Shit Happens . . . :-(

Well, today hasn't been so good. I didn't do the dishes last night so my mother was in a mood when I got up and it continued most of the day. It was nice waking up to Cassie in the room playing on the computer. I got up and we had tuna and onion sandwiches. They were delicious! Then her and I went and watched "The Fourth Kind" which is a very interesting and creepy movie. Especially when you see the actual footage. I wasn't scared like jumping out of my skin or anything, but it really makes me think of the face of a barn owl differently! Anyway, that was part of the day that was nice. After the movie my mom was having a fit because I hadn't gone to the store but just as I was getting ready to go I asked her if she just wanted me to wait until tomorrow. That's when she remembered I get the food money then so that attitude was put away. Cassie almost wanted to spend the night with me again, but she doesn't like to get to school early and I don't like the traffic closer to the time school starts, so we decided it was better she go back with Jason and Susan, but it was nice she considered it, you know?

Susan came and got Cassie, leaving Jason off. He and I hung out. Everything is fine now. They weren't gone too long. Poor Jason was so tired, he nodded off here. I just let him sleep. We were watching "Chopped" anyway. Not his kind of show. After they came and got him - to return later with their kitties because they are getting their apartment sprayed tomorrow - my mom gave me money so I could go to Wendy's and get us burgers and fries. I so wanted to get an ice cream, but I didn't. It all tasted good though.

Now onto the bad things of the day. When Susan and Cassie returned with the cats, they didn't wait for Jordan to get out there to help them and in the end Christopher and Lulubelle got out. They were able to catch Lulu, but not Christopher. The kids, Susan and I tried looking for him for an hour and just couldn't find him. We called for him. We checked under the cars. In the ivy hedge he went into. Literally, we poked, proded, moved branches to look into the hedge. But nothing. He's gone. My mother actually left food on the porch, but there's been no sign. I promised Cassie that I'll try to work on a flyer tomorrow and she wasn't to take them around, but I am thinking that we aren't going to find him. It sucks. I love Christopher. He was my boy. :-( Cassie left crying. I know that Susan was crying and I heard it in Jason's voice when he called me. It so sucks. I mean, what can I do? I want Christopher back too, but I don't know what to do now.

I ended up spending the rest of the night watching The Food Network  - "Food Network Challenge,""Chopped All-Stars," "Iron Chef America," and "Cupcake Wars". Some of it was because trying to waste time to make it to midnight. Jordan and I wanted to go to Walmart and do some junk food shopping. But get this - we have done this several times and the money always comes in by midnight of the day it's supposed to be in - so we go and pick out stuff. All kinds of junk we want. I mean, not tons, but enough junk to last a little bit. So when we get to the register I'm told that my card has been declined for insufficiant funds!! I run it twice. It happens again. Finally, they give me the little sheet of paper that tells me my balance was just 44 cents. That's what I had before! I was supposed to have like $400 for food! It was supposed to be in my account! SO needless to say I'm ticked. I try not to take it out on anyone around me, but what pisses me off, I'm trying to move the cart out of my way and the guy that is like a manager or whatever was like, "I'll take that." I replied with an attitude, "We'll I'm certainly not!" That ticked me off too.

Jordan and I ended up getting what little fuel I could from the measily $3 I had. It wasn't nearly enough to even get a single gallon. After than, we came home, had cereal and now it's like 2:00am and I have to be up at 6:30am. Sometimes life just sucks and shit happens. Guess this was just one of those days.

A Mixed State A-Coming . . . Maybe . . .?

Didn't make it to the gym so now swimming; no water aerobics class. It was hard for me to wake up, but that was my fault. I took too much ativan to help me sleep and it just slammed me. I have sort of been tired all day because of it. I still had my coffee, but I have also been feeling off. Sometimes I start feeling okay and then this feeling comes back. I don't know if it's the coffee or I am just starting a mixed state - which I hope isn't the case. But I have been so irritable! Just irritable with my mother, other drivers, Jason . . . I've been shaking on and off too. I've been speeding more in the car. That usually goes hand in hand with mixed states too. But all I can do is wait and see. Right now, these are just annoying symptoms that I might be able to keep in check. I don't know what I'll do if it escalates. Guess I'll cross that bridge if I get to it. Either way, I'll be keeping an eye on myself.

I took my mom to go to Macy's today and See's Candy. While I waited for her, I went to the McDonald's at the Walmart. I got lunch and then spent the time reading. She actually got done sooner than I thought she would. It didn't give me that much time to read and "The Surgeon" is a good book. I'll probably read a little before I go to sleep tonight.

After that, we came back home, but about 30 minutes after that my mom wanted to go to the Post Office to send a package to Diana. She got her all kinds of neat things for her birthday. I got to pick out the card. I went with something I knew my mother would get her. Of course, my mother loved it when she read it. I saw another card I liked, but it was definitely more of a me card. LOL! It might not have gone over well. :-P Not that it was bad or anything! It just had a humor twist and my mother doesn't do funny.

Then after the Post Office we went to Albertson's. I got water and St. Patty's Day buttons like "Eat, Drink, Be Irish!" LOL! I also picked out pizzas for dinner. Turned out good. We had pizza and salad.

