Showing posts with label venting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label venting. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Sometimes We Just Ask For It . . .

Well, what can I say about today? LOL! Well, I almost woke up for the day about 6:15am, but I was tired enough to go back to sleep and I slept! I slept until about 10:15am. I got to spend some time with Jason before taking him to the trolley for work. When I got back Cassi's therapist from her new school came to greet us and finish the intake and registration forms. School starts on September 3rd and they still don't have the school ready for students or teachers or therapists! LOL! It's time to get it together people!! But she was very nice and I think Cassi clicked with her, which is a GREAT thing!! I think her last therapist was definitely not her type and she wasn't good with time management. She actually stiffed her on time, which once or twice, I get, but every time?? That was kind of the last straw with me. I don't know. She seemed nice to me, but I think on some level it was kind of fake. Not that I know for sure. Maybe that's how she was. But I also know not every therapist is a good one - from personal experience. Though I have been pretty lucky with most of mine. 

After our meeting with her, I just kind of took care of the litter boxes, washed my Karissa's food bowl and fed her. She was all getting in  my face like "FEED ME, MOM! I'M STARVING!!" Not like she doesn't have a bowl of food to graze on when she's hungry! LOL! Then Susan got home and she was so nice to pick up a prescription for me on the way home so I didn't have to use my fuel too much. That was awesome of her! Then I had a session with my therapist over the phone. That was good and I talked a few things out. That just seems how I work. I talk them out with myself, with others . . . It's a good skill I think. So that's something I get a lot out of.

Susan said she was making dinner tonight, but we all kind of forgot about it until around 8:00pm. After that it was kind of like. "I'll cook tomorrow." "Okay, works for me." I went and grabbed a sandwich! No biggie and I shared it with my Karissa! She enjoyed it a lot! :-) Then I started a letter to one of my prisoners. He's a sweet guy. It helps that I can read his writing. It's unusual and not the easiest to read, but once you get the hang of it, it's not too bad! I'm getting pretty fluent in it, or I am better at deciphering words. I don't know. One of the two. I posted some stuff in my groups on Facebook. There's always something new on there to learn or whatever.

Then for kicks, I looked up a previous friend of mine (from the Junior High Side of Life) who I used to spend some time stocking for here and there. It was just to kind of keep up with what was going on with her and I admit that at once point it was definitely stalking, but it wasn't like I was ever going to hurt her or track her down in person or something. She tells people I'm stalking her like I'm out to get her! Go figure. Anyway, I was just curious tonight. I rarely even care anymore, but she got a book published and I was proud of her for that. So I checked her out a bit. I sent her a note of how I was proud of her for that and like expected I didn't get a response. No big deal. Then I got this wild hair up my butt for some reason and I decided to do a blog search for her. I found it! And you know, it was my own fault for reading it, but I did get a little upset. The stalking thing is just out of control in her mind. Like what am I going to do to her? Then she claims my friend Nicole and I tried to deliberately ruin her marriage because we had been unhappy in ours?? What sense does that make?? Yeah, we're going to ruin your marriage because ours sucked! That is just stupid. No one in their right mind would do that. Then she claims she didn't call her daughter a cunt when she did. She admitted it an said she had apologized to her daughter. Isn't that having done it? What I really feel is that she makes up the way she wants it in her head and she says it so much she finally believes it. It's sad, but if she hadn't been obsessing about writing and trying to get me to do editing - which at the time I had to do A LOT for her. I'm sure she's improved a bit in 5 years. But THAT is what she got pissed at me for. I stopped writing for her - which I didn't get past three chapters anyway because I just couldn't get into her story without using my own character and that's no way to write. I didn't have a feel for it. I couldn't do it. My life got to the point where I was constantly stressed about it because she wanted me to write it. I should have just gone with the original plan and just edited what she wrote instead of having to try to rewrite any of it. But either way, it's under the bridge now for me. But she still harbors all this anger, bitterness and vengeance for me and honestly, I don't get it. Even Nicole's story with her is not what she said. It was bizarre to say the least back then. I won't get into details, but either her husband and son lied to her a lot or something. No one did anything to ruin her marriage or deliberately hurt her. I'm sorry she got hurt and I have always been sorry about that. But let's not make a mistake about what she's REALLY angry about. I left her high and dry with the writing. The day I told her I wasn't going to write her story for her anymore she dropped me as a friend. I will admit one thing I did wrong. I emailed her kids and told them that regardless of everything I would be there for them. Anyway, I should have known better because I have kids and they stick up for me. But it was so emotionally stressful I had a lapse of judgment. That's what I have to say about that. But then she used her kids and her kids friends to hurt me, my daughter and I'm sure if they could have they would have hurt my son. But does that warrant hatred and bitterness for the rest of your life? Come on! Five years should be enough time to get over yourself! Am I wrong, people? But she really believes the spiel she gives now. That's sad. And you know what? She stalks me too. I wouldn't be surprised if she's reading this. 

