Christmas Shopping, Christmas Shows

I was okay most of today. Now I feel tired and kinda down. Not depressed, but maybe just coming down after a bit of a high. Though I slept late today - well about average for me lately - I got some stuff done. I picked up Cassie from school though late. I got there on time and then she stayed late for Science. I took the time to start reading another book called "A Christmas to Remember," by Kay Stockham. Then once we got home, she was starving and didn't want tuna or the like. So she ended up asking if she could make stuffing. Boy am I so glad that we have a microwave now! That's what I should have bought earlier. Though I can buy it tomorrow.

Anyway, Cassie and I had stuffing. It didn't seem seasoned enough. It was weird. Usually stove top stuffing tastes great. After that, Susan was there to pick her up. I left shortly after they did because I wanted to run up to Walmart. Of course, I had to stop and get a diet Dr. Pepper from McDonald's.

I was also hoping I was making it to Walmart before any crowds and I did!! I was able to get "Cowboys and Aliens" without an issue. Then I also found Jordan a long sleeved shirt that looks cool. I looked in the $5 bin and I saw a couple of movies I would have liked to have had, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. So I paid for my items, got a refill and then headed home. I was excited and showed my mom what I got Jordan. She liked it too.

After that, I played on Cafemom for a bit and thought about making a Christmas newsletter. You know, the family newsletter thing. But I couldn't find any templates or anything. I was frustrated because what I really wanted was Borderbund Printshop Press Writer. Well, it turns out that it's really cheat and Jason was so sweet! He bought it for me and I should have it next week! Just in time to make a newsletter for Christmas. I have certain people to send cards to. Maybe three or four. My birthmom, my birthfather, Linda and Roger and . . . Not sure. It would have been Maggie and Verne, but I haven't heard from her since her move. Ah well.

After Jason said he got me the Press Writer Program, I stopped working on the one I had started by hand. It was a pain in the ass, but I could have done it, but the press writer will make things so much easier.

Then I got antsy and was thinking about my mom and the Catherine's card. I figured why not go! I was hoping that there wouldn't be a lot of people at the mall and I was right! :-D I think next week we'll start seeing a real crunch. Anyway, I went to Catherine's for a pair of winter PJs and I found some! They didn't ask to see my ID or anything which is what I was afraid of. And the PJs are so cute! They have a frog couple holding candy canes and stuff. I don't think I want to have them under the tree! I want to use them now! LOL!

Well, on the way home I stopped at the 99 cent store. I had to pick up batteries for the boom box anyway and I thought I would get the kids and I fuzzy socks for the stockings. I also got Jordan and brush and Cassie flavored lip gloss. Then when I got home I showed my mom the PJs and she thinks they're so cute. Now she's talking about getting me a robe. :-) But she's also thinking of going there without me, so who knows what she's going to get. LOL! But I am happy with the PJs.

Cassie came home shortly there after. She was exhausted and basically went straight to bed. I covered her up with a heated throw and two blankets. That should keep her warm enough. Then I finished watching the Christmas episodes of "Eureka,""Warehouse 13" and "Haven." They were all a lot of fun to watch. "Eureka" was by far the funniest as they got turned into cartoons, claymations and anime! LOL! "Warehouse 13" was about an artifact and made the world like Pete never existed. Of course, he fixed everything once he was able to get everyone back together again. Though it took convincing. Then in "Haven" it was Christmas in July. Not only were everyone putting up Christmas decorations but they started disappearing!! Turned out it was this girl and a snowglobe and how she needed to stop living in it. Right now "Eureka" is back on.

I also played more on Cafemom. Just posted a couple of things. And I am so happy that I pretty much have most of my Christmas shopping DONE! I want to get Jones sodas and stuff, but that's easy. Then I'll get Christmas candy for stockings. Maybe some nuts and oranges. Things are going to be great! Now I'm feeling better again.

Man, I'm tired. I would say that I'm going to go to sleep right away, but everytime I say it, it doesn't happen. So I'll sleep when I sleep, but I'm tired. LOL!

Bumps on the Road

I think the depression is still with me. I don't feel as bad as I did, but I didn't want to wake up today and have been tired all day too. But the great thing about today was that Cassie and Katie Kelly came over!! :-) It worked out that Katie came with her because I really didn't feel like carving a pumpkin and usually I LOVE to do it. Another sign that my depression is still hanging around. But it was good to just be with Cassie too.

