Day 45 - Cassie's Project is Over!

Well, for all my worrying, I got up, dressed, grabbed my protein shake, vitamins and meds. I put on my new slipper like shoes and got to school early. I should have brought my sweater though because I got pretty cold. But all in all, I ended up parked right outside the classroom that we needed to go to. Susan called me from the front of the school. I got the info from the office that the information was on the auditorium door or whatever and she was in a better position to get to it. That's when we found out the room. She just contacted me and said get there now. LOL!

Then Cassie and Crystal's presentation was second. It was really good. Especially their music video presentation. The thing I wasn't crazy about is that they wanted up to judge the kids on their presentations. Susan and I all marked them as being great because we know how much it takes to get up in front of people and make a presentation. There were ever people from the school district there! I was like, HUH?? But oh well. I left at the break though. I didn't want to walk to the auditorium for stuff I wasn't supposed to have anyway and I had been there to see Cassie anyway. Susan took off to get to the gym.

When I got home I just decided to curl under the covers and go to sleep. Not like I had anything else to really do anyway and being under the warm blankets was so nice. The bad thing lately is just my sinuses. My nose is contantly stuffing up. It sucks. That keeps me awake at night. But I slept until it was time for me to leave to go get Cassie. I got a good parking spot and then I just picked up "Beautiful Creatures" and started reading it again. I'm about 63% through it according to Goodreads.com. :-) Cassie looked so beautiful in her dress. She's thinking about getting more dresses and being more of a girly girl! It's kind of cool. I think the dress she piced out was gorgeous!

With Cassie home with me we talked. She was telling me all about her boyfriend and this dream he had and how it had upset him because it was about Cassie with another boy - her other best friend. But I guess he got over it. I bet it was one vivid dream though! I remember my dreaming being much more vivid as a teenager.

Anyway, we cuddled with Karissa too and then Cassie decided she was hungry so I made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Before we knew it Susan was there to pick her up.

After that, I really just got online. I haven't really done a whole lot. I got to play on Cafemom, though I really only went to a couple of groups. Then I was on Facebook. I got two new friends from Cafemom on Facebook. One has how many hours she was on facebook last month and I wanted that, but I couldn't find it. In fact, the apps I did find were crap and didn't really work. They just wanted you to hit the Like button. That's really shitty.

Dinner was good. My mom cooked ham, green beans which were fantastic, baked beans and fruit cocktail. It was all good, and I tried not to eat too much, but I guess I probably did. I also had protein water after that. I'm out of Strawberry Kiwi now. But I just kept on with the computer.

Anyway, I have had the TV on too. I was half listening to "Face/Off" - the first and second episode of this season. Tonight is the third episode and I plan on watching it. Right now is the new "Ghost Hunters." And hopefully I'll get some sleep. I feel tired. And tomorrow I want to do my stretches. I think I'll get a yogurt too. But for now, that's it. I'm done.

Sinuses From Hell

I was supposed to go to a class today with Kimberly but I just couldn't get up. I was awake most of the night because my nose spray didn't work and I ws up with a fricken clogged up nose so I was so tired. Eventually I fell asleep and when Kim called I just couldn't get up. So I went back to sleep - breathing through my mouth and I am not a mouth breather. I would have kept sleeping if Jason hadn't have come over. I woke up, though reluctantly. Even now I'm still tired and have been dragging all day.

Anyway, Jason hung out with me for awhile. I can't remember what we talked about, but I do know that I gave him the Mother's Day Card to give to Susan. Susan and Cassie had gone to Walmart.

After Jason left I really didn't do too much. We were supposed to get together for dinner, but I really didn't feel up to it. In fact, I barely had enough energy to get to the store. And then most of what I bought were drinks. Two huge things of Gold Peak Tea - one sweet and one green tea. The Green tea is really good! I'd get it again! In fact, I might tomorrow. We'll see.

Basically I went to the store to get French Bread Pizza and lettuce for salad. I don't have the money to go out. Then my mom wanted blue cheese crumbles and I wanted Feta cheese crumbles so I grabbed little containers of those. But I really wanted something sweet for Mother's Day. They had all kinds of cakes and a huge cookie. I kind of wanted the cookie, but then I decided I was in a much more cakey mood. Cake seems to win out with me more than cookies usually anyway. Anyway, that was dinner and I still haven't had dessert yet, but I will get into it. There is no doubt about it. 

