Gearing Up for the Holidays

Well, what can I say? Monday night I took a bath to do some reading - yes the tub is my reading place! LOL! I was reading "I, Alex Cross" by James Patterson. I was about half way through it when I picked up. My mistake was not putting it down. The farther I got the most I had to know how it was going to end! Do that ever happen to you? Anyway, I ended up reading the rest of the book! I was in the tub for something like 4.5 hours. And in a lot of ways it was worth it, but it took a lot out of me the next day. I was up until about 1:00am and then I woke up around 9:00am give or take. I used to be able to go on the littlest amount of sleep and still function properly. But now? Nope. Yesterday, I crashed at 4:30pm. Was woken up around 7:00pm to have some dinner, then I went back to sleep and though I woke up a lot I didn't want to wake today at 8:30am. But I did!! And I perked up as the day went on though I am getting amazingly tired.

Yesterday was good too. Marissa came over with a woman that works with Cassi at school and we talked. It was good to find out what was going on in school with her, which she has been doing good for the most part until last week. I'll sit Cassi down and speak with her and see if there is something I can do for her or set a new rule for her to get her bus pass. I also found out about an assignment she has to do for English and it should be a snap for her. Five paragraphs about what she would like to change about herself. 

Marissa and I also talked about my own mental health. I have had some rocky days on and off for a bit and I told her I was thinking about going back to the CBT classes at Heartland (CBT = Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). She thought that was a good idea and we made that as my goal this week. She was happy to hear that I went. Marissa is such an awesome person and really encourages me. She also says that she gets a lot out of working with me too. In fact, I'm going to be helping her with more mental health stuff because as I go to the groups at Heartland I can share more and more with her - papers, exercises and stuff like that! We are also going to discuss more about my budget not so much next month but January. We also talked a bit about the coming new year and things I might want to work on achieving  - one of which is getting back on my protein shakes and get back to working on myself again. That's the main one! :-) There are a couple more, but that's the top one on my mind. But she set me in a good mood. 

After that, I took my mom to Walmart so she could do some shopping. I had to go slow. LOL! But I didn't mind. My mom was nice enough to buy me a steno pad that I can use for my budgeting. The one I was using disappeared. Literally. I checked everywhere and it was just gone. It sucked because now I am thinking I have left something off on my list of things to pay. But I'm sure I have everything. There's still that doubt though. She also got me some fabreeze which I have been using in my car. I need to get another one for my room. My mom also got me my Christmas present! Yeah, it kind of sucks in some ways, but you know, at least I get something I want and it fits. Not that it wouldn't 4X fits me perfect.

When I got home though, I was exhausted! I came in, grabbed a cup of coffee to perk me up . . . nope. I fell asleep! So I was basically asleep by 5:00pm. Was woken up at 7:00pm for some dinner - which was good! Then I went back to sleep after that. I woke up several times last night, but I slept until 8:30am. I did start perking up though! I got dressed, got water, gave Karissa treats, feed the fish . . . Then I went to my CBT group - which it's CBT/Coping skills together followed by Social Skills. I really don't need social skills, but I enjoy being social in that class. I still remembered most of the CBT, though the Arrow Technique I definitely needed a refresher. My happy level on a scale of 1 - 10 my first level was about a 7, which is pretty good. After the first group, I was up to an 8. 

When I came home after class I had a WONDERFUL surprise! My $50 check came in!! I needed that check earlier in the week, but since I had some fuel help I was able to take the money and use it toward Christmas! Yay! SO I went to the bank to cash the check, went to McDonald's to get a large Caramel Iced Coffee and somewhere between there I lost $10. I didn't know though, until I checked out and had to put more back than I wanted to. It turned into a very nice moment though. The woman behind me gave me a couple of bucks to at least get the hot chocolates I wanted. I got Peppermint Hot Cocoa mixes for gifts and the box of hot chocolate as gifts too. I still have a lot of get for Christmas, but I think I can do it this year and I LOVE giving to my friends and my mom.

But it was so nice to start on my Christmas shopping!! Totally awesome! I can't say much, but I got some big mugs that come with a spoon. I did also grab a $5 Christmas movie for myself - Eloise at Christmastime. It is such a cute movie! I can't wait to do the rest of my shopping! I love Christmastime! It's the best time of the year! For me anyway! It makes me even happier to actually be able to give gifts. There were so many years I just couldn't. So far a good opening for the Holidays! Yay!!

Now tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I'll be going to my mother's. On Friday Jason, Susan, myself, the kids and a couple other friends are getting together for another Thanksgiving. THAT is the one I REALLY look forward too! Now I just have to remember to take pix!!! :-)

A Drop of Darkness in the Pool of Life

I might have been tired last night, but I didn't sleep. Nice, huh? I think I was just waiting for Christopher to come back. He did, but not last night. He came back this afternoon. But he walked away before I could even get out of my room, to say nothing of the door. I called to him several times, but he still didn't come to me. I don't know what to do anymore about him. He sees us. But it's like he's too skittish to come up to anyone now. And he knows ME!!!! It really is so upsetting. I love the butthead and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to get him back for Jason, Susan, Cassie and I. It SUCKS!! I wish I had a magic wand where I could make him magically appear and come in. But that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Needless to say I didn't go to the water aerobics class. I spent my morning and early afternoon sleeping. In fact, I didn't want to get up at all - the depression that's creeping back is causing it, I think. My goal is to try to go tomorrow. I just have to get some sleep and force myself to get up. But I tell you, I wanted to sleep all day and even now I kind of wish I was asleep and had slept all day. There was nothing bad about the day. Well, except for Christopher showing up and running off again. But I mean nothing bad really. In fact, I even got a $50 check! Susan is going to cash it for me tomorrow and we're going to do food for cash too. It helps me a lot because I can now pay my car insurance, get the oil changed and maybe even have a little left for fuel. Or at the very least enough for crickets and some $1 drinks from McDonald's! LOL! So good, right? Go figure.

I didn't do any writing today again. Actually I did a little research and have gotten a few more ideas for my story. I figure the attacker is going to end up befriending her. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet, but I'm thinking that it's going to start with something stolen, yet returned - Laura didn't know it was stolen. She would have thought she left it. So could be a wallet . . . keys . . . schedule book . . . maybe the schedule book makes the most sense. This way, she'll appear to be in between two men. There will still be stuff going on like her house being broken into without anything taken. At first she'll think it's just that she's moved something without really remembering. But over time, she should start to notice. Maybe she'll also start getting phone calls. Payphones around the city that can't be checked really. No cameras available, or no clear pix. I need to figure out how to make both the men ambiguous so that in the end it's interesting and that it's clear that Mathias is the good guy. I want a scene with Mathias the cat scratches the shit out of the other man when he's trying to hurt her. Maybe at the end when he finally gets her, cat Mathias will come to her rescue. Until human Mathias can make an appearance. I'll definitely have to figure out more of the middle now that I have a clearer idea on the end. So I guess I've done some work on my story, but no writing. Time to list ideas. Maybe that will be my project tomorrow.

Even though I slept late, maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight. I sure feel like I can, but that never means anything once I lay down. But I'm going to hope. I just need to take my meds. I've already did some reading. "The Surgeon" is such a good book. I've also watched "Fairly Legal." It's awesome to see Richard Dean Anderson acting again. It's not a large role that I can see, though I could see it getting bigger perhaps. We'll see what happens in the future, but it's a good show. And as soon as I finish watching the finale of "White Collar" I'm going to try to go to sleep. At least I hope that's what happens. 

Guess that's it for this episode of insanity.