I am still tired. I have been tired all day. It's the depression that this whole thing with Jason has caused. All I want to do is sleep. What's funny is last night I was so upset I didn't get to sleep until 4:00am or so. The only things that have really made me smiled was having Karissa beside me. My kitty always makes me feel a little better. And then last night I got to see one of our racoons. I think it was Bandito because when he saw me looking right at him he came right up to the window to look at me. When Bandito was little he did the same thing. So that was nice. I love watching the racoons outside. I hope he has a place relatively warm to sleep tonight. It's pouring rain.
Anyway, I slept until around 1:00pm. I tried to putting around the computer today, but there was nothing I wanted to do. Forget about writing today. I can barely think straight as it is. Depression like this can do that to me. It sucks. I laid down for most of the afternoon drifting in and out of sleep. I woke up to have dinner though. My mom cooked steak. I wasn't about to pass that up. But now I'm awake. I don't want to be. I want to be asleep. So I think I might take my night meds and try to go back to sleep.
I did hear from Jason today. A texted that said "This world would be better off without me because I always hurt the ones I love." I wouldn't say it would be better off without him. That would be mean and this is just a momentary thing, BUT this is what he does. He does hurt those around him because he doesn't get his way or he's told he's wrong or he's tired . . . then all he can do is say sorry I was grumpy . . . whatever. Right now I am not in the mood to deal with it. In the morning I'm still doing a ticket buy with Susan. Jordan is coming and I think Alicia is too. I know they want to see each other. I don't mind seeing Susan. None of this is her fault. I just want to feel better and right now as long as I am upset and hurt I don't want to deal with Jason.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be in a more forgiving mood, but as it stands now I'm no.
No comments:
Post a Comment