Day 1

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Or at least I hope it is. It's the start of my new eating regimen. I don't want to call it a diet. That has bad connotations for me. But a lifestyle change might be a better way of putting it. I got up, took Cassie to school. I came back and rested for a little. Then I got up in time to have my first protein shake. It wasn't the best, but it was okay. I then took off to my doctor's appointment. It took about twenty minutes to get back and be seen. Maybe thirty minutes. My appointment took all of five minutes. LOL! All my lab work was fine, except for my white blood cell count was a little high. But not by much. He said he might want to do labs again in a month or two. 

After that appointment I went home. I chilled out for awhile then for lunch I had another protein shake. I laid down for a little while and then left to go pick up Cassie from school. It was raining so hard and then just cleared up for a little bit. Just in time for Cassie to leave school and walk to the car. Awesome, right? It was cold too. I had to put on the heater.

Once we got home, she was hungry and went to eat. First she grabbed the dip I had with some chips. Then that didn't taste good to her so she decided to just make nachos. It was so bad because she brought them into the room and I so wanted some. I guess I have some will power. I was able to resist it. Then she wanted to watch a movie so we decided on "Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides" but we only got through an hour and a half before Jason and Susan came to pick her up. I also let Cassie spend the night there tonight. There was some bad news. Katie Kelly and Lauren's father Don died today. Cassie was really upset too. Tomorrow Susan is picking Cassie up from school so that she can go spend time with Katie Kelly and Lauren. I didn't realize that Don was even sick! It was a shock to me when Jason told me. 

Anyway, dinner was good. Had a piece of ham, a whole lot of cooked spinach and a little mashed potatoes. A couple of hours later I had a mousse tempation. I look my time eating it and enjoyed it a lot. Then tonight I had six Wheat Thins. That's it for me tonight. No more food. I almost had a bag of popcorn. Maybe tomorrow. But I think today has been a good day. Tomorrow I'm going to be going to the gym in the morning. Part of me doesn't want to go, but I need to go. I will start losing weight faster with exercise. 

Well, I took my meds and I have been tired all day, but I don't feel as tired now. Go figure. I did get to watch a new "Closer." Brenda's father has thyroid cancer. And of course they caught a murderer while walking a fine line with the FBI. Then I watched "Rizzoli & Isles" where they went to Jane's High School Reunion. Then one of her friends was wanting to talk to her and before he could call her or her him, he was found dead on the football field. Then another classmate is killed and another died. All because of a replacement heart valve. It was a good episode.

So that was day one. No exercise, but I did stick to eating healthy. On to tomorrow. 

      

From Gentle Breeze to Fierce Winds

I ended up staying up late last night after all. I know, it's just how I am, I guess. It's something I will keep trying to change, but I made the mistake of turning on something that definitely ended up getting my attention. I thought I could sleep to it because of the narrator, but nope. It was just too unteresting. I think the show was called "Underwater Universe." Basically it means that it was hard to wake up. Finally Paige came in and woke me up around 11:00am. She was sweet and made one of my iced coffees for me. Paige is just such a sweetie. Eventually we went out and got something to eat. We had yogurt. Then back in the room we played on Facebook. It was so funny how many times we had to switch from hers to mine. But I was trying to bless her shy pet in Happy Pets. Seven blessings and the baby pet will come out. So I did that. Then she was a little disappointed because her baby was a duck and she wanted a bear. I had two of my accounts that had bears so I sent her one for adoption. She'll get it tomorrow. It was fun and funny! Paige also helped me with a couple of things in my room. She helped me get hangers and helped me hang up my clothes. Did laundry yesterday so I had a lot of clothes. It was definitely a great help. Then she also helped me fix the blankets on the bed. After that, she wanted to watch a movie - "Garfield: Tail of Two Kitties." I was working on my schedule as I worked on it. But eventually I got hungry for dinner. I think she was hungry too, but she just won't say anything. It kind of drives me up the wall! LOL! She was also adamant that she wanted to cook. She loves to cook. We decided on quesadillas. I pulled stuff out of the fridge and got the pan. I told her I'd do the salad. Not that that's very complicated. LOL! Lettuce in a bowl! I also asked my mom if she wanted anything and she wanted a quesadilla. But there was one snag. There were only six tortillas for four of us. Then Jordan came out and told me he was going out with his friends at 6:30pm so I figured his friends would take him out to eat. They usually do so he got one quesadilla. My mom got one then Paige and I got two apiece. It was good because I was really on the hungry side. Dinner turned out well.

