Well, I am suppose to try to write in a journal every day. I don't always feel like I have much to say. Like now. Today was okay. I didn't want to wake up as usual. I didn't want to take my brother Tim up to the mall where his car was. Not for any particular reason. I was just having anxiety and I just didn't feel like going anyway. Ultimately I did and had Tim drive which worked out well actually. And listening to him talk actually was kind of relaxing in a weird way. But my brain felt like it was in a fog several times as I seemed to lose track of a comment here and there.
Another plus was being able to read. Last night I finished The Atlantis Code and today I'm reading The Apprentice. It's not as engaging as the other book, but it's good and I like the characters. Guess I'm getting back into reading again, which is something I have needed to do. I still feel frustrated that I can't write the way I used to, but I keep thinking it'll get better. I don't know. The one thing Tim did say about anxiety was that positive thinking would help it. At least, in his experience and he's right. But sometimes I just don't know how to be positive sometimes. I know another saying if fake it until you make it, but I'm not good hiding anxiety. It effects everything I do. It just sucks. The only thing that might help ease my anxiety a bit is that my period started. It's possible the hormones were making things worse. Guess we'll see what happens.
Other than that, there isn't much else. I spent time with Cassie on Facebook. Love my Happy Pets. Cassie let me adopt her hamster. I know it's funny to love this stuff so much, particular for a person that doesn't like games, but it's not really a game to me. It's just fun. That's my enjoyment, that and Cassie. Even spending time with Jordan. I feel like my depression and everything robs me of so much. But at least I have those moments. And I have to admit I miss Cassie a lot when she spends so much time with Jason and Susan, but I also know that she needs to be away from this house a part of the time to stay sane. This house with my mother will destroy the most hearty of spirits. LOL! Unfortunate, but true. And then it's not like Cassie and I do a lot together. The internet and Facebook seems to be what connects us the most these days. I love her and Jordan so much. A lot of times I think they deserve better than me, but I'm who they got.
Anyway, I think I am going to go take some advil for these god-awful cramps and see about heading to bed.
For someone who thought they didn't have a lot to say, I said a lot. :-P
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