Well, I started off okay today. Was woken up around 10:30am and I stayed up. Played with Karissa for awhile and even did some writing on a story idea I came up with last night and I think it's an interesting one. In fact, my mind turned over different possibilities for about an hour or so last night. I don't have it all worked out yet, but at least I feel like my mind might be working again. At least I did . . . well, where the story is concerned yes. But my mind has settled on Cassie again and all I do is want to cry. I know I'm doing what's in her best interest by letting her stay with Jason and Susan as much as I do, but I miss her and I can't shake the feeling that I failed. That I'm having to let her go and that I'm alone without her. I guess part of me feels like I lost my best friend. Maybe that's not how you're supposed to be with your kids, but her and I were always close. Now I just feel I have no one. Jordan doesn't need me and as much as we love each other Cassie is way more like me and we spent so much time together. I don't know. Maybe I just failed them both. I hate who I am. The failure I am. Maybe I'll eventually succeed as an author. I know that's my nitch as far as professions go, but I feel like such a failure in everything else. And now, I am just emotionally exhausted again. All I want to do is cry and sleep. I doubt I'll sleep but I want to. I have no energy for anything else. I don't even feel like writing. Well, part of me does, but it's not as strong as the part that is just too emotionally wrought to deal with it. But maybe in a few hours I'll feel better. And if not then maybe tomorrow. I'm going to try to go to the gym again. But we'll see. I doubt it will emotionally help.
Guess that's it for now. Time for me to curl up, cry some and tried to forget for a little while.
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