Sleep is going to continue to be an on-going issue. I slept and slept and slept today. I didn't want to get it. In fact, Karissa cuddled right up against me and feeling her warmth and her purr really made me want to stay just how I was. And I had some strange dreams. In one I was driving and my best friend was next to me and had something she wanted me to look at and somehow it ended up in front of my face, but I couldn't look at it and I had to tell her I'd have to look at it later. Go figure. Weird. Then I had another dream that I can't quite remember. Just random stuff like a strange piece of furniture.
Then I was okay for awhile. Jordan and I had dinner. We watched some TV together - "Pawn Stars". But then I got some texts from Jason. It started as "Hi, how you doing" kind of stuff, but when he told me what he was doing it was he was with Susan and Cassie just watching TV and that they missed me. I don't know. I just felt like I should be with Cassie. She's my daughter. My girl . . . but I don't want her in this toxic environment. I know I say over and over that I'm doing the right thing. I know I am. But maybe I just have to say it so much so that I remind myself constantly. Missing her really isn't getting better though.
Anyway, the only other thing I've been doing is playing on Facebook. I had to force myself to go onto my games. I don't like feeling like that and I think it's just the mood swings between being okay and then depressed and sad. But I played Happy Island, Happy Aquarium and Happy Pets. I actually checked almost all my accounts on there because I needed blessings for a trapped pet in my Happy Pets room #1. Turned out to be a Glacier Dog. It's cool. I have Glacier cats and a butterfly too, so I was happy with that. I'm glad I did it and I enjoyed it when I got started. I guess I'm just depressed and it just depends on the level of depression I'm on.
Tomorrow I have to wake up early no matter if I want to or not. My mom needs to get blood taken for labs and then she wants to go to Walmart. I just hope that I feel better tomorrow. I don't want to keep feeling like this. I try to look at the positives like I spend more time with Jordan. I don't HAVE to wake up early. I don't have to worry about Cassie's homework or getting her to school. But it just doesn't hold a candle to my missing her.
Well, I think I'm going to see if there's anything I can get as a snack then finish watching "Iron Chef American" and then hopefully go back to sleep. I'm actually still tired so it might work. Of course, my sinuses are giving me nothing but trouble so we'll see. And tomorrow I have to set aside some time to write, but not tonight. Concentrating is hard. Even writing this I've had to stop and start a couple of times. It's all signs of depression . . . Ugh! IT SUCKS!!
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