Okay, that was my rant. I feel better now and I am done with her. God closed that door for a reason. It's just sad because I would have supported her on her journey. Well, so be it. It is what it is, right?

Okay, other than that, there's nothing else I can say except I am done for the day. I am going to take a bath, do some reading, take my meds and go to sleep! :-)


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Vent, Vent . . . Vent, Vent Vent . . . Vent, Vent . . .

I managed to wake up this morning though I didn't want to. I didn't take anything to help. I just dealt with it. I got dressed and then I took back my computer from Jordan's room because I wanted to check my email. Sure enough I heard from my Aussie. He always makes me feel better so that was nice. I'm hoping I can think straight enough after this to write him another quick email.

I left to Heartland early because I wanted to stop by McDonald's and grab something to eat. I got a Sausage McMuffin and an Xtra large Diet Dr. Pepper. That was the extent of my caffeine. Then I got there before 8:30am thinking that the class started at 8:30am, when in reality it starts at 9:00am. I was standing around for awhile. But then the door opened and I went inside for Coping Skills and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The classes were good and it was nice to be around other people with mental disabilities again. It's just you know they understand stuff. Anyway, after that I went home. I was exhausted and ended up laying down. I think I checked a couple of things online, but I was just too tired to go onto AIM or MSN to write with Patty B. Instead, I just napped until about 4:00pm. I didn't really sleep. It was more like dozing because I'm still really, really tired.

I had to get up because I had a therapy appointment and I sure as hell wasn't going to miss it! Especially with the fact that I had that Medical Exemption form for him to fill out and fax to my Welfare to Work worker. Then on the way there Jason called me and ranted about Susan's mom. She wrote them a nasty email. Susan wrote her back placating and that she was sorry - again. Jason wrote her and said that she was poisoning the girls. That she was bitter. He didn't write it mean, but more to the point. I don't think he's out of line at all with the way that psycho bitch acts, but it's not going to win any points and might make things worse for Susan. That's my only concern. But I absolutely HATE this woman. I HATE her with a passion and the more she hurts Susan, the more I hate that Psycho Bitch. What mother hires a lawyer to take your kids away for you? What grandmother makes her grandchildren call her MOM? It's sick! She's sick in my opinion. She gets pleasure from hurting Susan and what's sad is the youngest girl Samantha is turning out just like the bitch. I think she's going to find out the world doesn't work her grandmother's way. But whatever. She can decide how she wants to treat others and she'll get treated accordingly. I just hate that woman. She should have NEVER been a mother in any capacity of the word. Yeah, I'm ticked off . . . just a little! :-P

So I went to see my therapist and ranted about the Welfare to Work situation and a lot about Susan's Psycho Bitch mom. We talked about my anxiety and how it manifests. That's fun! I left with my chest hurting. It sucked. But once I got home I had dinner and relaxed watching TV I felt better. Except I have also been having tooth pain. I'm thinking it's abscessing again which means I need to see the doctor. I guess it will depend on how things go tomorrow as for when I go see a doctor. Maybe I'll go straight after my classes at Heartland tomorrow. I'll have to get some lunch though. 

Anyway, I'm hoping I sleep tonight. That this crap won't bother me so much now that I've been able to vent about it so much today. That would be nice. I've already watched "Ghost Hunters" and I'm watching "Fact or Faked" right now. I think after this, I'm going to finish watching this show and then write my Aussie an email and then try to sleep. That's the plan anyway.