Shopping Day

Surprisingly I woke up around 11:30am and just couldn't go back to sleep. That's weird because usually I can easily sleep until 1:00pm to 2:00pm. I kind of just chilled for awhile. I grabbed my iced coffee and watched some "Law and Order: Criminal Intent." I really do love that show. Then I ended up going shopping while Susan picked Cassie up from school.

I am running low on fuel though and I need to get the rest of the cash off my welfare card. It won't be much, but it'll be enough so that I can get to my therapy on Wednesday. Walmart was great though! I went to the one in Santee so that I would be sure to get almost everything I needed - especially the box of hamburger patties. What was really cool was they had Halloween candy for 50% off. Usually it's just the crap candy, but they had M&Ms left, Willy Wonka stuff and even Reese's!! Needless to say I bought some. Plus I got cherry cheese danishes (which are already gone) and lots of other treats. But I also got what we needed - milk, cheese, hamburger, bananas . . . I even got some stuff for our Thanksgiving with Jason and Susan. I got some cans of yams, a jar of gravy, boxes of cornbread stuffing and green beans. I know it's not a lot, but I wanted to get something and I might get more. But I also need to get a couple of Turkeys for here. My mom said there was a sale on them, I think she said at Vons.

When I got close to home, I was going to go try to get a soda from McDonald's but it was like the line was a mile long! It wasn't worth it to me so I went home. My back hurt so bad though that I had to have help to get the groceries into the car and I called my mom to have Jordan come out to bring it in. Jordan ended up putting most of the food away with my help, but I was in so much pain. I did take ibuprofen and it seemed to help. And mom made hamburgers for dinner. It was good. Then I went to my room. Watched more "Criminal Intent" and played online at Cafemom. I put up recipes, a funny pic, a poll and pix on "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" I also posted the pix on "Photos for Fun!" I was going to call Rick tonight but I decided not to. I don't know why. Maybe I just wanted to watch TV. It is what I did - I watched the new "Terra Nova" that was interesting. A meteor crashed down and caused an EM Pulse, knocking out all of the electronics. Medical was down and that caused problems. The meteor caused a lot of people to get hurt when things crashed and whatnot. It was a good show. More mysteries are coming.

After that I watched "House" which was GREAT! Chase is back! Then I watched "Hawaii 5-0" - well kinda half watched. But what I saw was awesome. This woman that worked for Customs and Immagration was killed. Turned out to be about a man with cancer and a poaching ring.

Now I'm just going to chill out. It's almost 11:30pm. I'm tired, but I don't know if I'll sleep. I have a lot of sugar in my system! LOL! And I'm hungry again. Anyway, Jordan's being nice enough to make me a sandwich. Of course, I'm giving him the computer after this and giving him Laffy Taffy. :-D It's worth it. Oh and my mother got all out of whack because Cassie is staying with Jason and Susan tonight. Ugh!!

Pissed With Yahoo

What can I say. Yahoo went with their new profile pages and it SUCKS!! I like the old profile where you could see updates and not have to be on messanger to do it. There is NO PLACE I know of to type in updates. I HATE IT! I even wrote them a note telling them how much I hated it and that from now on I'll probably be spending less time on Yahoo because of it. Frankly, I liked to write the updates. It was kinda like Twitter. Now that's gone I'll just go back to Twitter and Yahoo can go screw themselves. Yeah, I'm just a little pissed. It just sort of ruined the high I was on for having a pretty decent day. Oh well. Not like I can do anything other than send off a nasty gram and I did that. I probably shouldn't have been so mean about it, but I am just so ticked off about it! Ugh!

Outside of that my day was okay except for a stupid headache that just didn't want to go away. I mean, I woke up with it and I literally took 1200mg of ibuprofen and three hours later it was still hanging around. In fact, even now my head still hurts a little. Go figure. But I spent time watching "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" and I took a shower. Then I went over to Jason and Susan's. Cassie had called me this morning where she was freaking out over Jason and Susan and she literally went ballistic. I knew it wasn't the end of the world, but she misunderstood something. It wasn't easy to deal with when my head hurt. But I had called them and eventually it got sorted out. I hung out over there by for half of it they kind of wanted to bitch about the event with Cassie. I did agree with them that her mouth was out of control. But I went over to hang out, not go through that whole event again.

