Today on this special day of days I don't have a boyfriend. You know, I'm okay with that! I don't need a guy in my life to make me feel important. It is kinda sad that I don't have any romance in my life, but I'm okay with that too. I live vicaraiously through movies and TV. LOL! And besides, I had the best Valentine of all today - my daughter!! :-) I picked her up from school. We did a couple of errands. I had to get a money order for my car insurance and crickets for Tubbie. After that Jordan showed us some youtube vids that were really creepy. I think the account was intotheark. It's pretty good for creeping one out. The kids want to think it's completely real. Like in the vain of Paranormal activity or Blairwitch Project. It's interesting. But there is no way in the world I'm buying what they're selling! LOL! The Slender Man might be real for some people, but I'm not one of them. Then my mother was too tired to fix dinner and being Valentine's Day anyway, she gave me the money to go to McDonald's. I got burgers and fries for all of us. Cassie came with me. We had to mail a few things anyway.
I do miss her already. Sometimes I wonder if it's harder seeing her. Not that I would EVER NOT see her. She's my baby. But I do feel the under-current back. Maybe it's a little PMS, but it's also hard to have my girl gone. I'd like a day like this once a week and I don't think she does. She doesn't like this house. I know it's not me. It used to feel that way, but she always wants me to go over there. This stupid freakin house . . . Well . . . the old woman in the house anyway. I just have to get passed this and then I'll be fine. But this one might take a day or two. I hate feeling this way. It feels like the darkness is just coming and even though I think I can get through it, it still feels like it's going to swallow me. I even wrote a poem.
The Darkness comes
In a whisper
Slipping silently by
Engulfing all in it's path
Leaving nothing untouched . . .
I just keep telling myself I'll be okay. I just need to remember that things are the way they are for a reason. It's what's best.
You know, I thought I'd be happier today because I spent time with her, but I don't know. I guess it just reminds me how much I miss her and how much she hates to be here. Okay, I don't want to cry. Maybe I'll go out to Vons for a minute or two and get a Woman's World. That might make me feel a little better. Maybe get some water too. Hope tomorrow is better.
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