After dinner was over, Paige and I went back to the room and finished watching the movie. Then we turned on the Food Network channel. She loves that channel too and likes "Chopped" so together we watched last week's encore "Chopped All Stars". Then "Food Network Challenge" which was pretty cool! They had to make an extreme demolition derby car. Then they had to do a cake remote controlled car! It was so funny because they had a demolition derby! We got to watch the little cake cars destroy each other! LOL! It was great! After that Paige and I started watching the new "Chopped All Stars" but her mom came and she didn't get a chance to finish watching it. I also watched "Iron Chef America" but it was a repeat and so I used most of the time working on my schedule. I got to August. But I would prefer to be in November or December with it. 

Today was also really windy. I kept waiting for the rain to hit, but for the most part it was just wind, wind, wind all day. Cassie called me and told me that she almost got hit by a tree when she went out walking dogs with her friends. That was kind of scary for me to hear, but at least she was okay. That was the most important thing for me. Eventually it did start raining though and boy is it raining now. It is just a total down pour. I like rain though so it doesn't bother me. 

Now I'm watching "Cupcake Wars" which I love. I'm tired though so we will maybe see about sleeping, but I doubt it will come as easily as I want. As usual.

I can say all in all a good day. My mood has been stable. I think maybe having Paige over made me feel a little better than usual. Anyway, think I will finish watching my show and chill out. Cross your fingers that sleep will find me! :-)

Shit Happens . . . :-(

Well, today hasn't been so good. I didn't do the dishes last night so my mother was in a mood when I got up and it continued most of the day. It was nice waking up to Cassie in the room playing on the computer. I got up and we had tuna and onion sandwiches. They were delicious! Then her and I went and watched "The Fourth Kind" which is a very interesting and creepy movie. Especially when you see the actual footage. I wasn't scared like jumping out of my skin or anything, but it really makes me think of the face of a barn owl differently! Anyway, that was part of the day that was nice. After the movie my mom was having a fit because I hadn't gone to the store but just as I was getting ready to go I asked her if she just wanted me to wait until tomorrow. That's when she remembered I get the food money then so that attitude was put away. Cassie almost wanted to spend the night with me again, but she doesn't like to get to school early and I don't like the traffic closer to the time school starts, so we decided it was better she go back with Jason and Susan, but it was nice she considered it, you know?

Susan came and got Cassie, leaving Jason off. He and I hung out. Everything is fine now. They weren't gone too long. Poor Jason was so tired, he nodded off here. I just let him sleep. We were watching "Chopped" anyway. Not his kind of show. After they came and got him - to return later with their kitties because they are getting their apartment sprayed tomorrow - my mom gave me money so I could go to Wendy's and get us burgers and fries. I so wanted to get an ice cream, but I didn't. It all tasted good though.

Now onto the bad things of the day. When Susan and Cassie returned with the cats, they didn't wait for Jordan to get out there to help them and in the end Christopher and Lulubelle got out. They were able to catch Lulu, but not Christopher. The kids, Susan and I tried looking for him for an hour and just couldn't find him. We called for him. We checked under the cars. In the ivy hedge he went into. Literally, we poked, proded, moved branches to look into the hedge. But nothing. He's gone. My mother actually left food on the porch, but there's been no sign. I promised Cassie that I'll try to work on a flyer tomorrow and she wasn't to take them around, but I am thinking that we aren't going to find him. It sucks. I love Christopher. He was my boy. :-( Cassie left crying. I know that Susan was crying and I heard it in Jason's voice when he called me. It so sucks. I mean, what can I do? I want Christopher back too, but I don't know what to do now.