After Cassie came back she had to take care of Zippy and I got to hold him for a few, especially after she gave him a bath. I got to dry him off and his little chirps and whatnot were so cute!! I adore him! He peed on Susan though. LOL! I think it's just that they probably don't have well developed urinary organs and like rats just have to go when they have to go. I could do some research and find out.

Anyway, I took Cassie to her friend Crystal's thinking she was going to spend the night. Turns out she couldn't. I didn't really want to pick her up so Jason and Susan picked her up. But the great thing about tonight was that I got a black ink cartridge for the printer because I really needed it and the best part? It was only $15!!! My mom also wanted me to see how much ink cartridges were for her printer. I had to ask what it took though, when I got to Walmart. Turns out they use the same as mine! That'll make things easy to remember. Of course, when I got home it took me like 15 minutes to remember how to pull the old one out and put the new one in. I was glad when I figured it out and finally printed off my new James Bond Fan Fiction - Christmas Joy. That way I can read it again. Maybe I'll even make notes to correct a few things.

Man, I still have that freakin' headache and it's getting worse again. Time for more ibuprofen and hope that it works better this time. And I've got too much of a headache to do more reading than I'm doing right now. Think I'm going to finish watching another episode of "Storage Wars" and then maybe try to sleep. I am tired, but more times than not, I can't sleep. We'll see though. If nothing else I'll have that ativan to help me relax more.

Guess that's it for today. Tomorrow should be better. At least I hope so. Maybe I'll get some reading or writing done. It'll be a really good day if I don't feel like I'm dragging all day.

I Can't Breathe Worth Crap, But Not a Bad Day!

I can't breathe worth crap. But today was a little better and more active than yesterday. I did sleep late - but I had to take a lot of meds to get me to sleep.Oh and "Inception" was FANTASTIC!! I loved it. I guess Jordan couldn't keep up with the different levels of the dreams. Guess my crazy mind has no trouble with concepts like that. LOL! Go figure. 

Anyway, I woke up to another great breakfast sandwich. Diana has been really nice to me so far so that's a good thing. If things keep going smoothly, I might clean up my room when they're gone. Or as clean as it can get. I need to turn the mattress around. 

After I ate I took my mom and Diana to Macy's. While they were there I went to the McDonald's in Walmart, got myself a soda and ice cream cone. Then I sat down and pulled out "State of Fear" and started reading. I had a good hour of reading which was great because I got through this really action packed, adrenaline pumping section. I know there's more to come, but WOW! Michael Crichton is AWESOME!

After that, I picked them up and went home. After that, I stuck around home for a bit. Played on Cafemom. I got a new member!! And that member posted too! I am so happy! That really makes me feel good, though I don't have anyone in "The Poetry Garden" yet. I put out an add for both groups and am hoping that I get more members. We'll see. I may have to bump it a couple of times. Then I added a few things to "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy" and headed out to Jason and Susan's for dinner. It was so good to hold Cass in my arms for a little bit. I got a bunch of hugs. She had her friend Laikara sleeping over and she wasn't afraid to hug her mom. I think that's special. I got several hugs through out the night. And dinner was fantastic - what I could taste of it. Damn nose. Ugh . . . Jason makes the best BBQ chicken and I couldn't enjoy it to the fullest. I did want dessert though, so on the way home I stopped and McDonald's for a regular Dr. Pepper, an ice cream cone AND an apple and a cherry pie. Pie ala mode.Yummy!

Now it's time for me to relax. I already watched "Finding Bigfoot," which was good. They were in Washington state and they did some calls and got some calls back. It's cool! Then I am watching "THe Glades." This was pretty intresting too. Callie's husband gets beat up by a couple of guys - it was a set up. Think he's trying to talk Callie into going into Witsec. Then the murder takes the case into the Nascar circuit with a dash of bank robbery. After this I'm watching the series finale of "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" and I'm going to try to stay up for "In Plain Sight."

Guess that's it.