Cassie and Katie got the papers spread out over this tarp my mom gave them and then they set out carving. Cassie cut the top of her pumpkin first and remembered the chimney. She told me I'd trained her to do that. :-) Then Katie Kelly cut hers. Cassie spent a lot of time cleaning out her pumpkin and we talked about growing pumpkins. She also decided to do the cat sitting on a branch and started to poke out the design. Katie Kelly took longer to get her pumpkin cleaned out, but that was cool. She decided to do the dragon. I took pictures! :-D It worked out very well!

Then the girls wanted to go to the park so I said okay. They left. My mom took a nap. When she woke up she wanted to go to the 99 cent store, but Cassie and her friend weren't back from the park yet. She starts yelling at me about why did I let them go when I knew she wanted to go to the store! UGH!!! I was really short with her and told her they left BEFORE she said anything. But I called Cassie and had them come back.

That ended up being a bit of a fiasco because it caused an argument between my mom and I. Cassie wanted the computer, but Jordan was using it stay awake. She started bitching about him. My mom agrees with her and starts bitching about him and took over the bitching. Jordan hears and gets upset. It gets me upset and my mom and I end up yelling at each other. But I did take her to the store. She bitched and moaned about getting me some batteries and a chocolate rice putting which was a total of $4 plus tax on the batteries. But I stopped arguing with her.

By the time we got home, Cassie and Katie Kelly were gone. I texted her and told her I loved her and that I was glad she'd come over. I then went out to the front yard and watered. My mom started dinner for us - frozen dinners, salad, potato hash. But before they were done I went to my room and watched "Finding Bigfoot: Further Evidence" Basically they took the episodes and added some comments here and there. It's cool. It's like "River Monsters: Unhooked." I also spent a little time working on my James Bond fan fiction. I am so tired though, I didn't push the writing like I did yesterday.

Dinner was good. Then I had that chocolate rice pudding. It was good. I liked it. But I think I prefer regular rice pudding.

Anyway, I went back to my room but then I left to go see Crazy Uncle Steve's house. I put the batteries in the boom box, but I'm not liking my boom box. It wouldn't stay on the channel unless I keep my finger on it. It shouldn't be like that. But I got to watch the two songs he has synched up to the lights. It was so cool! He puts so much work into the lights and it's great to be able to enjoy it. I'm going to go over there several times during Christmas.

When I got back I went back to watching "Finding Bigfoot: Further Evidence," but I turned it when I saw the time because I wanted to watch "The Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs." I have been waiting two weeks for this at least. So needless to say that show took presidence over any other show. But now I'm watching the last half of "IRT - Deadliest Roads." Then I'm going to hope that the bigfoot special that was on at the same time as "The Next Iron Chef" is re-airing. I'll find out in about ten minutes!

Guess that's about it for my day. I am exhausted so I don't know if I'm actually going to watch the bigfoot show or not if it's on. I might just take my meds and go to sleep. But we'll see. It depends on how I feel.

I can't believe that Halloween is tomorrow! It's exciting! Cassie is going to the dance at school tomorrow with her boyfriend Ben. She's going to look so cute as a fox. I've seen her in the costume and she is cute in it. But what's cool too, is that Cassie might trick-or-treat around here!! I don't know why it's so exciting for me, but it is. :-D I hope tomorrow is a great day. I don't want anymore days where I feel exhausted like this.

First Draft of the Synopsis DONE!

I did it!! I finished the first draft of my synopsis! It was difficult. I had to stop a lot of times, but I did it! I think some of it is actually kinda good, but I think a lot of it needs to be worked on, so tomorrow I'm going to work on the next draft. Maybe try typing it this time and see what comes out. At least I went through the book and took the best parts of it, I think.

Anyway, I got up this morning and I didn't want to get up. It does seem like I spend most of the day exhausted. It sucks. Cassie was awake again and almost ready for school. I got my coffee and she drank about a third of it. LOL! Then I took her to school. When I got home though, I went back to sleep after making her bed. Apparently I did a crap job of it because my mother complained. I was very tired. She wants me to remake it, but I don't think I will.

