Pissed On - Pissed Off

Oh my god, I am so upset. It's gone down from pissed off. I was having a good day until I went to Jason and Susan's! My mom and I had gone to Walmart. I even found clothes there in my size which has NEVER happened before. I was able to get a "Woman's World" magazine and some 5-hour energy bottles. I was really feeling great! Had Big Mac's for lunch. My mother and I weren't fighting. Then we came home and Jason called inviting me over for dinner. I almost declined because I didn't want to upset my mother, but she told me to go ahead and go so I did.

Well, I get a call on the way over there (which I should have just turned around and gone home if I'd been smart, except I wanted to see Cassie) that he wanted me to take Cassie home for a few days because she'd been mouthing off to him. Part of it is her being a teenager and the rest is just her. But I agreed that it shouldn't be constant. Still, I thought it was a bit much. Plus he was complaining that he didn't want her room to be painted black! And this after he already said yes!! I tried explaining to him that you can't say yes then turn around and say no just because you've changed your mind.

This continued once I got there. I eventually said that I didn't see the big deal and that he can't just change his mind. That's what gets people upset. If you don't know say let me think about it before saying yes then changing your mind! He basically got mad at me saying he doesn't have a say in his house. Whatever. He went into the bedroom and I just let him go. But then when Susan comes back and starts dinner he starts texting me telling me to take Cassie and go. Or just telling me to leave. As the night progressed he got very nasty about how I was eating his food. He fucking invited me over. He also said that when I pay for something I can have a say?? My fucking daughter! She's only over there because I thought it was the best place for here to be and usually it is, but this shit was too much. I don't need to be told to, "Get out after you've eaten my food and laughed it up!" And if that wasn't bad enough he does all this through texting. He texts and says Cassie can stay if she'll apologize to him. She didn't want to because she had earlier and she was ticked with him too. But she went in and as soon as she was in there, he told her to go home. So I was like FINE! Told Cassie to pack up her stuff that I'd be waiting in the car. It took a little time, but she came out with her stuff. And get this, no sooner had I started pulling away he was texting her to come back!!!! I was like, "Fuck you." And kept going home. Cassie wasn't happy with him either. But they kept at her and she wasn't home long before Susan talked her into going back. So Susan picked her up. But I am still very upset. I don't care that he apologized. He thinks he can lash out at whoever he wants for whatever fucking reason and that as long as he says he's sorry it's all okay. I'm just too pissed to accept it. Maybe I will tomorrow, but not now. I am too hurt and too upset.

I kind of feel like crying. I did do some writing, but it was really hard for me tonight - no doubt because of this shit. God knows I won't be writing anything else tonight. I have to sort out the next scene in the story anyway and if I want to bring in the man Mathias now or later. Maybe later. I'll have to see what seems to work. I just want to throw myself into my writing tomorrow. I'd like to get more than a page done at a time. Guess we'll find out. I just hope the story isn't too boring so far.

Anyway, it'll be a miracle if I can sleep tonight with how worked up I am. I'm going to try because I want to wake up earlier than usual tomorrow. I have my 5-hour energy and I'm going to use it three mornings in a row and see if I can't change my sleeping habits. I doubt I'm going to want to wake up tomorrow either, but I need to get myself up in the mornings. I need to go back to the gym. I just feel so crappy now. I feel like crying. He doesn't deserve to have my little girl, but she wants to be there and I trust Susan. Right now I am just so upset with Jason. You don't treat friends that way - especially friends you consider family! Sometimes life just sucks, I guess.