Time To Say A Goodbye To Someone

Today I've felt a little better though I have been very tired. I woke up around 12:30pm and made myself stay up. But all I wanted was to go to sleep. Still, I managed to get Jordan to help me with laundry, which is awesome. I did my stretches again. Got it going again. Did GRAPES so I'm back on track. I'm not at my Happy Place, but I'm doing pretty well, I think. I had a strange dream though. I had a dream that involved a lot of animals. Like a bunch of colorful guyppies and then a colorful lizzard with a bad attitude and I had to catch it to move it from one container to another. It was hard and I was afraid it would bite me. But I managed to get it. There were other weird things too, but I don't remember them. I think I saw Denise in my dream though. I can't remember if we were friends or not though. Must not have been that important. LOL!

Anyway, getting laundry done was a good thing. I also watched "Brad Melzer's Decoded." They showed about three episodes - Cornerstone of the White House mystery. Another of Lewis' supposed suicide. And the what is it called the Georgia guide stones. It was all interesting, though I have seen it before. But I do love to watch certain shows over again. It's like "River Monsters." I could watch those episodes over and over again. Go figure. 

Finally Jordan went to bed and I finally got my computer so I hopped on Cafemom for awhile played on the forums. Anyway My mom made dinner earlier. She made cheeseburgers which were awesome. But all I've been doing is playing on Cafemom, loving up Karissa and downloading some of the pix off the camera. Then I also posted one pic of Karissa on Cat Lovers. I talked to Nicole and she hit a nerve with Greg because he had the nerve to contact me. Saying he chose Linda because he thought I didn't want him. I DON'T want him. But I finally let loose on how he blew me off for most of 9 years. That he was a liar. That he lied to me about Linda and He lied to Linda about me. That it also came down to sex for him and whatever. I was done and I told him not to contact me again. But he did. Wanted his keys back. I told him to come in the morning and Jordan would give him the key. But I had finally decided it was over. I have given him so much latitued. I forgave him so many times. I was done. I don't want it in my life anymore. He could have helped me get my brakes done like he promised, but nope. He disappeared for days - TWICE! I have let it go for long enough. Hope he's happy with Linda. 

Anyway, tonight I also watched "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" followed by "Finding Bigfoot" Followed by "The Glades" and if I can stay awake until 1:00am I'll watch "In Plain Sight" and I really want to see it. 

Well, I'm done for tonight. Wish me luck for staying up.

Negatives and Positives

I have a feeling this is going to be a very short since I don't really have much to say. My day was pretty minimal as far as what I was able to do because I slept most of the day. I was tired. I basically took too much medicine last night trying to get to sleep. I did wake up at 8:30am and called Greg because I didn't want to go down there without knowing he was awake. Well, I called and called and surprise, surprise, I didn't hear from him. In fact, I haven't heard from him AT ALL! Of course, the asshole has to do that to me. If he doesn't get off his ass and fix my car like he said he would then I won't talk to him ever again. I have never been able to rely on him and it's basically the same shit, different day. He hasn't changed at all. He still blows me off. I don't care what his excuse is since it's probably Linda. I am done. I am doone with his lies. I am done with getting blown off and being told that he'll do something or will be there for me only to have him blow me off. I am so tired of him. I really am. And because of him, I'm fucked about getting brakes unless I can find someone to do it around $100 or if someone will front me the money for some of it until next month. I can't tell my mom. But this will be the last time I will let him let me down.

Anyway, I took way too much meds last night and after calling and waiting for a bit of trying to reach him I ended falling back to speed. I slept until 1:00pm, got up, ate some lunch - chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and green beans. It was good. Then I went back to my room and I played online, but I don't think I stayed up all that long. I feel back asleep until around 6:00pm. Well slept on and off. I finally got up after that. My mom made some noodles and shrimp. I also had some tomatoes and canteloupe. I love melon. Yum!

Since then I watched some TV, but nothing really solid from beginning to end. I watched some "Criminal Minds" and "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" but I did watch "Sanctuary" all the way through. This one was kind of sad. They ended up in a Time Dialation dome. There were people living in there and their time was faster than normal time. The sad thing is, that by collapsing the dome, people born within the doom disappeared. Like they had never lived. It was too sad. I like happy endings and this one was just sad. :-( Hope the next one has a better ending.