When I was sleeping I had some of the weirdest dreams. I had a dream that my mom was sleeping in the bed with me and that Karissa wanted out so I pushed open the window screen down making it fall. Then I woke up in the dream! I can't remember a lot of whatelse happened, but I remember yelling at some girl. Then some woman confronts me about people not wanting to deal with me or something and I said something about the store working like a regular store. Then I was at a store that seemed to have stuff - I think books, video games and what not. Then I was at this funky machine trying to get it to work when my mom actually woke me up. It was weird because it took me a moment to realize that I hadn't been awake. That I'd just got woken up! Weird, huh?

Anyway, my mom wanted to go to the 99 cent store so I took her. I went in long enough to get water. Then out in the car I worked on the synopsis. Almost as soon as we got home, I had to leave again to go get Cassie from school. I worked on the synopsis again as I waited. Then as soon as I got home with her Susan was there to pick her up. :-) Susan, Jason and Cassie all got their hair cut. Cassie got all kinds of layers. It looks great! Now she wants it colored! Fuscha and green streaks. :-) 

My mom gave me money to get burgers tonight for dinner. She was in a crappy mood today though. But I guess she's just getting disgusted with Jordan and I. Whatelse is new, right? My room is a disaster. Jordan is a mess and sleeps all the time too . . . he gives her attitude. I went to McDonald's and got the burgers. I got myself a drink too. I paid for that though. When I came back, Jordan still didn't want to wake up so my mom and I just ate. Then I went back to my room and kept working on the synopsis, stopping here and there for breaks. I went online to Cafemom and Yahoo. But really just briefly here and there.

Anyway, now I am thoroughly exhausted. I've been watching "Criminal Minds" on and off as I worked as well. Now I'm going to finish watching this one, then I'm watching "Haven" and hopefully going to sleep, but I never seem to be able to. But we'll keep trying.

Just a Little Note

Today feels like it's been a bit long, but it really hasn't. I'm just tired from not sleeping until 8:00am again and then when I did sleep, I had nightmares. I had this really bad nightmare where I let this woman watch my baby, but she wouldn't give me my baby back. There was something about hair and a woman from some government organization came and told me that the woman didn't have to give my baby back to me like I was some terrible person. That just stood out to me from all the dreams. I think it just stems from everything that has gone on with Cassie and John calling welfare on me . . . I hope I don't have anymore nightmares. Makes me sleep even worse, of course.

Anyway, I had Jordan clean out the car a little bit. Cassie came over to ask for money for the concert tomorrow - the Warped Tour. I didn't have it, but she wanted to ask Grandma. Grandma doesn't have it so she actually asked Diana. After talking to her for like 20 minutes Cassie was able to get the money to go - $46.50. That was really nice to Diana though there are always strings. However, nothing she can't do. I was just happy that she got the money to go. Of course, I can't believe she pierced her own lip! Ugh! I have the pic. She sent it to me. There's no use getting upset because it's done. I just can't believe she did it to herself! Guess she wanted one bad enough to do it herself. Ick . . . She's the one that has to live with it now.

When it reached 6:00pm Jordan and I left to go to the Drive-In to use our re-admission tickets. We went to go see "Cowboys vs. Aliens" and "Stupid, Crazy Love." On the way there we stopped at Vons and bought drinks and sandwiches and fruit pies. Then we stopped at the 99 cent store to get other goodies. The funny thing is, I couldn't eat that much after the sandwich. I mean the sub is HUGE. But it was dinner!

While waiting for the movie to started, I read more of "Passion." I'm getting more into it now. I just have this anxiety that I'm going to have to wait a year for the last book! LOL! I don't like to wait! :-P But so far it's good. I can't wait to see what happens in this book. And the movie "Cowboys vs. Aliens" was pretty good and Daniel Craig looked as handsome as ever! The storyline was really good. I wish the girl had lived, but oh well . . . she saved the world. Can't fault her for that! :-) "Stupid, Crazy Love" was kinda stupid, but the ending was good and had some humor, but it's not something I'll be putting in my collection unlike "Cowboys vs. Aliens" when it hits DVD.