Anyway, I watched something really interesting on the history channel. There may be was a guy that survived Custar's Last Stand. It's a matter of how believable you think this guy was, but everything he said turned out to be accurate after years. He said he had enlisted under a different name, which I guess was pretty common back then. But to me, the story was very credible and I think it's very interesting that someone survived. Then I've been watching "Wyatt Earp" with Kevin Costner. So far so good. It started with him as a teenager and now he's in Dodge City. It was so sad about his first wife dying. 

I can't believe tomorrow is Mother's Day already. Cassie is coming home for the day so that makes me happy. My mom wants me to get a bucket of chicken from KFC and then these things called ring tomato cages. They're to help the tomato plants grow, I guess, and that's cool. Fresh tomatoes will be a good thing. As it is, we already got a couple strawberries off the strawberry plant. My mom gave them to me, too, which was very nice of her! I let Jordan pick out a card for me. I wanted at least one card even if I bought it myself. I know, sad. But Jordan did pick it out! :-) I think Cassie is going to be giving me a card too, and I look forward to that.

Anyway, I wouldn't say I'm depressed, but I have been a little down today. Like tired. And I've had some anxiety. Not sure what triggered it, but you know, around Mother's Day I do get a little down. That's what it is. I miss my dad. He's not here to plan anything. To take us out to breakfast . . . It's been 8 years and I still miss him every year at this time through July. Not that there aren't other times of the year, but I feel it more around this time. I wish he were still alive - alive and healthy, that is.

I'm also worried about Karissa. She's had a fur ball almost every day and today she seems to have thrown up liquid. But she isn't looking or acting sick. In fact, she has been doing her usual sleeping, eating and drinking... and talking! LOL! She just loves to talk when she gets in the mood! But I worry. I just can't lose her. I think she's the thing that keeps me sane. She's back sleeping again. 

Well, I'm going to go enjoy my little cake and finish watching this movie. Then I'm going to sleep. My nose spray has finally started working again. Yay! I just hope they don't clog up again and rob me of another night's sleep.    

Mood Swings SUCK!

Sleep is going to continue to be an on-going issue. I slept and slept and slept today. I didn't want to get it. In fact, Karissa cuddled right up against me and feeling her warmth and her purr really made me want to stay just how I was. And I had some strange dreams. In one I was driving and my best friend was next to me and had something she wanted me to look at and somehow it ended up in front of my face, but I couldn't look at it and I had to tell her I'd have to look at it later. Go figure. Weird. Then I had another dream that I can't quite remember. Just random stuff like a strange piece of furniture.

Then I was okay for awhile. Jordan and I had dinner. We watched some TV together - "Pawn Stars". But then I got some texts from Jason. It started as "Hi, how you doing" kind of stuff, but when he told me what he was doing it was he was with Susan and Cassie just watching TV and that they missed me. I don't know. I just felt like I should be with Cassie. She's my daughter. My girl . . . but I don't want her in this toxic environment. I know I say over and over that I'm doing the right thing. I know I am. But maybe I just have to say it so much so that I remind myself constantly. Missing her really isn't getting better though.

Anyway, the only other thing I've been doing is playing on Facebook. I had to force myself to go onto my games. I don't like feeling like that and I think it's just the mood swings between being okay and then depressed and sad. But I played Happy Island, Happy Aquarium and Happy Pets. I actually checked almost all my accounts on there because I needed blessings for a trapped pet in my Happy Pets room #1. Turned out to be a Glacier Dog. It's cool. I have Glacier cats and a butterfly too, so I was happy with that. I'm glad I did it and I enjoyed it when I got started. I guess I'm just depressed and it just depends on the level of depression I'm on.

Tomorrow I have to wake up early no matter if I want to or not. My mom needs to get blood taken for labs and then she wants to go to Walmart. I just hope that I feel better tomorrow. I don't want to keep feeling like this.  I try to look at the positives like I spend more time with Jordan. I don't HAVE to wake up early. I don't have to worry about Cassie's homework or getting her to school. But it just doesn't hold a candle to my missing her.

Well, I think I'm going to see if there's anything I can get as a snack then finish watching "Iron Chef American" and then hopefully go back to sleep. I'm actually still tired so it might work. Of course, my sinuses are giving me nothing but trouble so we'll see. And tomorrow I have to set aside some time to write, but not tonight. Concentrating is hard. Even writing this I've had to stop and start a couple of times. It's all signs of depression . . . Ugh! IT SUCKS!!