Oh and Kimberly called me tonight and that helped put me in a little better mood. I really enjoy talking with her. We can inspire each other and be supportive. I think I need that at the time. I was telling her how I get a little down after I say goodbye to Cassie and she mentioned that I should trying to think of the positive. That I'm doing what's best. That I am a good mom. She did get me to think about what I truly believe about myself and it turns out that I am a LOYAL friend. I believe I am a loyal friend. She said to build on that, so I will try to do that. In fact, maybe I'll tell myself I'm beautiful and I love myself as I look at my reflection in the mirror.

Anyway, I suppse that's about it. Tomorrow is another day and I think it will be a good day. I need to get back to my positive attitude. I need to wake up and just start being positive again. Not that I'm really supper down or anything. But I want to be happy and positive. And every day is a new beginning. I have to remember that.

      

Minnows and Turtles and Cassie's - Oh My!

Today was pretty good. I do have to say that. However, I have spent so much money this last two days that I'm going to be lucky to get my brakes done. I hope Greg can do it cheap, cheap, cheap. Yeah, I'm talking to Greg again. I guess. He's going to fix the car and that's good. I think I do need to tell him that I don't want to be in the middle of his stuff. But it's not like he can control her and I haven't heard from her since that one time. Still, she has my number and I don't like it. But oh well.

I woke up at noon. Got up and dressed. Cassie called me and told me she was bringing me minnows and a turtle she found in the creek. :-P Told her I wasn't sure what we were going to do with the turtle. LOL! But it got me off my butt and cleaned out the fish tank. Turned out she only had two minnows to add. No big deal. The slider, however, is the size of my hand!! He's in Tubbie's tank at the moment and Tubbie is in what Cassie brought the slider in. We're called the turtle Waterclaw at the moment. Oh yeah, and she brought me a crawdad from the creek as well. :-P The creek was very full of critters today. 

We also went to Walmart and I spent way too much money. I got her some pamprin because it's that time of the month, poor thing. And though it wasn't much, she was passing clots and that is PAINFUL. I know. Happens to me every time! Then I also got some bread. Cat food. Turtle food, which the turtle doesn't get as good. So that was wasted money. Ugh! Then I got us that lunch at McDonald's - McChickens and drinks. Then I got her a father's card for Jason and one for Grandpa Roger and I got her a white and black print dress. It's cute! But she forgot to take him home and I have no idea where she put it in my room. I guess there are only so many places so I should be able to find it easy enough. 

After that, we came home and she played on the computer for a bit. She played music off her playlist and I found out that Aqua changed their name to Toy-Box. The weird thing is, I kind of remember reading something about it. And at least they changed their name to something that really fits them - in my opinion. I like some of Cassie's music like Three Day's Grace, Katy Perry and Owl City. Yeah, a little different. She's ecclectic like me! Though not quite as ecclectic! :-D We also looked at pix of cats that were on Petfinder.com. Even the mice and the hamsters. Eventually we left to go get dinner. We stopped at Kahoots on the way so I could get crickets for Tubbie and we got goldfish for Waterclaw, though we put two in with the minnows. I hope they don't eat them. After that we were going to get a pizza from Costco, but there was no parking so we went to Little Ceaser's. Of course, it wasn't as good as Costco pizza, but it worked. My mom couldn't stand it. And when Jordan woke up he ate the rest. 

I eventually took Cassie home to Jason and Susan's. We stoped at her friend Katie Kelly's because she needed to pick up the library books she'd let her friend borrow. Then I hung out at the apartment for about a half hour to hour. I could have stayed later, but Cassie was engrossed in reading FanFiction online. She's writing up her own story for Warrior Cats. I look forward to reading some of it when she's ready to share.

After that, I came home, played on Cafemom and watched TV. I wrote my GRAPES on my journal there (And my hand written copy). I wrote up a post in my own group "Moms Without Their Kids" about missing Cassie already. Then I also watched "Law and Order: Criminal Intent," "Finding Bigfoot," "The Glades" and I wanted to watch "In Plain Sight" but I need to try to get some sleep. I have to wake up early and go to Greg's so he can fix my breaks. Hope to God they're not that expensive because I am down to my last bit of money. If my mother knew she'd kill me. Thank God I'm getting money on the 9th. If my $50 check would just come in I would be find. Ugh! No check last month. It's got to come this month. I need it badly. To be honest, I'm stressing just a little bit. I don't know where all the money went! I guess it was easy to spend money on food and stuff. I so wish I hadn't of eaten out so much now. I bet at least $100 went to fastfood for dinners. 