On the way home we stopped at CVS pharmacy to grab my ativan!! Thank god for ATIVAN! I might actually get some sleep tonight! But I wanted to write this first. Now, I'm going to take my meds - my ativan - drink a little more soda and go to sleep. Tomorrow I have to wake up relatively early to take my mom to Costco. Diana might go. I don't know. Guess I'll find out in the morning.

Goodnight.

Special Days!!

Well, I have a good reason for not posting last night. I met Rick!! I think it was the start of a good thing. He was looking for a lover and I was looking for something or something to bring me back to life and he's done that. At least by this first meeting. He's not that greatest kisser, but he is good in bed. And he's caring. I'm not too into dirty talk, but he's not overly verbal and in I'm not very verbal at all. Well, some . . . Anyway, we didn't get together until around 11 or Midnight and I didn't get home until about 2:30am. We both talked too. He loves my laugh. He was exhausted though by the time we were done because he had flown back to San Diego from Toronto. I don't know whatelse he did that day, but I know the time difference must have been hitting hard. 3 Hours ahead of here. Plus he had a meeting this morning and for me last night I was pretty wound up and had a hard time sleeping. Rather than wear me down it perked me up! LOL! Then I had trouble with my legs which sometimes happens. I don't think I fell asleep until about 5:00am. Of course, I had to wake up at 9:15am to take my mother to a doctor's appointment.

I waited for her at Walmart at the McDonald's. I grabbed a Sausage Biscuit with an Xtra large Diet Dr. Pepper. I know, what a combo! :-) I was so tired when I started reading "King Arthur" by Norma Lorre Goodrich. I have read it five or six times. I didn't want to start anything else when I was going to get "Passion" by Lauren Kate. Anyway, I was also bad and bought razor blades. Call it a strange security blanket. I also bought some bologna. My mom gave me the money for it, but I used the last of the money on my food card and used the money for the razors. 

I picked up my mom and she wanted to go to the 99 cent store. She wanted lemons. When we got there, I didn't see any so I asked this guy who worked there if there were lemons and he was nice enough to go into the back and bring out two boxs of bags of lemons. My mom grabbed 5 of them, I think. Plus some limes and some other stuff like zucchini. I was glad to get home at first. Then my mom had said something about my money coming in. So I checked the recipt and sure enough my money had come in!! So I got Jordan. We went to Taco Bell for lunch. Then headed to Walmart - I got "Passion" and my own copy of "Fallen" plus "Burn Notice: Season 4" and I also got Jordan two books to read - "Assassin's Creed: The Secret Crusade" and then a "Star Wars" book. I'm just glad he wanted books to read!! I also got a DVD called "The Warrior's Way" and I got a new memory card for the camera for when I run out of room with the other. Also got some 5-hour Energy. I also picked up some stuff for Diana - Non-fat yogurt, low fat cottage cheese, milk 2% . . . They didn't have the Truvia she wanted though.

After Walmart we stopped at the Vet to get Flea Killer for Karissa. I forgot what it was called, but it's like SafeGuard or something. It was supposed to work within 30 minutes. Since we put it on here, I haven't seen her scratching which is WONDERFUL!! She was starting to get pretty scabbed up again. Then we took then dairy items home. From there we went to Albertson's to get the Truvia. I got water and soda. It was $1 for a 2 lt. From there we went to Kahoots for goldfish for Mr. Crabbs and then put gas in the fuel tank of the car. When we got home I was definitely ready to be there. Jordan and I snacked on some powdered donettes I'd gotten too while we watched "The Warrior's Way." It was actually pretty good and not a totally unhappy ending. It was stylized and it was definitely enjoyable.

I was just getting on the computer after that when my mom said that they had dinner for us. Something I was not expecting!! We got lamb, fried zucchini and rose potatoes. It was so good!! It was a really nice treat and Diana had cooked the lamb. Lately she hasn't done anything for us because of her attitude. But I guess me not hesitating to get her stuff changed her tune a little bit.

Then I got on the laptop, posted on my "I'm not Fat! I'm Fluffy!" group on Cafemom. Called Nicole and called Rick . . . I am so tired!! LOL! Anyway, I watched "Billy the Exterminator" - In fact I'm watching the new one now. I also watched something on Killer Shark Attacks! Something called Black December from Durbin, South Africa back in the 50's. It was really striking to watch. I mean, it was re-enactments, but still.

