You know, I consider myself a pretty laidback mom. I don't demand much and in fact, because of my living situation, I let my teenage daughter spend a lot of time with her godparents. You'd think she's be happy to at least have the weekends and most nights with them, but it's not enough for her now. Now she's back to acting like a little spoiled BRAT who has threatened to run away if she has to come home. That she isn't going to come home. I don't know where this came from. Just because she'll have to stay here two more days a week so Susan can go to the gym at night. She is just going to have to get over it and come back whether she likes it or not.
Of course, the problem being is that I'm very hurt. I try not to be hurt by her teenage stuff, but this has hurt me a great deal. It has really thrown me backwards. I have wanted to cut, but I haven't yet. I have wanted to stuff my face with sweets and sugar, but I haven't. I want to cry and I haven't done that either. But it's like she doesn't care if she hurts me. She says it's always about me. I guess that's what teenagers all say, even though it's really about them and what they want and aren't getting. Ii know I should just let it go for what it is, but it seems like Jason and Susan aren't going to be helpful and that pisses me off too. Cassie wrote on her facebook that she wanted to spend the night somewhere because of family trouble tomorrow night and Susan tells her she's staying with them!!! HUH??? She has to come home! She can't spend the night there! And if she does then I'm going to have to rethink everything. I don't know whatelse to do. We can't go back to the way it was. I don't know.
Anyway, yesterday my mother and I got into a big fight over Cassie. That was after I took her to get her tabs and we went to Walmart to pick up some stuff. That was about Cassie spending the night with Jason and Susan when it's during the week. I was so upset that I laid down. Got up only for dinner and then went and laid back down. I don't know when I fell asleep, but I did. Then this morning I woke up with a scratchy throat and just achey from head to toe. I called Susan and told her I wasn't going to go to water aerobics today. I ended up sleeping into the afternoon. Then I got up when it was close to when Cassie came home. She rode her skateboard home. That's when everything blew up and she left. Susan found her at her school or just about there.
I really don't know what to do about her. I really don't. And I'm trying to be good and stay on my plan, but it's been hard. I have wanted to really mack out on sweets, but I haven't. I had one thing that was 120 calories - and chocolate covered marshmallow caramel heart. At least I check calories now and try to calculate what I can have and not. Then I got a diet green tea. I'm not supposed to have the caffeine, but at least there are no calories in it. I never thought I'd been so calorie conscious. Well, I just hope I'm still losing weight.
I should go to water aerobics tomorrow, but with the way I feel, I'm not sure I want to. But I suppose I need to whether or not I want to. I'll sleep and make up my mind then. tomorrow I guess. Maybe it will be a better day, but I'm not going to hold my breath.
I did do a little reading today. "Beautiful Creatures" does get more interesting by the page. Then I watched a bunch of episodes of "Dirty Jobs" as I played on Cafemom. I also watched the last part of "Casino Royale" and some b-movie on SyFy that has Michael Shanks. I wish things would get better. I suppose I'm going to have to just believe that things will get better, but I sure don't feel like it will be. Just more heartache from a teenager that doesn't think about anyone but herself.
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