Well, I suppose I should take my meds and try to get some sleep. Though if I'm stupid, which sometimes I am, I'll finish watching this "Criminal Minds" and then the "In Plain Sight." We'll see.

     

Proud as a Peacock!

Today was another quiet day. I woke up, got coffee and I did my stretches watching "Quigley Down Under." I felt really good about getting my stretches done. Jason called me too at Disney California and told me all that Cassie was doing. It's nice because it makes me feel like I'm part of it. I got to hear about how she rode the rollercoaster with the loops and she rode Tower of Terror. She even won a Dumbo from some game she played! I am so proud of her for the rides though. Those were the two she was really afraid of, but Jason's son Daniel talked her into them and now she LOVES them! LOL! I knew she would once she tried them. So that was very cool.

Anyway, I also did more typing up of "Crossfire." I made it through chapter 2! I am typing up better on here, though I still do get tripped up. I just get my fingers crossed, I guess. But all in all my typing is getting much faster on here with fewer mistakes and fewer issues with hitting the cursor pad on the laptop. I am really proud of myself! I think I'm going to try to type up a chapter a day and see how that goes. Some chapters are longer than others so we'll see. But that will be the goal.

I also did something else that I'm proud about. It took a lot of determination on my part. I called Kimberly!! I took a deep breath and did it! I got her answering machine, but she eventually called me back and we talked for awhile about a bunch of different things. I am just so proud of myself for reaching out. It's still going to take effort to do it again, but one success can lead to another! And I told Kim I would see her at class tomorrow.

Karissa has been loving. She likes to sleep on top of my crate. I have so much stuff in it, but since I put my shirt down for her she has hardly moved off it. I have also pet, hugged and kissed her all day long. It sure makes me feel good and she doesn't seem to mind since she purrs. I don't know what I'd do without her. Being without Cassie is difficult, but Karissa eases that pain a bit.

Tonight I just have been kicking back, playing on Facebook. I think I found a couple of old friends online, but I haven't found the one I really want to find - Troy. Wish I could find him, but I just can't seem to do it. It's frustrating, but I hope one day I'll catch up with him again.

I also watched some repeats of "River Monsters" followed by "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" followed by "In Plain Sight." Both great episodes. Right now, "Burn Notice" is on and at midnight I'm going to watch the new episode of "River Monsters." I do enjoy that show. The crazy thing is I'm hungry again so I think I'm going to go find a snack.  Eventually I'll sleep.

A Sunday With My GOOD Family!

Today was another pretty good day, outside of being a bit sore from the stretches. But I have stretched for another day in a row. So far so good! It's because I "WANT" to do my stretches. Cool, huh?

Anyway, I woke up around noon, give or take 30 minutes. I then got coffee and did my stretches. I started doing my GRAPES, took my meds, went through some spirals looking for my hand-written version of "Crossfire" which I planned to finish reading and work on. After that, I headed over to Jason and Susan's because they invited me over for dinner. They did last night too, but I couldn't last night.

It was nice being over there. I got to spend time with Jason and Susan, but I really got to spend time with Cassie. Then I guess I was talking more than usual because Jason asked me if I was manic. LOL! I asked him if I were talking fast and he said after that, that he didn't think I was manic. I guess he's just not used to me talking that much anymore. Most of the time for the last year or so I haven't had much to say. But with the classes and working the tools everyday so far so good. But the real challenge will be when I have a really bad day. Hopefully I'll be able to really use the tools and cope. However, I hope I don't have to test it out anytime soon. But with Diana coming next month and me having to be elsewhere and out of my comfort zone . . . I don't know. I can see a lot of anxiety looming, but I'm hoping I keep it together. I mean, it's just one month right? Okay, well . . . we'll see what happens. But so far so good with the tools.

