I woke up Jordan at 6:30am to go to school and I tried to go back to sleep. My idea was to sleep until 8:00am, but I was too tired to get up and I ended up awake at 10:30am and I still could have slept later. I've come to the decision that Monday thru Thursday I'll have to get up at 6:30am and just stay awake. The other days I'll try for 8:00am.
I didn't go to the gym today either. I figured that I might want to go every other day this week so I'm not so sore. I'm really not sore today, so I don't know what I would have felt like, but either way, this is the way it's going to be for this week. I'll figure out next week when I get there.
I also did a lot of writing today. My mind is starting to tell me it's not a good story. That it won't go anywhere. It's not worth my time. Failure, failure, failure, but I'm doing my best not to listen. I'm still going to keep plugging away and just ignoring that little annoying voice. Either way, I have my first book too. Last day of February I'm going to do something with it. I have decided that's the day. If I don't put down a day I'll keep putting it off and that story is too good to just let it rot and do nothing with it. It's not going to be easy. I'm not sure why, except that I did lose a lot of my confidence when I got all the rejection letters from the Agents. Of course, they hadn't even read my work, but I guess it really just affected me. That sort of anxiety and fear of failure comes up now when I look at the manuscript. I'll just have to fight it and do what I know I can do and then go back to pursuing publishing. I think we'll bypass agents this time around and go straight to publishers.
I don't know what the deal is though, but I have felt very edgy today too. I've been a little tired, though more at the moment. But I've been shaking a little bit on and off. It can't be the 5-hour energy because I didn't take one today and I doubt it was the coffee because it doesn't do that to me usually. I did have a bit of an anxiety attack today too and actually had to take an ativan. It eased things a bit, but I find I've been clenching my jaw too. I don't know. All I can do is take note and see what happens after that. Well, and see about staying as calm and relaxed as possible. Ha ha.
I did decide to asked another psychic my question. I don't know what will happen, of course. It could take a day or it could take 5 weeks to get an answer, but my gut says it's going to be a different answer than the previous one and even if it's not, I'm still going to do what I can do. The future isn't written in stone. What I think is funny is the site is like Psychic Bitch. LOL! And again, it's a site a found looking up Denise. :-P I saw her question and well . . . she didn't even spell her question right. I can't say too much myself. The reason I probably got a no with the other psychic was I had a typo that I didn't catch until it was too late. But with Denise, I know it's not a typo. She really doesn't spell that great. They were pretty mean to her about her spelling, but they are called Psychic Bitches for a reason. She was asking the same thing as I am, but she couldn't spell successful. She asked if she was going to be a successful writer and the response was "Not unless you learn how to spell." I don't know what they'll say to me, but at least I checked for typos before I sent it.
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I went over to Jason and Susan's for dinner tonight. We had sloppy joes. They are definitely not my favorite food, but it wasn't as bad as I remembered them being. Cassie actually came home from school today because she was nauseous. It was good to see her and I got to hug and hold her for awhile. I think she didn't want me to go, so I guess she does miss me. She just doesn't miss this stupid house. I also got to hold Silky the snake again, which was very cool. Cassie seemed to feel and look a little better before I left, but I could tell she wasn't feeling good when I first showed up. I get to pick her up from school tomorrow. She's going to have to stay with me though. She's not going to like it, but it's how it is. I will be happy to have her with me though.
Anyway, I still feel edgy and I am feeling even more edgy because I'm tired. I watched "Dirty Jobs" and this new show after it, but I can't remember what it's called. "American Treasure" or something. I can say I've had a good day. I really have with all the writing I've gotten done and being able to see Cassie and all that. But it does suck to be edgy. Guess I'm just going to take my meds and go to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day.
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