I ended up spending the rest of the night watching The Food Network  - "Food Network Challenge,""Chopped All-Stars," "Iron Chef America," and "Cupcake Wars". Some of it was because trying to waste time to make it to midnight. Jordan and I wanted to go to Walmart and do some junk food shopping. But get this - we have done this several times and the money always comes in by midnight of the day it's supposed to be in - so we go and pick out stuff. All kinds of junk we want. I mean, not tons, but enough junk to last a little bit. So when we get to the register I'm told that my card has been declined for insufficiant funds!! I run it twice. It happens again. Finally, they give me the little sheet of paper that tells me my balance was just 44 cents. That's what I had before! I was supposed to have like $400 for food! It was supposed to be in my account! SO needless to say I'm ticked. I try not to take it out on anyone around me, but what pisses me off, I'm trying to move the cart out of my way and the guy that is like a manager or whatever was like, "I'll take that." I replied with an attitude, "We'll I'm certainly not!" That ticked me off too.

Jordan and I ended up getting what little fuel I could from the measily $3 I had. It wasn't nearly enough to even get a single gallon. After than, we came home, had cereal and now it's like 2:00am and I have to be up at 6:30am. Sometimes life just sucks and shit happens. Guess this was just one of those days.

When it Rains it Pours They Say . . .

And apparently they're right. It seems that bad things happen in clusters . . . all at once, to make sure you don't have a chance to breath and deal with the issues one at a time. No, that would be too convenient and helpful. Instead it had to be all at once and cause people to feel almost like they're having a mental breakdown (I know that feel from personal experience!). I just don't understand why it all has to happen at once. Everyone loves to say how strong I am because of what I've gone through and survived, which isn't even as bad as many, many stories I've heard, but I'm NOT that strong!

The day kinda started a little crappy. I woke up exhausted. I'm exhausted even now because of it. Last night I just couldn't sleep even though I was tired. I'm hoping tonight that I will finally be able to sleep again for a night before I go through a couple more days of this. So not a great start to the day. THEN, I realize that my son missed his TRACE appointment so I had him call and we're going to try to reschedule for Thursday. One can only hope because he needs this program and Sy is a good guy. Then I have been listening to the kids bicker all day! In general it's kind of a regular thing. They're siblings and 6 years apart and seem to revel in annoying the crap out of each other and ME! Ugh . . .

On the positive side, I was able to clean around my computer desk, my mother was actually nice and fixed me French Toast. I probably wouldn't have eaten otherwise. Today is just one of those days where I just don't feel like doing anything for me. I guess it means depression has been setting in all day. I even got in a shower which was nice because there are days where I just don't or can't.

But then, I was supposed to go over to Jason and Susan's. We still are, but originally, he was going to get us a cab. Anyway, things changed and now they are going to have to put one of the cats down tonight. We're still going over for a BBQ but it's also so we can say good-bye to Troy. He is a HUGE cat and it looks like they over feed him, but they don't. He hardly eats . . . so it was some kind of genetic problem. Plus we think he has asthma because he has a horrible breathy cough and he's been having this weird shake to his head and his eyes have been very dialated. He just doesn't seem like he feels good . . . He wasn't the brightest cat in the world. He never did seem to figure out how to use the litterbox, though his sister never had a problem. Still, he is the biggest, sweetest lover of a cat. He was a great brother to his sister. A great uncle to the kittens. He was like a surrogate daddy.

It makes it hard on me too because I had Troy and Katianna's mother and grandmother, so they ARE my family too. Not that they wouldn't be. But in a way I'm just as connected as Jason and Susan. But at least my daughter was able to make me laugh. They need to borrow our carrier for Troy and it's not the biggest carrier. So my daughter starts smiling saying, "I don't know if he will fit." Then my son chimed in saying, "Well even if we get him in, we won't be able to get him out unless we take the carrier apart." I don't know why, but it made me smile and laugh. Maybe just the thought of Troy's big butt inside this carrier . . . I don't know, but I definitely needed it. As it is, I'm still in tears. I have had to put down several cats in my time and it's never easy. It always hurts because they're family.

On top of that, they're going to have to get rid of the other cats and I am very devistated over that as well because I can't even take any of them and I want my Anna. But my mother won't let me keep her. I hate living here with this woman . . . I'm lucky to have my Karissa. Plus, they're going to have to switch apartments for awhile so that their old apartment can be cleaned, and new carpets put in and the walls painted . . . and they're going to have to pay for it since it's pet damage. It will keep them from going on their cruise to Hawaii in December . . .

It just all feels like so much and it sucks. But I guess that's the nature of life . . . Ups, Downs, Round and Rounds . . . And rain . . . lots and lots of rain . . .