Anxiety SUCKS!

Well, today I've been up and down a lot. Or really just anxiety from morning to night. My anxiety has been so bad that my chest has hurt for hours. I woke up at 10:00am and then I went back to sleep until around 1:30pm. It was kind of cool because "Dirty Jobs" was on. I have missed watching that. I swear though. I'm going to have a heart attack before Cassie gets home. I feel like I have to watch what I say and how I say it, which I try to do anyway, but now even more. I don't want Jason to be upset, hurt, angry or whatever. Not just because I don't want the flack, but I don't want to see him unhappy either. Same with Susan. I don't want to see them hurt and I know me taking Cassie back is hurting them a lot. But I just don't have a choice if I want to keep a place to live and have medical insurance.

I also watched "Mythbusters" and I finished reading "The Sheik and the Christmas Bride." That was such a good book! I loved it! I'm debating whether or not to go back to "Passion" or start reading "Cowboys & Aliens." I think the book is going to be better than the movie. At least I hope it is. Then my mom made a great dinner - had lamb with corn, cucumber and cheese covered zucchini. I like fried zucchini better. After that I watched some "Criminal Minds," some of "Dinosaur Revolution" and "The Glades." I posted some things on cafemom. I finally vented out a lot of my anxiety in a post in "Bipolar Diaries," and I'm actually thinking about starting another group - A Writing group. I have some ideas, but nothing firm. I'd really like to get a group going for writing. And not something to showcase my writing. But like writing exercises and poetry and maybe a few other things. Call it "Writer's Workshop" or something. Well, we'll see.

Anyway, Jason has been fine and that kind of has me more at ease, but it still worries me keep my anxiety going. You know, it would be okay if it didn't feel like my chest was going to explode.

Tomorrow is Susan's bday. She's taking Cassie to get her backpack tomorrow. After that, we might be having dinner or not. Who knows. Anyway, they want to take Cassie to school on Tuesday and I would pick her up. My mom is probably not going to be happy, but she can deal with that. After all, I can say Monday - tomorrow - is Susan's Bday. It's also Labor Day. Anyway, I think THAT will work out. At least I hope so.

Guess that's it for now. I'll be thinking about my writing group. I am really leaning toward it. :-)