Outside of going to the store again I haven't done much of anything. I didn't feel up to writing because my brain feels a little chaotic and my concentration's been bad today. So all I've really done tonight is play on Project Playlist, upload photos to MySpace. Check Facebook and update Yahoo. I have "Criminal Minds" on, but it really isn't a show I got into. The episodes are good, but don't capture me the way other shows do. I can take it or leave it so to say.

Anyway, I'm tired. Think I'll take my medication and do some reading. Not sure if I'll watch "Merlin" tonight or not. Guess we'll see.

Flip a Coin

I spent most of today in a good mood and my mood is okay at the moment (though again I am really tired), but I did have some down time.

Last night I couldn't sleep so just after midnight I went to Walmart to do some shopping - Vitamins, nose spray, cough medicine and I also ended up getting two DVDs and a couple of books. I spent too much, but at least the DVDs were not too expensive. "Red" was only $15 while "Law Abiding Citizen" was only $13. The two books I got for myself was a total of $9, I think. But I also got Jordan a book for $8. I had to get the book because it's something he'll actually read!! And that's worth it for me. I just hope I find another book he'll want to read after that. It's a miracle he'll read now. After "Assassin's Creed Brotherhood" I'll just have to take him to Barnes and Noble to find another book. Anything to keep him reading.

On the way home from the store I stopped at the Mexican food place that's in the old Taco Bell building on Jackson. I got me a chili Relleno burrito and I got Jordan a bean and cheese burrito. The sad part of it was it wasn't very good. We both thought that. Cotija's is the best followed by Sombrero and Lareto's. Too bad they were too far away to go to. Next time I won't be stopping at this new place. Yuk.

When I got home and we ate I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. I took flexiril and some cough medicine and even an ativan and nothing worked. I was so tired too and my legs just felt like then't  wanted to keep twitching and twitching. I don't remember what time I finally fell asleep, but it must have been 6-7am. Needless to say I slept until 3pm, I think. I'm trying to remember! LOL! Sometime while I was asleep Jordan asked me if he could watch "Red" so I let him though I wanted us to watch it together. We did, however, watch "Law Abiding Citizen" together! That's a movie we've been dying to see since it came out and we weren't disappointed either. The movie was GOOD! The bad guy was totally fascinating. You could understand why he did what he did. I liked him! What's funny is when I was a kid I was only on the good person's side. I hated the bad guy or loved it when the bad guy turned good. But as time as gone on, I appreciate bad guys. You can't have as story without an antagonist, right? And the best are the kind you can get some sympathy for because it's the most interesting kind. Or just something that makes them interesting and just transitions from a typical bad guy to something much much more. Like now, Hannibal Lecter is one of my favorite characters! That would have never happened when I was a teenager. I guess between growing up more and my writing, you understand more about how important the bad guy is, especially if he's designed as a real person and not a comic book Villain.

Now that I've gone off on that tangent! LOL! Anyway, Jason and Susan called and invited us to join them at Cici's at 7pm. We were both starving so basically we had to stop at the post office to mail two letters for my mother. I had to go to the bank and pull out money, then I took Jordan to load his compass card (bus pass) and then we grabbed a little something from Jack in the Box because neither of us had eaten and I was getting sick. After that, we headed over to Cici's.

It's weird, when I first walked in with Jordan, Jason gave me some weird look and I thought he was upset or something. He also mouthed 'I'm not talking about it.' I was like, Okay . . . But we got pizza, soda . . . I got salad too. And I got to see my Cassie and order her Mac n Cheese pizza while I got bbq pork for me, not to mention all the types on the buffet. Needless to say, Jordan and I ate big time. LOL! And it was nice. We all talked and ate. Nothing major happened. They did talk to Jordan about going back to school, but whether that sunk in is another matter, but Jordan tells me he's going back to school. Okay, that was a run on sentence, but I don't care. LOL!

When we get home Nicole calls, which is great. We have a chance to filled out my Friendship Scrapbook. Cassie had been disappointed that I didn't bring it with me to dinner, but she wouldn't have had time to fill it out anyway. I told her next time. Anyway, it was good to talk to Nicole. But then Jason texts me and asked if I think I'm ever going to be a productive member of society and then asked me not to take it wrong!! Ugh!! Well, I was offended but I answered the question which was a no because I can't get passed the panic I feel. And it lasts for hours!! I just can't face that again. He says he understands and he just asks because he wants better for the kids, but how else am I supposed to take it when he puts it like that, you know? So that got me down a little bit. No one likes to be told they're not a productive member of society. I don't know. But it's not enough to knock me completely down. It did take the wind out of my sails a bit though. I almost didn't take time to write today, but I told myself that I was going to write no matter what, even if it sounded like crap. Well, I ended up not just writing I wrote something that was over a page long AND I think it's pretty good! So I'm feeling much better. I just have to sit myself down and tell myself I'm going to write no matter what and maybe that will set me on the right path again. I want to be able to throw myself back into my writing and I think I'm headed in the right direction.

Anyway, I suppose that's about it. It's after midnight. I'm tired though who knows if I'll sleep. I'd watch "Red" but I want to just go to sleep if I can. I need to wake up early in the morning to get my mom to her doctor's appointment anyway. Guess I'm just going to call it a night and leave on a positive note. I'm doing good.