, I was rooting for Chef Ann! LOL! There is just something about her I really like. In fact, she would be a good cooking teacher. After all, I've seen her do that in the one show. I am kinda watching "Iron Chef Aamerica" tonight, but it's a repeat so I don't have to give my full attention to it. But tonight is definitely my Food Network night to watch TV. I missed "Food Network Challenge" tonight, but that's okay.

Well, I think that's pretty much it for my day. It wasn't a terribly exciting day, but it was a decently good day. Think maybe I'll do a little reading, or maybe I'll save that for tomorrow. I am kinda tired and I want to take my ativan. Then I have a good shot of going to sleep early and then getting up early won't be such an issue. Well, maybe . . . but the goal is to get up, stay up, go swimming and come home, do some reading, maybe do some writing . . . Wish I could get a hard copy of my latest story. But maybe I'll re-read what I have so far and then take notes about what I want to do to continue the story. I have to try to get back to writing every day. It's my job and I love it. I just have to not get discouraged.

Okay, think that's it. Karissa is sleeping on the corner of the bed. I will be cuddling her later, I'm sure. We'll snuggle a bit before I go to sleep. Oh, and "The Green Mile" last night was FANTASTIC! I can see why it got awards. It was wonderful and one of these days I'll get it for my collection. I don't have the money at the moment. Now it's time to settle down for the night.

Goodnight, sweet dreams . . . May tomorrow be a wonderful day!

Getting Out of the Blues!

Well, today has been quite an emotional day for me. I slept late again. Looks like I'm not making any progress about waking up early. It's hit and miss, but it just comes down to the fact that when I'm sleeping I just don't want to wake up. I guess that part of me is just damaged for good. I am not a morning person. I need to be though so that I can start going back to the gym and swim again. I could use the exercise and it would be in my best interests. Maybe I'll make more of an effort after Aunt Flo leaves for the month, which should be in a day or two. Then I'll be myself again.

Cassie walked home from school today. Guess she was supposed to stay for tutoring, but Mrs. Barrick wasn't there and she won't stay for Mrs. Manns. The woman really is lacking as a teacher. I don't know if this is true, but Cassie said the the woman said everyone was failing her class except one girl. If that was true, what does that say about her being a teacher?? I was temped to call the school, but I haven't. I am, however, keeping it open as a possibility. Ugh! I never liked school. It's a necessary evil, but there will always be those people, be them teachers, students or staff that get pleasure messing up people's lives. When Cassie was in grade school, it was the school Counselor. God that woman was a BITCH! I think I got her into trouble with the school too, though. I wasn't quiet about my dislike of her. The staff of the school seemed to agree with me. That's sad.

Anyway, Cassie had an opportunity to stay with me until 8:00pm tonight and instead of taking it, she wanted to get picked up early. That kind of put me into a funk for awhile. I mean, I know it's not me. It's the house. It's my mother. But how do you not take something like that personal, you know? So I felt sorry for myself for a bit. I had to go to Albertson's to pick up some milk and stuff, so they picked her up in the parking lot. But a good thing inside the store was they had Valentine's candy 50% off! And they had a good selection so I got Reese's hearts, Conversation Heart - because those are a must and I hadn't gotten any yet, and then I got I<3U peeps. Of course, the heart was the right way, not sideways. LOL! I love peeps!! In fact, I'm snacking on those right now. Anyway, other than that and the milk and other stuff I also picked up chocolate raspberry coffee creamer! It sounded too.

I was still depressed when I got home and I ended up blogging on another site about it. Just enough to get my emotions out a bit. Then I also put on Project Playlist and started listening to my music and each song made me feeling better and better. Also, when I was writing on the other blog, I came up with something I needed to do for my story - characters. So I took the time to write out my character. Her family. Her friends . . . occupations. Approximately what some of them looked like . . . I spent a good hour or two on it and got some ideas for the story as well. And the music really lifted my spirits! Probably the one song I knew I was feeling better on was "Play the funky music, white boy." That's just a great song to get someone feeling better. Anyway, so as glum as I was I really perked up between the music and my writing. And to think I wasn't so sure I was going to write anything today at all because of how I was feeling. LOL! Tomorrow I go back to the story because I know exactly where I'm going to pick up from. Though I think I might change her background just a little bit. In fact, I just did and I think what I have will work out even better now. Because of her daughter and injury to herself, the guy was put on Death Row. He might not be able to escape prison and come after her, but if he has a brother . . .

Okay, guess that's about it. I feel much better than I did. My writing has been productive. I have had Karissa with me almost all day, which has been fantastic. If I can't have Cassie at least I have Karissa with me. Now I'm just going to sit back, relax. Maybe write down a few more notes for the story and watch the finale of "Ghost Hunters International" and "Face/Off". Tomorrow will be a better day. :-)