Anyway, Susan made chicken-fried steak with mashed potatoes and country gravy with corn on the cob. Then for dessert we had French Vanilla ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. Then Jason and I watched part of this show called "Killing of Bin Laden" and it was interesting. I could have watched more, if there had been more. But shortly after that I took my leave. I said goodnight and goodbye. Gave Cassie hugs and kisses. On the way home I got fuel for the car. I needed it badly. Then once I was home I pulled apart my corner because I had the wrong spiral for "Crossfire". I had the original draft - what I'd written of it though. What I needed was the second draft - the one I was typing up before my desktop computer took a dump. It took awhile to get through my corner, but I have it better organized now. It could be better and eventually I'm going to have to pack it all up anyway. It just sucks. I hate that I have to uproot my life because Diana is coming. I know my mom wants to work on my room, but this is really going to play havoc with me emotionally. Oh well, I might as well not stress on it now.

So all I did tonight after going through my corner was watch "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" and then "In Plain Sight." They were both great episodes. It's interesting to see Goran in therapy. And then the love story of this guy and the woman he has always loved (Since he was 9), only to remain her best friend. But eventually he tells her how he feels. She tells him how she feels and they live happily in Witsec ever after! LOL! That and I think Marshal is still in love with Mary. I think he always will be. I wonder what Mary would do about that! LOL! He's her best friend. After that, I took Jordan to the store and we each got a piece of cake and a soda. I shouldn't have probably, but it sure tasted good! And I also wrote to my Aussie. I'm waiting to hear back from him, but he does get busy. Still . . . I wish I'd hear from him more.

Oh and it was so funny! Just for fun, I rubbed some catnip into the corner of my bed and I got a great laugh watching Karissa rub and roll all over it and eventually lay down and enjoy. It was so funny! It brought a smile to my face.

Anyway, tomorrow I have class - Recovery International Group. It's a great group. Then I'll be trying to work on "Crossfire." There's not much else on the agenda. We'll just take it as it comes.

  

Osama bin Laden is Dead!!

I can't believe it. After almost 10 years that son-of-a-bitch is dead! I wish it would have happened sooner, but the fact that he's finally dead is so wonderful! I kind of question myself being so happy a human being is dead, but he killed so many people all over the world. If anyone deserved to die it was HIM! It's funny how I thought about him the other day and wondered if he were dead or alive. Just a thought out of the blue. And I am so happy that the answer is DEAD!

I remember how I found out the planes had flown into the twin towers. Jason had called me. I was in the process of getting Jordan ready for school. He called and said a plane flew into the one of the twin towers. Or maybe he said both. But either way, I didn't believe him at first. I literally asked him if he was pulling my leg. That's when he told me to turn on the TV . . . I got Jordan out the door and turned on the TV. The horror was there for all to see. I couldn't believe it. I watched the images of the airplanes crashing into the twin towers. The towers fall . . . I heard about all the people, firemen, police officers . . . that were dead. It was horrible. All I wanted to hear back then was that this bastard was dead.

Eventually I had to stop watching the news. It caused my illness to get worse because I was obsessing. I started not really sleeping. I was always on edge. I don't know. It just seemed to be the center of my attention (except for the kids, of course). My therapist at the time told me I needed to stop watching the news so I did. For years I couldn't watch anything about 9/11 without getting symptoms. Finally about a year or two ago I was finally able to watch documentaries about it. I still won't watch the movies made about the event though. But knowing that Osama bin Laden is finally dead in some respects brings relief. He's dead. He, personally, can't hurt anyone anymore.

Outside of that wonderful news, not much else went on today. I slept a lot. I edited a little of "Assassin's Seduction" and "Crossfire." Especially "Crossfire" so I can get through what I have and start working on it again. It's pretty damn good, if I say so myself! Then after the big announcement about Osama bin Laden I watched the premiere of "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" where Goran and Amse are back. It was an awesome episode too. It was a definite who-done-it until the end. Then I watched the premiere of "In Plain Sight" where Mary's sister is suspected of helping in a 6-car car theft. Mary and Marshal with a help of a protected witness got to the bottom of it. Another great episode.

