Feeling Off

I have felt tired and off all day long. Well since I woke up. I'm going to do my best to go to sleep early because I just want to sleep. Last night it took me hours to fall asleep. Plus, I think I'm fighting off a head cold. Cassie has been fighting a cold and so is my mom and I have been using more nose spray than usual which usually means I'm fighting off a head cold. I'm not coughing though. I can't keep my nose clear though. It interferes with my ability to sleep.

Anyway, it's not like I've done much today. I really haven't. My goal really was to write a synopsis, but I just couldn't. Doing the research for one, I literally got a panic attack. Not sure what that's about, but I might give myself another day or two before working on it. Maybe I'll hand write a little of it. I can try anyway. Ugh! It seems like such a project, but I don't want to not have it in case I'm asked for one.

Maybe I just need a little bit of a break from working on the writing project. Just a day or two. Then I have to throw myself back into it. But I have to get this anxiety under control. Plus, the depression I know I'm fighting. I have been excited and stuff, but depression is right under it. And I'm really depressed tonight because I had to fight with Cassie about her coming home. I eventually had to call Susan to reinforce that she had to come home. They worry I am blaming them for how Cassie's acting and what's funny is I feel like they're blaming me. I guess there's enough to go all around. I hate it though. I feel like she would be happy to not have me in her life at all. I know that's probably the depression, but it seems true. She would be perfectly happy being over at Jason and Susan's and never see me again.

Anyway, I was able to watch MOST of the "Eureka" finale. It was a cliffhanger, of course. Ugh! It'll come back for a Christmas Episode, but then it won't be back until next summer! :-( Ah well. I have no other shows on tonight, but I think I might just wrap this up early, take my ativan - that Jordan picked up for me tonight. I kinda bribed him with a soda and an ice cream cone from McDonald's. Not like he wouldn't do it if I asked, but it's always nice to have a perk. But that $20 for my tank is down to $10 now.

Well, I feel like crying. Maybe I am PMSing a little still. Maybe I'll try Cassie's pamprin and see what happens even though I'm over my period, I think. Or not.

Time to take meds and veg. I think that's all I'm capable of right now.