Exhausted

Well, I can say I didn't sleep the day awake which I guess is a significant improvement. However, I didn't sleep last night. I think I might have gotten a few minutes here and there, but I basically didn't really sleep. In fact, I tried to sleep this morning. That didn't work either so I ended up getting up, getting dressed and getting me my coffee. I have missed my coffee since I won't drink it when I sleep late.

Anyway, I needed to do shopping so I got the list my mother made and headed to Walmart. I got a couple other things that weren't on the list, but figured we'd need; like tortillas. Then I swung by Trader Joe's. I picked up some hummus and my favorite chicken cesar wrap. That was my lunch. After that I went to Vons. Had to get a Pork Shoulder. I also grabbed some oranges and fruit juice I could drink fast. So I pretty much spent the morning shopping.

When I got home I really didn't do much. Watched TV - there was a mini-marathon of "Law and Order: Criminal Intent." I am way too tired to do any writing tonight so it's put off until tomorrow. I still want my confidence back. I know I'm a good writer, but some part of me refuses to believe it now. It sucks. All I've wanted to be since I was a teen was a writer. I thought I had a shot and I still think I do, but I just can't get over this feeling that I'm just not good enough. Story of my life, I guess. Never feeling good enough, always feeling like I've somehow failed or I'm just inherently bad. Don't get me wrong. I'm not depressed at the moment. In fact, I've been good with a few moments of being down here and there, but no monumental depression. In fact I even saw Cassie today. Her arm/shoulder was hurting again. Apparently she got dog piled on at her boyfriend's house on Superbowl Sunday. The doctor sent her to get X-rays, but as they were going up to Childrens they had to stop by and get her insurance cards. I need to write out a note though that gives Jason and Susan the authorization to get medical care for Cassie. It will just make things like this easier instead of them calling me to get authorization. I do worry it's going to raise too many questions, but I figure it will work out in the end.

Patty F. called me today, which was a nice surprise. I hadn't talked to her since last month or two. Her father died and I think life just overcame here. I mean, he died suddenly and I know how that can hurt and destroy your life for awhile. When my dad died, we watched him decline so when he passed none of us were surprised. But when my niece died, it was right out of nowhere. Of course, it made it worse that I looked at her like one of my children. It KILLED me. For years I couldn't even talk about her without crying. Anyway, Patty was doing better. She told me how she's taken Mason skating at his friend's party and she tried skating with him because he really wanted her too. But she fell three times! After that she called it quits. I don't blame here! LOL! Once you're over-weight your center of gravity changes (kinda like being pregnant). I tried ice skating once when I was heavier than I had been when I'd first learned and fell three times. Not sure what it is with three's. I guess we're programmed to try something three times before giving up. One, two, three - you're out! :-P But it was just good to hear from her.

I also cleaned out Tubbie's tank today and got him some crickets. I was worried. He looked like he was getting a little sick. My fault for not doing this sooner. But now it's done and he looks tons better. I have it written on my schedule when to take care of him now so that way it gets done and I don't forget when I did it last. Sometimes I can't remember anything to save my life. The nickname Dory didn't come to me for no reason! LOL!

I made a quick dinner tonight. My mom didn't feel up to cooking. Jordan was hungry and exhausted. He hadn't slept all night too. He stayed up to right his sleeping schedule. Anyway, I made hot dogs. I bought hot dog buns and hot dogs today so no big deal. It was a good and simple dinner.

Well, I think I'm about to call it a night. I just about lost this post so I guess I'd better save as post as quickly as possible. I think I'm going to sleep tonight FINALLY! I am so exhausted. And hopefully my Karissa won't wake me up either. I apparently have a mouse in my room because she went nuts a little bit ago and I could have sworn I saw something small and dark running away from her. So long as it's not a rat and hopefully if she catches it she won't bring it on the bed for me to play with.

Okay, officially I am outta here. I'm too tired for words and I've made it through my shows - "Chuck," "Being Human" (which is a great new show on Syfy) and "Hawaii 5-0." I'd say it's been a pretty good day. Tomorrow will be good too. Positive thinking. . . positive thinking . . . it will work.