Happily Exhausted

Wow am I exhausted!! I don't even know if I'll make it through my shows tonight! And I really want to watch "Chuck," "Being Human" because we get to meet Josh's parents and "Hawaii 5-0." I just love the show and the actors. But you know, I got a really good work-out. I slept like crap last night like I do most nights, but I still woke up at 6:30am. I tried to get Jordan up to go get his bus pass, but he was a general pain in the ass and now I might be stuck buying his pass. Ugh!! Anyway, I took my 5-hour energy, got my coffee. I asked my mom if she wanted to come to the gym with me, but she didn't feel up to it so I grabbed water and took off on my own. Actually she told me I needed to get cereal and stamps for her, so that got put on the agenda too.

Well, I got to the gym about 15-20 minutes before class so I swam some laps. Then the water aerobics class was awesome! Lots of cardio. My biggest problem with some of the moves is that I'm just so boyant! LOL! Anyway, after the class I still did my 30 minutes of laps, went into the spa then took a shower. I wasn't too tired then so I didn't spend too much time in the spa this time. Then on the way home I stopped at Albertson's to get the cereal and stamps. I also picked up a water - I needed more. I was so thirsty. Of course, being hungry too meant I was looking for something to eat that I could get with the little bit of money I had left on my card. Turns out I was in the mood for cottage cheese. I came home and ate some with the peaches. A couple hours later I had more with just salt and pepper. Growing up I HATED cottage cheese, but my birth-grandfather had it with salt and pepper and that's the only way I'd eat it for the longest time.

After that I started editing "Assassin's Seduction." I promised myself I would start today. I was hoping to make a real dent in it, but I only got through to page 21. It was kind of sad that I couldn't go further, but I'm not sure my edits were any good anyway because of how tired I was. Concentration has been an issue. But I think I'm going to try to shoot for about 20 pages a day until I get it done. So that means the other story is going to be on the back burner for now. I also did some looking into ePublishers and at least two or three would be good choices for me. In fact, one wants submissions between 30,000 to 50,000 words and that's where my stories lie!! I am so excited because I really thought it would be harder to find someplace for my novellas, but I feel good about the ePublishers. With luck in a couple of weeks I'll have something I can start sending out! It would blow my mind if I got accepted! I mean how awesome would that be?? To finally get published!! Here's hoping!!

My mother also wanted to get her hair permed today, so I called the place for her, asked her questions and then took her up. She was there for like 2-3 hours. Then I picked her up. What was really nice too is that she offered to get KFC for us. OMG!! It was sooooooo good! We got a 12 piece bucket of original recipe chicken with potatoe wedges and biscuits - coleslaw for my mother (Shudder - ICK!). I am STILL full from dinner. Better than being hungry, that's for sure!

Jordan helped me with some laundry, getting laundry put away and others started. He also got water for Karissa for me. I get to clean the litter box tomorrow. LOL! No biggie though. I can sit down on the bed and do it now. So it'll be a lot easier and it will get done. All I need is the scooper in here because I have plenty of bags for disposal. Oh and it was so cute. Jordan went to pet Karissa and she literally turned her head, insisting that she smell his fingers before he could pet her and then when she was satisfied she literally tilted her neck giving him PERMISSION to scratch her neck and pet her. LOL! Oh she is definitely a princess! At the moment she's lying next to me just being pretty.

Can't think of anything else to say except that I'm going to try to go to the water aerobics class tomorrow too and my goal is more editing. I will get this published. I am willing to work with an editor and get it right so it can be published. I am excited! Good luck is coming. It's got to be! Anyway, the power of positive thought in action. Too bad it doesn't work for sleeping! LOL!

Finally Over

I finally told Greg we were over. I know he was upset and hurt. He didn't see it coming at all. Personally, I don't know how he couldn't see it. Anyway, I explained over and over again the same thing and it doesn't really make a difference. He is willing to beg and manipulate to try to get me to stay with him . . . Trying to threaten suicide (without saying those exact words; ie "If ia make it through this" "If I'm not dead."). And you know, some of it isn't even him. I just don't think I am good at relationships. I think that being married to an abusive ass for 10 years has really just left me so apart from being able to feel true love for a man that it's just not worth it to potentially hurt someone else and it will save myself the aggravation. Maybe that's mean and selfish to say, but I need more stability than he can provide me and maybe no one can give that to me other than myself. And he needed more affection than I could give him given my circumstances. Personally, I told him before that I couldn't be his end all, be all; that he needed to get some more friends and yet I am still his only friend. This is after like a year! Maybe more! He wants me to be his everything and I just can't. No one should be placed in that position. Anyway, he was a sweet guy. This isn't for him being an asshole or anything. I just am done. I need quiet and less stress. I am finally thinking seriously about my writing again and to help me start sending my manuscript out Jason and Susan are getting me "Writers Market 2009" and it will give me all the addresses of publishers, what they publish and how to submit! And I am READY to do that! I can't wait anymore. If I am going to become an author and be serious about it, I have to take the next step. The first step was finishing my first book. I've finished three now and am halfway done with the fourth. So it's time to see if I can't get published. It's what I want . . . what I need for me. And maybe I will feel like the person I should have been . . . It will certainly be the fulfillment of a dream. The crazy thing is, right now I feel completely numb. My mind is just working on what I need to do. There is no real thought to how I will feel. There is just nothing and I HATE to feel this way. Of course, other times this week I have felt so much that I wanted to start cutting on myself . . . I haven't obviously . . . but it's the extra stress and he doesn't understand why . . .

Okay, I am talking in circles and it's time for me to stop for now. But I will say that it's finally over. It's honestly for the best and I need my space. I am just sorry he had to be hurt . . .