So between getting some editing done and watching two of my shows premiere and heard that Osama bin Laden was dead, it's been a pretty good day!! :-D



Exhausted

Well, I can say I didn't sleep the day awake which I guess is a significant improvement. However, I didn't sleep last night. I think I might have gotten a few minutes here and there, but I basically didn't really sleep. In fact, I tried to sleep this morning. That didn't work either so I ended up getting up, getting dressed and getting me my coffee. I have missed my coffee since I won't drink it when I sleep late.

Anyway, I needed to do shopping so I got the list my mother made and headed to Walmart. I got a couple other things that weren't on the list, but figured we'd need; like tortillas. Then I swung by Trader Joe's. I picked up some hummus and my favorite chicken cesar wrap. That was my lunch. After that I went to Vons. Had to get a Pork Shoulder. I also grabbed some oranges and fruit juice I could drink fast. So I pretty much spent the morning shopping.

When I got home I really didn't do much. Watched TV - there was a mini-marathon of "Law and Order: Criminal Intent." I am way too tired to do any writing tonight so it's put off until tomorrow. I still want my confidence back. I know I'm a good writer, but some part of me refuses to believe it now. It sucks. All I've wanted to be since I was a teen was a writer. I thought I had a shot and I still think I do, but I just can't get over this feeling that I'm just not good enough. Story of my life, I guess. Never feeling good enough, always feeling like I've somehow failed or I'm just inherently bad. Don't get me wrong. I'm not depressed at the moment. In fact, I've been good with a few moments of being down here and there, but no monumental depression. In fact I even saw Cassie today. Her arm/shoulder was hurting again. Apparently she got dog piled on at her boyfriend's house on Superbowl Sunday. The doctor sent her to get X-rays, but as they were going up to Childrens they had to stop by and get her insurance cards. I need to write out a note though that gives Jason and Susan the authorization to get medical care for Cassie. It will just make things like this easier instead of them calling me to get authorization. I do worry it's going to raise too many questions, but I figure it will work out in the end.

Patty F. called me today, which was a nice surprise. I hadn't talked to her since last month or two. Her father died and I think life just overcame here. I mean, he died suddenly and I know how that can hurt and destroy your life for awhile. When my dad died, we watched him decline so when he passed none of us were surprised. But when my niece died, it was right out of nowhere. Of course, it made it worse that I looked at her like one of my children. It KILLED me. For years I couldn't even talk about her without crying. Anyway, Patty was doing better. She told me how she's taken Mason skating at his friend's party and she tried skating with him because he really wanted her too. But she fell three times! After that she called it quits. I don't blame here! LOL! Once you're over-weight your center of gravity changes (kinda like being pregnant). I tried ice skating once when I was heavier than I had been when I'd first learned and fell three times. Not sure what it is with three's. I guess we're programmed to try something three times before giving up. One, two, three - you're out! :-P But it was just good to hear from her.

I also cleaned out Tubbie's tank today and got him some crickets. I was worried. He looked like he was getting a little sick. My fault for not doing this sooner. But now it's done and he looks tons better. I have it written on my schedule when to take care of him now so that way it gets done and I don't forget when I did it last. Sometimes I can't remember anything to save my life. The nickname Dory didn't come to me for no reason! LOL!

I made a quick dinner tonight. My mom didn't feel up to cooking. Jordan was hungry and exhausted. He hadn't slept all night too. He stayed up to right his sleeping schedule. Anyway, I made hot dogs. I bought hot dog buns and hot dogs today so no big deal. It was a good and simple dinner.

Well, I think I'm about to call it a night. I just about lost this post so I guess I'd better save as post as quickly as possible. I think I'm going to sleep tonight FINALLY! I am so exhausted. And hopefully my Karissa won't wake me up either. I apparently have a mouse in my room because she went nuts a little bit ago and I could have sworn I saw something small and dark running away from her. So long as it's not a rat and hopefully if she catches it she won't bring it on the bed for me to play with.

Okay, officially I am outta here. I'm too tired for words and I've made it through my shows - "Chuck," "Being Human" (which is a great new show on Syfy) and "Hawaii 5-0." I'd say it's been a pretty good day. Tomorrow will be good too. Positive thinking. . . positive thinking . . . it will work.