Anyway, it has been a good day. I feel good. It's going to suck tomorrow when I'm broke again, but at least I emotionally feel better. Hopefully it lasts. Now I need to finish watching Billy, taking my meds and going to sleep! LOL! I definitely need it!

Feeling Kinda Alone

My mood has been a bit dicey today, but as it turns out, I started my period today!! Oh how wonderful that is! NOT! But I suppose at least I'll stop wondering what happened to it. And it will be done and over.

I have been missing Jordan today. It sucks to be without both of my kids. I really feel completely alone and I haven't felt this in a very long time and with my stupid sister Diana coming out I'm going to feel even more alone. And my anxiety will go up. It would be worse with Jordan here while she's here. They hate each other and she will yell at him to his face - even though it means standing on her tip toes. And he'll just tell her to fuck off. But feeling alone makes me feel vulnerable. I hate it, hate it, hate it!!

Anyway, I took my mom to get her hair cut and while she did that, I went to Walmart. I picked up a few things and then went to McDonald's where I grabbed a McDouble and a Diet Dr. Pepper. This one old woman tried to take my table, so I said we'd share. When I came back and sat down, she got mad at me!! But she moved to another table. I was commended on how I dealt with her. Apparently other people didn't think she was all there. They were probably right because she seemed that way to me too. 

Then just as I'm about ready to start reading my mom shows up! I'm glad she didn't notice some of the stuff I bought. After that we went to the 99 cent store. We got lemons and onions and mushrooms. Also got some zucchini which my mom cooked up as part of dinner. We also had chicken. I could have eaten a lot more zucchini. Maybe later. My mom and I had to take in the trash cans too, which usually is Jordan's job.

After that, I got online and have been playing on Cafemom since. I managed to find two of my old groups so I joined, went into my old accounts and put my new account as co-owners. I also managed to put stuff up and create new forums. I guess I just needed more to do since sometimes the groups get a bit quiet and sometimes there's just nothing for me to say. 

Anyway, I took my night meds so I guess I should be trying to go to sleep. I miss my kids and it sucks.

          

Sassy Sunday!

It's so nice to be back to my happy self. I don't know what happened for a few days last week, but now I'm all good again and even though I slept in again today I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed! LOL! Sometimes when I sleep too much I will wake up feeling off. But not today! :-)

I haven't done much today, but either way I have been feeling good. My brother was over for awhile, but mostly while I was sleeping. Jordan slept late and I took the computer. Cassie was debating about deleting her Facebook page, but I think Lenore and I talked her out of it. Instead, she deleted a bunch of people on her friends list. She wasn't happy about doing that either, but at least she didn't delete it. 

I also took my mom to the 99 cent store. While she went in I stayed out in the car and did some writing on my schedule. I got about a week done. Then when we got home, I started hotdogs for dinner. My mom had bought chips to go with it. She also toasted the buns for us. They are always good warm. 

After that I did my stretches and played on Facebook. It was so cool! I posted a couple of pix of Karissa on Jackson Galaxy's page (cat behavioralist) and he said Karissa was gorgeous! He didn't write on a lot of other people's pix, but he did me. That made me happy and feel special. Then I also decided to check out this site called Memory Lane. Guess it's an off-shoot of Classmates.com, but at least there aren't a lot of annoying adds yet. It might happen eventually though. Just waiting for the site to grow bigger maybe. But as it turned out I saw Dana on there and sent her a message. Not sure she'll write back, but it would be cool to talk to her. We'll see if she gets in touch.

Needless to say I've had another good day. I have chilled out to "River Monsters" and watched "River Monsters Goes Tribal" which was awesome!! I'm glad I watched it. Jordan sat and watched at least half of it with me. And of course, we spent part of that time cuddling and talking with Karissa. She was doing a fair amount of talking too. 

Anyway, I can't really think of anything else to add. I'm charging my camera's battery so that I can take photos tomorrow at Jason and Susan's. 

My son is a goofball! As I'm writing this, he's being funny. "Are you done yet? Now? Now? How about now?" LOL! What a silly. 

Well, I guess that's it. Another great day. My GRAPES went well and I feel great! It's nice to say that! I feel great!! Yay! Let's see if tomorrow feels as good at today!